tiburon88

Thanks for all the responses. I half been sober now for over a week. Tiburon's detox worked out okay. The scary part about my latest relapses is the blackouts. I have lost 8-12 hour periods. It is not a lot of fun. Sobriety is not a whole lot of fun either. Maybe that means I have more drinking to do? I honestly think that I will not die. I will just do the jails/institution for several years. I am like a cockroach that you just can't get rid of. Should I talk about my mental illness or will that all get blamed on alcoholism? I have been diagnosed by 3 different doctors who all label me as being bi-polar.
I believe that make it harder for me to stay sober. I struggled with mental illness BEFORE I ever picked up a drink.

Tiburon

stone

I dont see why your being bi-polar should be blamed on alcoholism Tib. I am sure it does make it harder to get sober.

I was diagnosed with depression before my drinking got bad, my depression definitely doesnt help when it comes to staying sober.

CarolD

Hmm..
About a third of my AA home group
take Polar meds

They tell me their meds work better with sobriety.
Makes sense to me because the meds I take do too.

Glad you survived another round

LosingmyMisery

Have you always drank on your meds? If this is the case, the meds have never had the proper chance to do their thing. I have hope for you. Never quit trying. And...it does get better.

BUTTERFLY-7

"Listen Buddy" if you don't care to be Honest this recovery road is not going to do no effect on your life, you Got to one this, or be tire of been sick and tire of the nonsense,This is your Life and there is no other one.

tiburon88

When I go on a "binge" I usually forget to take them. I had a psych doctor tell me I should take them even if I am drinking. I find it easy to stop drinking/drugging when I have no money. I am currently broke with large debts pending. When my school loan money comes in I'll probably be off to races again.

Tiburon

CarolD

Why wait for drinking money?
Geez! get pro active

You can always get a job as a dishwasher.
Then you can drink all the left over bar glasses.

Or a street pro?

Sell your PC?

tiburon88

I was looking into working in restaurants again. I was a good waiter and loved to handle alcohol all day. At least I'm honest when I say I'm sober today because I'm broke. Maybe I don't have the willingness to quit drinking. I apologize for wasting everyones time then. An "old timer" once told me I have every right to drink but then I don't have the right to complain about the consequences. I think I continue to relapse because I still get some benefit from drinking. It brings me some peace. I enjoy shooting pool in a run down bar better than an AA meeting. I've met many fine people in bars. I feel "normal" drinking beer all day in a cheap bar. That's the magic of alcohol and why I am a chronic alcoholic.

Tiburon

caraway

Jeez Tib! Make your mind up. First of all you you're seeking help from people who have struggled with AA for years and are now sober. You say that you almost don't care but that part of you does care since you're posting here.

So everyone tries to say something that will help you and whats your response? “When my school loan money comes in I'll probably be off to races again” and that its easy not to drink while you have no money!

caraway

Oh, sorry, I wrote that before I saw your last post #28

CarolD

I don't think you need to worry about that
And maybe a job is a really good idea.

I could not stay sober working in restaurants
but perhaps you can.

tiburon88

I will try to refrain from drinking but when the loan comes in I know it's going to be hard. If I keep taking my Antabuse I won't be able to drink.

tiburon88

CarolD, I loved being a waiter because you kind make good money if you hustle. I love the fast pace of a busy restaurant. I once was sober living in a Salvation Army half way house but making $200+ a night in tips in a Hilton.
The boss thought it was unusual that I wouldn't drink with the crew after work. I stayed sober the 10 months I was there, however, 2 weeks after I moved out addiction monster struck again and the job faded away.

Tiburon

FightingIrish

So many regrets I have after living my 20s as an untreated alcoholic. I am now 36 and I...

-have almost nothing saved for retirement
-owe the IRS $25,000
-have very few friends outside of the many I have met in AA over the last 7 months
-have no relationship nor family of my own nor imminent prospects for the above

Sorry, I am up doing my taxes and am looking back on more than a decade of financial chaos, so my thoughts are on the material...

What I am learning now is that life can be good, even after wasting so much time. I wish I could travel back in time though and tell that confused, bold, wreckless 20-something that he should not waste his life, his youth, his potential.

Ah, well...I'm sure I wouldn't have listened anyway...

caraway

.” I think I continue to relapse because I still get some benefit from drinking. It brings me some peace.”

I think thats why I continued to drink for so long, I could still get some enjoyment out of it. Now I find I can enjoy life without it. (It does take practice though!). And I don't get the hangovers, the depression, the regrets etc etc etc. Hopefully I'll live longer too.

CarolD

I understand Trib...
I did not drink at work either.

It was the ambience ..too much quik cash
living alone...closing the bars near my apartment
picking up men to ease the silence.

At the end of my drinking...
I too liked the juke joints
Made me feel superior
because I had more money

All that just was destroying my values.
I became very depressed. Suicidal.
I detested the woman I had beccome.

Sooo....I made positive changes.
That's what I wish for you too....
a positive productive life.

resentful wife

Trib, I don't think that your wasting *MY* time. I think that you really would like to be sober but you would like for it to be instant and painless without the struggling to stay sober after the *cure*. Being bi-polar can be controled with meds. If you keep drinking it can and will kill you, one way or another.You see, my husband is dying from his drinking career.He hasn't had any thing to drink since Jan 2, but it's too little too late. Maybe if he had stopped drinking a few years ago he wouldn't have cancer now, I know that in Sept 06, he didn't have it. And I'm not entirely blameless, I was drinking right along with him until a few years ago, never as much as he could drink but I drank my fair share. So far my health problems are not related to drinking and I hope it stays that way but you can never be sure what life will hand you. I hope that you make it thru and find peace without drinking. Its out there if you look for it.
Linda

caraway

Oh dear, Tib, you're not wasting my time either! Sorry if I came across a bit strong in a negative way. I come on here for my own good so my time is never wasted on SR!

I just found that in my experience I made a choice - to either drink or not drink. I just hope you can get round to making a decision not to drink. Again, in my experience, I had to come really close to the edge before I made it. I was just lucky not to have killed myself - well, not yet anyway.

sobergirl77

You are definitely not wasting my time either. I have found that it helps me immensely to read other alcoholics' stories, even when they are still suffering. I can identify with your story and that helps me not feel so alone.

Barto

If sobriety were fun for us, we would not drink! We drink because sobriety is hell for us alcoholics! That’s why we must change if we want to “live.” That is what the Twelve Steps is about. It is a formula to bring about enough change “in us” so that we can live comfortably in our own skin. You have to give it time, but you have some control over how long it takes. Try “The Program.” F*ck 90 meetings in 90 days. Take the steps! At least try them. What do you have to lose but a helluva lot of misery???

Take your meds, go to meetings, and, most importantly, “take The Steps.” Talk about it if you wish. It’s an outside issue, but know that there will be “idiots” who think they are doctors even though they haven’t gone to medical school (and some who have).

The best way I’ve found to deal with this is to educate myself. If you do this you can: a) ignore them, confident that you know what time it is; or b) refer them to the official AA literature that may show them that they are ignorant.

As an aside, if you advised Tib to do 90 in 90, I’m not aiming this post at you. I didn’t even read the entire thread. I guess I’m just a little tired of some of the nonsense I’ve been reading in these alcoholism sections – some of it posted by people who state they’ve been sober a long while, yet posting stuff that flat out contradicts the book “Alcoholics Anonymous,” yet is attributed to the this book.