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-   -   One last big bender for closure? (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/alcoholism/145275-one-last-big-bender-closure.html)

justanothrdrunk 03-04-2008 12:33 PM

One last big bender for closure?
 
I was thinking of this the other day... wondering ya'lls thoughts.

My second time in treatment, I was relatively sober upon arriving. I was drunk the day before, but nothing to drink for some 8-10 hours. One of the nurses told me that it can often be easier on the alcoholic to come in loaded to the gills. I don't know why or in what context she said this, just something I happened to remember.

So then fast forward to July 2007. I'm heading to treatment (again) and I remember what this nurse told me 3 years ago. So I have my big last hurrah (under medical advice was my logic).

So here I am now, nearly 7 months sober and I'm cruising. Lots of my friends that I was with in treatment (for 5 months) have relapsed since getting out. Hardly anyone else had the big last hurrah that I did. There are only 2 others that I know of, and they haven't relapsed.

Off the top of my head, of about 25, 10 have relapsed (no last hurrah) and 6 are still sober (3 of us had the last big bender), and I'm not in close contact with the remainder.

This got me thinking. Am I more mentally prepared for long term sobriety because I had sort of prepared myself for this? I knew my using was coming to an end and I made an effort to give this chapter of my life some closure the best way I knew how. I decided that was going to be my last bender and I had myself a little party.

Are some more prone to relapse because they didn't have this closure?

Of course I'm not suggesting that it's a good idea for anyone to go on a big bender for any reason. Benders kill people and I'm lucky I didn't suffer any consequences. I tried to consume as much alcohol as I possibly could. That's not safe under any circumstances, and frankly, it's plain dumb.

Any thoughts on this?

nandm 03-04-2008 12:44 PM

My experience is that the key is surrender to the following:
  • I am an alcoholic
  • when I drink I lose control of my drinking
  • my life becomes unmanageable when I drink
  • quitting under my own power was not possible

I did not have one last bender prior to quitting. My last "bender" was 6 months prior to quitting drinking. I also did not go to treatment. I walked in the doors of AA, followed directions, and did the foot work to stay. I will have been sober 7 years on the 13th of this month.

I was relieved of the obsession to drink before I was 6 months sober and although drinking has crossed my mind it has not returned as an obsession. The difference being an obsession is something that takes over our mind until we get it. A thought is just that, just comes and goes but does not take over our thoughts. When the thoughts come they are easily relieved by playing out the tape in my mind of what happens when I drink. The picture is always the same at the end; insanity, misery, destruction, and loneliness.

reed 03-04-2008 12:45 PM

I binged before treatment. I didn't need a wheelchair though I was drunk and stoned upon arrival. My breath was flamable & my voice sounded like I swallowed a shot glass. I think in the end, it matters how bad the person wants it. Your post makes me thirsty.

ANGELINA243 03-04-2008 12:50 PM

Dunno! My last drinking binge wasn't pre-meditated--but I haven't had a drink since. Good luck on your road to recovery! :dunno

I do, however think that when a person gets beaten up enough :a043:--they can sometimes find the willingness to do anything--including recovery. It is often referred to as being "sick and tired of being sick and tired". That last outing wasn't fun--most of it was a blackout, plus I drove around to numerous places. Not smart, not safe, don't want to do it anymore.

Jfanagle 03-04-2008 01:05 PM

I was drunk, several months before I quit. I finished my second fifth of Canadian Club, that day, the night before I stopped. I had been drinking that hard for some time prior to quitting.

There was no ritual "last drunk" involved, just the way my life had deteriorated to that point. I went through withdrawal by myself (NOT RECOMMENED) and after 3 near death days I walked into AA. That was 8 and 1/2 years ago. I still attend 1 to 2 meetings a week and have not relapsed so far.

Did the "last act of stupidity" make getting and staying sober easier? I have no idea, but I do know that AA made the process work and continue to work. Like Nandm, surrender and the 12 steps are my answer to sobriety without a relapse. In my opinion, and that is all it is, it seems very unlikely that what one does just before deciding to change ones life would really make a life change work any better or worse. If getting so drunk that you can't walk brings on sobriety then I should have been stone sober about 25 years sooner than I was!

All this being said, far be it from me to tell others what will or won't work. Sobriety is an individual choice and one that comes when that individual realizes that alcohol no longer is working in their life. By the way, I knew a fellow who thought that he couldn't catch a pass in football games unless he always wore the same socks each game, and he was a damn fine tight end!! It all depends on your view of life I guess.

Congratulations on your time sober.

Jon

Dean62 03-04-2008 01:14 PM

I had a couple of AAers drive me over a hundred miles to a detox center. They not only let me drink my rum but when I ran out they bought me more. I was later told they found it easier to keep the drunk "happy" until they could get me somewhere I could get professional help. That may be what the nurse meant?

jimhere 03-04-2008 03:55 PM

To my way of thinking, an alkie is either done or they are not. If not, might as well get on about finishing the job.
Jim

Freedom1990 03-04-2008 05:04 PM

My experience has been that people will drink again because they want to drink more than they want to be sober!

I used to be the great analyst, I'd think myself in circles if given the opportunity.

Today I prefer to keep it simple.

CarolD 03-04-2008 05:24 PM

I've not noticed any particular pattern of relapse
indicating a last bender or treatment was a factor.

What I have noticed is a lack of spiritual connection
and a falling away from AA are.

They were for me.

best 03-04-2008 05:34 PM

A thought that keeps comeing back to me on reading the title.

I know I can drink again but I don't know if I could stop again.

A last hurrah could also bring about a last breath by death.

gravity 03-04-2008 07:31 PM

My last binge was not pre-planned. it was bad (drunk for 36 hours, horrible behaviour, consequences) but not my worst. I finally accepted that I just could not control alcohol. I don't think I would have quit if I could have gotten drunk 'successfully' (eg. a one night blackout). My logic was so twisted then. I agree with Best...I'm so grateful to be alive.

Just my perspective - If I am planning a last bender and expecting something good to come of it, then I am not done drinking.

DKS 03-04-2008 07:34 PM

When my husband and I finally admitted our problem to our therapist and realized we HAD to quit, we chose a date a couple of weeks into the future because there was a concert that he wanted to go to at a local bar for his Birthday. (a Dwight Yokum concert). I decided to quit drinking the Monday after that concert (because I always start new things on Monday for some strange reason) and mu husband agreed to quit with me on the same date. My husband ended up getting really sick with Gout (which is aggravated by alcohol), so he quit drinking a couple of days before the concert because he wanted the pain to stop. I couldn't bear the thought of quitting earlier than the planned date, so I drank like crazy at that concert even though my husband was stone cold sober the entire night. I knew it would be our last night out drinking at a bar, and I wanted to make the most of it. I had several beers with dinner, and then kept ordering drinks at the bar waiting for the concert to begin. It felt like I wasn't even getting a buzz, and I really wanted to get plastered since it would be my last big drunk, so I switched from beers to Long Island Ice Teas, Blue Hawaiians and several other multi-shot drinks. I felt hung over the next day but commented to my husband that I was surprised and disappointed that I didn't really get a buzz after having so much to drink. I asked him if I seemed plastered and he said not at all. He had seen me going back to the bar all night ordering drink after drink, but he was shocked when he realized just how many drinks I had had, and how "not really drunk" I was after that much alcohol. It was really a huge let down as far as last benders go.

After joining this site, and hearing about books like "Beyond the Influence" and reading and becoming educated about how alcoholism works and how it's a progressive disease, I realize now that that last big bender was a very educational experience that has been burned into my permanent memory. I realize now that this experience made me realize later that I was approaching late stage alcoholism where the effects of alcohol are unpredictable. It really drives home the quote that "one's too many and a thousand is not enough". I realize now that if I ever started drinking again, that my tolerance level would immediately go right back to where I left off and I wouldn't be able to even get a buzz and enjoy it, so why bother. That memory has helped quite a bit over the past year and half.

AnotherDrunk 03-04-2008 08:29 PM

I haven't read all of this thread but from what I know they want you to come in drunk or drinking so they can gauge your withdrawals and gauge when your DTs would begin and end.


Originally Posted by justanothrdrunk (Post 1695924)
I was thinking of this the other day... wondering ya'lls thoughts.

My second time in treatment, I was relatively sober upon arriving. I was drunk the day before, but nothing to drink for some 8-10 hours. One of the nurses told me that it can often be easier on the alcoholic to come in loaded to the gills. I don't know why or in what context she said this, just something I happened to remember.

So then fast forward to July 2007. I'm heading to treatment (again) and I remember what this nurse told me 3 years ago. So I have my big last hurrah (under medical advice was my logic).

So here I am now, nearly 7 months sober and I'm cruising. Lots of my friends that I was with in treatment (for 5 months) have relapsed since getting out. Hardly anyone else had the big last hurrah that I did. There are only 2 others that I know of, and they haven't relapsed.

Off the top of my head, of about 25, 10 have relapsed (no last hurrah) and 6 are still sober (3 of us had the last big bender), and I'm not in close contact with the remainder.

This got me thinking. Am I more mentally prepared for long term sobriety because I had sort of prepared myself for this? I knew my using was coming to an end and I made an effort to give this chapter of my life some closure the best way I knew how. I decided that was going to be my last bender and I had myself a little party.

Are some more prone to relapse because they didn't have this closure?

Of course I'm not suggesting that it's a good idea for anyone to go on a big bender for any reason. Benders kill people and I'm lucky I didn't suffer any consequences. I tried to consume as much alcohol as I possibly could. That's not safe under any circumstances, and frankly, it's plain dumb.

Any thoughts on this?


Tazman53 03-05-2008 03:50 AM

A last bender......... I was in the early part of the final stage when I saw death, at that point in time I knew I had to get and stay sober or die. There was no pleasure left in drinking any more at that point for me.

At the point in time when I quit I had to drink just to feel normal and not have bad things happen to me. The night before I went into detox, I drank every beer I had hidden in my garage to where when I got back I would not have to deal with them and to keep the bad things from happening to me.

In the end I drank because I had no choice but to drink, the pleasure had been gone for a long time by then, I was either crap faced or unable to even get a buzz, there was no inbetween.

stone 03-05-2008 03:56 AM


One last big bender for closure?
LOL! I had about a hundred of them! Each time it was the last time.

Mercedes1 03-05-2008 07:11 AM

Hi, I had a last hurrah last December 31st..I (like you) remained sober for a good 8months after. At the time I thought I was sailing. Others who stopped in September, October, etc. didnt seem to have the convictions I did. It was relatively easy for me that time since I was "so ready" come Jan 1. But I also was drinking daily up to that point. So when it came to that last night..my big hurrah, in reality it was kinda lame. I was so sick of drinking I was still milking the bottle way into the night. I did stop next day as I said and was gun ho for the next several months but I was missing something.

It was so "right" and easy for me to control that last night that I thought I could do it again. And this time really enjoy my last drink. You know how it goes, the more away from it the more you can dream up better ways to do it again. I was sober and enjoying it...but when a relationship issue came up and I wasn't as stable as I thought and drank, in retrospect feel that mindset set me up as well.

Bottom line is I am now on 6months but this time I have no desire to do that again. I wrote down in a pad all that I got from that last time I drank (the second time when I fell after 8months)..I got relatively nothing. The good news is the 8months of sobriety gave me a gift that was priceless..experience behind the drink. Joys, stability, memories, new friends. When I compared that to the night I drank it was blatantly obvious I made a stupid choice.

I guess you have to trust God. 2 wrongs don't make a right. Only a right makes a right (next best thing).

thats my thought. :)

sugErspun 03-05-2008 08:16 AM


Originally Posted by Freedom1990 (Post 1696298)
My experience has been that people will drink again because they want to drink more than they want to be sober!

I used to be the great analyst, I'd think myself in circles if given the opportunity.

Today I prefer to keep it simple.


I drank for a long time when I REALLY wanted and needed to get sober.

Alcohol had the power, not me. That was my dilemma the whole time - I thought if I just tried 'hard enough' I could lick it - but I would be drunk again soon (within a couple years is 'soon' to me).

There are alcoholics who have lost the power to choose to drink or not drink - they will drink themselves to death unless an outside force stops them. It's not a matter of wanting to be sober more than wanting that drink.

There's a book that says that even the strongest desire to stay sober will be useless to the alcoholic. It's called Alcoholic's Anonymous.

Give it a read!

gutterman317 03-05-2008 08:42 AM

There are alcoholics who have lost the power to choose to drink or not drink - they will drink themselves to death unless an outside force stops them. It's not a matter of wanting to be sober more than wanting that drink.

sugErspun, I have not quite got the quote thing yet. I have always been confused about the power of choice. I here some alkies say that they don't have a choice to drink. Could you ellaborate?? If so, I realy appreciate it.

sugErspun 03-05-2008 09:12 AM


Originally Posted by gutterman317 (Post 1696982)
There are alcoholics who have lost the power to choose to drink or not drink - they will drink themselves to death unless an outside force stops them. It's not a matter of wanting to be sober more than wanting that drink.

sugErspun, I have not quite got the quote thing yet. I have always been confused about the power of choice. I here some alkies say that they don't have a choice to drink. Could you ellaborate?? If so, I realy appreciate it.


Sure thing (to qoute, just hit the 'qoute' button and begin typing after the end qoute bracket)

It's easier for me to put it in the form of a question. Have you ever gave up drinking for good, and really meant it ( was your resolve enough that you could have passed a lie-detector) to 1> drink without any explanation as to why or 2>change you resolve for a reason that seems a little ridiculous when you look back?

I had been to treatment 3 times, had been sober 14 months, going to meetings, keeping fellowship (aa friends) had a new girlfriend who I was very much in love with, had recently been promoted at work, was useful at work (very busy and engaged with my job), making more money - very stable financially. And on any given day I could tell you exactly what would happen if I was to have a drink - eventually I would have another and get to a point physically where I could not stop.

I drank - and to this day, I cannot explain the reason why I went to the store, bought a bottle, drank some of it - then drank all of it- went back for more and ended up in the ER some 5 days later. I knew what would happen. I didn't want to get drunk. I had everything to lose, nothing to gain. I was enjoying my 'sobriety' (just took a cake 2 months earlier!!woo hoo!!). And there I was, drunk - without NO reason as to why. I honestly still cannot explain why I took that first drink. When it was proposed to me that maybe I didn't choose to drink - a friggin light went off and I was willing to do whatever it took to avoid that blank spot again.

I hope this makes sense....

Signal30 03-05-2008 01:50 PM

You know, I've heard some "interesting stories" from treatment centers. There are some excellent treatment centers and then there are some treatment centers that employ people that say things to those in recovery they should probably think about before saying.

I know of a guy in the fellowship that had a counselor tell him at a treatment center that he didn't think he was an alcoholic or addict. I heard this guys lead. He was addicted to heroin and a heavy whiskey drinker. He OD'ed and almost died.

If I was to have one last bender before I quit, I would still be drinking. Every day for me would be "one last bender". Those with the willingness are successful. Those who are still trying to "lick" it on there own are almost never successful.


Tom


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