timeforchange

Hello all. I've never posted in this forum. I'm on and off of this site constantly lately though.. I. quit trying to stay sober, so I stay away for a few days. Now I'm so sick with myself for the drinking I've been doing, I NEED to change. I HAVE GOT TO KEEP TRYING. And I need to try harder. I dont know how to do it though...I mean, I can't seem to convince myself NOT to drink. I'm stuck in a rut. It only takes an instant for me to go from 'I'm not going to drink' to, 'ok, let's get drunk!' It shouldn't be that hard. My boyfriend is not a drinker, and he's supportive of everything I do. He would help me if I told him I was serious. I just need to be honest with myself, and quit half-a**ing this. I'm so sick of feeling like this!!! I'm so sick of having to alter my mind in some way every single day.

justanothrdrunk

Instead of trying to convince yourself not to drink, just try to be more useful to others.

And I don't necessarily mean other alcoholics - step 12 stuff.

Sometimes when I seek to be more useful, everything sort of falls into place.

warrens

Hey TFC

You WILL do it. I have no doubt...

Keep writing here, talk with your man, go to meetings.

It's hard to know, but it seems like you haven't quite reached the "moment." The moment when everything Else falls away and you are left only with courage. It will happen. I can feel it welled up inside of you.

Immerse yourself in support and then do it for YOU. Not anyone else. You. Because YOU deserve it. Now, just focus on WANTING and NEEDING it because it is so much better. Don't focus on what you will miss. Focus on what you will gain.

Coming to terms with such a change is an evolution. It takes time. Few of us had an AHA! and suddenly quit. Don't usually work like that. It is a process. You've begun the process. Just keep going forward.

Peace and serenity to you,

warrens

SF69

Hey TCF! What you wrote was the key for me. Before, I was never completely honest with myself, so therefore, I'd would do half-hearted, half-a**ed attempts. I'd last a week, maybe 10 days, then back to the old routine.

When I was finally honest, I admitted I couldn't do it on my own. I got help here and at AA, now I'm on day 61.

You can do it! It's nice not feeling 'that way'.

Tazman53

Timeforchange, please do not give up, keep working at it, check out different recovery programs.

Do not disregard any program without looking into it, keep trying differnt programs until you find one that works for you.

When you see someone trashing another program that you see so many others having success with ask your self a question, why did they trash a program that has worked for others?

I am a recovered alcoholic, I care about other alcoholics who are still struggling, I encourage any one who is struggling to try EVERY program out there until they find one that works for them.

I will not trash any program, because what may not have worked for me may very well be the program that saves someone elses life.

We are here to support each other not trash each others programs.

Good programs do not trash other programs, they don't need to.

People are attracted to programs by the people who have found long term sobriety using them, not by the people using a program trashing other programs.

NoMoBeer

Sorry you are going through this. There is a solution. For me, it's AA... I see so much of myself in your post -- the self that went through the bottom to get to AA and get sober. You don't have to keep TRYING, you need to start DOING. I found that to be the difference in me staying drunk or staying sober. My solution comes from a Power greater than myself. I knew "Ken" could not keep Ken sober.

Having a boyfriend who is supportive is such a blessing -- don't overlook that -- give him some support by doing something about your drinking. Go to AA, get a sponsor, and get to work. That's how I stay sober. You also mention half-a**ing -- we call it half measures, same thing. "Half measures availed us nothing."

If you truly are at the point of really being sick of this crap, and yes -- you do need to be honest with yourself. That is key to recovery...

We're here if you need us, but nothing compares with face to face interaction with other alcoholics and doing the work necessary to recover...

Ken

Anna

Hi,

I understand your frustration and I, too could go from No, I won't drink to buying a bottle of wine, in a split second.

Try to focus on the positive. Something that helped me a lot in the beginning was to make changes in my daily routine. If you normally drink in the evening, for example, make a plan to go to out for a long walk, go to a movie, call a friend, anything that will take your mind off drinking for a few minutes. It helps and each day you can get through gets a little easier.

CarolD

...Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum

Please read this link and see what is
happening to your brain and body.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

When I read that book, I took the information
re-connected with God and AA....and finally quit drinking.

AA=Awesome Adventures.....

nandm

Don't give up hope. A large percentage of all those who are in recovery have come to the point you are at. For me it was find a way to live without drinking or just get it over with. I could not face life the way it was any longer. Because I was to that point I was able to go to any lengths to find that sobriety. That meant being willing to give a program that spoke about "God" a try. Fortunately, I found out that they weren't refering to the "God" I had been raised with but rather any Power greater than myself I could believe existed. I started with electricity (it is definately stronger than me as it can kill me, I can not see it although I can see what it produces, I can not competely understand how it works, etc...) this concept worked for me for a while. By realizing that there was something stronger than myself it helped right size me to realize that I could not do the sobriety thing alone, I needed help, I needed direction, I needed support. I found all those things and have not looked back since. My concept of that Higher Power has evolved considerable since those early beginings for me. I do hope you stick around and participate in the miracle of sobriety. You can be a part of it. Reach out, find a recovery program that works for you, there is a list at the top of this forum of different recovery programs. I hope to see more of you and have the opportunity to see you grow and find peace in sobriety.

Pilgrim

Hi there TFC.

Your post reminded me how it was for me. Everyone here understands and we want you to be ok. You might not believe it but when an ex drunk sees someone in your position going through these struggles, we feel huge love for you. In my programme, we are praying for you to be ok.

I found the stuff CarolD referred to really helpful. I didn't know why I was so powerless around alcohol when I didn't think I was a weak person generally.

Here is the test. There are two questions.

When you start drinking, can you control the amount you will drink or are you unsure how it will end? I found sometimes I could and sometimes I couldn't. Then if you truely decide not to drink, do you find you cannot stick to that decision? I would make promises to people and not be able to keep them. I would decide to do something else but I found myself making excuses and drinking again.

It was not hard for other people to stop or not start but for me, it was impossible. If I had to stop once I started (like going back to work after a few at lunch), sometimes, it took this super human strength and I was then obsessed about the next drink after work. I started having blackouts and not remembering how I got home.

In the end, I needed to ask for help. It came. Your first step was coming here so congratulations.

Signal30

Stop trying. Do it instead. Yes, I know it doesnt sound simple, but it actually is. There are many recovery centers and treatment programs out there. For me, AA is keeping me sober. If I was to only try to go my first meeting I would of never walked through the doors. I just had to simply do it. Any accomplishments in our lives were not actually tried, they were done. If you needed to get something done and you were successful, you did it. It's that simple. We had to have the willingness, (which actually is another word for motivation). It was that willingness or motivation that got us off our a$$ and started to do something about it.

I really don't think it get more simpler than that.

God speed!


Tom

tennis71

You are getting there. I think the moment I was ready was when I could answer the question - what am I willing to do to not drink?

lovingseren

Early sobriety is tough, we took a while to get sick, we will take a while to get better, it takes commitment, effort and support from yourself, as well as from others.

Attitude and thinking play a huge role in our recoveries, look for positives, stay outta the ditch of despair, forward motion >>>>>>>

Just don't pick up that first drink......simple but true.

Eat often, small snacks of protein and carbs, eggs and toast, peanut butter and crackers, cheese snacks.....they keep the sugar levels on an even keel, and keep cravings down to a dull roar......drink lots of water, rest as much as you can, have a good cry every so often, then come here and learn and share.

Seren

timeforchange

This is EXACTLY how I am.

sugErspun

That is pretty close to the AA defiinition of an alcoholic.

You may not be able to quit on your own.

That is not saying you cannot recover- it's saying left to my own devices, I am doomed. Cause alcoholism will eventually kill (see the thread about that intervention show - that kid was 34 years old, dead.)

Paulos

Timeforchange, all my sympathy/strength goes with you...

SkippyD

I reached a point in my drinking where I was experiencing blackouts, loss of control, and driving drunk. The morning after I hated myself and wanted to die, yet I genuinely wanted to stop drinking. I asked my doctor to give me Antabuse and he did, these are the lengths I am willing to go to in order to stop. Antabuse does nothing unless you drink then if you do drink, you become seriously ill and in some cases you can die, that sure is an incentive for me. I had reached a point in my drinking where I was out of control and I needed more than AA, nothing seemed to reach me. Now I am taking Antabuse, going to AA and visiting this site every day. I am on day 4 and already I am feeling better, I am actually eating real food and just came back from the gym. Thank you for your post, your despair is obvious and it reminds me that I am just a drink away from being there again, don't want to be, I want to be happy. Alcohol is a poison to me and I want to stay away from it. Feel better.

barb dwyer

timefor -

your post reads to me more like - you're learning.

not that you can't do this = I don't read that at all...

just that you're realizing you might not be able to do this ...

.. alone.

most of us on this site couldn't quit drinking alone.

That's what we're here for. You already aren't alone.
You never have to drink again. that... can start now.

If you want that.

tanyapmc

It sounds like you are where I was in the end. I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. Although, I know it's a sucky place to be, it is also what it took for me to get clean and sober. I would suggest you go to an AA meeting. You will meet people there who understand why you keep drinking when you hate everything about it.

Sportster

Timeforachange...Welcome to the club. I feel like we are in the same boat.
There is hope if you listen to the good advice here and hang on.
I keep trying myself and the one thing I'm certain of is that I will keep on trying but that is all I'm certain of.