How will they remember me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
How will they remember me
I am going to try and keep this short, so I will get right to the point.
I am wondering how my kids will remember and think of me when there grown. I drank until my son and daughter were 4 and 5 years old. After being hospitalized for a few weeks for depression and alcoholism, I quit and did'nt drink for 7 years.
I began drinking 3 years ago thinking that I would be okay. We obviously I wasn't. I drank heavily for those 3 years, usually at home in the presence of my children. My step children had never seen me drink because I met their father when I was sober.
I have been sober now for 60 days, and I intend to never drink again. I just keep thinking... When my kids grow up, they almost are already, what will they remember. When my sons meet the girls they are going to marry, they will feel obligated to tell their future wives that I am an alcoholic and talk about the stupid things I did while I was drinking? will my daughter feel insecure because alcoholism is hereditary? Wil they feel ashamed of me?
For the 7 years I was sober I was a wonderful mother. Everything you read in parenting books, I did. There was never a time I wasn't there for them. That's the mom I want them to remember, the silly one who laughed and danced and played games and read stories... Not the alcoholic one.
I wonder, how will they remember me?
What are your thoughts? I a really struggling with this
I am wondering how my kids will remember and think of me when there grown. I drank until my son and daughter were 4 and 5 years old. After being hospitalized for a few weeks for depression and alcoholism, I quit and did'nt drink for 7 years.
I began drinking 3 years ago thinking that I would be okay. We obviously I wasn't. I drank heavily for those 3 years, usually at home in the presence of my children. My step children had never seen me drink because I met their father when I was sober.
I have been sober now for 60 days, and I intend to never drink again. I just keep thinking... When my kids grow up, they almost are already, what will they remember. When my sons meet the girls they are going to marry, they will feel obligated to tell their future wives that I am an alcoholic and talk about the stupid things I did while I was drinking? will my daughter feel insecure because alcoholism is hereditary? Wil they feel ashamed of me?
For the 7 years I was sober I was a wonderful mother. Everything you read in parenting books, I did. There was never a time I wasn't there for them. That's the mom I want them to remember, the silly one who laughed and danced and played games and read stories... Not the alcoholic one.
I wonder, how will they remember me?
What are your thoughts? I a really struggling with this
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I don't worry about tomorrow, but rather focus on today, and what I can do for my recovery.
I've often heard it said that if I have one foot in the past, and one foot in the future, I'm in perfect position to p*ss all over today.
That has been so true for me.
I find when I start looking to the future and worrying, I'm borrowing trouble long before it gets here.
Just my two cents worth
I've often heard it said that if I have one foot in the past, and one foot in the future, I'm in perfect position to p*ss all over today.
That has been so true for me.
I find when I start looking to the future and worrying, I'm borrowing trouble long before it gets here.
Just my two cents worth
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
Dorothy Law Nolte said that Children learn what they live. I don't think I could have said it better myself.
What I get out of it is that if Children are raised to be positive people, they will think Positive thoughts throughout life. Regardless of the circumstances.
My father was a good father and all I can do is try to be a better father than that.
I figure if I love, accept and praise my kids when ther deserve it they will be brought up to love, and accept others. That includes Dear old Dad.
If I raise them to believe it's OK to make mistakes I can only hope that they accept the fact that I make mistakes too. If I forgive them, they might learn to forgive others. Including Me.
I don't know if that helps, but it's all I have to offer.
What I get out of it is that if Children are raised to be positive people, they will think Positive thoughts throughout life. Regardless of the circumstances.
My father was a good father and all I can do is try to be a better father than that.
I figure if I love, accept and praise my kids when ther deserve it they will be brought up to love, and accept others. That includes Dear old Dad.
If I raise them to believe it's OK to make mistakes I can only hope that they accept the fact that I make mistakes too. If I forgive them, they might learn to forgive others. Including Me.
I don't know if that helps, but it's all I have to offer.
Today's Muse
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West end
Posts: 1,081
I often wonder how my drinking has impacted my children. I hope they can forgive me for my mistakes. They will remember me how they will. I can't change that. My wish is that they will judge me for the person I am today, not the sick person I was.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
TooMutch
If your kids are like mine (2x25 and 29) they will remember a mother with more courage than most. They will see the work in progress that you are. They will know that god gave you an enormous block of marble to chisel and not soft, pliant clay. When it comes time to teach their kids about virtues you will be held up as the one who knows all about them.
We who are in recovery do not spend our days killing time in shopping malls or on the golf course. We are confronted with more life in one day than many do in a year. Real life. What we attain we do by walking through life's minefields. Who better to hold up as an example than one who has been to war and been victorious?
Fear not, Suzette. My kids are proud of me. They know what it has taken for me to be honest with myself and with them. In a way few parents are called upon to do. In a way they are thankful, because they have witnessed first hand what other kids learn through storybooks. And it makes a positive difference in their lives. They are far better prepared to deal with adversity because they know that life is no fairy tale. That it takes guts and honesty and willingness to do whatever it takes. They have a big advantage over their contemporaries and they know it.
If you simply work on becoming and staying whole, Suzette, you will be a model for generations to come. I can assure you of that. It may take your kids a few years to realize that, but they will. You raised them.
warren
If your kids are like mine (2x25 and 29) they will remember a mother with more courage than most. They will see the work in progress that you are. They will know that god gave you an enormous block of marble to chisel and not soft, pliant clay. When it comes time to teach their kids about virtues you will be held up as the one who knows all about them.
We who are in recovery do not spend our days killing time in shopping malls or on the golf course. We are confronted with more life in one day than many do in a year. Real life. What we attain we do by walking through life's minefields. Who better to hold up as an example than one who has been to war and been victorious?
Fear not, Suzette. My kids are proud of me. They know what it has taken for me to be honest with myself and with them. In a way few parents are called upon to do. In a way they are thankful, because they have witnessed first hand what other kids learn through storybooks. And it makes a positive difference in their lives. They are far better prepared to deal with adversity because they know that life is no fairy tale. That it takes guts and honesty and willingness to do whatever it takes. They have a big advantage over their contemporaries and they know it.
If you simply work on becoming and staying whole, Suzette, you will be a model for generations to come. I can assure you of that. It may take your kids a few years to realize that, but they will. You raised them.
warren
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
I drank throughout my childrens childhood and heavily during the last 5 years of my drinking. I was only sober after being at work for a 24 or 48 hour shift but it was not rare that I would start drinking on my way home. My oldest were 13 and 15 when I stopped. They are now 21 and 23. Although they went through some tough times while I was getting sober, today we have a better relationship than I could have imagined. They think of me as their mother. The fact that I am an alcoholic rarely comes into the picture except when they hear about me going to a meeting or having an aniversary. My oldest one does not drink at all and my younger one although she drinks knows that she has the strong potential to be an alcoholic so she is more wary of it than some. I have earned my childrens respect by taking care of myself by getting sober. I continue to earn their respect by staying sober and working on being the best person I can be each day.
So to answer your question, from my experience your past is your past it is what you do today that matters the most. Every child has good and bad memories of childhood, you can not prevent those. All you can do is forgive yourself and keep moving forward, let the person you are today outweigh anyone you may have appeared to be in the past.
So to answer your question, from my experience your past is your past it is what you do today that matters the most. Every child has good and bad memories of childhood, you can not prevent those. All you can do is forgive yourself and keep moving forward, let the person you are today outweigh anyone you may have appeared to be in the past.
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Hey Suzette,
I can share with you my experience as an alcoholic and as a daughter of an alcoholic. My children are 15 and 13. I've been drinking since before they were born. I've been sober a lil over a year. I can tell you that they are proud of my recovery. And happy to have a sober mom. What do they tell their friends? What will they tell anybody in the future? I don't know. I hope they say that they always knew they were loved.
My mother died from this disease. Although she never was able to find recovery, I know that I was loved.
Just love them. That's all.
I can share with you my experience as an alcoholic and as a daughter of an alcoholic. My children are 15 and 13. I've been drinking since before they were born. I've been sober a lil over a year. I can tell you that they are proud of my recovery. And happy to have a sober mom. What do they tell their friends? What will they tell anybody in the future? I don't know. I hope they say that they always knew they were loved.
My mother died from this disease. Although she never was able to find recovery, I know that I was loved.
Just love them. That's all.
Last edited by NOMOMERLOTMAMMA; 04-22-2008 at 06:39 PM. Reason: really horrible spelling
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
well....I got sober the firt time when my son was 5. I drank about 3 or 4 times for one night during that time (not sure I got that right)...ended up with 7 years sober when he was about 21...drank again for 8 years straight and heavy.
When he was a teenager and I was sober, he hated AA because he felt I spent too much time on it. When some AA angels came to take me to treatment last July 24th, he told them as they left...thank you, this is what she needs to do.
It is hard sometimes for kids to forgive us for being imperfect. For my son it was feeling abandon cause I didn't spend as much time with him as he reasonably could have expected. Unfortunately, he then saw how bad this disease can be if untreated.
I like to beleive that even had I not drank again, given time and age, he would have come to be glad I had done all that recovery stuff. Now days he not only accepts my recovery activities...but encourages it.
With some things I have to take the long view rather than looking at just this moment.
Thanks for your sharing with us.
When he was a teenager and I was sober, he hated AA because he felt I spent too much time on it. When some AA angels came to take me to treatment last July 24th, he told them as they left...thank you, this is what she needs to do.
It is hard sometimes for kids to forgive us for being imperfect. For my son it was feeling abandon cause I didn't spend as much time with him as he reasonably could have expected. Unfortunately, he then saw how bad this disease can be if untreated.
I like to beleive that even had I not drank again, given time and age, he would have come to be glad I had done all that recovery stuff. Now days he not only accepts my recovery activities...but encourages it.
With some things I have to take the long view rather than looking at just this moment.
Thanks for your sharing with us.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Well when I got sober my oldest kids were 26, 28, 29, & 19, they never hated me, they viewed me as an embarrasement as they were growing up, today they are proud of me, they trust me, they respect me and most of all they love me for who I am today and not what I was yesterday! The twins were 14 when I got sober and they had me as a dad when I was at my worse, embarassing was not the word, they despised what I was, they never had friends over! Their mother was in the process of moving out to where they would not have to watch thier father kill himself, they just turned 16 and they have friends over all the time, they tell me they love me without being prompted.
Kids are very good at doing what we alcoholics work hard at doing, living in the present, well at least when it comes to their parents.
Kids are very good at doing what we alcoholics work hard at doing, living in the present, well at least when it comes to their parents.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,002
The original reason I went to AA meetings and wanted to be sober is for my son. It didn't take long that I had to be and stay sober for myself. Staying both emotionally and physically sober I can be a great dad, husband-to-be, son, brother, friend, sponsor, etc...
I was lucky to get sober when my son was only 5 months old. But even if he was older, I have to remember the 9th Step Promises.
"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves."
I know now that my past mistakes can be looked at as a learning experience, hence why I don't regret the past. I don't shut the door on it because remembering the actions I did when drinking helps me not repeat mistakes again, especially to my family.
My experience can benefit others, (including my family).
I am losing interest in my own selfishness and gaining interest in my fellows, (my family included as a part of "my fellows".)
I do my best to do the best job as a father I can possibly do. I concern myself with today.
I have a constant reminder of my two year old handsome son to show me I am blessed, and I am grateful.
I maintain my recovery today, so I am emotionally, spiritually, and physically fit to be able to be of maximum service to others in and outside of the rooms of AA.
The past was the past. It is the present, today I am concerned with. Life and the gift of having a family is awesome, live today!
Tom
I was lucky to get sober when my son was only 5 months old. But even if he was older, I have to remember the 9th Step Promises.
"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves."
I know now that my past mistakes can be looked at as a learning experience, hence why I don't regret the past. I don't shut the door on it because remembering the actions I did when drinking helps me not repeat mistakes again, especially to my family.
My experience can benefit others, (including my family).
I am losing interest in my own selfishness and gaining interest in my fellows, (my family included as a part of "my fellows".)
I do my best to do the best job as a father I can possibly do. I concern myself with today.
I have a constant reminder of my two year old handsome son to show me I am blessed, and I am grateful.
I maintain my recovery today, so I am emotionally, spiritually, and physically fit to be able to be of maximum service to others in and outside of the rooms of AA.
The past was the past. It is the present, today I am concerned with. Life and the gift of having a family is awesome, live today!
Tom
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Regardless of our hopes and desires, the past cannot be changed. I realized getting sober how much time I had lost with them and how much of me that they missed as a result of my drinking and drug use. I also realized that much of my behavior, even in the rare sober moments, wasn't that of a good mother. I had a lot of regrets, and I resented myself for my choices regarding my children.
Today, my children are finally accustomed to my sobriety. They don't get anxious when I'm out a little later than I had planned. They don't call to check up on me nearly as much (although I do still get the odd call here and there). They count on me being present, available and sober for them. That took a lot of time, and I couldn't force them to accept that things had changed until they had enough evidence to prove it to themselves.
All four of my kids - 14, 17, 18, 19 - are sober today. None of the four have followed in my footsteps, though statistics indicate that they're beating the odds. They've been educated regarding the hereditary propensity to addiction, and we talk - a lot, and very openly. There's nothing I can do to guarantee that they won't decide to pick up at some point. As a matter of fact, I know two have experimented, but thankfully, it didn't go beyond that. All I can do is pray, know that they've been exposed to resources to deal (they've all four gone to lots & lots of meetings, including ones held in our home) and keep those lines of communication open. Today, it's not so much about how they remember me as how I am now and what I can do for them, should they ever need my own experience to help them.
Maybe that's not the "feel good" post you were looking for, but it's how it is here.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Today, my children are finally accustomed to my sobriety. They don't get anxious when I'm out a little later than I had planned. They don't call to check up on me nearly as much (although I do still get the odd call here and there). They count on me being present, available and sober for them. That took a lot of time, and I couldn't force them to accept that things had changed until they had enough evidence to prove it to themselves.
All four of my kids - 14, 17, 18, 19 - are sober today. None of the four have followed in my footsteps, though statistics indicate that they're beating the odds. They've been educated regarding the hereditary propensity to addiction, and we talk - a lot, and very openly. There's nothing I can do to guarantee that they won't decide to pick up at some point. As a matter of fact, I know two have experimented, but thankfully, it didn't go beyond that. All I can do is pray, know that they've been exposed to resources to deal (they've all four gone to lots & lots of meetings, including ones held in our home) and keep those lines of communication open. Today, it's not so much about how they remember me as how I am now and what I can do for them, should they ever need my own experience to help them.
Maybe that's not the "feel good" post you were looking for, but it's how it is here.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Sugah brought something to my mind.
My father, brother, and at least one grandfather were/are alcoholics, they either died sober or are still sober. My son is an alcoholic as well.
My sobriety benefitted my son, he knew who to call when he realized he was an alcoholic! Thanks to me being sober and being very open about alcoholism he was able to see he had a problem long before I did, so he nipped his in the bud.
I never saw my dad have a drink because he got sober when I was only a few days old. All though he was open about his alcoholism, I never knew what he was like when he was drinking so I thought for many years that I was okay!!! As dumb as this sounds I sometimes wonder if I may have getten sober earlier if I had of known my dad when he was drinking.
My father, brother, and at least one grandfather were/are alcoholics, they either died sober or are still sober. My son is an alcoholic as well.
My sobriety benefitted my son, he knew who to call when he realized he was an alcoholic! Thanks to me being sober and being very open about alcoholism he was able to see he had a problem long before I did, so he nipped his in the bud.
I never saw my dad have a drink because he got sober when I was only a few days old. All though he was open about his alcoholism, I never knew what he was like when he was drinking so I thought for many years that I was okay!!! As dumb as this sounds I sometimes wonder if I may have getten sober earlier if I had of known my dad when he was drinking.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
I only drank for a year, but it was a rough year, especially toward the end. I lost the trust of my 18 year old daughter but feel like I'm getting some of it back now. We are talking more these days. I asked her if I was a better person since not drinking. She said "yes, as long as you're being truthful". So there's still that nasty year rearing its ugly head. I can't undo the damage I've done, but I can keep from doing it again. And that's the best I can do. As long as you love them, I think they'll remember the loving mom, not the alcoholic.
:ghug2
:ghug2
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,031
Hey Suzette,
I often hear it shared by adults at meetings that their children have never seen them drink, sorry to say I'm not a parent who can say that. My two spent their birth through pre-teens watching me drink myself into oblivion, and quite often they became the victims of my behavior. They've both had their noses broken during what I justified as "accidents", being played with much too roughly, and my son was dropped off my shoulders onto his face a couple times. I'm thankful that God protected them from any further harm.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. The Promises have all been realized by me as a result of practicing the 12 Steps on a daily basis. My life as an alcoholic in recovery is a living amends to my children, I stay focused on leading by example.
How will they remember me? They will remember a father who took them to AA meetings and showed them how AA made a difference in our lives, and they'll remember the service work I did and the other alcoholics that I've shared with. They'll remember the friends they've made in the program, and they'll know that it's possible for people of all ages and from all walks of life to get along with each other and come together for the same common reason. Most of all, I think they'll remember every quality moment we spend together, and the incredibly strong bond of love that we share. And I'm pretty sure they'll understand that all that is a result of my recovery in the program of AA.
Pretty cool, I'll take as many 24 hours of that as I possibly can!
I often hear it shared by adults at meetings that their children have never seen them drink, sorry to say I'm not a parent who can say that. My two spent their birth through pre-teens watching me drink myself into oblivion, and quite often they became the victims of my behavior. They've both had their noses broken during what I justified as "accidents", being played with much too roughly, and my son was dropped off my shoulders onto his face a couple times. I'm thankful that God protected them from any further harm.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. The Promises have all been realized by me as a result of practicing the 12 Steps on a daily basis. My life as an alcoholic in recovery is a living amends to my children, I stay focused on leading by example.
How will they remember me? They will remember a father who took them to AA meetings and showed them how AA made a difference in our lives, and they'll remember the service work I did and the other alcoholics that I've shared with. They'll remember the friends they've made in the program, and they'll know that it's possible for people of all ages and from all walks of life to get along with each other and come together for the same common reason. Most of all, I think they'll remember every quality moment we spend together, and the incredibly strong bond of love that we share. And I'm pretty sure they'll understand that all that is a result of my recovery in the program of AA.
Pretty cool, I'll take as many 24 hours of that as I possibly can!
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
My mom was an active alcoholic for years before I was born but sobered up from the time I was born until I was twelve. She was a hardcore drinker for the next ten years but has now been sober for the past 19 years.
I still remember the things she did while drinking, the embarrassment I had for her, avoiding her when I saw her staggering down the street (this was while I was a teenager). Some things still stand out in my mind but now I understand what she was going through. In a much greater way, however, I remember her taking me to my little league baseball games, movies, singing to me, teaching me things, comforting me when I was hurt, defending me when I got into trouble...loving me.
I didn't understand why my mom was doing what she was doing but through it all, I never stopped loving her. What she has accomplished in the past 19 years is just incredible - the work she has done with the homeless, abused women, alcoholics...I am so proud of her, proud to be her son.
Now that I have two young children, I will pass on the amazing things I have learned in AA - patience, forgiveness, gratitude, helping others to name a few. God willing, I hope to be a good father and role model going forward. I can't change the past nor can I dwell on what may or may not happen in the future. I know my kids will always love me and I can only do my best for them - one day at a time.
I still remember the things she did while drinking, the embarrassment I had for her, avoiding her when I saw her staggering down the street (this was while I was a teenager). Some things still stand out in my mind but now I understand what she was going through. In a much greater way, however, I remember her taking me to my little league baseball games, movies, singing to me, teaching me things, comforting me when I was hurt, defending me when I got into trouble...loving me.
I didn't understand why my mom was doing what she was doing but through it all, I never stopped loving her. What she has accomplished in the past 19 years is just incredible - the work she has done with the homeless, abused women, alcoholics...I am so proud of her, proud to be her son.
Now that I have two young children, I will pass on the amazing things I have learned in AA - patience, forgiveness, gratitude, helping others to name a few. God willing, I hope to be a good father and role model going forward. I can't change the past nor can I dwell on what may or may not happen in the future. I know my kids will always love me and I can only do my best for them - one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Hiya Toomutch-
I'm usually over at the F&F forums getting help dealing w/ my A brothers. But I was touched by your post.
When I was a little girl my father drank every night whether at home or out on the town. Naturally, there were alot of bad scenes. Things I could not for the life of me understand. Watching my father crawl up the stairs to bed. Arguments between he and my mom that we kids would eavesdrop on from the top of the stairs. The police bringing him home. Horrible violent arguments betw him and my oldest brother when my oldest brother started his drinking career....
But in spite of all this I knew my Dad loved me. I knew he was a f***ed up mess too. But I loved him. We had some good times. He could be kind and fun and patient and fair when he wasn't drunk.
My father got sober when I was 15.
It was the greatest thing to see him recover!! What an impact that had on my life!! What a different person he became!! The 12-stepper who came to take him to his first AA meeting turned out to be someone he knew since high school.
About 15 years into his recovery I was getting a divorce and was discussing things about my Ex with my parents. I said, "Who do you know who is that stubborn who has ever changed?"- and at the exact same instant my Dad raised his hand and my Mom pointed at my Dad. It was a beautiful moment.
Recovery made my Dad this incredibly HONEST person. He faced his death from cancer with amazing acceptance, honesty, dignity. I miss him every day - and BECAUSE of his very human struggles and his quiet, persevering recovery he was MY HERO!!!
My 3 brothers are all A's. It sux. The longer they are active the harder it is to recall the "good whole" person that is held in the prison of their addiction.
I think my Dad was always hopeful that they would find recovery but he also knew it would only happen when they were ready and willing...they aren't yet.
My Dad did make ammends to each of us - by letter (which I treasure) and by his sobriety. His getting sober actually facilitated a lot of healing and forgiveness. It's harder with someone who is actively addicted.
Ultimately it does not matter what happened yesterday. Actions speak the truth. Consistency and a few solid and bright "todays" can wipe out a whole lotta darkness!! So yeah I remember evrything about my dad, good and bad, but mostly GOOD and always LOVE.
Good luck with your recovery journey - not easy but WORTH IT!!!
Peace,
B.
I'm usually over at the F&F forums getting help dealing w/ my A brothers. But I was touched by your post.
When I was a little girl my father drank every night whether at home or out on the town. Naturally, there were alot of bad scenes. Things I could not for the life of me understand. Watching my father crawl up the stairs to bed. Arguments between he and my mom that we kids would eavesdrop on from the top of the stairs. The police bringing him home. Horrible violent arguments betw him and my oldest brother when my oldest brother started his drinking career....
But in spite of all this I knew my Dad loved me. I knew he was a f***ed up mess too. But I loved him. We had some good times. He could be kind and fun and patient and fair when he wasn't drunk.
My father got sober when I was 15.
It was the greatest thing to see him recover!! What an impact that had on my life!! What a different person he became!! The 12-stepper who came to take him to his first AA meeting turned out to be someone he knew since high school.
About 15 years into his recovery I was getting a divorce and was discussing things about my Ex with my parents. I said, "Who do you know who is that stubborn who has ever changed?"- and at the exact same instant my Dad raised his hand and my Mom pointed at my Dad. It was a beautiful moment.
Recovery made my Dad this incredibly HONEST person. He faced his death from cancer with amazing acceptance, honesty, dignity. I miss him every day - and BECAUSE of his very human struggles and his quiet, persevering recovery he was MY HERO!!!
My 3 brothers are all A's. It sux. The longer they are active the harder it is to recall the "good whole" person that is held in the prison of their addiction.
I think my Dad was always hopeful that they would find recovery but he also knew it would only happen when they were ready and willing...they aren't yet.
My Dad did make ammends to each of us - by letter (which I treasure) and by his sobriety. His getting sober actually facilitated a lot of healing and forgiveness. It's harder with someone who is actively addicted.
Ultimately it does not matter what happened yesterday. Actions speak the truth. Consistency and a few solid and bright "todays" can wipe out a whole lotta darkness!! So yeah I remember evrything about my dad, good and bad, but mostly GOOD and always LOVE.
Good luck with your recovery journey - not easy but WORTH IT!!!
Peace,
B.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
Wow! I am amazed at the responses I recieved from all of you. I anxiousy read them all, in the back of my mind just knowing that someone would tell me something that I did not want to hear.
I am pleased to know that you all have such wonderful relationships with your children now, so many of your responses brought me to tears.
I think my kids will forgive me, but I know they are still fearful. They look in my glass to see what I'm drinking. I have even seen my 15 years old sniff my ice tea when he thought I had left the room. I hate that they all have to have that weight on their shoulders, I sometimes hate myself for it.
I thank the good lord that they are all such wonderful kids. I think they all make better choices than I do. I have a 14, 15, 16 and 17 year old at home and they make me proud every day. Now I want to make them proud.
I am pleased to know that you all have such wonderful relationships with your children now, so many of your responses brought me to tears.
I think my kids will forgive me, but I know they are still fearful. They look in my glass to see what I'm drinking. I have even seen my 15 years old sniff my ice tea when he thought I had left the room. I hate that they all have to have that weight on their shoulders, I sometimes hate myself for it.
I thank the good lord that they are all such wonderful kids. I think they all make better choices than I do. I have a 14, 15, 16 and 17 year old at home and they make me proud every day. Now I want to make them proud.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
