blue_Icecream

Oh man. I didn't drink for three months, then last weekend started again because I wanted to go back to being the outgoing, fun person I can be while drinking. I was drinking every night since then, but not to excess, then last night I went out and got absolutely blind drunk. By the time I got home there was already stuff I couldn't remember from the night. I phoned my girlfriend at like 3 in the morning screaming and crying "please god help me" and made her go out of her mind with worry. I am feeling so guilty right now.

This just proves to me once and for all that my way doesn't work. I'm going to have to go back to AA and seriously work a program.

Peter

I could probably go out right now and knock back a couple of beers and get up and go home.

I could probably do it tomorrow too, and next week and even next month. But you know what? Years of experience has taught me that sooner or later some event or circumstance is going to occur which will precipitate another bout of uncontrolled drinking. All sense of reasoning will fail me given the right emotional condition. It could be a painful disappointment in life or it may be the smile of an attractive woman across the bar. Alcohol and strong emotions are not a good combination for me.

"One is too many, a thousand never enough" is a rule which serves me well to remember.

Anna

Hi blue icecream,

I am glad that was a learning experience for you.

I think that you can learn to cope in the real world without alcohol and to learn to love the person that you are.

blue_Icecream

Last night was as low as I want to go. I could have been killed, I was cycling around trying to get home completely drunk. I think I fell over a few times too. I am not a bad person but drinking binges always make me feel bad, and now my poor girlfriend has been dragged into it by my calling her in such a state.

Tazman53

Blue, you never have to drink again, you know what to do, no is the time for action, strike while the iron is hot!!!

Trust me you are not the first person to think "I got it right this time. I have the beast under control!" and then suddenly find your self snot slinging drunk and you will not be the last. That is the nature of the beast, we get to feeling better physically and mentally and we convince our selfs that this time it will be different just to find it nothing has changed, it has actually gotten worse.

No you have a disease, a progressive deadly disease for which there is no cure, it can be arrested though by total abstinance. From this day forward just live in the day and stay sober that day. Get to a meeting and find a temporary sponsor for a start.

warrens

Well, you learned some truth. Every relapse reveals a bit more about the truth. What will it be?

Will it be Jack Nicholson? "You can't HANDLE the truth."

Or John, who said that "Then you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free."

Jack or John?

warren

GlassPrisoner

What did you expect ?

I know I always thought that "this time, it will be different. I just won't let it get out od hand...."

Like you, I finally realized I couldn't do this myself. AA is a good choice, IMO. That's how I got, and stayed, sober. More importantly, I recovered.

tes

I did the same thing last night. I couldnt take the withdrawl and depression and I ended up drinking a case of beer and then decided to send a text to a woman that I know and lets just say that it wasn't very pretty. I feel really guilty about it. I keep turning people away left and right. I'm so sick of this, i'm going back to AA and give it another shot also.

lovescoffee

wow, this post really connected with me. I hope you are ok.

RufusACanal

Tes and blue_icecream, welcome. "Giving it another shot" may not be in your best interest. Are you ready to stop drinking? Is the embarassment coupled with the guilt and shame enough? If you want to succeed in not drinking, you might want to spend sometime thinking if you are done drinking first. As an active Drunk, I quit a thousand times a thousand. The results did not change until I was willing to stay stopped, not just a friendly and relaxing repreive from drinking. If you are like us, the dishonesty had to come to an end. No one really cares if you lie and you both need caring folks around you. Get honest, make a decision and follow through. If I can help, simply PM me. R

tennis71

Welcome and Congratulations, you made it home alive which means that you can work on your recovery again.

Remember, recovery is a process not an event. I have relapsed and many others around here have. Just try and pick up the pieces, keep your chin up and continue down the road that you know leads to sobriety.

Thanks for your post and don't give up!

unigirl

welcome bk- thanks for reminding me why another shot just aint worth it. A.A sounds like a great idea- works for me. Keep strong

CarolD

Hi again Blue and Tess!
Welcome Back.....

chip

It's always good to keep trying. I think the important thing here it to learn from the mistake, and avoid making it again.

Welcome Tess and Blue. Someone told me "nothing changes if nothing changes". Getting sober is a very good idea if you're ready for a change.
chip

daffodil75

I'm witness to the fact that controlled drinking doesn't work for a body addicted to alcohol... I've tried too many times before. Hope you are doing well....

Signal30

In the book One Day At A Time, it has the weekly topic of slips. April 7th had a good Reflection for the day. I'm not going to quote the entire page, but I will slightly paraphrase a few sentences, (minor changes to dodge copyright issues.)


"We in AA have had no better teacher than Old Man Adversity, except those cases where we refuse to let him teach us. Do I do my best to remain teachable?"

"May relapse for any of our fellowship serve to teach not only the person who slipped, but all of us. May it strengthen our shared resolve."


If you slip get up!!!


Nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Perhaps it is these events (a relapse) that help us understand our disease, the danger of our self-will, and help build our relationship and faith with our Higher Power.


Tom