baileygrrrl

I'm on day two of no drinking. My habit was 1/2 to 3/4 of a litre of wine a night or the equivalent in vodka. My drinking time was right after work.

I have been very reluctant to call myself an alcoholic and now I think I know why. I don't think I'm ready to say that because the idea of NEVER having another drink seems awful to me and admitting I'm an alcoholic seems like a life sentance right now. I know I'm very new to this and have a lot to learn about myself and my habit. I just want to be able to go back to the "good old days" when I could have the odd beer in the summer or a nice glass of wine with dinner. It seems so long ago but I remember a time when alcohol would sit in the house for years and not get consumed. I need to do some thinking about this. I'm sure a meeting is where I belong but I'm still so hesitant.

Jen

miss communicat

Hi Jen

You are not alone in thinking these things. I know I am an alcoholic, and only you can decide for yourself if you are, but for me, I too struggled with the idea of never drinking ever again.

AA taught me that I only have to NOT DRINK TODAY.

Thats why its said, Don't drink. One Day At A Time.

The hours, days, weeks build up, generating a new and freer life.

You night consider reading the excerpts from the book called "Under THe Influence". Its posted as a permanent thread at the top of this forum. Here you will learn facts about alcoholism which might help you in your journey.

Good luck!

FightingIrish

Hey Jen,

I can identify with a lot of what you wrote. I too was an after-work, at-home drinker...wine was my poison too.

I was in denial for years about my alcoholism and was convinced I was a heavy drinker, even though I could answer "yes" to most of the questions on most of the interview tests for alcoholism with the exception of anything pertaining to DUIs (I live in Manhattan).

In addition to the book already mentioned, I would recommend reading its sequel, "Beyond the Influence", which I am reading now.

Although I got sober before I started reading this book (I am a little over 7 months today), it has been very helpful in solidifying my convictions about my alcoholism. I just wish someone had made me read it before all the really bad stuff started to happen.

Three important points I am getting from this book:

1) Alcoholism is a neurological and physiological disease with genetic underpinnings

2) There is a definite progression of the disease as a person continues to drink, and each stage of the progression (early-, middle, late-stage) has its own signs and symptoms

3) Society and the medical community have an inadequate definition of what it means to be an alcoholic, citing only the late-stage symptoms (cirrhosis, DUIs, pancreatitis, total destituton) as evidence for diagnosis.

This book presents a compelling argument that alcoholism can be diagnosed and treated in its early stages. It also provides evidence for the fact that, as the disease progresses, our brains literally become addicted, which fuels the overwhelming denial we feel when confronted with or considering evidence that we may be alcoholic.

What I didn't know before reading this book is that, in an alcoholic, the buildup of certain chemicals in the brain leads to the formation of substances that are amost identical to morphine.

I am just telling you what I read. This is not my opinion nor can I evaluate the science here, but I am going to keep reading and following this stuff.

-M

Tazman53

In my early sobriety never drinking again was a huge pill to swallow, not drinking I found far easier to simply commit to not drinking that day, just one day at a time. After I had worked the steps and had the obsession to drink lifted I have found now that I simply commit to living the steps to the best of my ability one day at a time, you see due to the steps I could care less if I ever have another drink, if the thought of a drink pops into my head it is gone just as quickly, a drink no longer even appeals to me.

In working step 1 I came to realize that I could drink when ever I wanted to, but not safely, I was able to look honestly and with a sober mind and see that it was not the 10th or the 20th drink that got me drunk...... it was that first drink, I came to know that if I had even a single drink that I lost all power over the amount of alcohol I was going to drink.

You know I hear of sober people that view alcoholics as less then them, but what I have found so far is that every person I have told that I am a recovering alcoholic has an immediate respect for me that I am sure they did not have for me when I was drunk.

Alcoholism is a disease, not a choice.

Why not just go to one, sit in the back and say nothing, just listen for things you can relate to, I have never heard of any one being hurt by going to a meeting, there are many of us 6 foot under because we never went to a meeting.

JohnTheQuitter

I'm in a similar situation, however, it is my wife that is having a hard time swallowing "alcoholic" and the notion that I might never drink again.

Rimmy

As long as you understand what you need to do for yourself and work that for yourself, she will still like you and probably more so. My wife truly feared that if I stopped drinking, I would change. I suspect there were some control issues too. She had some leverage over me for 15 years which just became the norm, and she feared change more than she was concerned about me. With time and patience and communication, we understand eachother now.

So think one day at a time. And don't bore your partner talking about it all the time either For me, it was the most important thing I was trying to do in life and it was all I was talking about... no wonder she was scared.. lol.

Hang in there John

JohnTheQuitter

Thanks Rimmy, I think you know exactly what's happening... I think part of it (for her) is thinking that she won't be able to drink because I will not be drinking. I have tried to explain that I'm the one with the problem, not her.

Rimmy

yeah... be certain to let her know you won't be holier than thou and judging her for her drinking. I think that was my girls fear. And it's like changing a job or moving to a new apartment... it takes a little bit of adjustment, but hopefully it's for the better in the end. Only this one is guaranteed

LosingmyMisery

The concept of never drinking again is a hard pill to swallow. My entire life revolved around alcohol. To me, life without it seemed impossible. I found out I was wrong. I can live without booze and I don't miss it one bit.

My life is better sober than it ever was drunk. It takes time to get to the point of appreciating sobriety. Hence, one day at a time. One day is an easier concept than... never. It boils down to facts. We can't go back in time to recapture a moment. Fact. Alcoholism is progressive. It will continue to grow as long as we continue to feed it. There is no getting around it. If you truly want to live a sober life, you have to let go of false hope. Alcoholics can not drink, not even a little bit. The sooner we can accept who we are and that we need to make changes, the sooner we can get better.

Jfanagle

Jen,

Aw yes, the concept of "drinking like I use to" was the very thing that got me to my first AA meeting. You see I am much smarter than the average alcoholic and as such I went to AA to learn TO DRINK BETTER AND MORE RESPOSIBLY. Quitting for good was never a part of the equation for me.

I went in to those meetings and paid close attention to all the comments and suggestions, I even told myself that a few of the steps just might be helpful in my plan to return to those "good old days of yester year."

Somewhere in the first 30 to 45 days of meetings I started to actually listen to the folks in the rooms and some of what they were saying made sense. In fact I decided to go with the ONE DAY AT A TIME plan and ALWAYS reserve the right to drink tomorrow.

I still reserve that right today, and therefore I guess I haven't quit FOREVER, but with the ONE DAY AT A TIME PLAN, and because I am such a procrastinator when it comes to doing things tomorrow I am celebrating 8 and 1/2 years of one day at a time today. In fact due to this plan, once again I filed my taxes on time!! Didn't used to do that in the "good old days."

Do what works for you; just make sure that TODAY you are happy with you.

Jon

findingout

Hey baileygrrrl,

For me, there was difference between not wanting to be an alcoholic and being an alcoholic. I did not want to be an alcoholic because I knew that alcoholics should not drink. It took six weeks of outpatient treatment and six weeks of not drinking before I was convinced I was an alcoholic. During those six weeks, I stopped looking for reasons why I wasn't an alcoholic and stopped trying to defend my drinking with the hope that I could return to the good old days. It took many more months and the help I received as a member of A.A. to get to the point where I was happier not drinking.

From what you wrote, I was farther down the line than you are before I found recovery. I think it would have been obvious to anyone else who knew about alcoholism that I was, in fact, an alcoholic. It should have been obvious to me too but I did not want to see it. Why? Because alcoholics should not drink and I could not see a life worth living that didn't include drinking.

Of course, "should not" isn't the same as "can not". My sister, who hated to say she was an alcoholic because she felt that our parents raised us to be better drinkers than that, drank herself to death last August. Despite numerous stays in hospitals over that last years of her life, she could not or would not stop drinking by herself and refused to get any type of help. I was sober and in recovery the last five years of her life and nothing I said or did could convince her that there was a better way. For her, alcoholism wasn't a life sentence, it was a death sentence.

I was on the same train, going to the same final stop. I got off the train. I continue to stay off the train with help of, by now, literally hundreds of other people. The train is still running though and I can get back on anytime I want, but I don't have to and today, I don't want to.

baileygrrrl

Thanks so much to all of you. The fact that you took the time to write and share your experiences and wisdom is very touching. I think that I very much like the sounds of "One day at a time". It's perfect for someone like me who has a very difficult time committing to things especially long term. I can very much decide "Not to drink today" and have done that for the past two days. I've been completely sober for two days! I like the sounds of that!

NoMoBeer

Here is a quote which took me a long time to understand:

"The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker."

My recovery helps me keep that obsession away, because left on its own, it will return...

One day at a time...

NMB