PaperDolls

How are you today Patrick?

IMHomerSimpson

hi,im ok today but my stomach hurts a bit.
I just wanna say that i already did lose 1 sons' growing years,he couldnt wait to get out of the house and now resides at his college.Sure i was there for him,mostly just physically,but was in control up until he was about 7 or 8 years old then very slowly faded into a heavy drinker.Now my 11 year old? well he never had the "fun" me,in his eyes im just Dad the drinker,the guy who rarely shows up at his ball games or any activity at that.It hurts,deep inside it hurts that I neglected to get involved with his life,and it shows.
I know i cant change time but Im at the point where I find it hard to be loving with both my boys because i can only imagine what they think in thier minds,must be alot of hate i assume.

Lately Ive become very depressed,very afraid of death,very afraid of basicaly everything.Ok,im not making much sense again so i will stop writing.And no,i have not been drinking.

PaperDolls

You're making complete sense to me. Of course your depressed.......but you can get better. I'm not saying it'll be a piece of cake but it is possible.

It is true that you can't change the past but you can shape the future. Do you want to be around for your son in the future? I know you do and I bet your conflicted about it. Drinking was my friend.......and I gave things up that I shouldn't have so I could keep it around. And honestly, after two years sober, I still miss it. But it's sort of like a bad friend in your life that you keep around because you think it's fun but it clouds your judgment and it turns out it not a friend at all and it's taking over your life. It's hard to see it while your in it because you think you're having fun but then all of a sudden it's not fun anymore. At that point you've lost control and the bad "friend" has got it. That may be a really bad analogy, I'm pretty bad at that, but hopefully you get my point. It's hard to give you drinking for some of us because sometimes we think that's all we've got. Turns out, those of us that thought that were wrong.

I don't remember, so forgive me, but have you been to in-patient treatment? I would seriously think about it Patrick. I never went but there were lots of times I wanted to. I was always too scared and ashamed. I think ashamed mostly. I'm just telling you that so you know I understand how you may feel about it. There's some people around here (SR) that are only here because they got into treatment and got sober. We want you to stay around SR. You are a good person, you may not be able to see it but you are. You have huge heart and for me, it shows in all of your posts.

My mom got sober in her mid-50's. I was pissed at her for a long time but I never stopped loving her. I'm so glad she decided to join us in life again. We're all better off for it.
She drank herself just to the brink of death but she fought (and it was long fight) and she won. If she can do it, you can do it.

What do you say, wanna start your life again?

Tazman53

Patrick today I am a LOVED father to all 6 of my children!!!

Why?

Because I was man enough to be willing to do what ever it took to get and stay sober!!!

Sitting on a pity pot typing on a keyboard is nothing but crying "Oh feel sorry for me, I am not willing nor man enough to take the actions needed to get and stay sober!

Patrick rather then sitting on your butt posting here about how miserable you are and how horrible your life is why don't you get up off your arse and take some action?

People for several years have told you time and time again what they have done to get and stay sober.

They got off off thier pity pots and took action!!!

So many people here have given you advise that you have chosen to do nothing with!

Get off the pity pot Patrick, man up and take some action!!!

Crying "Poor me!" will never allow you to be a father and if you keep it up it will result in your kids having a dead father.

problemchild

I have a 11 yr old son also, when i arrived home for some time off we went to the video store as usual and then home, unusual , because used to be we would have to go to get alcohol i thought i needed when i got home. We arrived back home and i was playing a video with him and he just looked up at me and said i am glad your not drinking...... Enuff said.
You are in my prayers brother, Take care, John

tiburon88

Patrick, perhaps your not a alcoholic. I mean you seem to be able to keep a good paying job and can take wonderful vacations every year. If I could hold a job I would not try to quit drinking. Perhaps you have not had enough pain with the horrors of addiction. Good Luck

nandm

Said with more tact than I am able to. Thanks Taz

IMHomerSimpson

i must disagree,no ferkin pity party,if i want drama i just step out my comfort zone!! no chit

i said journalizing my life,not trying to make a movie,just trying to break a very bad habit.

and nah,im not angry,really

IMHomerSimpson

actually,i dont give a $.... about your thoughts,that goes foe everybody here.
its my journal that talks $.... back to me!
but i love it,i aint even gotta leave the house without pissing the public off! im good,very good

IMHomerSimpson

go ahead have a drink man!

oh it feels so good,but just eats ya up like a tapeworm!
make the world hate ya and all while ya feel like $... !!!!

oh,drinking is fun,relaxing,refreshing!!!! ferk that,its all a lie!!!!

fifty

Hey Patrick,

Wow! In reading your posts I can relate to many things. In your last post though I agree with your decision to make it an all out effort to stay sober. I think the biggest thing for you and I right now is the part about "not remembering". I've been so embarrased b/c I've forgotten conversations from the night before and was too afraid to ask them what I had said....or remembering going on family trips and what we did or when it all occured. I tried the "only gonna have just a few drinks before" as well and it doesn't work, at least not in my opinion. Our tolerance level is so bloody high that it takes alot for us to feel a buzz so we keep on pushing it and by the time we reach it, it's too late. Take one step at a time brother, it's all we can do. I know right now, for me, I don't remember how to relax w/o drinking or what it's like to be happy. I'm trying to rekindle my relationship with some old things that I use to do, ie..hobbies/clubs/etc... as well as new things. My mind hasn't been sober in 12 years so for it to be clean for two days now is something, I actually feel good but need to keep the reassurance up.

take care bro and keep checking in!

Fifty

User_Name

SR gave me the push I needed to get my butt to AA. I didn't know what to do but I know I wanted to stop drinking. Have you tried AA? It's the only thing that has worked for me. I explored every other route I could think of but AA is where I belong. It's really a nice place if you are alcoholic. People understand, and people will help you if you want to help yourself.

nandm

Sometimes it takes getting angry and winding up in enough pain to figure out that nothing changes if nothing changes. It is up to you whether you want to stay angry and in pain, or whether you want a better life for you, your wife, and your children. Only you can make that change, and that means putting one foot in front of the other and just doing it. Talk never got anyone better.

caraway

I feel like that a few hours after drinking and in the first few days of sobriety. It can be like hell on earth. I came off a binge at the beginning of this year. I'd got really depressed and the after effects of the alcohol made me start obsessively worrying that I would go to the most awful hell when I died. Fortunately those thoughts gradually faded and I don't feel like that anymore. Not that I'm suddenly a better person, just my body is coping a bit better with toxins and I'm on a program of recovery.

The only words that encouraged me when I was down and hung over were kind words of encouragement. I was lucky enough to get just that.

You can't suddenly become a better Dad until you start looking after yourself properly. You really need to take CARE of yourself. (I remember somebody saying to me, look after yourself, because nobody else will.) People can give you encouragement but only you can do it.

Anyway, God bless and don't know what else to say except maybe 'hand it over to your HP', 'let go and let God'.

Tazman53

Its not a pity party????

I call BULL!!!! Look at your post!!!! Read them! As you read them ask your self "Are these post any different then when I first came to SR?

Ask your self HONESTLY "Have I really done a stinking thing to get and stay sober that anyone has suggested to you OVER & OVER again except to cry to the doctor and take some pills? NOPE!!!!

Patrick people come here to either get or stay sober, you have been here long enough to see plenty of people get and stay sober. Yes a lot of them did come here and cry the blues and every one gave them support and suggestions on what to do to get and stay sober.

Now look at the difference between you and them! They took actions, they were willing to do what ever it took for them to get and stay sober. Name one action (Except crying to a doctor) that you have taken!

You have done absolutely nothing but whine.

Oh I am a lousy father!!!

Oh I can't stop drinking!

I hate myself!

I did the same thing for years!!!! I finally MANNED UP and took ACTION!!!!! I became willing to do what ever it took to get and stay sober!!!! I went through detox and then I went to AA! Did I want to do that? Hell NO!!!!

But I was man enough to be willing to do what ever it takes to get and stay sober!!!!

Are you man enough to become willing to do what ever it takes to get and stay sober?

Unless you take action the answer is no!!!

ACTIONS:

Going into detox.
Going to rehab.
Getting onto a recovery program.
Doing the work needed to be done in a recovery program.

Keep on whining Patrick!

How many more years will you be on SR whining poor me drinking in all the attention that people who do not know that you are not willing to do a damn thing to get and stay sober?

Keep up the whining Patrick and taking no action, one day you will be on here saying something like:

"Poor me, I just came home from the hospital because I have cirrosis of the liver."

Will you be willing at that point to man up?

Or will you just sit on your pity pot and die?

GettinSober

Tazman,

I don't think that attitude is helpful although it's obvious you speak from the heart as you care passionately about the subject and about AA and recovery. Alcohol kills - you know that and you want to help - but nobody can give up unless they really want to do it for themselves. We can plead, critisise, empathise and eulogise but people must do it for themselves. That's what you are saying but I doubt Patrick will take it that way. In some ways you're critique implies that Patrick has a choice and in some ways of course we all do, but ONLY when we hit our 'bottom' where it's either death or recovery. Remember you telling everyone how this is a disease? I don't see us all shouting at people with diabetes! (I never really accepted - and still don't - the disease argument but I'm just using the analogy as I know you and plenty of others do - you can't have it both ways!) Patrick obviously isn't at his 'bottom' yet and as a result we can only be here for him and over emotive responses one way or the other will not help.

Patrick, I hit my bottom and imagined life without booze. It didn't scare me actually as I imagined a life of learning another language, an instrument, a fitter body, a better career, the admiration of my peers, child and wife, a better wardrobe I could fit in and wonderful experiences that I could remember the day afterwards. I felt sorry that I couldn't do some of these things without the occasional drink of beer or wine, as I know my friends and family like socialising with alcohol now and again, but I realised that this small sacrifice was worth paying for the man I dreamed that I could be.

I'm getting there now - my Italian is coming along nicely - my physique is about where I need it to be to get that brand new wardrobe I have promised myself - the career is going great - I read loads of books - and my family respect me more. The guitar playing is still rubbish and I am learning how to swim better (to do a triathlon) but I'm getting there. In all honesty I have little time to drink!

I did this without AA and don't consider myself to be unhappy (or a dry drunk as some people call it). AA is obviously a wonderful solution for some and it might be the solution for you.

For me I just imagined myself to be happy and took myself to that place.

I think keeping busy with productive things that help you grow as a person (via AA, other methods, or the personalised approach) is the main thing.

I hope that helps.

bugsworth

Gettinsober, thank you for posting, I too feel the previous post is very heavy handed.
I have seen many people IN aa stumble and fall over and over yet they are not chastised like this.

There are many promises that come true when one seeks sobriety...lol I have to laugh cause a new wardrobe was one of mine. I also am testing for my black belt next month a dream I allowed alcohol to ruin.

The first step Patrick is letting go...second step moving forward. The world opens up in a way you can't imagine.

Tommyh

homer
by reading this thread and your posts,
you are a failure at drinking and a failure at life
and untill you can accept it,you are beyond help and it will progessively get worst.

ya can`t drink right
ya make excuses,we call it rationlizations or insanity
ya screwed up relationships...


better you than me pal...good luck!

Tazman53

GettinSober, I concur that I am being heavy handed with Patrick, I wish someone had been heavy handed to me when I was where he is at right now.

I was just like Patrick, crying woe is me to who ever would listen, being given advice over and over again and not doing a darn thing about it, I just sat on my pity pot and cried and drank.

I love Patrick, you see he is me in my 40's screwing up my families home life, they were ashamed of me, they did not have friends over and hated it when I showed up at one of their events because most of the time I would embarass them.

Bugs there is a HUGE difference between some one in AA or any other recovery program and Patrick, they are taking actions to get sober, they are not sitting in front of a computor for almost 5 years doing nothing except crying "Woe is me."

Patrick knows I love him, I have told him many times over the past year, I am not the first person to tell Patrick what I have said to him here. There are a lot of other old timers here who used to do the same but have decided to quit wasting thier time on him because he does NOTHING except cry "Woe is me!"

Trust me for 5 years people have been coddling him and it has led to nothing except Patrick cotinuing to cry "Woe is me!".

Patrick knows I am right, he knows that I see myself in him, but as GettinSOber has said Patrick is not ready, Patrick enjoys sitting on his pity pot and getting attention from folks feeling sorry for him. He knows he has not done a thing for the 5 years he has been here sitting on his pity pot to get sober.

Patrick I spent a lot of years on that pity pot just like you, I was not man enough to get off of that pity pot and do what it took to get sober. I wish that I had known about this board and some one could see that when I was spouting my bull I needed to be called on it and not coddled, who knows my older kids may have enjoyed a few years with a sober father instead of being raised by an embarassing drunk.

Patrick you are me 10 years before I quit drinking, I love you, get off of the pity pot and take some action, get into a rehab or at least some sort of recovery program, trust me when I say that once you stay sober for some time and start working on your self that not only will you see what a great person the sober you really is, but your entire family will also!! Mine did, but I gyped them out of 10 years because no one would tell me like it is!

GettinSober

Taz,

Maybe it's the phrase 'PityPot' that rankles with me slightly? It's one thing applying it to your own history and quite another issuing the label to another (even though it may be an accurate colloquialism?) That's just my take on it. For what it is worth though I don't love Patrick as much as you Tazman. I'm not here often enough to do so, and frankly I had a big enough job learning to love myself for a few years!

Bballdad,

Wow - where to start with your constructive message? We all listened to people telling us what useless, immoral failures we were when we were drinking didn't we? Actually no we didn't - it made us want to drink even more to 'show them'. (Well it did me!)

Anyway - peace out. We're all different and this is just my $0.02 - My mother always told me that unless I had something constructive to say then it was better to say nothing.

Learn to love your potential Patrick - Imagine it and then just travel there.