6yAng

I hope I'm not doing something wrong but I read this great discussion on another recovery website and I wanted to share it with others:
This is written by a man who had a daughter he called "little miss" and is a recovering alcoholic.

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd finger-paint more, and point fingers less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.

I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.

I would care to know less and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.

I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more,
I'd teach less about the love of power, and more about the power of love.

I would lover her sober, so I could do all this.
That's how it would be, for me and my "miss".

The man who wrote this put the head on the nail for me. I know we strive to be sober for ourselves first, but when it's put like that, it makes so much sense to be sober for a whole other, (vitally important), reason. Kids are our future, let's invest in them the way the do in us.:ghug

Spiritual Seeker

I have never been an addict. However, this rings true with me as well.
Many of us parents would like Do-0vers.
But there are none.
Today, we have to be the best that we can be.
Thanks for sharing this beautifully written passage 6yAng

1cor13

I cant do it over again but I can do it starting today?

nandm

Thank you. I have actually been reflecting on that same subject lately. Regretting the times I missed with my children because I was so caught up in my disease. Times I can never get back. Alcoholism and addiction affect not only the person using but every relationship around them. I struggle to bite my tongue when I hear someone say that their drinking never hurt anyone else. When I was drinking I was blind to the damage I was doing to my children. It was only when I realized that my drinking was slowly killing me while dragging down those that I loved and loved me, that I was able to reach out for help.

It has taken me a lot of time to earn the trust, faith, and respect from my children again. My oldest daughter, 23 y/o, had so much hurt that she would not speak to me for a year. Today we have a closer relationship than we ever have had. That would not be so if I were not sober. My relationship with my 21 y/o daughter is also significantly better. I can hear the love in her voice today. The only thing in her voice when I was drinking was pain and anger. Unfortunately, my 13 year old no longer lives with me and I have only seen her once in 7 years as she lives over 2000 miles away with her father. It is hard to see mother's playing with their children as I truly wish that were me. But all I can do is stay sober and do my best to stay in contact with her and maybe one day she will understand and realize I do love her.

Thank you again for the post. I might just send it to my youngest as it expresses a lot of what I feel.

Tazman53

I have 6 kids, the three oldest never had a sober father in thier formative years, I do have a great deal of regrets, but I have made my amends and my oldest 3 have all forgiven me and we have great relationships, my 21 year old forgave me the day I came home from detox, she had her own problems she was clearing the wreckage from and was able to see where I had been, the twins who will be 16 this month took some time to forgive me and to realize that me getting sober was not a short term deal, my wife has been the same way, it took her longer then any one, but I put her through more hell then the others, she spent years protecting the kids from my insanity! I am not religous, but she qulifies for Sainthood for not killing me!!!!

roundeler

more empathy

lostmdboy

My children are so yougn that I hope they will not remember drunk daddy, but as I grow in my program I hope I am becoming a better father. Today they do not have a drunk father, and as long as I stay sober I can make living amends to them.

best

Though that poem speaks of a better way that we could have done things, we can't go back and do over but we can go forward and do better.
Grandchildren could be seen as God's way of saying... Have a second chance and use what you have learned in life.

Boater62

I give thanks that I never had children, given my addiction problems. Growing up, I saw how scarred my parents were because of the upbringing they had at the hands of their alcoholic parents. There is no remedy for this damage. I'd like to think that all children can grow up away from the chaos and cruelty of an alcoholic household but I'm not sure this will ever happen.