lovingseren

The longer I am in recovery, the more of an attitude of gratitude I have.

The small things, the medium things and the big things have a special "bling" to them.

Recovery is not about hanging on by the skin of your teeth, it is a journey of discovery, of yourself, your fellow human beings and the wonderful planet we live on.

I see my sobriety and my recovery as an Awakening, I am very glad to be an alcoholic, without this, I would not be appreciating my present as I am right now.

I am so enjoying living my life in Technicolor !

Seren

Kit

Day 28, and my husband and I are still sober. I'm home with a fever, though. So sad. It's interesting how sobriety progresses. At first, I was afraid that I would fail and have a drink because I had cravings. Now I am just plain afraid of alcohol. Last night I dreamed that I was drinking and it was such a bad dream. It wasn't a dream where I was so happy because I could drink again. It was filled with guilt and fear. I have come to a point where the mere thought of having a glass of wine makes me feel terrified. I hope that feeling stays. I would rather be afraid of booze, than longing for it.
Seren, I understand what you mean when you say you are glad that you are an alcoholic, because you appreciate everything so much. I do too. I feel these rushes of happiness, just from smelling the breeze when I step out of work. It must be that lovely pink cloud effect that I hope never goes away. I feel so good, that I want to share my joy. I want to do nice things for people. I'm not just thinking about me and my wine anymore. I look at people in a whole different way. I try to understand them and look past their shortcomings. Even the awful, mean people! For eample, my best friend's ex husband was very abusive. Even though they have been divorced for a few years, he continues to bash her to everyone and try to turn people against her. He's a nut, and he is also in a very high position in our town. That has always made me so mad because people want him to like them, and they always listen to his crap, and sympathize with him because he has a life time restraining order(!) and "doesn't deserve it, boo hoo etc." He totally deserves it! I saw and heard him all the time because I lived right behind them. As you can imagine, my thoughts about him have always been negative, negative, negative. Well, in the past week, I have actually found myself feeling bad for him, and hoping that he turns his life around and makes amends with my friend and their kids because that would be better than if he just dropped dead - which is what I always wished before. It's so odd. I wonder if that will last, or if it's part of the pink cloud. I think "Pink Cloud" would make an excellent title for a book or movie. Hahahaha
Taz, thanks for always listening.
Love, Kit

lovingseren

Kit,
I am still on my pink cloud, every single day is a gift, a joy and an adventure.

Life is not always easy, but with sobriety we can use the gift of discernment.

Seren

6yAng

Hi Kit
You can talk to me anytime. Whenever you feel the urge or just want to burn off some steam, I'm here. I've only been sober for a little over a month, but I'm available whenever you are. Just click on my avatar. Or let me know you want to go to a chat room. Whatever it doesn't matter to me. Just don't feel like you don't have anyone to talk to or that nobody cares because that's not true. We all care and we all want what you want, to be successfully sober. Who understands a drunk better than another drunk? lol Just let me know if you need to talk. take care and God bless!

SpringRose

Wow, Italy! I'm glad you are doing so well. I'm trying not to turn green with envy over your trip. My husband has no desire to give up his beer (and there's no reason he should - he can have a few beers and feel just fine). Most nights, I'm okay with a few or none, but when I go overboard ... I get real unpredictable.

CarolD

Welcome to SR SpringRose!

Kit

Yes, welcome SpringRose! I hated the I acted when I was drunk. Actually, I was pretty predictable - I became the life of the party and never shut up. The worst part was having to ask people what I did, the next day. That was particularly painful - especially if they were aggravated with me. It feels so good to remember my own behavior. I wonder why I put myself through it. Alcohol is such a ball and chain. An albatross around my neck! A monkey on my back! My nemesis!!!!! I hope I never take another drink as long as I live. Believe me, as much as I hate what it does to me, I know how easily I could get right back into it.
I'm still so thankful to those of you who "listen" to me, it helps me so much.

Love, love, love
Kit

Kit

Oh No!!!!! Last night my husband and I went to our friends' house for a St. Patrick's Day dinner and we drank! Well, today we both feel so lousy that my husband said he was glad we did it, so that we remember what if feels like the next day. Now I have to start counting all over again. Today is day #1. Darn, darn, DARN!!!

RufusACanal

I wanted to add my two cents of ESH on the Paxil comments. I have used Paxil for years since I finally made a decision to live a new life. For me, Paxil does not correlate to my Alcoholism, though Paxil does even out the brain chemistry of 30 plus years of drinking today. While Paxil helps, it is not a cure. I can display each any ever defect of character that remains in my new life if I let my guard down. Obviously, if any medication is not working, follow the Doctors instructions to make changes. I simply made a decision that Paxil works in my new life and act as if it does. I have been sober now for the longest period in my life and hopefully can celebrate 5 years of a fantastically wonderful new life on 4/28/08, one day at a time. What works for some does not work for others, Paxil in conjunction with a new life has worked for me. Much joy in your day success!

Kit

I'm glad paxil works for you. Everybody is different, and if Paxil has helped you then that is great. I did have a lot of positive results from Paxil, it just made me crave alcohol. It probably wouldn't have, if the genes weren't already there. Happy New Life!
Love, Kit

lovingseren

Different strokes for different folks........now isn't that a suprise lol

Rufus I am very glad Paxil is working for you!

'Tis not for this woman though.

We each find what works for us, and we work it.... All of us are quite Amazing !

Seren

CAPTAINZING2000

A priest we had for a while served non alcoholic wine for communion Just a thought.

Is you husband an alcoholic? It's hard for normal drinkers to understand we can't drink like normal people.

The best advice I can give you is sort thru your drinking friend.

Find out how good a friend they are by telling you quit drinking. If, they try an encourage you to drink, might have to drop them from your friend's list. You'll be surprised at the people you thought were your friend's when, you tell them you quit drinking!!

You're going to need your husband's support on this. It's hard to stop drinking with out a net work of support.

lovingseren

Kit,

I had to guard and cherish my sobriety.
I had to keep myself safe.

I wouldn't walk into an elevator with a tiger in it, would you ?

Be proactive in your own recovery, you have Choice.

Stick slogans up all over your house, keep them in your car, in your purse. I did that, my favourite is "Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes".....I stole that from AA ....thanks AA!

Seren

Kit

I'm not doing as well as I'd hoped.

CarolD

Mega Kit....
many of us had false starts on our way to solid sobriety.
You are not alone.

Talk about whatever you want
whenever you choose.

lostmdboy

Kit; I have been following this post, and I really feel there is one point you are not considering, and that is this is a deadly disease you are dealing with. Recovery on your own is almost imposible. If not AA find some program that will work for you, and work it. I drank me and my famally into the depths of hell before I figured this out. Always trying to find an easier way to control my drinking. IT NEVER WORKED!! Until I surrendered. Do me a favor, and just go pick up a copy of AA's big book at a book store. They are in the recovery section, and read it. I am sure it will shed light on this insidious disease. One more thing. Stay out of slipery places like bars and parties for a while.

Tazman53

Kit you have learned here that you are not alone.

For some one like me, I could have never stayed sober my way or alone, I needed face to face support!

Sounds scary as hell doesn't it? Guess what? Every person in a recovery program is scared as hell at thier first meeting, once again you are not alone, every one who has ever been to a meeting has been through that fear.

I have, what shocked me was that the only thing I had to fear, was fear itself! Walking into that room dispelled every fear I had of recovery, I found hope in that room, here were people who in some cases were far worse off then I was, yet here they were, sober for years, happy, peaceful, & content and they wanted nothing more then to help me find what they had.

lovingseren

Kit,
Knowledge is power, learn about this whole thing, listen and learn from the others here, try what has worked so well for them.

Make a commitment to yourself, learn to be your own best friend, treat yourself as you would a cherish friend.


http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html


Nothing worth having seldom just falls into our laps, we must reach out and pursue what it is that will be life changing and so very rewarding, in more ways than we can ever know at the beginning times.

Please PM me anytime.

We have all been there, we do understand.

Seren

Kit

Thank you so much. I had a bad thing happen in my family and I coped by drinking. It wasn't as bad as it could have been. I didn't totally fall into a pit. But I realized I am not as strong as I thought. I was so full of happy thoughts about being sober. I thought that if I just kept being positive, that would do it. Unfortunately, I didn't think about what would happen if I couldn't be positive. John, I will go get a copy of the Big Book. Is that the title? Taz, whenever I think about going to an AA meeting, I panic and my heart pounds. I seem to have an illogical fear. Maybe the book will help. Thank you for your kind words Seren. I will try to think of myself as somebody I would never want to hurt.

Love, Kit

CarolD

Kit...
The name is actually..
"Alcoholics Anonymous"

Here it is on line...

Big Book On Line

If you are buying recovery books...please
look for "Under The Influence" and or
it's sequel "Beyond The Influence"

Excellent information and "Under"
convinced me to quit.


Sorry to see you had a family crisis