Cravings
~Author of My Life~
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't....
Posts: 4,796
Cravings
Today I am really craving alcohol, had to physically restrain myself right here at my desk...I don't always crave alcohol the strongest but lo and behold, can't have my DOC so now I want to drink myself into oblivion. I know it's wrong, I know it probably won't help anything in the end, but yet my brain is so obsessed right now and I just can't bring myself to pour the damned Tequila down the sink. I am so sick of myself and of being so negative, I apologize for being so negative I just have to get this out I am going insane I think. A real mental misfit is how I'd describe myself right now. I have worked so hard at sobriety but I let my brain get me all screwed up with thoughts and obsessing. I am so ashamed of myself and feel so weak, yet I feel like I have to have some relief from these cravings. I'm going on like a real pity party, sorry. Somebody just talk to me, tell me how bad I'll feel, how stupid I am, anything!! I don't know if I'm strong enough to save myself. Thanks for listening.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Oh Dear...
You gotta get busy..call your sponsor or anyone in AA...a hot line is always good. Look for a meeting. Try a recovery chat....www.about.com or www.aarecovery.com
Get on your kness and pray.
Stay away from that bottle...do not try to pour it out right now.
Eat candy ...drink lots of water .... get out of your home.
You can do this....
Get on your kness and pray.
Stay away from that bottle...do not try to pour it out right now.
Eat candy ...drink lots of water .... get out of your home.
You can do this....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: USA
Posts: 122
Hey Tammie,
You are not stupid. You are jammed up, I have been there and will still get that way if I don't do what I need to. What I did/do is pray, get to a meeting, pick up the phone, talk to my sponsor or friend or anyone in recovery. When I only had a few days and found SR I just kept posting here. I had not gotten back to meetings, didn't want to go, until it got so bad I knew I had to or I was going to use (took about 6 days). I sounded just like you. I took it a minute at a time, a second even. For me though I couldn't have any drugs or alcohol around, it would have made way too difficult not to pick up.
Don't get me wrong. I still fight the program sometimes but when I get in enough pain and see again that my way does not work I do what I need to. Hang in, you are in my prayers. You can do it. Keep posting, don't try to do it alone. You are doing great for reaching out.
H
You are not stupid. You are jammed up, I have been there and will still get that way if I don't do what I need to. What I did/do is pray, get to a meeting, pick up the phone, talk to my sponsor or friend or anyone in recovery. When I only had a few days and found SR I just kept posting here. I had not gotten back to meetings, didn't want to go, until it got so bad I knew I had to or I was going to use (took about 6 days). I sounded just like you. I took it a minute at a time, a second even. For me though I couldn't have any drugs or alcohol around, it would have made way too difficult not to pick up.
Don't get me wrong. I still fight the program sometimes but when I get in enough pain and see again that my way does not work I do what I need to. Hang in, you are in my prayers. You can do it. Keep posting, don't try to do it alone. You are doing great for reaching out.
H
~Author of My Life~
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't....
Posts: 4,796
You both are too kind, it seems I can give good advice and compassion to everyone but myself. It's like I am hell-bent on killing myself with one destructive addiction or another. Can't seem to get enough of the pain and misery I guess. I haven't been sober for 20 years and I just don't feel right at all sober, I'm sure this is "normal" BUT it's a real pain in the A$$ when you don't know what the hell to do but use or drink or escape. And the paranoia!! I went and changed my location on my profile here because I was wiggin out. Oh man, I am so tired and I don't like posting when I am in this state, I know that's what this place is for, but it just feels too real or painful or something. I had a month of sobriety and went and took some pain pills, been about a week ago, I think..I am not even counting the days this time, Well thanks both of you. I am just going to keep posting and replying to posts. I"ll snap outta this sooner or later, I hope.
Hugz,
Tammie
Hugz,
Tammie
Tammie.. you know what to do, you've been there before! Now... stay away from that bottle of tequila and stay here on these boards or go to the chats Carol mentioned. Go for a walk, go eat some candy (chocolate works best for me). I think i saw you listed as "on line". If you are, go to the newcomer's or general forums and help somebody out! THat really makes me feel good when the boards are slow and I'm craving.
Oh man, do I know about those pain pills! You probably remember me losing a month of sobriety to them! Count those days because you'll want them later. I came real close to giving up on myself after the pain pills, but I'm glad I didn't.
Now THAT you shouldn't do! If you feel ashamed and weak for your cravings, that'll make the cravings even stronger. How bout instead telling yourself how strong you are for not giving in to your cravings? Just tell yourself, you don't have to believe right away, just tell yourself that. It'll help, as Chy says, flick that demon off your shoulder.
Oh man, do I know about those pain pills! You probably remember me losing a month of sobriety to them! Count those days because you'll want them later. I came real close to giving up on myself after the pain pills, but I'm glad I didn't.
. I am so ashamed of myself and feel so weak,
~Author of My Life~
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't....
Posts: 4,796
Thanks Moot, That is exactly what gets me crazy! I know full well what to do, I just get so weak it seems, like I am just about to get steady on my feet and BOOM! I am ready to tear down every good thing I've done. It's like I have a built in radar detector that says oops!! Tammie's 5 minutes before the miracle..it's time to kich her A$$!!!!!LOL! I am thinking too damn much is my problem. Thanks for the reply, Moot. hope you're doing well today.
Many hugs and hope too,
Tammie
Many hugs and hope too,
Tammie
Reality Checks R Us. :::::: wink :::::::::
I'm in a bit of a funk today, go read my post about steps 6 and 7 in the Alcoholics Anonymous forum. I just posted a problem I'm having today at the end of that thread. Was feeling great yesterday, but am having probs today.
Mine is working today too! That's why I'm all over the boards today.
Hey, you asked! You should know better than that by now!
I'm in a bit of a funk today, go read my post about steps 6 and 7 in the Alcoholics Anonymous forum. I just posted a problem I'm having today at the end of that thread. Was feeling great yesterday, but am having probs today.
I have a built in radar detector that says oops!! Tammie's 5 minutes before the miracle..it's time to kich her A$$!!
Hey, you asked! You should know better than that by now!
~Author of My Life~
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't....
Posts: 4,796
I always like reading your posts, Moot...you make me laugh!!
I'll check out your post over on the AA forum in a bit, gotta give my kiddo's their time on the computer!! See ya around girl!!
Many hugs and hope too,
Tammie
I'll check out your post over on the AA forum in a bit, gotta give my kiddo's their time on the computer!! See ya around girl!!
Many hugs and hope too,
Tammie
Hi Tammie,just hang in there ok.When all else fails us and the waves of craving are crashing around us sometimes the only thing we can do is hang on for dear life.Take heart in knowing that the feeling to use will pass.
Some very good suggestions has been given here and I particularly like what Hadenuff said about taking it just a minute at a time if you have to.
We have all been through what you are experiencing now and we know it is not a nice feeling.Just try to hang on ok.
Peter
Some very good suggestions has been given here and I particularly like what Hadenuff said about taking it just a minute at a time if you have to.
We have all been through what you are experiencing now and we know it is not a nice feeling.Just try to hang on ok.
Peter
~Author of My Life~
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Doing what I thought I couldn't....
Posts: 4,796
Thank you Peter, I am so grateful for you all, I got myself, busy answering some posts and I am feeling much better!! Thank you for the kind words, I hope you are doing okay today.
Many hugs and hope too,
Tammie
Many hugs and hope too,
Tammie
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