from the rehab guy (update)
sic transit amore
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: arkansas
Posts: 11
from the rehab guy (update)
well, i've got a lot of time on my hands these days, so i figured i'd stop back by here and give an update on my current situation.
first i'll say (and some of you may remember) that i'm the guy who a week or so ago was posting questions about the cenikor program and what it was about. i only got one answer about it from a person that worked there, and they didn't seem very nice. then the thread turned into a big "do you want to get sober?" thing, and it got ugly for a second there, until a few people that truly care stepped in with some words of encouragement. for those people, i am very grateful.
now down to business. i have decided i definitely will NOT be doing the cenikor program. i want to quit on my own terms, not just because my rich uncle can get me out of legal troubles. i bought the ticket, i'm prepared to take the ride. if i have to hit rock bottom (as i have many times, with drugs), then so be it. i got myself off of drugs without going to N.A. and i'm not looking back. two slip-ups in a year and a half is much more progress than being a daily user.
when i wrote my past posts i was still drinking a fifth of whiskey a day. as of this past tuesday i moved in with my sister and her four children who live about thirty minutes out of where i used to live. they live in a dry county, and it's too far and too cold to even walk to a restaurant that serves alcohol. the only detox program within hundreds of miles is a place called Decision Point, and they want $2,000 for four days of detox. i tried to check myself into a hospital this past monday, but they told me that they wouldn't admit me unless i was literally about to die. the fact that i was shaking like a leaf and nauseus just wasn't good enough for them. they told me to come back when i was having hallucinations. i even tried to check into a detox in little rock (which is 350 miles away), but they told me that since i lived in fayetteville, they wouldn't take me, and i had to go to decision point. there's the healthcare system for you.
on the good side of things, i spoke with the guy from the court who did my screening and told him how unfeasable it would be for me to do the after-jail rehab, and he set up another screening for me and told me that if i didn't want to have to do in-patient, then to attend A.A. meetings before the next screening. i attended my first one today, and it's pretty much exactly like i remember it. the topic was about god, which is an aspect of A.A. i really don't care for. i'm not an agnostic, i'm a die-hard athiest...that's not to say the program wouldn't work, it's just another reason i don't think it's for me. i can recall from my years in A.A. when the older, more pompous types would argue that even taking medication for depression was going against the program because they are "mind-altering substances."
don't get me wrong, i know not all A.A.s are like that, but it's that sort of politics that really draws me away from the program. there are good and bad aspects, and i'm glad it works for some, but it's not my bag. i want to try some other programs, but this being arkansas, it's hard to find programs like Rational Recovery, etc.
sorry, i'm not trying to trash on A.A., i'm more just typing this to rationalize it to myself. at any rate, i'm at my sister's house, helping her with her four kids and slowly trying to wean off of the sauce. she keeps it hidden in her bedroom and lets me have one beer for dinner (they drink a beer during dinner, too) and every night before bed she allots me one drink to get to sleep. she's been measuring the volume of alcohol she lets me have and keeps lowering and lowering the dosage. they are also giving me kilonopin at night time to help me sleep, as insomnia has been a major issue (the other day/night i stayed up for 36 hours straight...even after taking a multitude of sleeping pills and my nightly drink). don't worry about the kilonopin thing...i never was prone to becoming addicted to benzodiazapine tranquilizers, as i never enjoyed abusing them (besides, that's what a detox clinic would be giving me anyways).
it's coming along slowly, but surely. i'm still shaking like a leaf, i'm getting cold-sweats when i lay in bed at night, the insomnia is a bitch, and the depression and loneliness feel like they're going to kill me. i can't see the girl i love, and i may never see her again (she's supposed to move out of state while i'm in jail), and with three months of jail coming on the 25th of this month, it feels like the end of the world is nearing.
i'm just trying to remember that this too will pass. maybe i'll decide to turn my life around while i'm incarcirated...maybe not. only time will tell. i just know i miss the good aspects but hate the bad parts...i just can't be sure which one outweighs the other. maybe that bottom hasn't come yet...maybe it has, and it'll take being behind bars for me to see it. who knows?
...nobody probably cares about any of this. i just thought i'd rant around some people that have probably been there before.
be well.
-gray
first i'll say (and some of you may remember) that i'm the guy who a week or so ago was posting questions about the cenikor program and what it was about. i only got one answer about it from a person that worked there, and they didn't seem very nice. then the thread turned into a big "do you want to get sober?" thing, and it got ugly for a second there, until a few people that truly care stepped in with some words of encouragement. for those people, i am very grateful.
now down to business. i have decided i definitely will NOT be doing the cenikor program. i want to quit on my own terms, not just because my rich uncle can get me out of legal troubles. i bought the ticket, i'm prepared to take the ride. if i have to hit rock bottom (as i have many times, with drugs), then so be it. i got myself off of drugs without going to N.A. and i'm not looking back. two slip-ups in a year and a half is much more progress than being a daily user.
when i wrote my past posts i was still drinking a fifth of whiskey a day. as of this past tuesday i moved in with my sister and her four children who live about thirty minutes out of where i used to live. they live in a dry county, and it's too far and too cold to even walk to a restaurant that serves alcohol. the only detox program within hundreds of miles is a place called Decision Point, and they want $2,000 for four days of detox. i tried to check myself into a hospital this past monday, but they told me that they wouldn't admit me unless i was literally about to die. the fact that i was shaking like a leaf and nauseus just wasn't good enough for them. they told me to come back when i was having hallucinations. i even tried to check into a detox in little rock (which is 350 miles away), but they told me that since i lived in fayetteville, they wouldn't take me, and i had to go to decision point. there's the healthcare system for you.
on the good side of things, i spoke with the guy from the court who did my screening and told him how unfeasable it would be for me to do the after-jail rehab, and he set up another screening for me and told me that if i didn't want to have to do in-patient, then to attend A.A. meetings before the next screening. i attended my first one today, and it's pretty much exactly like i remember it. the topic was about god, which is an aspect of A.A. i really don't care for. i'm not an agnostic, i'm a die-hard athiest...that's not to say the program wouldn't work, it's just another reason i don't think it's for me. i can recall from my years in A.A. when the older, more pompous types would argue that even taking medication for depression was going against the program because they are "mind-altering substances."
don't get me wrong, i know not all A.A.s are like that, but it's that sort of politics that really draws me away from the program. there are good and bad aspects, and i'm glad it works for some, but it's not my bag. i want to try some other programs, but this being arkansas, it's hard to find programs like Rational Recovery, etc.
sorry, i'm not trying to trash on A.A., i'm more just typing this to rationalize it to myself. at any rate, i'm at my sister's house, helping her with her four kids and slowly trying to wean off of the sauce. she keeps it hidden in her bedroom and lets me have one beer for dinner (they drink a beer during dinner, too) and every night before bed she allots me one drink to get to sleep. she's been measuring the volume of alcohol she lets me have and keeps lowering and lowering the dosage. they are also giving me kilonopin at night time to help me sleep, as insomnia has been a major issue (the other day/night i stayed up for 36 hours straight...even after taking a multitude of sleeping pills and my nightly drink). don't worry about the kilonopin thing...i never was prone to becoming addicted to benzodiazapine tranquilizers, as i never enjoyed abusing them (besides, that's what a detox clinic would be giving me anyways).
it's coming along slowly, but surely. i'm still shaking like a leaf, i'm getting cold-sweats when i lay in bed at night, the insomnia is a bitch, and the depression and loneliness feel like they're going to kill me. i can't see the girl i love, and i may never see her again (she's supposed to move out of state while i'm in jail), and with three months of jail coming on the 25th of this month, it feels like the end of the world is nearing.
i'm just trying to remember that this too will pass. maybe i'll decide to turn my life around while i'm incarcirated...maybe not. only time will tell. i just know i miss the good aspects but hate the bad parts...i just can't be sure which one outweighs the other. maybe that bottom hasn't come yet...maybe it has, and it'll take being behind bars for me to see it. who knows?
...nobody probably cares about any of this. i just thought i'd rant around some people that have probably been there before.
be well.
-gray
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
Gray,
I just want to welcome you here, and say that it's cool to "rant". AA / NA works for some people, but it isn't the only option out there.
You are not alone. I read your post, and I hope you can find a full and complete recovery...on your own terms or on someone elses terms.
chip
I just want to welcome you here, and say that it's cool to "rant". AA / NA works for some people, but it isn't the only option out there.
You are not alone. I read your post, and I hope you can find a full and complete recovery...on your own terms or on someone elses terms.
chip
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,381
Just want to say Hey.
Have you checked to see if you could go to a treatment place instead of jail? Just thought if you have not checked into that, it might be an option. It never hurts to ask.
Did not mind at all reading your post. I know it helps just to get stuff of your chest.
Have you checked to see if you could go to a treatment place instead of jail? Just thought if you have not checked into that, it might be an option. It never hurts to ask.
Did not mind at all reading your post. I know it helps just to get stuff of your chest.
sic transit amore
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: arkansas
Posts: 11
it's worth a shot...i'll ask the guy who does assessments. but i doubt they'll let me. they're pretty harsh on DWI cases up here, especially if it's your third. thanks for the input, though.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
Posts: 226
Hi Gray. I admire the effort you're making to get out from under the hammer of alcohol. You're lucky to have the support of family. Remember, whatever pain and discomfort you're going through, physically and otherwise, it WILL go away as your body begins to recover. Be patient. Let it happen. Change is hard and usually hurts. A lot! But the pain of healing is a lot better than the hell I came out of us. Hope you find it that way too.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
hi again...
I too hope you can find your way back into health and peace.
Have you tried a recovery program named SMART?
They have a busy on line site.
SMART RecoveryŽ
Thanks for the update.
I too hope you can find your way back into health and peace.
Have you tried a recovery program named SMART?
They have a busy on line site.
SMART RecoveryŽ
Thanks for the update.
sic transit amore
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: arkansas
Posts: 11
i really appreciate the support from y'all. i plan on sending messages of my (hopeful) progress to this board, as you are the only people i can talk to about this who have been there before. there are people around me who care, but they just don't know where i'm coming from, y'know?
i've gone cold-turkey before for various reasons (not being able to afford any, the first time i joined A.A. years ago, etc.) and they were pure hell. the vomiting, the diarrhea, the heavy shaking...i could go on. i'm not experiencing any of those right now, and i'm positive it's because i'm slowly drinking less and less at the discretion of my sister (who is a very sober, loving, level-headed person). i realize this could all be worse...i mean, she cooks me food, i have a bed to sleep in, i have cable TV to watch...i could be doing this in a jail cell, y'know?
i'm still having pretty bad withdrawal symptoms, though, as is to be expected: i'm still shaking like a leaf; my vision is blurred; my back is KILLING me; i'm cranky, edgy, and a nervous wreck; i can't sleep for a damn; and GOD, the depression. i know that when i get out of jail i'm going to be homeless, and i have no idea where i'm going to go. i was homeless for a month before my sister took me in and a few people let me stay at their place, but i'm almost afraid that i've overstaid my welcome there. i just need somewhere within walking distance of work until i can get back on my feet. but that's not even the worst part...
the depression is killing me. i've already been diagnosed and hospitalized multiple times with a plethora of mental afflictions, major depressive disorder being the main one. i mentioned previously that a girl who i love dearly will be moving out of state while i am locked up, and it hurts so bad, it's all i can dwell on. i had lived with her for almost a year until january, but we still saw eachother every day. it kills me that i probably won't ever get to see her again after this is all said and done.
don't get me wrong - i know this isn't a relationship help line, and i don't expect any sympathy from anybody, but i cannot stress enough how dwelling on these things really weaken my morale. the main reason i drink is because i like the effects of alcohol, yes; however, one of the main effects of alcohol that i like is the fact that if these demons in my head start telling me that everything's going to hell and nothing's going to get better, all i would have to do is open a bottle, turn on the TV, and drink myself to sleep. there. no more problems until i wake up. then i can pour myself a drink into a coffee mug, go to work, and remain blissfully numb throughout my day. if i was feeling especially sad, i'd go to my favorite bar, shoot pool with my drinking buddies, and get completely obliterated.
...then i wouldn't feel so sad until i ran out of booze. and i'd do anything to get back to that numb state. whenever people would tell me that i'm killing myself, i would simply respond that i knew what i was doing, and i'd rather die a drunk than live having to cope with the horrible things that go on in my head.
...i guess that's why in my previous posts i said that i'm not sure i want to give up the drinking. i know it's a cowardly way out (and again, i MUST stress that i do NOT want your sympathies - i'm just getting this off my chest), but for the most part, i feel as if there is no fight left in me. people say that i'm one of the kindest, most polite people they've ever met, i have a great family, and i know if i drank myself to death, it would be so painful to them, words couldn't describe. i know that makes me selfish, i do.
but i also know that i can't get sober for them. i have to get sober for me.
...thing is, i'm not really all that sure that i care about me. i've spent so long pathetically placing my value on how much love and affection others would give me, and then i always end up drinking them away. it's a vicious cycle, and i hate it as much as anybody else.
yes, i know it's pathetic. it's very pathetic.
...but it has a few merits, i guess. nobody can say that i haven't lived.
that's all for now.
i wish you all well. thank you for listening to my tripe.
my best,
-gray
i've gone cold-turkey before for various reasons (not being able to afford any, the first time i joined A.A. years ago, etc.) and they were pure hell. the vomiting, the diarrhea, the heavy shaking...i could go on. i'm not experiencing any of those right now, and i'm positive it's because i'm slowly drinking less and less at the discretion of my sister (who is a very sober, loving, level-headed person). i realize this could all be worse...i mean, she cooks me food, i have a bed to sleep in, i have cable TV to watch...i could be doing this in a jail cell, y'know?
i'm still having pretty bad withdrawal symptoms, though, as is to be expected: i'm still shaking like a leaf; my vision is blurred; my back is KILLING me; i'm cranky, edgy, and a nervous wreck; i can't sleep for a damn; and GOD, the depression. i know that when i get out of jail i'm going to be homeless, and i have no idea where i'm going to go. i was homeless for a month before my sister took me in and a few people let me stay at their place, but i'm almost afraid that i've overstaid my welcome there. i just need somewhere within walking distance of work until i can get back on my feet. but that's not even the worst part...
the depression is killing me. i've already been diagnosed and hospitalized multiple times with a plethora of mental afflictions, major depressive disorder being the main one. i mentioned previously that a girl who i love dearly will be moving out of state while i am locked up, and it hurts so bad, it's all i can dwell on. i had lived with her for almost a year until january, but we still saw eachother every day. it kills me that i probably won't ever get to see her again after this is all said and done.
don't get me wrong - i know this isn't a relationship help line, and i don't expect any sympathy from anybody, but i cannot stress enough how dwelling on these things really weaken my morale. the main reason i drink is because i like the effects of alcohol, yes; however, one of the main effects of alcohol that i like is the fact that if these demons in my head start telling me that everything's going to hell and nothing's going to get better, all i would have to do is open a bottle, turn on the TV, and drink myself to sleep. there. no more problems until i wake up. then i can pour myself a drink into a coffee mug, go to work, and remain blissfully numb throughout my day. if i was feeling especially sad, i'd go to my favorite bar, shoot pool with my drinking buddies, and get completely obliterated.
...then i wouldn't feel so sad until i ran out of booze. and i'd do anything to get back to that numb state. whenever people would tell me that i'm killing myself, i would simply respond that i knew what i was doing, and i'd rather die a drunk than live having to cope with the horrible things that go on in my head.
...i guess that's why in my previous posts i said that i'm not sure i want to give up the drinking. i know it's a cowardly way out (and again, i MUST stress that i do NOT want your sympathies - i'm just getting this off my chest), but for the most part, i feel as if there is no fight left in me. people say that i'm one of the kindest, most polite people they've ever met, i have a great family, and i know if i drank myself to death, it would be so painful to them, words couldn't describe. i know that makes me selfish, i do.
but i also know that i can't get sober for them. i have to get sober for me.
...thing is, i'm not really all that sure that i care about me. i've spent so long pathetically placing my value on how much love and affection others would give me, and then i always end up drinking them away. it's a vicious cycle, and i hate it as much as anybody else.
yes, i know it's pathetic. it's very pathetic.
...but it has a few merits, i guess. nobody can say that i haven't lived.
that's all for now.
i wish you all well. thank you for listening to my tripe.
my best,
-gray
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Gray hang in there, as others have shared AA is not the only way, keep looking around at other programs, be willing to keep trying different ways, you may wind up back in AA, you may not, if you do just keep in mind there are quite a few aethiest in AA, seek some of them out on line, they may be able to help you get by the Higher Power deal. My present sponsee is an agnostic, not an aethiest, but we have found a way together that he has been able to work the program pretty well.
Not sure where you are at, but I myself have a few meetings I do not go to in my area because a couple of the folks there like to thump the Bible to much for my liking. I have simply found other meetings where they stick with the program and not religion.
You may want to do some checking around for "Sober" houses in your area.
Not sure where you are at, but I myself have a few meetings I do not go to in my area because a couple of the folks there like to thump the Bible to much for my liking. I have simply found other meetings where they stick with the program and not religion.
You may want to do some checking around for "Sober" houses in your area.
Next stop: real life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 990
One of the best things about SR, Grey, is that you don't have to apologize for or justify your feelings--we've all been there, in one way or another.
You don't sound like you're fishing for sympathy, you sound like you are and have been hurting. Is it selfish to keep drinking yourself numb, to not care if you drink yourself to death? Yep. Alcoholism is a selfish disease. An alcoholic acting selfish isn't exactly a shocker. 
I think we've all been there, Grey. I know one of the main reasons I drank was to quiet the awful chatter in my head. What I see in the above quote is the depression talking, and I'm willing to bet there's more to you than that.
I don't have a lot to contribute, but I can tell you one thing: a month ago those demons in my head were screaming that my world was going to end, and I more than halfway believed them. Three weeks into sobriety, and I can barely hear them anymore. I'm having to face a lot of sh*t that I created while drinking, and it sucks, but the hopelessness is gone.
Good luck, don't give up hope, and keep checking in here.
Best,
A
don't get me wrong - i know this isn't a relationship help line, and i don't expect any sympathy from anybody, but i cannot stress enough how dwelling on these things really weaken my morale. the main reason i drink is because i like the effects of alcohol, yes; however, one of the main effects of alcohol that i like is the fact that if these demons in my head start telling me that everything's going to hell and nothing's going to get better, all i would have to do is open a bottle, turn on the TV, and drink myself to sleep. there. no more problems until i wake up. then i can pour myself a drink into a coffee mug, go to work, and remain blissfully numb throughout my day. if i was feeling especially sad, i'd go to my favorite bar, shoot pool with my drinking buddies, and get completely obliterated.
...then i wouldn't feel so sad until i ran out of booze. and i'd do anything to get back to that numb state. whenever people would tell me that i'm killing myself, i would simply respond that i knew what i was doing, and i'd rather die a drunk than live having to cope with the horrible things that go on in my head.
...i guess that's why in my previous posts i said that i'm not sure i want to give up the drinking. i know it's a cowardly way out (and again, i MUST stress that i do NOT want your sympathies - i'm just getting this off my chest), but for the most part, i feel as if there is no fight left in me. people say that i'm one of the kindest, most polite people they've ever met, i have a great family, and i know if i drank myself to death, it would be so painful to them, words couldn't describe. i know that makes me selfish, i do.
...then i wouldn't feel so sad until i ran out of booze. and i'd do anything to get back to that numb state. whenever people would tell me that i'm killing myself, i would simply respond that i knew what i was doing, and i'd rather die a drunk than live having to cope with the horrible things that go on in my head.
...i guess that's why in my previous posts i said that i'm not sure i want to give up the drinking. i know it's a cowardly way out (and again, i MUST stress that i do NOT want your sympathies - i'm just getting this off my chest), but for the most part, i feel as if there is no fight left in me. people say that i'm one of the kindest, most polite people they've ever met, i have a great family, and i know if i drank myself to death, it would be so painful to them, words couldn't describe. i know that makes me selfish, i do.
I think we've all been there, Grey. I know one of the main reasons I drank was to quiet the awful chatter in my head. What I see in the above quote is the depression talking, and I'm willing to bet there's more to you than that. I don't have a lot to contribute, but I can tell you one thing: a month ago those demons in my head were screaming that my world was going to end, and I more than halfway believed them. Three weeks into sobriety, and I can barely hear them anymore. I'm having to face a lot of sh*t that I created while drinking, and it sucks, but the hopelessness is gone.
Good luck, don't give up hope, and keep checking in here.
Best,
A
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Gray let me first say congrats on your decision to overcome this affliction.
As to the word God that is talked about in AA meetings. I have some very dear, long time sober friends, that are DIE HARD atheists that use AA for their Recovery.
One from early recovery decided that GOD stood for Group Of Drunks. Has worked for him for a very long time. Another one decided that GOD stood for Good Orderly Direction, and that has worked for her for many years.
I personally, the first year of my recovery used a Harley Davidson Motorcycle as my HP. I know it's funny now, but hey it worked for me.
Sounds to me that for right now, this fellow has given you some good advice that will go in your favor, you might want to follow it for now.
No one says you have to stay with AA. There are other programs:
I hope the following can help:
LifeRing Secular Recovery
Home Page of LifeRing Secular Recovery
SMART
SMART RecoveryŽ
SOS - Secular Organisations for Sobriety
index.html
Women for Sobriety
Welcome to Women For Sobriety, Inc.
Information and analysis about addiction treatment and harm reduction:
The Stanton Peele Addiction Website
A useful AA reference:
Online AA resources (not official AA):
Online AA Recovery Resources
Moderation Management, the one group that deals with moderate drinking; useful for the guidelines:
Moderation Management
Some variations on 12 Step:
Agnostics AA:
Agnostic A.A. Meetings in New York City
Alcoholics Victorious (Christian 12 step):
The 12 Steps and Bible References
Pagan approach to 12 steps:
Anodea Judith: Pagan 12-Step(Part 1 of 4)
Another Christian recovery site:
http://www.celebraterecovery.com/message.asp
Rabbi Twerski's interpretation of the 12 Steps from a Jewish perspective:
http://www.a-1associates.com/AA/jacs_journal_2.htm
Phone Contact...
The National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Routing Service available at 1-800-662-HELP. This service can provide you with information about treatment programs in your local community and allow you to speak with someone about alcohol problems.
Whatever you choose to use, just remember we are here. We have all been where you are now, and some of us may be there also. Early recovery can be a B**** but it does get better.
Please keep posting, all you need to and even when you don't think you need to. We do care very much!!!!!!!
Love and hugs,
As to the word God that is talked about in AA meetings. I have some very dear, long time sober friends, that are DIE HARD atheists that use AA for their Recovery.
One from early recovery decided that GOD stood for Group Of Drunks. Has worked for him for a very long time. Another one decided that GOD stood for Good Orderly Direction, and that has worked for her for many years.
I personally, the first year of my recovery used a Harley Davidson Motorcycle as my HP. I know it's funny now, but hey it worked for me.
i spoke with the guy from the court who did my screening and told him how unfeasable it would be for me to do the after-jail rehab, and he set up another screening for me and told me that if i didn't want to have to do in-patient, then to attend A.A. meetings before the next screening.
No one says you have to stay with AA. There are other programs:
I hope the following can help:
LifeRing Secular Recovery
Home Page of LifeRing Secular Recovery
SMART
SMART RecoveryŽ
SOS - Secular Organisations for Sobriety
index.html
Women for Sobriety
Welcome to Women For Sobriety, Inc.
Information and analysis about addiction treatment and harm reduction:
The Stanton Peele Addiction Website
A useful AA reference:
Online AA resources (not official AA):
Online AA Recovery Resources
Moderation Management, the one group that deals with moderate drinking; useful for the guidelines:
Moderation Management
Some variations on 12 Step:
Agnostics AA:
Agnostic A.A. Meetings in New York City
Alcoholics Victorious (Christian 12 step):
The 12 Steps and Bible References
Pagan approach to 12 steps:
Anodea Judith: Pagan 12-Step(Part 1 of 4)
Another Christian recovery site:
http://www.celebraterecovery.com/message.asp
Rabbi Twerski's interpretation of the 12 Steps from a Jewish perspective:
http://www.a-1associates.com/AA/jacs_journal_2.htm
Phone Contact...
The National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Routing Service available at 1-800-662-HELP. This service can provide you with information about treatment programs in your local community and allow you to speak with someone about alcohol problems.
Whatever you choose to use, just remember we are here. We have all been where you are now, and some of us may be there also. Early recovery can be a B**** but it does get better.
Please keep posting, all you need to and even when you don't think you need to. We do care very much!!!!!!!
Love and hugs,
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Gray, I don't really have much to add, but I do want to offer my encouragement to you. I hope that you soon stop the weaning and quit drinking altogether. I think you will continue with the withdrawl symptoms until you stop drinking and rid your body of alcohol. I do understand how hard it is, I've been there.
sic transit amore
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: arkansas
Posts: 11
well, the weaning is drawing to a close. i went from drinking a fifth a day about a week ago, and now my sister is only pouring me about half of a half pint. she keeps lowering and lowering the dosage. i actually slept for TWELVE HOURS today, which is the longest i've slept since i started staying with her. the depression is coming like a roller coaster, and my back and kidneys are KILLING me, but i have a feeling i'm nearing the final stages of the physical withdrawals. the kilonopin is helping me not be quite so on-edge, so if i keep this up, by the time i have to report to jail (three weeks from today), i should be in tip-top shape.
i'm planning on going to a doctor to get on some anti-depressants and sleeping meds while i'm incarcerated. i know jail isn't going to be a disney land experience, but at least i won't have to be lying on a cot puking my guts up and feeling like i'm going to die.
thank you all for your input. i'll check those programs out as i get time.
thanks again.
i'll stay in touch.
-gray
i'm planning on going to a doctor to get on some anti-depressants and sleeping meds while i'm incarcerated. i know jail isn't going to be a disney land experience, but at least i won't have to be lying on a cot puking my guts up and feeling like i'm going to die.
thank you all for your input. i'll check those programs out as i get time.
thanks again.
i'll stay in touch.
-gray
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
OK die-hard atheist ---- (note the spelling.....'e' before 'i' ..... lol) ----
When I started out in AA, I was an atheist...my sponsor was an atheist...a very loud vociferous atheist....one who, if asked about God, would tell anyone that she didn't need no Celestial SugarDaddy.....lol and, working the Program as an atheist is still the way I feel is the simplest (and easiest, too) way to work the Program.....Yes, it not only can be done as an atheist, but it is done, by many many folks......in fact most of the folks I know in recovery are atheists....all happy, joyous, and free....contented.....and all with greater than 20+ years of sobriety each.....and quality sobriety at that..... (o:
You did say one thing I wanted to address, before I give you a link to how to work the steps of AA as an atheist, and that was.....: "... i can recall from my years in A.A. when the older, more pompous types would argue that even taking medication for depression was going against the program because they are "mind-altering substances."..."
You may have thought they were older (as in lots of recovery time?); they sure sound pompous to me.....but the deal with taking medication going against the program because they are "mind-altering substances" .....well, that's NOT AA (although it may be some folks idea of AA--but they are wrong).....AA has a singleness of purpose, and that is: AA deals ONLY with alcoholism and alcohol.......now NA does say this.....they say there's a need to stay away from all 'mind-altering substances' but even NA draws the line..where taking script meds for a real need.....is ok.....It sounds like you just got hit with some small minded (there way of the highway) kinda folks, and that truly is a shame........
....and now to the main reason for my response here.........earlier.....yesterday, and last evening I posted to a person who was stumped/stuck at the AA God-thing.....and I posted, like I have above, about my working the AA Program as an atheist, and about all my sober, recovered atheist AA friends......well, I was asked to explain this.........and so I sat down and typed.......and typed,,,,,,and typed......here's a link to my post......
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post1662451
If that doesn't work it's found in Alcoholism Forum; a thread titled 'Sometimes I wonder...' and my post is #20, titled an 'Atheist's AA Program & Step Work'.....I hope this helps..........but it may take you a while to read it all....you should have 30 days by then......woooooohoooooo......lol
NoelleR
DOS: 6/23/86
done the atheistic way..... (o:
When I started out in AA, I was an atheist...my sponsor was an atheist...a very loud vociferous atheist....one who, if asked about God, would tell anyone that she didn't need no Celestial SugarDaddy.....lol and, working the Program as an atheist is still the way I feel is the simplest (and easiest, too) way to work the Program.....Yes, it not only can be done as an atheist, but it is done, by many many folks......in fact most of the folks I know in recovery are atheists....all happy, joyous, and free....contented.....and all with greater than 20+ years of sobriety each.....and quality sobriety at that..... (o:
You did say one thing I wanted to address, before I give you a link to how to work the steps of AA as an atheist, and that was.....: "... i can recall from my years in A.A. when the older, more pompous types would argue that even taking medication for depression was going against the program because they are "mind-altering substances."..."
You may have thought they were older (as in lots of recovery time?); they sure sound pompous to me.....but the deal with taking medication going against the program because they are "mind-altering substances" .....well, that's NOT AA (although it may be some folks idea of AA--but they are wrong).....AA has a singleness of purpose, and that is: AA deals ONLY with alcoholism and alcohol.......now NA does say this.....they say there's a need to stay away from all 'mind-altering substances' but even NA draws the line..where taking script meds for a real need.....is ok.....It sounds like you just got hit with some small minded (there way of the highway) kinda folks, and that truly is a shame........
....and now to the main reason for my response here.........earlier.....yesterday, and last evening I posted to a person who was stumped/stuck at the AA God-thing.....and I posted, like I have above, about my working the AA Program as an atheist, and about all my sober, recovered atheist AA friends......well, I was asked to explain this.........and so I sat down and typed.......and typed,,,,,,and typed......here's a link to my post......
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post1662451
If that doesn't work it's found in Alcoholism Forum; a thread titled 'Sometimes I wonder...' and my post is #20, titled an 'Atheist's AA Program & Step Work'.....I hope this helps..........but it may take you a while to read it all....you should have 30 days by then......woooooohoooooo......lol
NoelleR
DOS: 6/23/86
done the atheistic way..... (o:
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 558
I feel so sad when I read your posts, I don't really know what to say and wish I could help. I hope your depression lifts a bit as you sober up and that you can get the right medication to help you. And, I hope you find the strength you need to keep going and get yourself through this. Nothing lasts forever. I'll be thinking of you. God bless.
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