Kasey

I looked at my face in the mirror for five years and said that same thing Homer. I tried to save my marriage with those promises and in the end you can't believe an addict. Now I just wish I could raise the nerve to pay bills on time.

Grace that was a very moving story.I hope the best for you, I really do.

jimhere

The last three years I drank I wanted to stop, but couldn't. The most powerful desire I could muster up (which by the way is the only requirement to call myself an AA member) wasn't enough. You see I still thought there was something I was going to do. I had all the plans-go to treatment again, do ninety in ninety, change of environment, you name it. You see lack of power is only a dilemma if you want to stop and find you can't.

I know what you are experiencing homer, and I wish there was something I could say, some neat little pat answer I could give you. All I can say is I hope you are done. I didn't know I was done when I was done.

Sad to say, there wasn't anything anyone could say or do, nor was there there anything I could do to get me to the place I need to be. I can't bring about my own surrender. The only thing that could do the job was The Great Persuader, alcohol.

I wish you luck on your little venture, homer. PM me if I you think I could be of assistance.
Jim

Tazman53

Patrick I hope you are enjoying your cruise and have found those friends of Bill W.

Grace you and your husband will be in my prayers, just to let you know we have a gentleman in my area in AA who has 26 years sober that was given the same prognosis your husband was, he is well aware that to drink again he will die in a very short time, but he stays sober and he does as the doctor says.

Grace just a suggestion, but once your husband is lucid it can not hurt a thing for you to call the AA hot line in your area, explain what is going on and ask if a couple of guys could do a "12th step" call on your husband, they can hold out hands of hope to him if he will take them.

IMHomerSimpson

well guys,the trip was fun,found the friends of bill w. on the ship and there was a man and woman in the room,i never entered,just pretended i was looking for something else.
i did drink on a few of the days with one night getting drunk.
i havent had a beer in 3 days now,no withdrawals other than being grumpy alot.
i found aa meetings in the town next to me and just need the courage to drive there and for once introduce myself as an alcoholic.

thanks for the love and sorry to hear about your situation Grace,i really appreciate the time you took to write that.
i will check back later

Tazman53

Patrick you do not need to introduce your self as an alcoholic, hell you do not have to say a word, walk in and take a seat in the back.

NoMoBeer

Hmmmm.... the above 2 sentences kind of contradict each other...


Hey buddy!

I haven't been on the boards much, but trying to stay more involved. Great to see you on here, alive.

Darn it, man -- if I could afford it, I would fly up to take your butt to a meeting!!! Don't just linger outside, GO IN! Hope you will give AA a fair shake.

You know where to find me. If you lost my email or phone number, send me a PM and glad to shoot them to you... I am more than happy to help answer questions, listen to you gripe or just talk...

Come on down to Phoenix March 23rd, just found out I am doing a speaker meeting and pretty nervous about it. Never done that before (I'm the speaker!), so it should be interesting....

Patrick, more than anything -- remember it's a one day at a time deal.

Be well...

Ken

PaperDolls

Taz took my line! :chatter

Patrick: do you know why you decided to drink instead of go to the meetings?

IMHomerSimpson

it was an easy decision,i said to my demon that i wont stoop that low,i mean wtf,im on a cruise,why stop now!

u asked,i answered

IMHomerSimpson

yup,and again im legaly too drunk to drive!
im depressed,even after a 7 thousand dollar vacation!!!!!
most ppl would literally die for the life ive been having,no money woes and just doing whatever I feel like doing whenever i feel like doing!
i do randomly give expensive things away to peoples that are down,so i not ALL bad.

best

Easy in the moment

As for stooping that low? I see it more as... The good stuff is on the top shelf. It takes effort to reach "UP".
No one said it would be easy but we all would tell you how much better it is.

Your choice.

Rowan

Read Grace's story again, Patrick. Read it slowly, and out loud to yourself.

PaperDolls

Homer -- I don't think your "that bad". I am a drunk after all. I appreciate honesty and it's good for you I think. I probably would have been thinking the same thing as you if I was on a cruise, so I totally understand. I don't think anyone's judging you. It's just ........ if you want to quit, you have to take the steps toward it not away from it. I don't think going to an AA meeting on a cruise is stooping low ..... it's just taking care of yourself.

Keep posting. We'll be here to listen.

NoMoBeer

YOU are not a bad guy -- but the disease is... and it will kill you if it has the chance.

The best news is you don't HAVE to live like this... as my sponsor said to me a while back -- this cr*p can stop today. You just have to be willing enough to go sit in a meeting. When you feel like sharing, you will.

Oh yeah -- and don't beat yourself up too much, please try to look at the good parts of the vacation and remember those.

Ken

29a

good luck man, your story reminded me alot of my own
I wish you the best

serenityqueen

Not sure how to quote yet, but you stated that most people would die to have what you have or something to that effect.

Patrick, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS GOING TO DIE!

That's the bottom line. You are not invincible. None of us are. Read Grace's post again. My heart goes out to her. I watch my little Sister die a long, slow, horrible, painful death of cirrohis of the liver. There are no words for what alcohol does to your body. You already know what's it's doing to you emotionally.I will pray for you. That's all I can do.

f911

I'm not a big believer in trite quotes but "nothing changes is nothing changes".
I've been using this board for years (finally registered in 2006) and all your posts have always been the same.

Surely there must be something out there to capture your interest.

Truely, wishing you the best.

jane

Tazman53

Hey Patrick you know those 2 folks that you were not about to stoop to thier level on the cruise I bet really enjoyed the cruise and remembered every waking moment of it to!!!

Patrick the reason you did not go into that meeting and drank instead was not that you did not want to stoop that low, it was because like me at one time...... ALCOHOL OWNS YOU!!!!!!

I have to assume that you feel every sober alcoholic on this board is beneath you after you saying that you would not stoop that low to go to a meeting!

Patrick you know there are an awful lot of DEAD alcoholics who would not stoop so low as to go to an AA meeting or any other recovery program!

I went to detox and then AA for one reason......... I DID NOT WANT TO DIE!!!!!

Patrick do you want to DIE?

Kickit

Hi,

Totally know where you are coming from. I first came here in 2006 (?) cos I had done something terrible from drink and wanted to get sober, lasted 2 months that time. Back again in 2007, nope 1 week or so that time. This time I am so sick and tired of it all, no trauma just fed up with the whole cycle.

Enjoy your sober cruise and good luck!

problemchild

Patrick , we both have been on this board for quite sometime now, trying to quit, and only to once more pick up again. I wondered why all these people get it and i do not,? Well just recently i answered my own question, even though i knew it along, I was not full as they say, was not at my bottom, deep down was not ready to quit. I realize that now because i hit MY bottom, not the furthest bottom i have mind you, but what i like to call my wake up bottom.
I have read your post's where you have hurt your family , your neighbors and most importantly yourself , i know what it's like because i have done the same, and there are day's now that those things haunt me, can't change them i only can do the best i can for today and with any grace those wounds shall heal.
I am at the point where i am willing to do WHATEVER it takes to stay sober, and what do you know, ? By damn i am sober, the cravings are less frequent and less in strength , and i look foward to waking up sober, funny i woke up today and even smiled at myself in the mirror.
What i am trying to say is that i read your posts and realize you are not full , you are not willing to do ANYTHING to get sober , yes i hear ya , as i did you stand on the mountain and scream, i am ready to quit , i don't want this, but yet we kept doing it because deep down we did not want or were afraid to let it go.
I relate to you, and alot of your story could be mine, i hope you read this with a open mind and heart , just as it was written from..
Wake up Patrick not everyone is as lucky to have lasted as long in this sh#@
as we have..

Take care, John

Tazman53

Well said John, I was out there for 40 damn years, the last 10 I was just like Patrick, I was killing myself and hurting everyone around me!

I was crying "Oh woe is poor pitiful old me, I want to quit, I try to quit, but I can't quit!" I was like the little boy who cried wolf!!!! Every one quit listening to me whining about poor pitiful me.

When I finally had enough to drink I went into detox and then to AA, the very last place I wanted to go to for help, there I found people who loved and cared for me no matter what.

If I had not been in Patricks shoes I would throw the towel in on him. He has been on a pity pot ever since he came to these boards which was long before I got here.

I cried wolf right up until I was 52 years old, my 4 oldest kids were grown and out of the house, they never had a sober father, my youngest 2 were 14 when I finally got sober, at least they will have a sober dad for a few of their formative years.

I keep hoping and praying that Patrick will decide to grow up before his children do, I pray his kids will not wind up like my older kids did. Do not get me wrong, they are all successful, but they never had a dad while they were growing up, they had a drunk who did not have the guts to do what ever it took to get and stay sober until after they were grown.