Carried Home by my Higher Power
Carried Home by my Higher Power
Last night, I realized something that to me was really amazing.
Yesterday, I had an out of town work assignment. The meeting was in an office tower right in my old stomping grounds and on a Friday afternoon. I was presenting information at a meeting that was very important to a client. The meeting went very well. I was feeling great, confident, looking & feeling like a real professional. After the meeting, I was sitting in a coffee shop, having lunch before heading home, looking out the window right at a hotel I used to stay at during my three day binges.
The insane thinking started - "you feel good, time to let loose" ,"its been a stressful week, everyone will understand if you went out", “you always start drinking again sooner or later, why is this time any different?”, "just one night of freedom, you will be okay, nobody gets hurt", "all the cool bars & restaurants are right in front of you", you don't have to work tomorrow", "call your buddies & get a case of beer".
I can’t say that I was “white-knuckling” it. More like fiction trying to override the facts. I did make it home to my family & I went to an AA meeting last night, it was like I was being guided without really thinking about it.
It was nearing the end of the AA meeting when a thought came to me. How did I get from being in my old stomping grounds on a Friday afternoon fantasizing about drinking to an AA meeting in my home town surrounded by love & support? I could very easily have been 120 miles from home, sitting in a bar, blacked out. I shared this in my meeting and it hit a couple of people hard. Simple gratitude to be at an AA meeting, happy & sober, surrounded by caring people.
What really hit me later in the evening was that this “how did I get to an AA meeting?” feeling was the exact opposite of coming to after a three day bender and asking myself “how did I get back to this Hell yet again?” – the damage, the sickness, the self-hatred. The only answer I could come up with was that yesterday, my Creator carried me home. This is the difference between following the Creator’s path & living on self-will.
Part of my prayers yesterday morning, every morning – please carry me if I am overwhelmed. I was just so grateful to go to bed last night sober and to wake up this morning to the sounds of my kids playing. D
Yesterday, I had an out of town work assignment. The meeting was in an office tower right in my old stomping grounds and on a Friday afternoon. I was presenting information at a meeting that was very important to a client. The meeting went very well. I was feeling great, confident, looking & feeling like a real professional. After the meeting, I was sitting in a coffee shop, having lunch before heading home, looking out the window right at a hotel I used to stay at during my three day binges.
The insane thinking started - "you feel good, time to let loose" ,"its been a stressful week, everyone will understand if you went out", “you always start drinking again sooner or later, why is this time any different?”, "just one night of freedom, you will be okay, nobody gets hurt", "all the cool bars & restaurants are right in front of you", you don't have to work tomorrow", "call your buddies & get a case of beer".
I can’t say that I was “white-knuckling” it. More like fiction trying to override the facts. I did make it home to my family & I went to an AA meeting last night, it was like I was being guided without really thinking about it.
It was nearing the end of the AA meeting when a thought came to me. How did I get from being in my old stomping grounds on a Friday afternoon fantasizing about drinking to an AA meeting in my home town surrounded by love & support? I could very easily have been 120 miles from home, sitting in a bar, blacked out. I shared this in my meeting and it hit a couple of people hard. Simple gratitude to be at an AA meeting, happy & sober, surrounded by caring people.
What really hit me later in the evening was that this “how did I get to an AA meeting?” feeling was the exact opposite of coming to after a three day bender and asking myself “how did I get back to this Hell yet again?” – the damage, the sickness, the self-hatred. The only answer I could come up with was that yesterday, my Creator carried me home. This is the difference between following the Creator’s path & living on self-will.
Part of my prayers yesterday morning, every morning – please carry me if I am overwhelmed. I was just so grateful to go to bed last night sober and to wake up this morning to the sounds of my kids playing. D
Thanks Gravity, one of the most uplifting posts I've read in a long time, made me realize (again) that I am not grateful enough for the gift of sobriety God has given me. When I am not truly grateful, I lose perspective on the "what I was like, what happened, and what I am like now" continuum. When I lose that, I am vulnerable, and I need all of the defenses I can get.
Adjusting my Sails
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,021
What really hit me later in the evening was that this “how did I get to an AA meeting?” feeling was the exact opposite of coming to after a three day bender and asking myself “how did I get back to this Hell yet again?” – the damage, the sickness, the self-hatred. The only answer I could come up with was that yesterday, my Creator carried me home. This is the difference between following the Creator’s path & living on self-will.
Part of my prayers yesterday morning, every morning – please carry me if I am overwhelmed. I was just so grateful to go to bed last night sober and to wake up this morning to the sounds of my kids playing. D
Part of my prayers yesterday morning, every morning – please carry me if I am overwhelmed. I was just so grateful to go to bed last night sober and to wake up this morning to the sounds of my kids playing. D
Thank you again for the ESH.
Growing, Learning, Living
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Vacationing on earth
Posts: 836
Thank you so much for your post. I am struggling in another area right now, & your post was definately another encouragement for me to let go & let God. Give everything to Him. Thank you.
It's funny how things work out if I stay out of my own way....
Thanks for sharing what I commonly call a "God Shot".
I've found ther more I look,a nd pay attention, the more of these "little things" I see happen in my life.
Thanks for sharing what I commonly call a "God Shot".
I've found ther more I look,a nd pay attention, the more of these "little things" I see happen in my life.
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