Texasblind

Okay, I had 45 days sober, but I slipped last night and had a drink.

That's the weird part: I had "a" drink. Not a bottle, not to pass out, but one. I'm ashamed of myself for drinking at all, but confused how I could stop after one.

Don't get me wrong, I know that one drink is the first step to a major relapse. So I went to a meeting this morning and got it together. Has anyone else relapsed like that? One drink to "calm down" and that's it? And yes, I'm a "real" alcoholic. Maybe I'm just crazy. Maybe the 45 day milestone tricked me into thinking I was "cured", who knows. All I know is I'm not drinking today and I'm not craving...I'm just confused.

nandm

My experience with periods where I stopped drinking for one reason or another during my drinking career were that when I did finally pick up again there were times when it was an all out drink till I dropped but there were just as many times when I had just one or two drinks. Either way it always progressed right back into the insanity of powerlessness over my drinking and the obsession to drink.

Anna

Yes, that happened to me too before I stopped for good. As I tried countless times to stop, drinking became so unappealing to me, that I would have one drink and stop. But, never did it occur to me, that I could control my drinking. And, even if I had only one drink, the obsessive thoughts were still there, messing with my mind.

caraway

Hi Tex, yes, that has happened to me. I remember going quite a long time without a drink, didn't think about it, didn't want it, then one day I felt like a drink. I had a drink and was fine with just that. I thought that perhaps I could drink normally. Of course I was wrong. Over time it crept back up, I started obsessing about 'how much' I could drink and still be 'normal'. I was soon back to not only alcoholic drinking, but the alcoholics obsession with drinking alcohol.

So yes, I can drink normally, but I don't know for how long for. For me this is one example of the 'cunning, baffling and powerful' nature of alcoholism.

gravity

I've had the same experience. For me, that one or two drinks wasn't to calm down. It was to get rid of pressure of not being able to drink & the embarassment of being an alcoholic - just had to keep trying to prove to myself, my friends, the world that I could drink. And like others who responded, it took it's predictable course. Keep up the good work!

(BTW, I'm no longer embarassed to be an alcoholic, it just the way it is.)

Rimmy

That said, I would be satisfied that you stopped at one.

I'll never tell anyone ever that having two or three beers didn't relax me in a stressful situation. It really did. I loved drinking... the first couple of beers. Did I stop there though??? ... PROGRESSIVE!!!!

If I were to think I could drink a few regularaly and stop, I'd be lying to myself. The sober days behind you are probably masking the fact that alcohol brought you to a place you don't like to be (sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly).

Tread carefully and kudos for going to a meeting and posting here. I think that if you truly believe you are an alcoholic, you will choose not to test the waters again any time soon.

Best wishes

Texasblind

Like I said, one drink is the path to relapse. That's why I went to a meeting.

I haven't had another because it scared me too much. I was just looking for similar experiences and thank you all for sharing them. Sometimes, this alcoholic journey feels like you're alone. SR and AA help so much, but you're only as good and sober as your support system. Unfortunately for me, SR and AA is all I've got. My significant other has no problem downing a bottle of wine in front of me. I can't even bring her coffee in the morning unless it has a shot of Bailey's in it. Not to mention she's horribly hooked on weed (which I've never cared for thank god). It makes it all so hard.

sugErspun

It happened to me on many occassions. Over the years - I would have a period of time sober/dry and 'test' myself by having a drink - and I didn't lose control right then and there. Then I would do it again - same thing. Eventually came the time where that physical craving kicked in and I couldn't stop no matter what.

It's like a car with an engine you know is going to explode one of these days- you just don't know when, could be any time you turn the key (any time you take a drink).

Now - Do I want to try and fix the car or do I want a brand new one?

Rimmy

I deal with the same daily (not the bailey's in the morning, but drinking and "stuff"). My neighbor stop's by for a beer or two a few nights a week still, and has them with her. I drink my water. My NASCAR buddy wants to spend 5 hours on Sunday and he gets pretty toasted... This IS hard. So I know where you are coming from Texasblind.

Either way, if I was selfish enough to drink myself stupid around my friends and family all the time and can move forward, then I can be selfish enough to sober myself stupid and move on too. If they don't like it, tough.

Hope

I can relate!

I've done that before too however I let it fool me and convince me that I could start drinking normally. What a lie. I thought that it worked so good for me that time that I started trying it again and again. I got right back to drunken binges and worse consequences.

You did the right thing by going to a meeting after that happened. It could have been so much worse. Count your blessings that you made it right back.

I'm sorry this happened for you but I thank you for sharing that because in turn, you helped me remember something that slipped my memory as my alcoholic voice whispers to me today. Remembering that helped keep this alcoholic sober one more day.

NoMoBeer

Tex
Been there, done that. I have to say great job at going to a meeting and recognizing trouble early...

My pattern was that I would go back to drinking... have 1 ...... then 3........ then 6 ...... you get the picture. There are TIMES as alcoholics that we can keep the control button on.... but eventually the wheels come off and we are "off and running."

Sorry you are dealing with a s/o who is battling as well -- just remember you can control YOU only, not anyone else. You are doing a great job, and remember also to keep sobriety first in your life.

NMB

David 1

Just as a lot of others have said - I must have tried to stop about 100 times!!! I'll only have one glass of ___; yeah right!

I finally accepted that I am an alcoholic and the last time I checked there still is not a cure!!

Dave

chip

Hi texasblind,
You are lucky to have stopped after one. It sounds like you are doing the right things, and that you've learned something.

This disease will tell us that we are ok when we are not. An alcoholic like me will lie to myself and believe my lies. One of those lies is that I can control my drinking. "the idea that he can control his drinking is the great obsession of the abnormal drinker" (the big book)

I learned alot from reading this thread, and it was exactly what I needed to read at the right time. I thank you for posting, and having the courage to tell us about your relapse.

BTW, I got sober when my wife still drank and smoked weed. When I sobered up, she was still smoking dope everyday and drinking the way we used to drink together. Just remember, you are not alone. I found that it really could take a bite out of my peace and serenity in sobriety...but...I also found that there are other people who go through the same thing.

Hang in there buddy. We are here for you.
chip

Tommyh

Texas,back in 88 I drank 2 beers one day..and then went home.
the next day I drank two more,and went and got plastered for 3 days

CarolD

Glad to see you are resuming quest for sobriety.

best

Last time I had a beer, I didn't ask for a second one but the time before that when I had two beers..I didn't stop till they were gone.
I had only but a tiny thimble sip of wine one day, just the amount that hit my tongue by a dip in a glass. That dip into the wine set me off on wanting more.

I have tested alcohol enough that for me....I never know how much or how little it will take to get me right back where I started, so no alcohol at all is my safe way to life.

I always know that I can drink...I never know if I would be able to stop so not starting is the best way for me.


Good to see you passed that test and started back on the better path.

lovingseren

We are the fortunate ones, our life threatening disease/problem is treatable, as long as we don't drink.

I wonder how many cancer victims would trade places with us?

Please don't dance in the flame, you will ignite sooner or later.

Seren

WantToNeedTo

it is this fact that scares me the most, both as an alcoholic and a Christian. I dont want to waste it all for nothing.......

lovingseren

One of the best things I learned in sobriety is that I have "choice", nothing or no one makes me drink......I make me drink!

For some reason I never "got" that for the longest time.

Sobriety is a new beginning, a new chance at life, we can be the people we were meant to be, it is up to us to make the right choices.

WantToneedTo, this is your moment to make the right choice, know that you can do this!!

Seren

WantToNeedTo

I am trying so hard. As I say that I am drinking a beer. I have met someone that has a beautiful little girl, and I want to be a better person for her and her daughter. One of the problems for me is that she drinks severals glasses of wine a night(the mother of course), and I dont know how to approach the subject. She has no idea(as far as i know) that i drink too much and want to quit altogether! It sucks hardcore, that is all I know!!