Paulos

Thanks all, appreciate all the input. I even have to sleep in my mother's room now I'm so pitifully insecure/fearful and scared about life, but yeah staying sober is important... just got to keep at it... and I know now that just because alcohol may have helped me in the past it's not the answer for my problems, recovery is the answer. So... thanks.

User_Name

Nearly 100% of alcoholics and addicts I know oppose everything that they are told to do. A lot of times if I am told to do something I won't do it (recovery-wise).

If it is suggested, there is a greater possibility that I will do it, since then it seems as if I made the decision to do it rather than being told to do it. Your addict mind (and mine) likes to tell me that I am fine, and I don't have to do something even if it is good for me. My alcoholic mind wants me to drink.

I strongly suggest a recovery program. AA has worked well for me. I need to learn how to live with an alcoholic mind without alcohol.

Just because you put the drink down doesn't mean everything automatically gets better. For me it got worse for a bit and if it weren't for a recovery program I would have drank again. You keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. If you want it bad enough you may have to try something different.

Boater62

Hey Paulos, however you get to sobriety doesn't matter. But in my humble experience, beating the disease of alcoholism is like trying to beat Bobby Fisher at chess. Don't be afraid to have a Plan B to get into a program if you can't do it on your own.

Cheers and good luck - JR

tkdan

Hey Paulos, how are things going with you? Weekends were always big tests for me when I was trying to abstain. Do you have a plan for the weekend? I found it helpful to plan it out in advance. Oh and to answer your question, of coarse you are welcome here. Hang in there man I was there I know what you are going through.

paulmh

You're more than welcome Paulos you're loved. Please keep trying to find your way to living a life with some peace and growth and happiness in it. In that regard you're no different from any one of us.

collinsmi

Of course you're welcome! It just hurts to see you struggle.

LosingmyMisery

Of course you are welcome. May I ask you why you don't have a program? Your way doesn't seem to be working. If I had a nickel for every time I said I won't do it again...you know how it goes. It is the nature of the beast. Most of us continue to do it again until we learn how to break the cycle.

There are options to choose from. I think working a program would help you get your mind off of your situation. You could focus on a positive solution and get better as a result. You are worth working on yourself and recovery. You keep coming back so we know you want this. Now...do it!!!

Paulos

I'm just scared to use a program, I'm anti social and feel I'm hopeless.

Grace2u

Paulos,

You are very welcome here!! Glad to have you with us.

I can identify with your fears about going to your first AA meeting. It was scary for me too. I venture too guess there are many members here who felt the same way the first time. The thought of walking into a meeting when you don't know anyone can be terrifying.

One idea for you: if you live in a large enough community, it is likely there could be an AA helpline. They are usually listed in the white pages of the phone book. You could call and ask for info about meetings in your area (and you don't have to give your name). Ask for an "Open" meeting, and see if there's one for your age group. You can go to the meeting and you don't have to say a single word to anyone!

It's very common for people with our illness to feel "hopeless" at one point or another. But the truth is, there is always hope. Reach out, just a little bit, and you will get all the help you need. That's why this program works. We help each other.

Welcome to SoberRecovery (SR).:ghug3

LosingmyMisery

I was afraid and felt hopeless too. There is always hope. Maybe you could start by attending some online meetings.

NothingToLose

I'm with you, paulos. I've been to AA a few times, and just felt its miserably ineffective. It was long after I shunned the place, that I read the statistics are horrible regarding AA... a 12% success rate or something like that. If that number is true, I totally believe it.

I think you and I are in the same boat and I totally relate with you. Perhaps we could exchange #'s and talk sometime. Expectations of people who do not understand you or empathize will ultimately not be of much help if when someone is still confused about things, I know this by now.

I also think that some of us just aren't comfortable being categorized as 'alcoholic'. I don't like labels. I genuinely believe that alot of people are driven to do certain things as a matter of bad circumstances, lack of education, and poor resources given in relation to ones situation.

I'll pm you my #. My phone is off for the nite but you can call anytime tomorrow if you like. I could use a 'pick me up' as well.

Best of luck to ya. And I hope everyone keeps an open mind on this topic and understands that a militarized program like AA just doesn't work for everyone.

nandm

Quote:

Originally Posted by NothingToLose

Best of luck to ya. And I hope everyone keeps an open mind on this topic and understands that a militarized program like AA just doesn't work for everyone.

It is unfortunate that you feel you had a negative experience with AA. As I have stated repeatedly to Paulo's there are many recovery programs other than AA.

I have been a member of AA for 7 years now and do not find it to be in any way a militaristic program, obviously your experience and my experience are two very different things.

I wish you continued success with your recovery and do hope that one day you will realize that all recovery programs have there good and bad points. That is what makes it nice there is such a variety of them out there, if one does not work for a person then there are plenty others out there to try. None of which have any statistics, good or bad, that I believe. Especially when it comes to statistics about AA which is an anoymous program so nearly impossible to accurately gain any statistics about.

NothingToLose

The reason I say militarized, is because the structure of the AA program is simply unrealistic for most, especially creative types. There has got to be a better way, and I am determined to find it. AA doesn't work for me.

Tazman53

You know I was in the military and I am in AA now, I can not honestly draw one single similarity between the 2?

There is no leadership in AA, there darn sure is in the military.

There are no rules in AA, there darn sure is in the military, that seems to be all there is.

You can come and go as you please in AA, you can't in the military.

You can quit or join AA when ever you like, you can't do that in the military.

Please explain to me the similarities between AA and the military?

BTW we have all told Paulos everything posotive about all recovery programs and nothing negative about any recovery program.

We are here to support each other in our individual chosen paths to recovery, not to pass judgement on other programs.

nandm

Did you read my mind Taz? You said it perfectly except for the part of being in the military, instead I was the wife of a Marine for 6 years. I for one have shared repeatedly with Paulos that there are other recovery programs available and even placed the link to the list in my posts over and over again.

Negativity about any recovery program is counterproductive to the alcoholic who still suffers. Why take away from something that may save someone elses life? Why discourage them from trying something that may save their life? Makes no sense to me.

Just for the record I am a creative, artistic type. I do oil painting, drawing, woodworking, etc... AA has not reflected negatively on that at all, in fact it is the reason I am able to do those things again.

Rob B

Yeah, coming up with your own personal conception of God is uncreative.

So AA doesn't work for you? Fair enough. I'm assuming you make that statement after having gone through the 12 steps with a recovered alcoholic.

I suspect you have contempt prior to investigation. If I am wrong, I apologize now and wish you and Paulos both well, maybe you can create your own program.

NothingToLose

I didn't know how the place was going to be prior to going there. If that answers your question. And I've never been in the military, so perhaps it was a poor comparison. But the place just wasn't for me.

RufusACanal

nothingtolose,

Are you speaking for all creative people or simply for yourself? There are many highly creative artist members of AA, in fact probably more so than in any member organization. Why, because we all have something in common, Alcoholism. Personal discipline, routine, commitment, self-sacrifice are all parts of living free of an EGO that refuses to acknowledge the lie that is Alcoholism. If there is a way for you to recover your way, I wish you luck, but you have not crossed ground that many of us have already walked. Rebel I was for many years, when I surrendered, I became free. Maybe your perceptions are simply unrealistic; rebellion tends to color everything red. Best to you.

sugErspun

I have met more actors, musicians, artists (painting and whatnot) etc, in AA than any other place I have spent a lot of time.

A few highly successful actors and musicians, you won't get their names from me though.

paulmh

Sorry brother, but that almost made me **** myself laughing.

Listen good luck with the quest. There are lots of alternative recovery programmes listed here - http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...cular-web.html

Maybe is you approach them with a little less prejudice than you show towards AA you might make some progress.