unigirl

I'm really struggling with this, been sober nearly 3 months, still early days for me - i know taking it day by day is at the foundation of recovery -along with a few other things -and i can understand the concept and that. I can totally see why people try to live in the day, but i really struggle with this!! I'm sure a lot of ppl do- but i think my worrying nature makes it harder- as i often cannot help projecting into the future.
I believe taking it one day at a time would help tremendously with my worrying too - as i often worry about something, then think about the what if's? The impact it'll have on me in the future...? Before i know it my fears are 10 years down the line and i've forgot what i'm worrying about as i'm now worrying about the future and my heads aching and i can't cope and the thought of a drink suddenly sounds like a good way to escape it all....and blah blah nonsense! It's just a very exhausting way to live, but it's the way i have lived for the 20yrs of my life so it's also a very hard habit to get out of, as much as i am desperate too!
This is why i would greatly appreciate any advice and suggestions on this. Thanks guys

Toomutch

Hi Uni. taking one day at a time needs to be a mind set. It is hard to tell someone else how to live one day at a time. my best advise is when you start worrying about tomorrow, next week... find something to do. Take a walk, call a friend, focus on something that is happening right now.

I seem to struggle with past regrets. If
i focus on the past too much I feel as if I might drink.

If it were easy to live in the here and now, many of us would never relaps.

Music

When I find myself worrying about what happened yesterday, or what may happen tomorrow or next week I remember something I was told early on. Worry and fear are synonomous. Fear is the absence of faith. So, I pray and ask for help to not be fearful or worry. In short, if you're going to worry, don't pray. If you pray, don't worry.

Eroica

To me, one day at a time means to focus on today-to not drink/use today, and to accept that-yes, life sometimes sucks, but one thing we can control is to not pick up that first drink. Thinking about quitting forever scares us because we're so used to drinking, but it does get easier!

-Eroica

CarolD

Prayer helps me immensley.

Sugah

I had/have a hard time with this concept, too. Finally, after much self-flagellation, I asked my sponsor and some other folks I trust. Here's how I now understand it:

Living "one day at a time" deals with emotional immediacy. It's the fears, the regrets, even the yearning for things yesterday or tomorrow that can trip me up. It doesn't mean I can't make plans. We have to make plans! Otherwise, we'd never be able to start anything that couldn't be completed in one day. The problem I run into is planning the whole way to the outcome. I can know that if I do A, B & C, it's likely that D will result, but D is not my responsibility. A, B & C are, and those are the things I have to plan. Then, if I know I've planned to do 'A' tomorrow and I've done all I can today to prepare for it, I have to set it aside from my thoughts. 'A' is not until tomorrow! I have other things to do, maybe 'G' from something I started a month ago.

CarolD mentioned prayer. I'd have never learned to remain emotionally in the present if not for prayer. I still have to be reminded by those around me at times, but I'm getting pretty good at catching it myself. I just related to a good friend that when I feel those fears and anxieties creeping in, I have been training myself to close my eyes, draw in deep a breath, and visualize turning it over to my HP as I exhale. It felt silly when I started to do it, and now, it's becoming very natural - and very effective!! (Hence, the "practicing of the principles" - in all our affairs!)

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Pinkcuda

Steps have sent all the concerns of tomorrow to the same place the guilt and remorse of yesterday went. Gods hands! I can't even tell you what's going to happen in 5 minutes, let alone tomorrow.
I can't put enough emphasis on step work with a sponsor. Mainly because it's difficult to do. Just live for today???? Great, now tell me how. I know what you're going through.

Ananda

It was easier for me to stay in the moment when I first got sober. I mean everything was so scarry that all I could do was focus on the next thing without a drink.

Unfortunately I have developed a hyper-active fantasy life now. I try to plan plans, not outcomes. I try to refocus on how I can be of service to my fellow travelers.

I do sitting meditation....really helps me to focus on the moment the rest of the time as well. when in doubt....breath.

Freedom1990

It is difficult to undo years of thinking like that, but it is indeed possible. I remember many a day early in my recovery where I must have said that serenity prayer a hundred times a day! As long as I was praying, I couldn't worry.

As with all things in recovery, it just takes practice, and the beautiful thing is if you stick around long enough, you'll find right thinking comes naturally!

bob_sapp

Just give your life and your will over to the care of god. Then think, "what does god want me to do today?" Pray for the knowledge of his will for you, then carry that out. Then do it again tomorrow. Life is what happens while you're waiting for days that never come.

frstnm

It has been suggested to me that I look at it like this-
My past - can I change it ? Answer - no, try to learn to forgive myself and others and practice acceptance.
My present/future - Is it something I can control ? Sometimes yes sometimes no.
When it I accept that it is some thing I cannot do anything about today, change or that it is out of my control it seems to help the worry, fear or anxiety.
The serenity prayer repeatedly also seems to help as others have said.
Hope this makes sense and/or helps.
Im still working on these things myself.

gravity

I pray every morning for the focus to see the Creator's path for me & the strength to follow that path. I try & go through my day doing the next right thing - when I focus, I know in my heart what it is. The next right thing may be planning something positive for the future or learning something from the past but it should be constructive, strengthening.

It's tough cutting through the mental chatter (beating myself up over past mistakes, the negative "what-ifs" of the future) but I am getting better at this. I know when I have my good days - when I listen to my heart, not my ego. And I try to be grateful for every day, no matter how difficult it is.

best

Can you return to yesterday and change anything? Nope..so do what you can today.
Can you see into the future? Nope...so do what you can today.

Write down your worries you have for tomorrow. Do this for a few days.

When each day gets here...write down what has happened each day.
You will find that your worry list is a whole page long and what happened each day is but a line or two. Many times we also find out that what we worry about never comes anyway so we worry just to fill time and take up energy that we can be using to enjoy today with.
Worry takes life away from today. Enjoy the day and let tomorrow worry about it self.

unigirl

Thankyou everyone for you're replies - so many brill suggestions! I'm gonna have to read over them again to ensure i fully understand. I especially like the idea of prayer - and seeing fear as an absence of faith- this is true, if i can remember that i reckon it'll help! Thanks again everyone, i really appreciate it - i'm gonna practice these suggestions and i'll keep you posted!

least

My counselor has been teaching me relaxation and breathing exercises. She says that concentrating on my breathing, in and out, will help pull me back into the here and now. I have a tendency to worry about the future and regret the past, neither of which helps me live in the present. I too am having a hard time living just for today, but I am learning how to do just that. Good luck to you!:ghug2

unigirl

Thanku least- i'm going to try the breathing technique, i've heard how much it helps but never actually try it out!

sugErspun

I heard it put well - "One day is all we got"

It all leads back to the deflation of ego, if you study around (Eckhart Tolle and such) - life is only found in the moment, buddhists talk about attachment and craving (attached to the past, crave for the future), it is actually found in every spiritual ideology I have ever taken a close look at.

Timelessness is found right now. A good book about this is "Be Here Now" by Ram Dass - I know he talks a lot about LSD and such, but eventually he came to a place where he realised the drugs were a temporary - he eventually found eternal 'timelessness' through meditation. Step 11 - meditation.


I would suggest that 'One Day at A Time' actually refers to living in the moment - not creating fear of the future or being attached to the past (which we clean up on the path). If someone can truly be 'in the moment' at all times- they usually refer to that state as enlightenment.

It is harder for me to explain this concept than it is to comprehend it. But I do know - all we really have is happening right now. If I could predict the future, or control the future in the way that my ego would like to - I guess I would become God, right?

Sorry if it seems like a bit of a tangent, but I am really into seeking out meditation techniques and such right now.

~a

sugErspun

Oh yeah - breathing meditation can work wonders. Very frustrating at first, mind wandering everywhere, eventually you can get more and more moments of perfect internal stillness.


There is a video on youtube - Ken Wilber - he actually meditates himself into a state where there is no brain function detectable. Check it out. Search for "Ken Wilber EEG" on youtube - very interesting stuff.

Tazman53

You have received some good suggestions, let me add a few.

The serenity prayer is the answer to many things, don't just say it, say it slowly and focus on the meaning of it.

Worrying about the future is where I think of a snowball, I stand at the top of a hill with a snowball in my hand(the present Worry), I focus on it and set it down and start to let it roll down the hill (My mind), as it rolls down the hill it starts to grow!!!! It keeps getting bigger and bigger as it picks up more snow (New imagined worries)! When I see the snowball growing I realize that it is all in my head, and I kick it and it disintegrates.

Why? Well the worry (Snowball) was all in my head, it was not reality, tomorrow is not real and will never be real because it will always be tomorrow. Reality is today!

There is nothing wrong with planning for the future as long as we break it all down into days. Here is an example, I want to save up some money to buy a new car so I make a plan, it is a simple plan when broken down into days of action.

I get paid once every 2 weeks, the only day I need to do a darn thing about it is pay day! On pay day I immediately put part of my paycheck in savings! I have completed the action for that day, the next day I have no reason to thinnk about the next payday, I simply do my job that day.

The past is gone, we can not change it, we learn from it and move on. Tomorrow will never be here, as a result we have no need to worry about it. The present is here and now, we just need to say the serenity prayer and apply it only to today and do what needs to be done today.

If we live with one foot in the past and the other in the future we have no choice but to crap all over today!!!!

unigirl

Thanks Tazman and Sugah- some very helpful suggestions there. My mate is going to meditating classes so im gonna go along with her next tue, as i can see how benificial this could be for me. Lol like your expression about crapping all over today- so true! If im fretting over past/future i'll be ruining the here and now. Thanks guys.