Getting Over the Wreckage
 

Hello all.

I've been dealing with a lot of depression in early recovery, and unfortunately I'm perpetually stuck in early recovery thanks to a strong proclivity to relapse. That said, I've got a good program now, 3+ months sober and working steps.

However, I can't move past the mistakes and consequences of my bottom last summer. I spent a lot of money and had even more stolen from me (when drunk and drugged), I lost my fiancee and apartment, and I almost lost my job.

I can't get my mind off the money. Even though I'm financially OK and employed (and very lucky in that way), I can't forgive myself for pissing away so much of what I worked so hard for.

I know we've all lost a lot in our addiction--I'm hoping you can share some tips for moving past big losses and getting on with life.

Right now I'm drowning my sorrows in smokes and fast food and getting nowhere fast :)

Thanks.

The way I look at it, getting my sobriety is like winning the lottery. Can't put a price on it.

mrhodes !!!!!

long time; no type to !!!!

Great job on being sober, hon!!! good for you!!!

I don't really have any great answers - sometimes the whole $$$ thing from like .. a lifetime of not being GOOD with money... well, being good at hanging ON to it that is .. sometimes - it eats at me ... but that's a matter of getting back into the moment.


What 'cha doing service - wise while working the steps anyhow?

maybe time to become chief bottle washer or something?
give someone rides to and from meetings ...
volunteer at the library or animal shelter...

mow the little old lady down the street's lawn?
and not tell her it was you did it?

something like that maybe??

great to see you!

TIME HEALS

every one MAKES MISTAKES, WE GROW FROM THEM.

To get out of self-pity do some service work. Work with another alcoholic. It is the foundation stone of our (AA) recovery. Helping those who suffer, not only helps you get out of self, but can be humbling. When proactively doing something productive, you have less time indulging in self-pity, selfishness, self-reliance, and all the other forms of self that tend to get us in trouble.


Tom

well i kind know how you feel i spend 300,000 from a car accident i got in, and spent it all on drugs booze and traveling for 5 months thought i pretty much have to accept it but **** it, its gone nothing you can do about it, it was fun while it lasted

HI! :)

This i s what is going to set you free...keep doing the steps,working your program...read the Promises :

The AA Promises


If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not.

They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

They will always materialize if we work for them.

Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous
First Edition

Just keep doing it - this will pass...I hardly ever think about all the wasteage of money in my past...it would be horrifying to dwell on it, but I've made my amends, I've forgiven myself and I hope moved on to do better...

When I knew better, I did better - Maya Angelou :Val004:

cathy31
x

I use to spend money and use credit cards like a fool when I was active. It took me 5 years to get out of the mess I was in. I also got a large amount from a grandparent dying and bought new furniture for my house only to get divorced and had to leave it there. I try to look at the bright side of things and learn from my mistakes. I also made lots of money amends in sobriety that took some of my inheritance and poof it was all gone. Today I'm not perfect with money,but I'm a lot better than I was. I guess you could ask yourself if you learned from your mistakes or could you improve. I too like the promises about fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us. I think that statement means that if we follow the steps in all of our affairs then we will not have to worry that we are pissing away money on drinking and drugging that we can use for food,bills... It means a lot more too like not worrying if we live in a high priced lifestyle or that if we live lower,we can have acceptance of the lower lifesyle. Our needs will be met some how or another if we trust in God and keep our side of the street clean. I know for me that I work and get paid and if I was drinking I could not work due to hangovers thus making me worry about money. I think it is healthy to have regrets only to use them as a stepping stone to not let things happen again. I have several regrets and cringe at the thought of my behavior,but I don't dwell on them. I can only do what I can do today to build a better future.

I lost everything while drinking. I even got a divorce I should've/could've worked through. Sobriety is priceless, but yes, sometimes we have to lose it all to get it. Drinking ruined my life, but we only have the choices we've made.

I'm happier today. Regretful but happier. When I am reminded of the past, it is the biggest trigger, but I work through it. Life might be hard now, but it's worth it now.

One step at a time.
Keep working the steps and keep helping others.
When you learn how to forgive others you will begin to forgive yourself.
:bounce

Are you working the AA steps or are you working another program? AA shows you how to write out and share your resentments, shortcomings and wreckage with another person. It is part of the process of clearing away all of your mental baggage caused by your alcoholism.

I am just on the edge of doing that with my sponsor and he is guiding me through the process. I am not sure how other programs achieve this but maybe others on the site can help out with that.

No matter what, dealing with the wreckage is going to be tough but you are sober now, and for me at least, that means that I am not adding to the list of stuff I did. That's a good start.

Hey there, i cant really say i have gotten too down over money i've lost through boozing- but i can identify so much with the depression in early sobriety and indulgence in fags and food! Howeve the depression never lasts too long and as the days go by i am getting happier. This is because i am doing what people who have posted suggested- i remeber what i am grateful for. Gratitude is v . important i believe- it keeps away self pity/anger and resentment. I also do productive things so i am kept busy and not dwelling on 'poor' me lol.Keep strong it will get easier for us i believe i we do whats suggested and be positive - its not always easy but its worth it! I can see that in all the examples we have of good sobriety on S.R and, for me, in A.A.

I too have pissed away more money than I'd like to think about while drunk. The thing about money though is you can always get more of it. I'm just happy to be alive at this point because there were a few times when drinking that I seriously contemplated suicide - I mean I was ready to pull the trigger. That happened twice. Just ask yourself would you rather be broke or dead? I know my answer.

I often feel like the hole I created is too big to ever climb out of. I sometimes don't even care anymore and drink for a temporary peace. I admit that I am powerless over alcohol, my life sucks so what's the point.

You can climb out of it. If you quit drinking. You are not going to make headway, or find a solution, as long as you are drinking. We lose our ambition, our motivation, our rationale thinking, while drinking. Of course we aren't going to change our lives. Our drinking is sabotaging our good intentions.

However, stop drinking and see what happens. Your life sucks because of your drinking. We feel sorrow and shame because we need to make changes, but drinking prevents us from doing so. We drink to escape and the cycle continues because of our shame and guilt. See the connection here? I still have wreckage, but I'm grateful for the knowledge and strength I've gained getting to the point that I'm at today. Have hope and trust in a solution. Drinking and feeling sorry for ourselves is a pointless, miserable cycle. It takes time to clean up our messes, but it can be done if we stay sober. Drinking only creates a bigger hole.

Ah Yes!
The high cost of low living!

:laughing:....I too knew it well.

Congratulations on your progress
:hug:

I'm kind of a 12 Stepper myself. Best way I've found to deal with the harsh realities that life comes with. That includes past and present.

first,you did not lose anything,you traded it for a drink..take responsibility for your drinking.

you can recover most of that stuff if you get to work on it
if you go back to drinking,you never will gain it back,you`ll go further in the hole and it will prove to be your grave.Sobriety first,one day at a time..

first rule of holes
when you are in one,quit digging!

second,keep your mind on the here and now,in today!

third,be grateful for what you have got,not sad for what you don`t have

Thanks all. I'm actively working steps, in the middle of #9 right now. I've stepped up my service commitments and will likely start looking for sponsees once I graduate from business school next month. I've got a lot to be thankful for, and gratitude lists have been helpful.

Ultimately, time and more money are the best solutions here, and as long as I don't drink I can accumulate both.