bugsworth

Jim...I have seriously asked myself that question over and over. I drank when I didn't want to...why? because it was too damn hard to fight the fight. I think for me when people ask me this question it would be easy to say..."hey, maybe I am just a problem drinker"...but that would be denying the truth about myself. I fit the description of an alcoholic to a T. I need to know this about myself so I can stay sober.

jimhere

That's exactly right bugs. It really isn't about my truth or your truth. If you are anything like me, my perception of truth is sometimes skewed. So I need to know The Truth about myself as an alcoholic.

For years "my truth" was what other people told me, ie., the judge, my wife, my boss, etc. I went to treatment four times. In there I was told that because I had used drugs as well as drank alcohol, I was an alcohol-addict, or addict-alcoholic or whatever.

Also "my truth" was warped by my own delusional thinking about what I thought an alcoholic was or wasn't. My first sponsor used the book, particularly the Doctor's Opinion and Chap. 3 plus his own experience to help me get to the truth about me and alcohol. He never once told what I was or wasn't. He simply taught me to turn every statement I could into a statement that only I could answer to myself. I was allowed the dignity of diagnosing myself.

He also never told me that he had all the answers, or even the answer. He offered me an answer if I cared to have it.
Jim

bugsworth

Sounds like you had a great sponsor Jim.

What is ironic is that in the last years of my drinking I knew I was an alcoholic, It was only upon entering aa and coming to this board that people questioned it. It seems to me that the definition of alcoholic is different in the program of aa than it is mainstream.
I say that based on a list of questions that have been posted on this board as a means of identifying oneself alcoholic.

jimhere

AA does have a "stand" on alcoholism, so to speak. I'm going to paraphrase some statements from the book Alcoholics Anonymous, Second Edition.

The Doctor's Opinion states that "Any picture of the alcoholic which leaves out this physical factor is incomplete."


Also in The Doctor's Opinion, Dr. Silkworth says that there are different types of alcoholics in the sense of personality, etc, but that "...all these and many others have one symptom in common. They cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving." This is what diffirientiates and sets apart alcoholics as a distinct entity.

In Chapter 3, is the statement that for the real alcoholic, "At some stage in his drinking career, he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink.

Chapters 2 & 3 describe the states of mind sober which get an alcoholic back to a drink. One statement that stands out to me talks about the drinker who has lost the power of choice, the one is "absolutely unable to stay away from a drink, "no matter how great the necessity or the wish."

I've seen more scientifically accurate descriptions and/or definitions of alcoholism, but the ones in the book are simple and they make sense to me. And I fit the description. The book does not validate my experience, my experience validates the book.
Jim

bugsworth

I'm totally with you on the Doctor's Opinion and the statement in chapter 3. Without a doubt this is my experience.

"absolutely unable to stay away from a drink, no matter how great the necessity or the wish."

This one for me is not entirely true. There were times I didn't drink...not that I didn't despise every second, but I didn't drink.

If an alcoholic is absolutely unable to stay away from a drink, how do we get sober?

We are not magically struck sober...we fight like hell in the first days...we prove that we are able to stay away from the first drink....recovery begins.

jimhere

Once again, our experience slightly differs bugs, but that doesn't make yours wrong or any less vital than mine. I was struck sober, rendered sober, seperated from alcohol by the power of God. I had wanted to stop drinking two months earlier but couldn't. I can't even choose the day I get sober on, much less the day I'm gonna drink on. And I haven't been staying away from a drink for the last seventeen years, the reason being because I am free of having to stay away from a drink. Bill Wilson said that we alcoholics don't stay away from a drink, we grow away from a drink. I'm either removing what blocks me from God or removing what blocks me from my next drink at any given time. As they say, when I stop growing, I'm going.

I didn't get sober by fighting. The victory happens when the battle is over.
Jim

bugsworth

Powerful testamony Jim, I appreciate it.

Maybe the difference between you and I is simply the way we pray.

Thankfully God has time for all us alkies!!!

jimhere

Amen to that!

Kit

This thread has been invaluable to me. I've tried to stop drinking for a couple of years. At this time, I feel like I'm on a good path. I'm over the hump and don't have the awful cravings. HOWEVER, I have nobody to talk to. I NEED somebody to talk to. I've never attended AA. Not because I don't want to, I just have been too nervous to go. I'm one of those lost alcoholics that has always thought she can do it on her own (probably out of fear of going to AA). Well, it hasn't worked. I need to find a person to talk to, but I'm not sure AA is the place.

Kit

Dee74

thanks Jim.


D

CarolD

Kit....
Why not begin your own thread
and share here with us?

Use us as a sounding board
as you sort thru your situation.

You too can find health and joy!

nandm

Kit,
Carol has some great advice. It is easy for a post like yours to get lost in a thread as extensive as this one. I am sure you would get a lot of helpful advice if you started a new thread and posted your request there for help. You could even cut and paste what you posted here.

Hope to see your thread soon.

caraway

Hi Kit, glad you got something out of this thread. Look forward to hearing more from you.

Tazman53

Kit why not just call the AA hotline in your area? The person who answers the phone will be a recovering alcoholic, if you want to talk I can assure you they will be more then happy to answer any question you may have and they will not even need to know your name or where you live. Just a suggestion.

bugsworth

Kit, welcome and you have nothing to lose by giving aa a shot. You will never know until you try. Keep posting!!!

Kit

Hey, thanks for all the feedback! I will start a thread.

Love, Kit