New here........
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 64
New here........
Hey everybody,
I'm from the Netherlands and I'm now 44 days sober for the first time since 6 or 7 years.
I can't believe I have made it this far, things have already changed so much.
I'm not very good at this kind of thing, so here goes: I just want to thank you all for posting on this forum. The support it gives is unique, everybody speaking from their own experience. You guys really help and I imagine a lot of people have been helped by reading this forum without ever even posting here.
Some small things/experiences I'd like to share from the time I've been sober now:
People: I used to be really intimidated by people unless I was drunk. I felt I could only function "socially" when drunk, ofcourse this never lasted long for as I became drunker and drunker I achieved the opposite and made a fool out of myself by becoming argumentative or just being plain stupid.
Now I feel so much more comfortable around people and I notice I actually listen to what they're saying instead of being pre-occupied with my own insecure self.
I thought I would lose my sense of humor. It has only improved.
I've also noticed that if I don't try to be "in control" all the time, (which I always needed to be but obviously never was from the start), things tend to just "come my way". It's wonderful.
And I just feel so much happier, calmer, friendlier.
There is one thing that bothers me from time to time though. Whenever I even for a fraction of a second consider drinking I get really and I mean REALLY scared. It's as if I feel my brain is trying to kill me. I feel panic. Because I KNOW what will happen if I drink, but STILL I get those thoughts... As if your own mind can't be trusted...
Do other recovering alcoholics have the same? How do you deal with it?
Thanks in advance for your feedback.
I'm from the Netherlands and I'm now 44 days sober for the first time since 6 or 7 years.
I can't believe I have made it this far, things have already changed so much.
I'm not very good at this kind of thing, so here goes: I just want to thank you all for posting on this forum. The support it gives is unique, everybody speaking from their own experience. You guys really help and I imagine a lot of people have been helped by reading this forum without ever even posting here.
Some small things/experiences I'd like to share from the time I've been sober now:
People: I used to be really intimidated by people unless I was drunk. I felt I could only function "socially" when drunk, ofcourse this never lasted long for as I became drunker and drunker I achieved the opposite and made a fool out of myself by becoming argumentative or just being plain stupid.
Now I feel so much more comfortable around people and I notice I actually listen to what they're saying instead of being pre-occupied with my own insecure self.
I thought I would lose my sense of humor. It has only improved.
I've also noticed that if I don't try to be "in control" all the time, (which I always needed to be but obviously never was from the start), things tend to just "come my way". It's wonderful.
And I just feel so much happier, calmer, friendlier.
There is one thing that bothers me from time to time though. Whenever I even for a fraction of a second consider drinking I get really and I mean REALLY scared. It's as if I feel my brain is trying to kill me. I feel panic. Because I KNOW what will happen if I drink, but STILL I get those thoughts... As if your own mind can't be trusted...
Do other recovering alcoholics have the same? How do you deal with it?
Thanks in advance for your feedback.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 410
I can't speak to the latter part of your post because I can't yet consider myself recovered, but thank you for the first part, and sharing what not drinking has done for you. What you talk about is exactly what I am seeking, and hearing from someone else that there is more peace on the other side helps me on my path.
Thank you for posting
Thank you for posting
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
"There is one thing that bothers me from time to time though. Whenever I even for a fraction of a second consider drinking I get really and I mean REALLY scared. It's as if I feel my brain is trying to kill me. I feel panic. Because I KNOW what will happen if I drink, but STILL I get those thoughts... As if your own mind can't be trusted..."
Hi - I had that alot my first time sober. I thought I was craving alchohol and my sponsor pointed out I wasn't "wanting to drink" I was "afraid I would want to drink". They are actually different.
I called my sponsor whenever it happened. Today when I have that fear, I acknowledge it and then turn to the next thing in my path to do. listening to another alchoholic and getting wrapped up in the exchange has been effective for me.
Hi - I had that alot my first time sober. I thought I was craving alchohol and my sponsor pointed out I wasn't "wanting to drink" I was "afraid I would want to drink". They are actually different.
I called my sponsor whenever it happened. Today when I have that fear, I acknowledge it and then turn to the next thing in my path to do. listening to another alchoholic and getting wrapped up in the exchange has been effective for me.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
psyk0....Welcome to SR!
Early sobriety is a real up and down
emotional time. I leveled out around
2 months physically and mentally.
Good to see you here with us...
Early sobriety is a real up and down
emotional time. I leveled out around
2 months physically and mentally.
Good to see you here with us...
Last edited by CarolD; 04-13-2008 at 10:04 AM. Reason: Typo
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,381
Yes, I have had those thoughts before. But they are just thoughts and you are aware of them.
This is just an idea to help you. Smart Recovery has a way to deal with thoughts and feelings.
Enhance and Maintain motivation
Cope with urges
Manage thoughts and feelings
I have found it very helpful.
This is just an idea to help you. Smart Recovery has a way to deal with thoughts and feelings.
Enhance and Maintain motivation
Cope with urges
Manage thoughts and feelings
I have found it very helpful.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Welcome to SR. You have found a great place with lots of support!!!!
I don't know about other alcoholics but I know about this one, and I can say YES in my early recovery if I even fleetingly thought of drink, I got shaky and scared, because right after thinking of the drink I would remember how my LAST drunk ended (me dead in the ER and the ER Doc writing the TOD on my chart).
I can tell you it does get much better!!!!!! I had to and still do look at it this way for YEARS, alcohol was my solution to any problem I had, minor or major. So, of course, it was going to take some time to change a 'life long' habit. Alcohol had been my solution, thus it took a conscious effort on my part to learn new coping skills and practice, practice, practice those skills. As I did that, the 'fleeting' thought of "getting a bottle" or "having a few drinks" disappeared for the most part.
It does get better, it did for me as long as I didn't pick up that drink. Haven't had to do that yet, and it's almost 27 years now.
Congrats Psyko on your 44 days, that is quite an accomplishment.
Love and hugs,
Whenever I even for a fraction of a second consider drinking I get really and I mean REALLY scared. It's as if I feel my brain is trying to kill me. I feel panic. Because I KNOW what will happen if I drink, but STILL I get those thoughts... As if your own mind can't be trusted...
I can tell you it does get much better!!!!!! I had to and still do look at it this way for YEARS, alcohol was my solution to any problem I had, minor or major. So, of course, it was going to take some time to change a 'life long' habit. Alcohol had been my solution, thus it took a conscious effort on my part to learn new coping skills and practice, practice, practice those skills. As I did that, the 'fleeting' thought of "getting a bottle" or "having a few drinks" disappeared for the most part.
It does get better, it did for me as long as I didn't pick up that drink. Haven't had to do that yet, and it's almost 27 years now.
Congrats Psyko on your 44 days, that is quite an accomplishment.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
Psyk
You know, logic tells me that at my stage (2months), fear should be an ally. I avoid most things in life that I fear. It's easy for me to not "test" the consequences of putting my hand on a hot stove or playing Russian Roulette. Duh!
But addiction is different. So very different. It is only when I am without fear that I feel safe. The rare times I do fear are the one's that bring rise to the very emotions that used to trigger the demon. What is productive (fear) in the rest of my life, causes toxic thoughts regarding my recovery.
Surrender helps me in this regard. I gave up. No more battles. No more fear. I've retired my sword and my armor and have gone home to raise flowers. Let others do the battle. I am war weary and beaten.This old soldier has simply faded away.
I think one only fears when he thinks he might be called once again to battle. Eventually the demon will get tired of asking you to come out to play. You are too boring. Just give him a flower and go about your gardening. Bullies hate that.
warren
You know, logic tells me that at my stage (2months), fear should be an ally. I avoid most things in life that I fear. It's easy for me to not "test" the consequences of putting my hand on a hot stove or playing Russian Roulette. Duh!
But addiction is different. So very different. It is only when I am without fear that I feel safe. The rare times I do fear are the one's that bring rise to the very emotions that used to trigger the demon. What is productive (fear) in the rest of my life, causes toxic thoughts regarding my recovery.
Surrender helps me in this regard. I gave up. No more battles. No more fear. I've retired my sword and my armor and have gone home to raise flowers. Let others do the battle. I am war weary and beaten.This old soldier has simply faded away.
I think one only fears when he thinks he might be called once again to battle. Eventually the demon will get tired of asking you to come out to play. You are too boring. Just give him a flower and go about your gardening. Bullies hate that.
warren
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 410
Originally Posted by warrens 
Psyk
Surrender helps me in this regard. I gave up. No more battles. No more fear. I've retired my sword and my armor and have gone home to raise flowers. Let others do the battle. I am war weary and beaten.This old soldier has simply faded away.
warren
Surrender helps me in this regard. I gave up. No more battles. No more fear. I've retired my sword and my armor and have gone home to raise flowers. Let others do the battle. I am war weary and beaten.This old soldier has simply faded away.
warren
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Boy am I glad I saw this thread! I have a wealth of information now I didn't have a few minutes ago. To Psyk0: I am grateful you posted your question. I'm new to sobriety and now know that if I have this feeling, it is normal.
To Laurie: you really had your time of death written on your chart?? That is scary, really scary. I don't want to go there.
To Warren: I will never forget your wise words. I will incorporate them into my own program of recovery.
To everyone else who replied: I have gained a lot of wisdom from your experiences. Now I won't have to live thru the hell you went thru cause I know what it's like. I can avoid the demons that tortured you.
I am grateful for reading this. It's a cyber-epiphany, and without all the suffering (for me) that usually comes with such insights.
I can now recognize some demons I didn't know before.
Thank you all!!!
To Laurie: you really had your time of death written on your chart?? That is scary, really scary. I don't want to go there.
To Warren: I will never forget your wise words. I will incorporate them into my own program of recovery.
To everyone else who replied: I have gained a lot of wisdom from your experiences. Now I won't have to live thru the hell you went thru cause I know what it's like. I can avoid the demons that tortured you.
I am grateful for reading this. It's a cyber-epiphany, and without all the suffering (for me) that usually comes with such insights.
I can now recognize some demons I didn't know before.
Thank you all!!!
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