GreenTea

...Doesn't sound too contrite to me...
...Must have been pretty buzzed...
...greatly offended by our scolding tone...
...If Tes can't take the heat...
...shouldn't... shouldn't...


Justify that rope! Hooorah!

...Does anyone know of a good laywer... that wont break me? ..."

Funny, I don't hear one word about "get me off easy" or anything about "scam me out of this, I need to get over"... What I hear is "I need a lawyer and I don't have a lot of money".

TES (I don't know if TES is male or female) says they got a DUI last night. I'm willing to bet that TES is probably pretty much a mess right now. I do see that TES is here asking for help. Perhaps asking about a lawyer is as far as TES can emotionally get at the moment -- maybe that's all TES can face right now. If so, its a start. Why respond with a flamethrower? That's not what this place is about.


The 3 most important things in life are: 1st, to be kind; 2nd, to be kind; 3rd, to be kind. ---Henry James


I too stand behind what I said. I see someone who says they're scared. I see someone who came on an alcoholism forum and stated that they were arrested for a second DUI. I see someone who is in a bad place right now. That is exactly what this place is about and its entirely appropriate in my opinion.

I hope that person will see that they are not alone.

Craig Fergusen Speaks From The Heart

You are not alone, TES. Things might seem pretty bad right now, but they aren't as bad as they could have been. I'm not saying you are an alcoholic -- I think only you can determine that. Thinking about your relationship with alcohol might be a good place to start, though.

You are not alone.

And that's all I have to say about that.

gravity

I did a quick search - a bit of context.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-ssris.html

Let's help each other.

Respectfully. D

least

I'm sorry to be so harsh, but drunk drivers are not treated with kindness for good reason. I'm sorry but I can't forget the funerals of those who had no choice. Tes had a choice. I know that I would not have responded harshly had Tes even faintly sounded sorry. I felt no remorse, more like "oh s***!!"

This reminds me of when my kids were very small. ONe of them ran away from me one day and ran right toward the street. I snatched her up and busted her butt. She never did it again. I didn't have the option of kindly calling out to her to please get out of the street.

I really hope Tes can find it within him/herself to come back here and really ask for help. Lawyers can be found in any phone book, but Tes came to an "Alcoholism and Addictions HELP and information" forum. Tes got more information than s/he probably wanted, but if Tes comes back and asks for help it can be found here.

I do believe in kindness but sometimes a good spanking is in order for those you care about. Not to mention, when I was in treatment for my alcoholism, my counselors and peers were dead on truthful, even if my feelings got ruffled. They knew what I needed to hear, not just what I wanted to hear.

Other members of this forum have been as chastized as Tes. No one called legal aid for them. Are we to be honest all the time, or just when it's 'kind'? I retract nothing.

Signal30

I speak honestly.
I sugarcoat nothing.
I believe coddling is useless.

If my words sound mean, I'm sorry, it's not intended to.

If anyone is truly ready (willingness) to change and be sober, I will do anything I can to help that person.

I personally don't see this forum as a way to seek legal advice on simply getting out of a DUI. My previous post was honest.

Be honest with yourself. Honesty, willingness, and thoroughness are essential to positive change.

I know I can be brutally honest with my opinions, so take what you want and leave the rest.


Tom

sugErspun

Exactly.


Posting off the point is a complete waste of time.

But I digress..

Tes - I don't know much about Georgia law - but you can probably find a good DUI attorney on the various legal forums that are found on the internet.

You are posting in a forum for people who are suffering from, or who have recovered from (or somewhere inbetween) - alcoholism and alcohol abuse.

Maybe there is a lawyer reading these threads - highly doubtful, you are going to get any 'good' legal advice for your second DUI in this forum.

If the posts seem 'harsh' - well, soft and gentle didn't get most of us sober. True compassion has little to do with signing off other's poor and dangerous behavior.

Good luck, more than likely - you will get exactly what you deserve - the law tends to work in that way (and is designed as such).

least

The easier softer way can only get us a bed in a satin-lined box. And I don't sleep well in small spaces.

ex D-Boy

Not true at all, some addicts // alcoholics will shun away from the "tough love" and feel more isolated thus in turn using more until they end up killing themselves. Sometimes a gentle non-judgemental hand is all we need. Try to think outside your very narrow mind, i know it must be hard but, it will do you good.

CarolD

No tes.....
I don't. I think you need to get back to recovery.

yogurt75

I am a bit passionate about my disdain for the excuses and legal smoke and mirrors utilized by those in the legal profession (probably an equal tie with the other world's oldest profession). I got that way from going to a lot of funerals. I got that way from reading about accidents and deaths in the papers and seeing this on television. I got that way from sitting in on some impact panels and knowing folks who served on impact panels. One of these was a guy who used to come to a meeitng I went to. He had served hard time for killing a family who were just taking a nice Sunday drive thru the countryside. He plowed into their car and snuffed out 4 people: A man of 40, a father, a husband, a son and a brother. A woman of 35, a mother, a wife, a daughter and a sister. A young girl of 11, a daughter, a sister, a future wife and mother and maybe the person who would have found a cure for cancer. A young boy of 8, a son and a brother. A future husband and father and possibly, your child's soul mate - but we will never know. I got that way from being a volunteer firefighter who responded to several fatal accidents which were caused by drunk drivers. I got that way by helping, with the assistance from the jaws of life, prying lifeless bodies out of twisted wrecks and picking up body parts ejected and littering the roadside.

This morning I went to my District's Spiritual Breakfast. After an inspirational and funny talk, we sat around and discussed some scary facts. We talked about an over 50% recovery rate before 1950 and an about 6% recovery rate today. We talked about how, in the beginning we had a primary program of recovery and assisting that was a fellowship. We discussed how that has changed into a primary fellowship with some mention of a program of recovery. We discussed how many people have probably died because many in AA want to be all things to all people. How many in AA don't want to scare anyone away or offend anyone and who, with supposed good intent, excuse away bad behavior and horrible decisions so as not to let those exhibiting that behavior or making those decisions think ill of them. We discussed people telling the truth and being rigorously honest being told to chill out because someone might be offended or run away. We discussed sharing experience, strength and hope being replaced by sharing what others want to hear.

When I came into recovery no one kissed the boo boo but instead, after triage by the old timers, soul surgery was performed. When I came into recovery relapse was the exception that proved the rule and not the other way around. Continuous sobriety has been replaced by chronic and continuous relapse and just coming back.

It's a shame that by our pathological need to make everyone feel welcome and not offend or scare anyone away that there are so many funerals for those who couldn't keep coming back. It is a shame that people have to spend years and decades suffering rather than knowing a new freedom and a new happiness.

I guess being passionate and not surrendering to half measures has kept me sober this long. I am so grateful that the old-timers in the rooms I stumbled into performed surgery on my gaping wounds rather than putting on sweet smelling masking tape which only lasted until the next explosion. I'm grateful that they cared about my life and didn't watch what they said as not to offend me or scare me away.

Let's all be nice, kiss the boo boos, hold hands and oil the revolving door of today's recovery fellowship while the program is used as a dust collector.

yogurt75

E\ex-D-Boy wrote: "some addicts // alcoholics will shun away from the "tough love" and feel more isolated thus in turn using more until they end up killing themselves"

Another fine example of how THEY MADE ME DO IT!

Of course, those folks have very short amends lists. They didn't harm anyone. Everyone else harmed them and caused them to drink until they ended up killing themselves.

CarolD

Let's put away our halos please.
Stop bashing ...Chill
This personal in fighting is why threads are closed.

Thnks Everyone

Dee74

dare I say ?

D

yogurt75

OK - quick and final response.

I get asked quite often about where a lot of the old-timers have gone. Most of the long-term members I have spoken with have told me that they got tired of being told to get with the program and feeling like they were only talking to themselves.

I guess I've been too dense and too stupid and probably, until now, thought that talking to myself was accomplishing something. Let the kids do what they want. It's their world and their program.

Signal30

I think the backlash can be from how some of us may have seen the original post. I believe some have also pointed this out, but some of this may have taken it as this...


"Hey your all a bunch of drunks, I live in GA anyone know a good lawyer? I got another DUI and I think I'm screwed. You alcoholics must know good DUI lawyers, help me out!!!"


Now, possibly he really didn't mean it like that (obviously he didn't say the above statement.) How many times have all of us said something that was perceived the wrong way?


And yogart I agree 100%. Any "old timer" will tell you that today's AA is more "walking on eggshells" so we don't scare away the newcomer, or as the first edition of the BB calls them "prospects." There are those who think AA should change with the times (be more sensitive), and those who think AA should be as it was in the early years, (Tell it the way it is, feelings of the newcomers reaction not a priority). I believe in the latter.

If you follow the first 164 pages of the BB to the best of your ability, it won't take you long to see that the chapters explain it straight up.

Now I have definitely strayed waaaay off this topic.

Tes. I suggest you focus on what got you the second DUI. I also suggest you look into symptoms of alcoholism. AA has the basic text of the program, that explains alcoholism. And may I finally suggest that you go to your doctor and honestly advise them of your drinking and if it's a problem.

Tom

CarolD

Anyone look up Tes previous sharing here?
I took the time to...as did
Grabity who even gave a link.

Tes is a still suffering alcoholic.
I also did destructive harmful actions when active.

Did we all forget so quickly?

Dee74

I *was* gonna say 'y'know...there but for the grace of God go I'
...but Carol nailed it really.

I have no legal advice (I live in Australia) but I hope you find your way to sobriety Tes - good luck to you.

D

lilkim

None of us like the fact that this person drank and dr0ve. But isn't this suppose to be about helping not preaching. I don't mean help them flim flam the system. But this really isn't helping. If I had a drinking problem,came to this site and got posts with such hostily. I'd most likely drink more to feel better. Why not help so there is'nt a next time?

Texasblind

I'm probably gonna ruin my welcome here with this one....

First of all: You should never drink and drive under any circumstances. You deserve a jail sentence. But....

Second: you don't need a lawyer, just plead it out. A no contest plea on a 2nd will take your license but won't send you to jail. Any public defender and judge will see that. Say goodbye to driving for about 3 years, but at least you won't do any time. As part of your sentence you will probably have to do some treatment. My advice is to take it as a gift... treatment isn't free or court mandated for a lot of us. Take it, live it, love it. It's a gift!

ex D-Boy

Nowhere in my post , if you had even bothered to quote my entire post does it say anything about putting tough love as a blame to keep using. I just simply stated a simple fact that SOME will feel very isolated and ashamed//guilty and in turn use more because of that way of "recovery" as you call it. We are not all made the same way and do not all get sober by an exact formula. But why am I wasting time telling you this, your a member of AA for the past what?? 20 years?? You have been brainwashed and lost all original thought many years ago, all you can do now is spout out slogans from the program like a mindless drone.....

tes

Thanks for all of the replies. I stayed clean for awhile and ended up at a sports bar and had a few drinks. I thought hell why not just one. Needless to say that being an alcoholic I simply could not stop there. I made a very dumb mistake and I am going to have to pay for it, I know this. I know better than to drive after I have been drinking, but I didnt even feel anything. I only had about 1 mile to go so I went ahead and did it, and I know that this was dangerous. My GF is furious at me. She told me that if I ever touch a single beer or any alcoholic beverage again she is gone for good and also wants to goto AA with me, to help me with the anxiety of it all. She told me that I had to choose, either her or the alcohol. I guess this wasnt the proper place to ask this kind of question but I wasnt sure where else to turn to. I was doing pretty good there for awhile and it just took 1 slip up to completely **** it all away. I am a little scared right now because I dont know what I am going to do with the whopping amount of debt that I am already in. But anyway, im sorry for causing so much anger and hostility for some of you. Thank you for all of the helpful suggestions.