scoob

Can someone share some tips on talking to friends/family about quitting drinking.

I'm feeling very anxious at the moment at the responses i'll get the first time someone sees me not drinking and their subsequent opinions. It's almost like I feel like i'll get the "well it's about time because ......." response. I don't feel up to hearing what everyone thinks about how much of a loser I was on what night or whatever.

bugsworth

scoob, first you can't control what people think or say...so don't worry. I say stick with the truth...people may just surprise you. Best of luck and stay strong.

Sugah

If you're not ready to discuss it with those who get chatty about it, I've found that smiling and nodding -- and not responding beyond the initial "I'm not drinking" -- seems to discourage further conversation (regardless of the topic). If someone persists, politely telling them that "This is new for me, and I'd rather not talk about it right now. Maybe some other time." will probably do the trick. If you get cornered, remember that a conversation takes two people.

Eventually, I suspect, you will be ready to talk about it with others. Until then, keep the focus on not picking up the first drink.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

icecream pete

Hi Scoob, This week Ive had to deal with this, in the past Ive made a heap of excuses, "Im on antibiotics, got a headache, Im driving, trying to loose weight", on Wednesday I said " no thanks Ive quit", ok, unlike giving up cigs people dont initially say well done. I spent no time when asked for an explanation making up excuses, "Ive just decided to quit thats all", people soon get bored and move on!

Its your life and its your decision, make it, then own it. Good luck.

scoob

Thank you for your responses. I'm just feeling a lot of embarrassment right now.

LosingmyMisery

It is funny, when newly sober, not drinking seems embarrassing. We feel like we stick out like a sore thumb. The sober one. The only one not drinking. In retrospect, I should have been mortified and embarrassed by some of my drunken escpades. It gets better. It really does. Now, I can sit back and watch others act a fool. Those days are over for me.

scoob

That's what I mean, it's the behaviour that i'm embarrassed about and having to face those again. My family can be pretty brutally honest and will probably have a lot to say about it thinking that the "new" me should know everything they thought about my drinking.

Maybe I'm just being paranoid. I thought at one point this morning my husband might be leaving me. Tomorrow is a new day.

reed

I wouldn't worry about it. People who drink should not pass judgements on other people's drinking. People who do pass judgement on other people's drinking habits usually do it to make themselves feel better. People who publicly pass judgement on other people are ignorant. If you want to stop drinking, do it for yourself. And as for everyone else, f*ck em. They all have to go meet the maker and everyone has to do it alone, without the help of anyone else or opinions of anyone else.

If you wanna quit, do it for yourself. Its your life. Do what you want to do to be as happy as you can.

Tazman53

Say what you need to say, you owe them nothing, simply say no thanks, I am not drinking today. Do that 10 or 12 times and they will get used to you not drinking.

I thought every one would be wanting to know why I quit or saying "Thanks God you finally quit!! Well I found out that most people were one of 2 ways, they were supportive or they really did not find my sobriety all that important to them.

My getting sober was for myself, others (my family and job) benefitted from my sobriety, but there has been very little lip service paid to my sobriety either way except by a few folks seeking a solution to their own drinking problems.

I would much rather have someone say "Man I am glad you quit drinking, you were a real jerk when you did." then to have someone say "Damn you are drunk again, you are a big jerk!"

Mercedes1

For strangers (obviously not family), I have used recently "Im allergic"..which I was completely expecting..really? what in alchohol are you allergic too? Then...so why are you eating that, or sipping that as that has a form of alchohol...but actually that has worked best. Used it 3 times and everyone just accepted it and had absolutely no issues of any more questions. I also found that they didn't judge me.

Interesting comment on the cigarrettes which I feel is so a double standard..people DO congratulate folk's on other vices...cigarettes, caffeine, sugar, food..but not alchohol.

BUT, if you use it as an allergy they seem to not judge you.

BUT, I also agree with "...People who publicly pass judgement on other people are ignorant. If you want to stop drinking, do it for yourself. And as for everyone else, if they cast judgement on me, they do themselves...."Judge not that thyself be judged"....that is a GOD given truth (Bible).

Do you really think those people are going to be asking you that question if this was THEIR problem? Do you really think at the pearly gates of Heaven you will CARE what those people thought anymore the day they made you uncomfortable or do you think you will be more concerned what God thinks of you? I hope the latter!

My life (today) is not about what other people's expectations are, it is what God's is. A whole different set of ideas, values and perceptions. It is called spiritual awakening..getting myself on the right track. Try feeling sorry for these other people that don't have what you have.

sugErspun

I don't know a single person that thinks I should have continued drinking.


They saw me in action.

LosingmyMisery

Think of it this way, from this point on, there never has to be another drunken tale to tell.

Rob B

Ditto for me, the world is a better and safer place with guys like us sober and living in the solution.

mm312

I am going through the same thing. I'm totally embarassed and feel really uncomfortable and anxious facing social situations.I feel like I wish everyone would just forget about what I did, and who I was and just think positive.

I am so sick of hearing, "well I told you you should have quite," or "it's about time" or "why did it take so long?" OR WORSE "I HAVE HEARD THAT BEFORE.

I just get hopeless

Tommyh

scoob
here is what I used to do and it worked well for me

when asked if I wanted a drink,I said ,no,not today,I have something to do later,or I would say,no thanks not today.

It worked real good and no one wanted to grill me afterwards

least

What I do is to say to them what they would probably say to me, only I say it first. WHen I tell someone I've stopped drinking I add "before it kills me". Or "it's about time I quit drinking!" If you say it first, you take the words out of their mouths. What can they say but "congratulations!"

I also feel that it's their business what they say or think and I have no control over their words or feelings. I can only control myself. If they say something I don't want to hear I can ignore it. I know that's hard sometimes, but try to remember that the only person you control is yourself. Just be kind to yourself, love yourself, and know that you're doing this FOR YOURSELF and for your own good.

All the best to you!:ghug3

Rimmy

My friends could care less really... when I don't drink, I'm still a fun guy (not fungi) to hang with. My family was happy to hear... the biggest regret I have is admitting my problem and then starting up again.. I didn't just let myself down, I let them down too. But I got genuine concern (a little bit overboard and annoying) from my family.

It's better to be honest and stop hiding and sneaking and thinking nobody knows, at least that has been my experience. I'm at peace even with my mistakes if I am not lying about them.