Shame Of Being An Alcoholic
 

I cannot seem to get rid of the shame of being an alcoholic/addict. I sometimes feel as if the hole I dug is too great. I am powerless over drugs/alcohol, my life is unmanagable and I just don't care. I have been told that I am lucky to be alive. Am I grateful? I guess a little bit. I think that it's a start. The question I guess I am getting at is how did you people forgive yourself?

Tiburon

that's where the spiritual aspect comes in



I know I'm somebody cause, God don't make junk!!

Alcoholics don't have the corner market on doing bad things to them selves or to other people.

I learned that there is nothing for me to be ashamed of. I am an alcoholic, I have brown hair, I have PTSD, and I have blue eyes nothing there for me to be ashamed of. Being an alcoholic does not make me a bad person. Yes, I have done some things that I could be ashamed of while I was drinking but I have learned to separate the act from the person.

Yes, many times in society people will judge others because they have a mental health issue or an alcoholic. What others think of me is really not my problem or my business. What is my business is how I treat others and myself today. Today when I make a mistake or harm someone I am quick to repair the damage done.

If you have not done a Fourth Step inventory and a Fifth Step I would strongly suggest it as it will relieve you of this feeling of shame if you are honest with it.

You are a worthwhile person. Don't give up yet, a new life is just around the corner waiting on you to go there.

tib

we all work through these feelings, of shame, remorse, guilt and ick. thats what it means to "recover". Not drinking is merely abstaining. growing is actually what happens after we put the drink dowen and get to work. Into action...we are recovering, or reclaiming, our true selves from the darkness of the disease. bringing our selves into the sunlight of the spirit.

How did I do it? through the spiritual principles of the ages as outlined in the 12 steps of AA. These include honesty, acceptance, surrender, service, I feel are very essential ones.

Honesty, for me includes gaining a balanced perspective on my role in past events and circumstances. Shame is replaced by willingness to make a course correction from this point forward, to make living amends in all areas of life.

Acceptance for me includes accepting the past as the past. Accepting that I did the best I could and vowing to do better. Moving onward into brighter days.

Surrender for me involves turning my will and my life to the care of god. This has become the daily rhythm of my life. No shame no mo.

It will get better Tiburon, you are in the process of recovery and healing. And I'm glad you are here with us!

All my guilt and remorse were over
when I finished Steps 4 & 5.

That's all I know
:)

You have begun your journey and you can give yourself credit for that.

One day at a time.

No shame in alcoholism. Millions of us out there, mostly hiding.

Great joy and pride in recovery.

jane

Hey Tiburon,

No shame in recovery. Recovery is an accomplishment that I don't get to take all the credit for.

I am ashamed of some of the things I did during my 25 years of drinking and extremely not proud of others. I can't go back and change the past though, and that past is not a good for me to live. The only way I can forgive myself, make amends to myself, is to change my behavior and my attitude so that I don't repeat the past. Obviously, this starts with not drinking but it also goes further than just not drinking.

I have to echo the other comments about the 4th and 5th step. I didn't think they would make a difference before I did them but doing them made a big difference for me.

Remember we can't change everything in one day but every day in recovery is change. If you stay sober, do at least one thing to enhance your recovery, and do nothing to jeopardize it, today will go into the books as a successful day.

Tib we have all been right where you are at right now.

The 4th & 5th I found were key for me.

I had to find and beleive in a Power greater then myself that I understood.

In order to be humble enough to demonstrate that there was a Power Greater then me, I had to be able to forgive myself for my past because my HP had already forgiven me! Who was I to refuse to forgive myself when a Power far greater then me had already forgiven me?

The 4th & 5th steps are so hard to get started on, we sit there not wanting to write down all the people we had harmed, all of our resentments, all of our defects of character, our fears, etc.

Funny thing, but once I had honestly written all of those horrible things I had done and read them over I came to the realization, that yes I had done some pretty bad stuff, but I was actually not a bad person at all, I even had some decent qualities about me.

Doing that inventory allowed me to see that I had quite a bit of work to do on myself, but not as much as I originally felt I had to do.

The 5th step was no where near as bad as I thought it would be, once I had written it all down I realized that I was not Hitler, I was not a rapist, a pediphile, nor a murderer, sure I had done some pretty bad stuff, but not nearly as bad as I some how made it to be in my head. My sponsor asked me for my deepest darkest secret, I told him and he did not hit me in the face and tell me to leave his house, he did not say "My God how in the hell could you have done that and dare tell me about it?" He just looked at me and said "Thats it?"!!!!

Funny thing, I had been carrying that around with me for 40 years, it was a true burden, but once I told him...... it was gone!!!!

When we finished my 5th step I felt like the wieght of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders.

Tib trust me when I say that once you get throught the 4th and 5th with a sponsor all of that shame and guilt will be gone.

Today I have no shame or guilt in saying I am a recovered alcoholic, I had a whole lot of guilt and shame while I was drinking.

Alcoholism is a disease, that is a medical fact, not speculation, nobody wakes up one morning and says "Hey, I think I will drink until I become an alcoholic!"

There is no shame in having a disease, there is shame if you have a disease, know you have it, and do not even try to do something about it if there is something you can do about it.

Well, I know my answer isn't for everyone, but I forgave myself through Jesus Christ. I'm also a member of AA but I tend to see the AA program as a form of christianity, to me it has the same message that JC gave us. One of the messages given by christianity is that he died so that we could live and be forgiven. Of course alot of people who are much more learned than me might argue that he didn't die on the cross and so on but I've decided that for me that doesn't matter. Its the spirit of christ developed over the years by human beings who have also been in touch with a higher power. Christianity gives a solution for human guilt (which as Captainzing points out, isn't exclusive to alkies). Guilt has been around for a long time - you are not alone.

Christianity and the AA way of living is logical too really. It teaches us how to get on with people so we can all have a better life and it gives us a way of getting rid of guilt (may have to work on this - doesn't always happen over night). If we don't get rid of it we can't live properly and that spirit of life wants us to live and embrace life!

I find it helpful to know that I am not alone, people have been feeling like this for thousands of years and a solution has been found because people have spent so much to find it.

I rejoice in the fact I am an alcoholic! How else could I help others? What would motivate me to work on myself?
I went through every thing in my life to be where I am today. Live the steps and you will no longer regret your past.

I slipped yesterday and can't foargive myself. I understand where you're at right now. I'm sorry i can't be more supportive. we need to take little steps toward our goal - being completely sober. I wish I could be more help but I'm trying to pull myself up right now. you are in my thoughts.

cut & dry- all humans have shame and guilt. Its part of the human condition. We just have to keep on. No reason to get caught up in it. Ya get caught up in it & no good will come of it. For all the badness us people do, there is usually some goodness too. Just try to do more good than bad.

Don't make the same mistake over again & please clean up after your dog, hehe.

Well i get off the pity pot and go to meetings, work the steps and try to help the alcoholic who is doing worse off than me

What do you mean? How does one get off the pity pot? How do you help the alcoholic who is worse off than you? How do you work the steps?

What's to be ashamed of? I think acceptance is the answer here. Being Powerless over Alcohol is something we can't control. It's not something we have a choice in and it happens to a small percentage of us. That's life!!
I do know one thing. This stuff has the power to destroy me and all those that I come in contact with. It almost did too. I now have a handle on something that used to be my master. I think in this moment of triumph I can call myself a Winner and that outweighs a lot of negative that I have suffered in the past.
Knowing that I have put it behind me, along with the person it caused me to become leaves me with "No Regrets"

When I asked for help I acknowledged a power greater than myself. Turned out that power has been working my entire life...I believe it led me to recovery by getting me arrested twice in three nights (the second time of which I assaulted a cop) just over six months ago.

Before that I mostly spent my drinking hours in my apartment, drinking alone, "not hurting anybody." I am grateful for what happened to me, because I know that, had I not been shocked with that extreme (for me) instance of material unmanageability, I would not come into recovery and probably would have continued along the path I was on and died from alcoholism at age 50 (or before) just like my dad did.

Today I can be of service to another alcoholic by chairing a meeting for the first time like I did 2 1/2 hours ago.

I just completed my fourth step under the guidance of my second sponsor and am doing my fifth on Saturday with my first sponsor (I sort of have two because of logistics and geography). I am not even halfway through and I am already amazed.

Being an alcoholic has lead me to acceptance and many great things in life. I'm finally able to discover who I really am. Yeah, there is shame, but there is also great gratitude that comes along with it. It takes time, but as you continue with your sobriety, you will find it.

I'm fairly new to sobriety and echo what others have posted.

The healing power of time
Working on the steps
Prayer

I still get incredibly sad waves of guilt (because of my past behaviour, not because I'm an alcoholic), particularly when I think about the pain I caused my wife & loved ones. While I can't take back the pain, I can keep them safe & try to give them some happiness & peace by staying sober, working on my sobriety, and doing my best to be a good husband, dad, relative & friend. When I feel at my worst, I do get on my knees & pray - and I always feel better, more accepting of my flawed but human self.