Jumbled brain
No more merlot, more mamma
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Jumbled brain
I had a situation happen yesterday at work. There was a misunderstanding with my boss, who went beserk and was verbally attacking me, then trying to speak to her about it, all she could bring up was the things that I was doing wrong, and finished the conversation with "you'll have to think about if you want to stay". I think she would be happy if I left.
I've been there 5 months. There has been no review, it hasn't been easy for me to pick up some of the concepts needed for the job, but I have been trying my best, asking for help etc. I honestly feel that I have been "doing the next right thing" in order to succeed. Seems that what i have been doing has just been ticking her off.
I was really really upset last night. I went to a meeting. Called my sponsor. That helped. But, I can't seem to wrap my brain around this whole thing..I'm surprised that my good effort has just been, in her eyes, needing my "hand held" and "not having a positive attitude". I'm making sure that my motivations were good, and I believe that they were.
This whole thing might just be her having a bad day and taking it out on me, but now I'm questioning my choices. I'm also questioning the folks that I work with, she did say "people have said things about you". Great.
Time to look for a new job I suppose.
Thanks for letting me vent.
I've been there 5 months. There has been no review, it hasn't been easy for me to pick up some of the concepts needed for the job, but I have been trying my best, asking for help etc. I honestly feel that I have been "doing the next right thing" in order to succeed. Seems that what i have been doing has just been ticking her off.
I was really really upset last night. I went to a meeting. Called my sponsor. That helped. But, I can't seem to wrap my brain around this whole thing..I'm surprised that my good effort has just been, in her eyes, needing my "hand held" and "not having a positive attitude". I'm making sure that my motivations were good, and I believe that they were.
This whole thing might just be her having a bad day and taking it out on me, but now I'm questioning my choices. I'm also questioning the folks that I work with, she did say "people have said things about you". Great.
Time to look for a new job I suppose.
Thanks for letting me vent.
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
Aah, I'm so sorry...all I can say is that you are not alone...this will pass...worklife is a nightmare...just today my sister was sharing with me about how incredibly unfair her boss was to her, co workers 'reported' she was an ex addict (saw her NA keyring no big secret but not nice hey!) also that she took medication Wtf! My own situation - also a v difficult boss and that fractured relationship directly related to my position being made redundant...point being...you're not alone, it's often incredibly unfair don't need to leave necessarily right now - try and get some constructive suggestions in terms of what you can do differently ... and do the next right thing! You're doing the right thing - remember sober is the most important thing and even if thats our ONLY achievement for the day that's awesome!!
cathy31
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cathy31
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Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
Hi Karen
I am sorry you are dealing with such difficult circumstances. There are so many things riding on our jobs: self worth, esteem, security, connection with others, meaningfulness, just to list a few minor ones.
Your day yesterday reminds me of being a small girl standing in the surf, enjoying myself, and out of nowhere comes this rogue wave and I get knocked over, carried into the undertow and I swallow lots of seawater, fearing I may drown.
Yechh!
Well. You made it. You will be okay, no matter what. Maybe you don't belong there. or, Maybe it will all smooth over, and you'll stay there and everything will be improved in the future because of the awkward feelings that got aired yesterday.
But either way, the #1 thing is you stayed sober. You've got a program, you're using the tools it offers to live sober 1 Day At A Time, learning to live your life on life's terms and its helping. Yay, you!
I am sorry you are dealing with such difficult circumstances. There are so many things riding on our jobs: self worth, esteem, security, connection with others, meaningfulness, just to list a few minor ones.
Your day yesterday reminds me of being a small girl standing in the surf, enjoying myself, and out of nowhere comes this rogue wave and I get knocked over, carried into the undertow and I swallow lots of seawater, fearing I may drown.
Yechh!
Well. You made it. You will be okay, no matter what. Maybe you don't belong there. or, Maybe it will all smooth over, and you'll stay there and everything will be improved in the future because of the awkward feelings that got aired yesterday.
But either way, the #1 thing is you stayed sober. You've got a program, you're using the tools it offers to live sober 1 Day At A Time, learning to live your life on life's terms and its helping. Yay, you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: TX
Posts: 4
When someone says "you'll have to think about if you want to stay" that means they're thinking about wanting you to not stay. Every situation is unique but it sounds like you should start looking for a new one. Better to leave on your terms than on theirs.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 872
I know for me, sometimes God finds new places for me to practice my program -- usually work, home, and on the road driving!
Sorry you had to be subject to someone else's bad day! Does not sound like a place you would want to stay, but either way -- all you can worry about is keeping 'your side of the street' clean. You are doing the next right thing, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But thank God we have choices, and maybe it's time to look for a place your efforts are more appreciated.
Pray on it, try the best you can to give it to God, and the answers will come...
ken
Sorry you had to be subject to someone else's bad day! Does not sound like a place you would want to stay, but either way -- all you can worry about is keeping 'your side of the street' clean. You are doing the next right thing, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But thank God we have choices, and maybe it's time to look for a place your efforts are more appreciated.
Pray on it, try the best you can to give it to God, and the answers will come...
ken
No more merlot, more mamma
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
I really needed to learn something from this so here's what I came up with:
What another person thinks of me doesn't have any power over me. As long as I am right with my HP and myself that's all that matters.
Some folks you get along with better than others. Might be too different from them?
My fear of financial insecurity makes me react in fear driven ways.
I was supposed to go over my fourth and do my fifth with my sponsor tomorrow. She called tonight, has food poisoning. I was looking forward to the relief..but I guess HP has different plans for me right now. Possibly, driving home those defects before I can hand the suckers up!
I sat next to a friend in a meeting tonight. He has tons of serenity. He also has lived through his daughter being murdered. And I'm upset about my job?? Put things in perspective..
What another person thinks of me doesn't have any power over me. As long as I am right with my HP and myself that's all that matters.
Some folks you get along with better than others. Might be too different from them?
My fear of financial insecurity makes me react in fear driven ways.
I was supposed to go over my fourth and do my fifth with my sponsor tomorrow. She called tonight, has food poisoning. I was looking forward to the relief..but I guess HP has different plans for me right now. Possibly, driving home those defects before I can hand the suckers up!
I sat next to a friend in a meeting tonight. He has tons of serenity. He also has lived through his daughter being murdered. And I'm upset about my job?? Put things in perspective..
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
You know, I have learnt that people who judge others are insecure. You may very well be doing so good at your job, she is running scared.
I would actually take this all as a positive - use it to your advantage. Think about what she said and learn by it.
Whatever you do, dont let people bully you into to questioning yourself. You know your skills and achievements, so go girl...
I would actually take this all as a positive - use it to your advantage. Think about what she said and learn by it.
Whatever you do, dont let people bully you into to questioning yourself. You know your skills and achievements, so go girl...
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
*I* think you did a great job of keeping your priorties, Karen -
the whole thing sounded more like a tantrum than a WORK thing.
one little teeny thing -
it's hard for others to manipulate us when we're strong in our program -
so they tend to pitch tantrums and 'blow up' because we don't fall for their manipulations....
it's that whole -
'talk to me like a grown up or ... play with it outside'
thing.
We learn how to do that when we work the steps -
the bad news is ...
a LOT of other people -
even those supposedly IN the program - P
don't get that.
remember too -
like the BB says - 'we've got a new employer' ...
so let the universe .. unfold.
the whole thing sounded more like a tantrum than a WORK thing.
one little teeny thing -
it's hard for others to manipulate us when we're strong in our program -
so they tend to pitch tantrums and 'blow up' because we don't fall for their manipulations....
it's that whole -
'talk to me like a grown up or ... play with it outside'
thing.
We learn how to do that when we work the steps -
the bad news is ...
a LOT of other people -
even those supposedly IN the program - P
don't get that.
remember too -
like the BB says - 'we've got a new employer' ...
so let the universe .. unfold.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Karen I have had that happen to me in the past, I gave it a little time for me to get beyond the shock and them to get beyond what ever reason they had for thier blow up.
It appears as though you are beyond the shock and doing what you need to do. I have actually gone in and simply asked them if everything was okay after they calmed down, this has always wound up as an opening for them to make amends, if not to at least explain what they were upset about in a calmer more mature manner.
Just try and open a door of communication between you and your boss, I have a feeling it may prove helpful for both of you.
Just keep your program first and it will in the long run come out okay, you know you are doing better, do not let a butt chewing set you back.
It appears as though you are beyond the shock and doing what you need to do. I have actually gone in and simply asked them if everything was okay after they calmed down, this has always wound up as an opening for them to make amends, if not to at least explain what they were upset about in a calmer more mature manner.
Just try and open a door of communication between you and your boss, I have a feeling it may prove helpful for both of you.
Just keep your program first and it will in the long run come out okay, you know you are doing better, do not let a butt chewing set you back.
No more merlot, more mamma
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Boss is out till Thursday. Got some positive feedback from coworkers. One pharmacist who is leaving even told me that he wished he could take me with him, and has offered his professional reference for me in the future. I spoke to a rep at a job I applied for and that went very well. I spent a productive day at work, and was able to go home and spend some relaxed, happy, silly time with my kids.
Most importantly, I was struggling with giving up my will to my HP around this issue, and I have finally been able to do it and have that peace.
Have I told my SR family how much you guys mean to me?
Most importantly, I was struggling with giving up my will to my HP around this issue, and I have finally been able to do it and have that peace.
Have I told my SR family how much you guys mean to me?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Wow, that's a tough one.
I know that before recovery, I was convinced everyone was out to get me. I was unfairly accused of many things, and above all, I was never appreciated !
The steps taught me otherwise, and today I am truely a "worker among workers". I have no driving ambition to prove I'm better than, or rise to the top. I simply try to be of service, and the results seem to be speakng for themselves. I've been converted from contract to employee (with benifits) at a major utility company. I'll probably retire here.
It seems you too have been walking the walk. Maybe this particular job is just not a good fit for you.
Remember, although we're not the superhuman, irreplacable company savers we lke to think we are (speaking for myself), we do have skills. Combine that with a good program of recovery and the Big Book is right. "Most alcoholics have higher than average earning potential...."
Hang in there. Pray, take action, and let God determone the outcome. That's what I've been doing.
I know that before recovery, I was convinced everyone was out to get me. I was unfairly accused of many things, and above all, I was never appreciated !
The steps taught me otherwise, and today I am truely a "worker among workers". I have no driving ambition to prove I'm better than, or rise to the top. I simply try to be of service, and the results seem to be speakng for themselves. I've been converted from contract to employee (with benifits) at a major utility company. I'll probably retire here.
It seems you too have been walking the walk. Maybe this particular job is just not a good fit for you.
Remember, although we're not the superhuman, irreplacable company savers we lke to think we are (speaking for myself), we do have skills. Combine that with a good program of recovery and the Big Book is right. "Most alcoholics have higher than average earning potential...."
Hang in there. Pray, take action, and let God determone the outcome. That's what I've been doing.
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