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Feeling low today...

Old 04-23-2008, 03:14 PM
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One Day At A Time
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Feeling low today...

Dunno whats up with me, i have trouble explaining my emotions and feelings sometimes, so please bear with me! I dunno...i just feel quite low today and i know it's ok to feel that way - im coming up for 3 months sober which is fantastic for me (dont think i went 3 weeks without drinking since i started at 14). But im still feeling extremly anxious at times, and very frustrated with myself too. I look at others and long for their confidence, serenity.
I think i am desperate for some peace of mind. I just want to feel ok - but i never really do for long.

I guess it's still early days and there is still lots of work to be done-most days i've been feeling quite good, struggling a little at nighttime, but in the day ok. I think at night all the anxiety and fear creeps in as im alone just laying thre- it can be really horrible- i feel incrediably lonely too at times. But today i've just been compleltey flat trhoughout- with bouts of anxiety to boot!. Had an arguement with mate- shes going out with a complete loser and i always end up telling her this and then we argue. I cant hep myself- i have to interfere and i dont like that part of me at all. I just feel an obligation to butt in and give my opinion and i wish i could just not! And not feel the need to at all. Just be tolerant and accepting... I feel like i dont even know myself- i dont know who i am at all- and trying to work on things can be really hard because of this. Im doing step 6 on sund so this may improve that area of things. I hope so. Sorry for such a moany thread, normally im quite positive in threads- but im told its ok to feel scared and angry at times- so i thought i'd just share this, and it may help!
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Old 04-23-2008, 06:18 PM
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(((Unigirl)))

A lot of RA's struggle around the times of sober anniversaries (3 months, 6 months, etc.). The good part is, as long as we keep doing what we're supposed to, the emotional struggle gets better. I had read about this from several people, so try to prepare myself when an anniversary come up.

As far as keeping quiet with your friend....I used to do the same thing. I finally reminded myself that I wouldn't listen to anyone about my addiction, and had to learn things the hard way. I have to bite my tongue, sometimes, but I'm trying really hard to let others learn their lessons without me intefering.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 04-23-2008, 06:30 PM
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Naturally Occuring Phenomenon
 
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Sometimes the only way a person can learn something is for them to find out for themselves.

It sucks playing preacher or a wannabe God (ahem!)....it sucks being a Doctor too, they take all your money and then they tell ya "you are gonna die!" and we knew that anywho (and "blah, blah if you don't do this, this will happen and cause your decline...")

Lonliness kills me sometimes, as I'm often alone. I've got plenty to share, just no one to share it with...yet.

As human beings we are always on the search for something. I suppose it's some kind of fix (could be the booze, it could be god, or whatever (sailing, reading, sex, boxing, crack, our children, writing, cooking etc.)...) to help us get through to an end we know nothing about.

Just remember, as I try to as often as I can, it's not the beginning of the story or the end that mean the lot, it's the chapters we must write inbetween that are the most important to us and telling. Just be honest.

It's all a can of magic.
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Old 04-23-2008, 07:43 PM
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Welcome to Feeling Unigirl. Welcome to Recovery.

In my opinion, you seem to be right on track so to speak.

Recovery is a learning process. We are learning, for the first time in how many years, how to feel. And this is honestly uncomfortable at times. If you stop and think of how old you were when you began using, how long you used, ect, that amt. of time was spent not feeling. So when we removed the chemicals, all of those feelings come flooding back full force.

One Day at A Time Here.

One Step at A Time.

You mentioned that you are quite lonley, especially in the evenings at bedtime. Early in my Recovery, I kept myself busy as hell throughout the days then at night, I didn't know what do do with myself. My mind was clear of the chemicals and ripe for all of the stinking thinking to come rushing in. Are you going to meetings? You mentioned doing your 6th Step on Sunday. There are many, many things to do in Recovery with Sober people beyond just meetings. Especially this time of year There are many area picnics coming up, weekend retreats, ect. Check out the bulletin board if there is one at a meeting. At the beginning when it is asked if there are any announcements, this isn't the last quick shot at the coffee pot, it's when alot of the upcoming events are announced.

As for the nighttime lonliness, I either get here on SR and read and post and I also Journal. This is a great way to not only write down my feelings but to look back and see my own personal growth. With a little over 1,000 days Clean and Sober, I can look back to a few months ago and read something I wrote that at the time seemed to be a huge problem. Now, it helps me to realized that I got through it without using and also, that no matter how big things seem to be now, they aren't that tragic as I made them out to be at the time.

For someone with just three months into her Recovery, I think you're doing wonderful. You are identifying feelings, working the Steps and haven't picked up. That's awesome. Recovery is a process not an event. It's a constant learning and growing experience.

God Bless & Thank God . . . Just for Today,
Judy

:day4
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Old 04-24-2008, 12:14 AM
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I've not got three months yet but my emotions too are all over the place. It's a new thing dealing with my feelings since I'd been drowning them out for the last year. But dealing with feelings has never gotten me a dui or in jail or lost the respect of my kids. So I'll go with the strange and unexplained feelings over drinking anytime!
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Old 04-24-2008, 04:03 AM
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Thanks everyone for your replies, they're much appresciated. I am glad that i am not alone in feeling this way- sorry to hear about your loneliness though reed-i do believe things will get better for us both
Thanks again i will be sure to be prepared for anniversarys and also look out for that bulletin the next time i'm at a mtngs. lol what u say least is very true- i agree!
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Old 04-24-2008, 04:13 AM
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same planet...different world
 
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reed said
it's all a can of majic
I like that.
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Old 04-24-2008, 04:36 AM
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For someone with just three months into her Recovery, I think you're doing wonderful. You are identifying feelings, working the Steps and haven't picked up. That's awesome. Recovery is a process not an event. It's a constant learning and growing experience
Judy said what I wanted to say very well. Uni you are right where you should be right now! Feelings, man were they a bear in early sobriety and just as I would think I have a handle on handling feelings a new one would pop up!!!! At 3 months and beyond emotions are like a roller coaster ride, but the more time under our belts, the more steps we work, and the better we learn to apply the principles of the steps in all our daily affairs, the smoother that roller coaster ride gets.

Trust me it does get better, a lot of times I would ask myself "Is it really getting better?" Well when I sat down and would remember what it was like for me just a month before, 90% of the time it was better, one thing for sure, it never got worse then it was a month before.
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Old 04-24-2008, 03:54 PM
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One Day At A Time
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ty tazman and barb - it's great to hear such encuoragement - gives me hope! Feeling a bit better today, and i know tommorow is another day and i'll be sure to be as positive as i can- it's a struggle though, living in the day too...ouch a VERY hard one for me! Buts hey ho - it's early days- i do believe ill get there.
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Old 04-24-2008, 04:02 PM
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Uni, I am glad you are feeling a bit better today. I am also glad that you shared your feelings with us.

Sometimes when I am down, I shut down, put up walls and hide. Your post is a good reminder for me to share my feelings even when I'm down.
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Old 04-24-2008, 06:14 PM
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Judy is 1000% right.

Usually atleast 3 times a day I get really, really down. I just have to realize that it will pass be it in an hour or two or even three. Mood swings are just something we've all become accustomed to having.

As Judy said when I'm down I just realize I'll be better in a couple of hours so I use those times to do my busy work. Unloading the dish washer, a load of laundry, take another shower, throw my dog is toy a couple of times. Not only does the time pass but I think being active and not thinking about it makes it go away faster.
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