After 22 days sober
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 4
After 22 days sober
the joy has faded and I'm left to appreciate that I wasn't drinking for no good reason. I was drinking because I didn't know what ELSE to do.
I still don't know. Only now, it's more obvious.
Where to start? (I'd ask my friends, but I don't have any.)
I've never had success with therapy...although I can remember some of the tags I got over the years: PTSD, ADD, GAD, OCD, Addiction, perfectionism, codependent, cutter, eating disorder...each of these things were correct descriptions at various times in my life. (e.g. when cutting was not acceptable to me any longer, I opted for the eating disorder, but that began to damage my teeth, so I switched to alcohol eventually...) The common thread--I didn't know what else to do.
I know what NOT to do, and once I decide to NOT do something, I can be pretty impressive in how marvelously I fail to do it. It's finding what I'm SUPPOSED to do that baffles me.
Anyone had any experience with this? Has anyone gone from being completely lost in a shrinking Life and somehow figured out what he/she actually was supposed to be doing all along?
I'm sober.
I'm healthy.
I'm educated.
I'm horrendously bored.
I'm ready to work for it...but I don't know what "it" is.
I'm smart enough to know that if I don't find a path TOWARD something, I'm just going to find another destructive behavior to make me feel as though I have control over *something.*
(Gosh--looks like I need a waaaahmbulance.
Maybe step one for me is VENT-like-a-crazy-person! 
)
I still don't know. Only now, it's more obvious.
Where to start? (I'd ask my friends, but I don't have any.)
I've never had success with therapy...although I can remember some of the tags I got over the years: PTSD, ADD, GAD, OCD, Addiction, perfectionism, codependent, cutter, eating disorder...each of these things were correct descriptions at various times in my life. (e.g. when cutting was not acceptable to me any longer, I opted for the eating disorder, but that began to damage my teeth, so I switched to alcohol eventually...) The common thread--I didn't know what else to do.
I know what NOT to do, and once I decide to NOT do something, I can be pretty impressive in how marvelously I fail to do it. It's finding what I'm SUPPOSED to do that baffles me.
Anyone had any experience with this? Has anyone gone from being completely lost in a shrinking Life and somehow figured out what he/she actually was supposed to be doing all along?
I'm sober.
I'm healthy.
I'm educated.
I'm horrendously bored.
I'm ready to work for it...but I don't know what "it" is.
I'm smart enough to know that if I don't find a path TOWARD something, I'm just going to find another destructive behavior to make me feel as though I have control over *something.*
(Gosh--looks like I need a waaaahmbulance.
Maybe step one for me is VENT-like-a-crazy-person! )
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Yorkshire, England.
Posts: 11
I'm only 6 days sober and can kind of relate to what you say. I have my AA meetings, running club and a gym I go to. Other than that, I don't have much going on in my life. I don't have any real friends either (lost them all through drinking). I do know though that the reason I have the life I have is because of the drinking. I feel so much better physically after 6 days (no waking up in the middle of the night, no more being sick on a morning, no more having a terrible hangover etc...).
I know if I am to build a life I want then I cannot drink anymore. I also know I can't stop on my own so I go to AA. To be honest though it it's a good job my life is empty and unrewarding. If it wasn't, I would have no reason to stop drinking. It's because my life is like it is that I know I have to keep moving forward. It's a terrible feeling to be 32 and feel your life is over.
Hang in there, I know I am.
Regards
Diggler.
I know if I am to build a life I want then I cannot drink anymore. I also know I can't stop on my own so I go to AA. To be honest though it it's a good job my life is empty and unrewarding. If it wasn't, I would have no reason to stop drinking. It's because my life is like it is that I know I have to keep moving forward. It's a terrible feeling to be 32 and feel your life is over.
Hang in there, I know I am.
Regards
Diggler.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Creatuer_Ohabit welcome to SR, I can really relate to those feelings you are going through right now, I was all of these when I got out of detox:
In detox they told me that if I wanted a chance to stay sober to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor. Well the only thing I really knew for sure when I got out of detox was I wanted to stay sober so I did as they suggested. The first 3-4 weeks of going to AA meetings and having a sponsor I really did not see how AA was going to help.
I was staying busy, I was making a few sober friends, but it was not until I got past about a month sober that I started to "Get it". The meetings alone were helping me stay sober! What helped the most at the time was knowing I was not alone, there were a lot of people just like me, yet there was a major difference which gave me hope, they were sober and they were happy!!!!
Well at about the 2 month sober mark I was really starting to feel those old urges to drink sneaking back up on me. I had heard so many people in AA who were HAPPY sharing that the key to it all was in the steps! Well I got another sponsor and started working the steps. What a difference!!!!! The obsession to drink was lifted from me and I began to be happy with myself and those around me both in AA and out. There are so many promises in the book Alcoholics Anonymous that have come true for me due to working and living the steps, the ones below are part of them:
Today I am a free man, I am free from alcohol and self! I have a purpose in life, that purpose is to help others, especially fellow alcoholics who are seeking a way out, I share with them what I and millions of others have found to work for us.
Hang in there, if you are not in a recovery program I strongly suggest getting into one, there are others besides AA, do not try to do this alone, get into a recovery program.
I'm sober.
I'm healthy.
I'm educated.
I'm horrendously bored.
I'm ready to work for it...but I don't know what "it" is.
I'm healthy.
I'm educated.
I'm horrendously bored.
I'm ready to work for it...but I don't know what "it" is.
I was staying busy, I was making a few sober friends, but it was not until I got past about a month sober that I started to "Get it". The meetings alone were helping me stay sober! What helped the most at the time was knowing I was not alone, there were a lot of people just like me, yet there was a major difference which gave me hope, they were sober and they were happy!!!!
Well at about the 2 month sober mark I was really starting to feel those old urges to drink sneaking back up on me. I had heard so many people in AA who were HAPPY sharing that the key to it all was in the steps! Well I got another sponsor and started working the steps. What a difference!!!!! The obsession to drink was lifted from me and I began to be happy with myself and those around me both in AA and out. There are so many promises in the book Alcoholics Anonymous that have come true for me due to working and living the steps, the ones below are part of them:
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. The Promises
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
Hang in there, if you are not in a recovery program I strongly suggest getting into one, there are others besides AA, do not try to do this alone, get into a recovery program.
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Hey Creature OHabit,
Big ups on your 23 days. Personally, I have yet to meet somebody in recovery who hasn't gone through periods of "So now what?".
For me, one of the benefits of A.A. and N.A. has been the opportunity to get involved and try to help other people. If you choose a different path in recovery, I'd still recommend getting involved in some kind of volunteer work helping other people. It takes the focus off of "you".
As a sober, healthy, and educated human being, you have a lot to offer the world and the world needs what you have to offer. It is easy to take the cynical way out and think "What difference can I possibly make, things being what they are?" My experience in the programs has shown me that a bunch of individuals doing what they can to make a difference makes a difference. I believe this is the case in things outside of the small world of 12 step recovery programs but it was in the 12 step recovery programs where I first saw it happen in my life. In helping other people, we are actually helping ourselves.
If our only purpose in life, "God's will for us" as my sponsor likes to say, is to love other people and help them when we are able, it's not like we live a pointless existence. If there is a better purpose than that, I'm having a hard time thinking of it.
Big ups on your 23 days. Personally, I have yet to meet somebody in recovery who hasn't gone through periods of "So now what?".
For me, one of the benefits of A.A. and N.A. has been the opportunity to get involved and try to help other people. If you choose a different path in recovery, I'd still recommend getting involved in some kind of volunteer work helping other people. It takes the focus off of "you".
As a sober, healthy, and educated human being, you have a lot to offer the world and the world needs what you have to offer. It is easy to take the cynical way out and think "What difference can I possibly make, things being what they are?" My experience in the programs has shown me that a bunch of individuals doing what they can to make a difference makes a difference. I believe this is the case in things outside of the small world of 12 step recovery programs but it was in the 12 step recovery programs where I first saw it happen in my life. In helping other people, we are actually helping ourselves.
If our only purpose in life, "God's will for us" as my sponsor likes to say, is to love other people and help them when we are able, it's not like we live a pointless existence. If there is a better purpose than that, I'm having a hard time thinking of it.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
If our only purpose in life, "God's will for us" as my sponsor likes to say, is to love other people and help them when we are able, it's not like we live a pointless existence. If there is a better purpose than that, I'm having a hard time thinking of it.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Creature OHabit.....Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum
I found my purpose in life by living the program of AA.
There are so many facets to explore
Many new friends not yet met
It's an awesome adventure!
Well done on your sober time!
I found my purpose in life by living the program of AA.
There are so many facets to explore
Many new friends not yet met
It's an awesome adventure!
Well done on your sober time!
God is my benzo
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Charlotte, nc
Posts: 198
Check out the book "sober living", it's an AA book that deals with life after booze.
It helped me more than I can say when I was new.
And the "it" that you were referring to, these are a few of the promises of AA....
Big Book
Pages 83-84 in later editions.
The Promises
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
It helped me more than I can say when I was new.
And the "it" that you were referring to, these are a few of the promises of AA....
Big Book
Pages 83-84 in later editions.
The Promises
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Last edited by CarolD; 02-11-2008 at 09:35 PM. Reason: Added link
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 4
First, thank you for overlooking my shortcomings and offering support. Accepting (a) that I need help (b) that I can learn how to accept it and (c) that there are those who actually want to help all play a part of my growth right now, I think.
Diggler: Congrats on your six days! And THANK you for reminding me of how much worse things could be (sick, etc.) and that, if it weren't for my empty life, I may not have stopped drinking. I'm 36, but...I think we still have time to build a life we wouldn't want to risk losing.
Tazman, findingout, CarolD, and 29a: Your posts have made me think I should rethink my reasons for not going to meetings...I'm not saying I'm going yet, but I'm considering it. I'll check out what's available in my area.
Also, findingout and Tazman: About an hour after I posted, I realized that my desire to volunteer in my community can now be realized--I couldn't do it before I got sober, and it's one thing that has ALWAYS made my life more fulfilling!
Thanks again.
I hope you each have had a good start to your week.
Diggler: Congrats on your six days! And THANK you for reminding me of how much worse things could be (sick, etc.) and that, if it weren't for my empty life, I may not have stopped drinking. I'm 36, but...I think we still have time to build a life we wouldn't want to risk losing.
Tazman, findingout, CarolD, and 29a: Your posts have made me think I should rethink my reasons for not going to meetings...I'm not saying I'm going yet, but I'm considering it. I'll check out what's available in my area.
Also, findingout and Tazman: About an hour after I posted, I realized that my desire to volunteer in my community can now be realized--I couldn't do it before I got sober, and it's one thing that has ALWAYS made my life more fulfilling!
Thanks again.
I hope you each have had a good start to your week.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Creature one of my biggest fears I had when I first quit drinking was "What in the world am I going to do if I am not drinking?" Everything I did involved drinking, in the end I did nothing except drink and do things that I could do while drinking.
What has amazed me is that today I can do every single thing I did while drinking better sober!!! I am also able to do a lot of things I could not do while drinking!
Basically in a nutshell, as long as I stay sober, the world is my oyster!
I have the program of AA & the fellowship of AA to thank for that.
What has amazed me is that today I can do every single thing I did while drinking better sober!!! I am also able to do a lot of things I could not do while drinking!
Basically in a nutshell, as long as I stay sober, the world is my oyster!
I have the program of AA & the fellowship of AA to thank for that.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
