I Have A Long Way To Go
Candace
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Reno, Nevada
Posts: 108
Crazy..i Am
I can be ok ..and then in seconds I can be to the point of hopelessness.
I´m dragging physically..still no one has called me back on the number.
I havnt posted -- I read what I posted and it seems I´m just repeating myself ..complaining.
Afraid of imaginaing what it is going to be like in America,,,as soon as I start working..
Should I first try to clean up my credit? My x took money out of our stocks ..and then disappeared so IRS went after me...since he did it in the months we were seperated. I have to go back to all that..jeeze
Then the family crap...not with my kids..just mother, siblings.
So ..are you wondering why I want to back to America???'
My credit is great here..I make more money then most.
THE EMOTIONS OF AN ALCOHOLIC....depressed and then blackness. I can be very happy and then not wanting to talk to anyone in just a few minutes..
TO MUCH TO THINK ABOUT...
I´m dragging physically..still no one has called me back on the number.
I havnt posted -- I read what I posted and it seems I´m just repeating myself ..complaining.
Afraid of imaginaing what it is going to be like in America,,,as soon as I start working..
Should I first try to clean up my credit? My x took money out of our stocks ..and then disappeared so IRS went after me...since he did it in the months we were seperated. I have to go back to all that..jeeze
Then the family crap...not with my kids..just mother, siblings.
So ..are you wondering why I want to back to America???'
My credit is great here..I make more money then most.
THE EMOTIONS OF AN ALCOHOLIC....depressed and then blackness. I can be very happy and then not wanting to talk to anyone in just a few minutes..
TO MUCH TO THINK ABOUT...
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Lost for now you are in the right place, be pateint, pray, know that there is a solution.
Here is an email address for AA international, I have a feeling that the language barrier may be the issue there, this should help [email protected] let them know what is up and that you are trying to find an english speaking meeting.
Normally relocating is nto really a good idea in early sobriety, but due to the language barrier where you are at you coming back to the states should be a big help, there are tons of meetings where you are going to and no language barrier.
Here is an email address for AA international, I have a feeling that the language barrier may be the issue there, this should help [email protected] let them know what is up and that you are trying to find an english speaking meeting.
Normally relocating is nto really a good idea in early sobriety, but due to the language barrier where you are at you coming back to the states should be a big help, there are tons of meetings where you are going to and no language barrier.
Candace
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Reno, Nevada
Posts: 108
Relocating...
I know it will be hard for me to change countries..every year when I go to America it feels so intense..I know a lot of that has to do with understanding what everyone is saying...But I need support..
I have to get beyond being in the happy face mode. To be able to express how I feel even If it bothers people. All my life I have had to perform for Love.. I don´t have the energy anymore.
Thanks Taz for your response
I have to get beyond being in the happy face mode. To be able to express how I feel even If it bothers people. All my life I have had to perform for Love.. I don´t have the energy anymore.
Thanks Taz for your response
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Lost one of the most awesome things about AA is you can express how you feel and no one will judge you, we will understand, you see we have been in that hole you are in, we found a way out of that hole and find joy in helping others out of the hole we were in.
Here is a little story:
A drunk man fell into a very deep hole and could not get out, he cried out for help and a preacher came by and spoke with the drunk, he dropped to his knees and prayed telling the drunk to join him, which the drunk did. The preacher finished his prayer and walked off leaving the drunk in the hole.
Later a therapist heard his cries and came over and discussed the drunks childhood with him and left him there in the hole. The drunk was truly at his wits end when a doctot came along, the doctor said you are in the hole because you are depressed, here take these pills. Well the drunk took the pills and was still in the hole!!!
Later that night another man came along and heard the drunks cries for help. Well the man walked over to the hole and asked the drunk how he got in the hole. The drunk told him that he was drunk and fell in the hole and could not get out! The man jumped in the hole with the drunk!
The drunk said are you crazy? Now we are both in the hole! The man looked at him and said I was in this very same hole once when I was drunk, another fellow jumped in with me and showed me the way out. Well I am in the hole with you because I know the way out, all you have to do is follow the same path I took to get out.
Here is a little story:
A drunk man fell into a very deep hole and could not get out, he cried out for help and a preacher came by and spoke with the drunk, he dropped to his knees and prayed telling the drunk to join him, which the drunk did. The preacher finished his prayer and walked off leaving the drunk in the hole.
Later a therapist heard his cries and came over and discussed the drunks childhood with him and left him there in the hole. The drunk was truly at his wits end when a doctot came along, the doctor said you are in the hole because you are depressed, here take these pills. Well the drunk took the pills and was still in the hole!!!
Later that night another man came along and heard the drunks cries for help. Well the man walked over to the hole and asked the drunk how he got in the hole. The drunk told him that he was drunk and fell in the hole and could not get out! The man jumped in the hole with the drunk!
The drunk said are you crazy? Now we are both in the hole! The man looked at him and said I was in this very same hole once when I was drunk, another fellow jumped in with me and showed me the way out. Well I am in the hole with you because I know the way out, all you have to do is follow the same path I took to get out.
Candace
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Reno, Nevada
Posts: 108
it makes sense...
be still...
I´m trying to find a hotel in London ,,I will fly from Valencia to London onMay 6th. May 7th I will be on british airways..(non stop) to SFO. I have a hard time with making a decsion..becasue if i get a cheap room..I know it will stress me..I don´t know why. But I feel uncomfortable and sad. I think I won´t have as much help with my 100+ pound suitcases. I will feel lost inside. Not safe..
I know this sounds silly ..but it puts me in a panic..I have stayed in a cheap hotel to save money..then I look around the room ( I must be crazy) and see the things..dirt, bugs, my imagination..I´m one who would take her own sheets.. If I wasn´t traveling alone..feeling like I´m going through the eye of a needle from Spain to America. ANXIETY LEVEL PFFT!!
I have to think about this when im booking a hotel,,,
If I was traveling with someone I wouldn´t mind.
Do they have a pill for this?????
I´m trying to find a hotel in London ,,I will fly from Valencia to London onMay 6th. May 7th I will be on british airways..(non stop) to SFO. I have a hard time with making a decsion..becasue if i get a cheap room..I know it will stress me..I don´t know why. But I feel uncomfortable and sad. I think I won´t have as much help with my 100+ pound suitcases. I will feel lost inside. Not safe..
I know this sounds silly ..but it puts me in a panic..I have stayed in a cheap hotel to save money..then I look around the room ( I must be crazy) and see the things..dirt, bugs, my imagination..I´m one who would take her own sheets.. If I wasn´t traveling alone..feeling like I´m going through the eye of a needle from Spain to America. ANXIETY LEVEL PFFT!!
I have to think about this when im booking a hotel,,,
If I was traveling with someone I wouldn´t mind.
Do they have a pill for this?????
Candace
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Reno, Nevada
Posts: 108
No...
Ok..so I am crazy...
They say if you think your crazy your probably not.
My dad traveled..he was an engineer. He would take me when I was young. My dad would leave me in hotel rooms while he went out drinking...I would be myself..I would have to go to sleep by myself.
The things that you remember as you get older and your emotions can´t keep it stuffed down anymore. I´m reacting out of issues that happen to me when I was a child.
Ok I feel better.
I will see If i can get anxiety pills for the trip.
They say if you think your crazy your probably not.
My dad traveled..he was an engineer. He would take me when I was young. My dad would leave me in hotel rooms while he went out drinking...I would be myself..I would have to go to sleep by myself.
The things that you remember as you get older and your emotions can´t keep it stuffed down anymore. I´m reacting out of issues that happen to me when I was a child.
Ok I feel better.
I will see If i can get anxiety pills for the trip.
Candace
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Reno, Nevada
Posts: 108
posting really does help
Talking about the hotel situation for some reason ..when I saw what I wrote..I understood why I had those feelings. Im ok of about reserving a room that is more economical. I don´t have all those scary emotions attached to it...
I have been told that this roller coaster ride of emotions will slowly be more even..The pain hasn´t subsided but I know I will be OK.
I had some get the number of the AA meeting..she was spanish and she said it was hard for her to understand..in the morning I will call that number.
I´m finished with my classes..and I´m going to make my way home..
I was invited to a friends Birthday drinks in a pub..I told her I didnt feel well..
I don´t have any desire.
I have been told that this roller coaster ride of emotions will slowly be more even..The pain hasn´t subsided but I know I will be OK.
I had some get the number of the AA meeting..she was spanish and she said it was hard for her to understand..in the morning I will call that number.
I´m finished with my classes..and I´m going to make my way home..
I was invited to a friends Birthday drinks in a pub..I told her I didnt feel well..
I don´t have any desire.
Candace
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Reno, Nevada
Posts: 108
Aa Meeting
Ok, I found a different number and found a person on the other end of the phone instead of an answering machine. I told him that I didnt want to drink and I needed to go to a meeting and meet people with the same intention.
Of course this was all in Spanish. He was very nice and told me where there is meeting tonight. Will you will know where I will be at 8pm Spanish time..which is 9 hours a ahead of the west coast.
Last night I was thinking about America..The pay in the begining may be $12 an hour..after taxes it will be 10..maybe i will bring home 190 a week.
How can I live off that? Here Im making 500 euros a week with taxes already taken out. This is my biggest fear in America. I know money isnt the most important thing..and sometimes we need to take less for peace..make changes for a better lifestyle..
Before I came to Spain I and my x had a successful business in Communication. Most of my life I really never had to worry about money. We always had the bills paid and food on the table.
I´m Grateful to find a meeting :bounce
Of course this was all in Spanish. He was very nice and told me where there is meeting tonight. Will you will know where I will be at 8pm Spanish time..which is 9 hours a ahead of the west coast.
Last night I was thinking about America..The pay in the begining may be $12 an hour..after taxes it will be 10..maybe i will bring home 190 a week.
How can I live off that? Here Im making 500 euros a week with taxes already taken out. This is my biggest fear in America. I know money isnt the most important thing..and sometimes we need to take less for peace..make changes for a better lifestyle..
Before I came to Spain I and my x had a successful business in Communication. Most of my life I really never had to worry about money. We always had the bills paid and food on the table.
I´m Grateful to find a meeting :bounce
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Lost I am excited for you, just go to the meeting with an open mind and listen for similarities and not differences.
Worrying about a future job right now serves no purpose, do what you can do today lining up a job, but tomorrow is not here yet, we have no idea what will happen tomorrow so why worry.
I look forward to hearing how your meeting goes, keep in mind that AA meetings are like people, they are all different, so if you do not like the one tonight check out others. Once you get back to the states you should have a lot of meetings to choose from.
Worrying about a future job right now serves no purpose, do what you can do today lining up a job, but tomorrow is not here yet, we have no idea what will happen tomorrow so why worry.
I look forward to hearing how your meeting goes, keep in mind that AA meetings are like people, they are all different, so if you do not like the one tonight check out others. Once you get back to the states you should have a lot of meetings to choose from.
Candace
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Reno, Nevada
Posts: 108
I went to my first meeting!!!
OK today I called the new number and talked to someone..gave him my information,,asked for an address for a meeting tonight. Thinking after work I would walk to the Taxi place and get a taxi to go someplace in the city [I]ve never been.
Well when to The Taxi Place ..No Taxi´s it is the most busiest time of the day.
I text message the number and told the guy There wasnt anyway i could get to the meeting..so he tells me..he will come get me and take me. And he does (of course this is all in spanish).
I told my story, and I listened..it was good because this women was explaining all the crazy stuff..they were talking exactly how I felt..
The meeting was over and I told them I wanted to go to the meeting Friday night. They are coming to my work to take me!!!!!
I´m very happy. It feels like Christmas...ok that could be extreme but it is close.
Well when to The Taxi Place ..No Taxi´s it is the most busiest time of the day.
I text message the number and told the guy There wasnt anyway i could get to the meeting..so he tells me..he will come get me and take me. And he does (of course this is all in spanish).
I told my story, and I listened..it was good because this women was explaining all the crazy stuff..they were talking exactly how I felt..
The meeting was over and I told them I wanted to go to the meeting Friday night. They are coming to my work to take me!!!!!
I´m very happy. It feels like Christmas...ok that could be extreme but it is close.
Candace
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Reno, Nevada
Posts: 108
It has been almost a month since I flew back from Spain. I have went to AA meetings at least once a day if not twice. The familiar faces helps. People are coming to me introducing themselves...and I have a few female friends that we call each other each day. The program is working. I´m looking for a Sponser. Read the first 40 pages of the Big Book.
I´m looking for a job. I´m staying sober. I have went to the Doctor to get something for my Panic attacks. The most important thing is to relax and let life happen, (scary). I´m not going to hit the ground as I jump off the cliff into a new chapter of my life.
I´m looking for a job. I´m staying sober. I have went to the Doctor to get something for my Panic attacks. The most important thing is to relax and let life happen, (scary). I´m not going to hit the ground as I jump off the cliff into a new chapter of my life.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
I'm glad you're feeling and doing better. Glad you're able to get to meetings and looking for a sponsor. Please send up a prayer for me as I recently relapsed after almost three weeks sober and now have to go thru the withdrawals to get and stay sober.
Congratulations on your sobriety. I am still working on mine but feel that there is hope for me.:ghug3:praying
Congratulations on your sobriety. I am still working on mine but feel that there is hope for me.:ghug3:praying
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