58 Days today, some thoughts....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 179
58 Days today, some thoughts....
I haven't started a thread in a while, and I haven't posted too much lately. I'm getting close to 2 months of sobriety and god willing I will collect a 60 day coin on Sunday. I'm at day 58, working a program (AA) and I just wanted to check in and let people know where I am at, and maybe people can relate to some things I am going through and offer some advice. I was a daily drinker for about 6-7 years, and was using other drugs with booze after the alcohol alone wasn't getting me numb. I may ramble, but hey... I warned you so don't complain.
I really like AA, and I have quickly found a new network of sober friends. I have a great sponsor, and have been talking to 3-4 other alcoholics every day. It seems as if the reality is setting in that I have to face my problems and my emotions, rather than forgetting about them. Little things tend to get my head spinning fairly easily. I am slowly realizing that life is not one big party, I will have days that are boring, days that bad things will happen, and other days that make this all worth it. Sometimes things will happen to me and I will push it to the back of my mind because I am scared that actually processing the thought/emotion will be overwhelming. I talk to my sponsor about these things, and he says that talking about them is the best things to do. I'm having some trouble dealing with everyday feelings, and I guess the only thing I do about them is talk to people.
I talk to my sponsor every day, and the best way to explain how I feel sometimes is "overwhelmed". Too many things happening, too many emotions, too many thoughts. I have been told that I need to just relax, but sometimes I feel guilty about taking a nap or just vegging on the couch.
I'm still having very high highs and very low lows. Sometimes I don't feel good, and I don't feel bad. I just feel blah.... seems like I don't feel anything at all. I have also been EXTREMELY tired lately. I'm somewhat concerned about this in particular since I can hardly complete a full day of work. I've been going to bed at 9:30PM, and I have trouble waking up at 7:30 so I can make it to work. When I do make it to work on time I get so tired by 2pm that I need to go home and sleep. I was told that this was normal in early sobriety, but keep in mind I am a very special alcoholic (just kidding, I'm just hoping that this will pass and I start to have more energy).
I am very glad that I have experinced some good times, but at other times I feel like I'm kinda going crazy. I have been praying every morning and that helps me to get my day started. I can say for sure that I would not have made it this far without AA. I have friends there who I talk to quite often, and sometimes the only thing that keeps me from drinking is that I don't want to let my friends down. I enjoy hanging out with them, and obviously I will not be welcomed if I am drinking.
Last night at the meeting they were talking about early sobriety, and it was mentioned that the first 90 days most likely will suck, and you just have to do it. I am slowly seeing some small changes in my life. I am going to my Grandma's for dinner on Sunday, and when I was drinking I wouldn't have gone since I would not have been able to make it to 6pm staying sober. I am going to bed at a routine time. I am taking care of little things like grocery shopping and taking care of laundry. I have food in my house now, which was something that I never had before. I take my dog to the park, I take showers, I read books, I go to diners and just drink coffee and talk to my new friends.
The bottom line is that I am pretty happy to be sober today but sometimes it's very difficult to just relax and give time time. Sorry for rambling, I just kinda typed my thoughts as they came to me.
I really like AA, and I have quickly found a new network of sober friends. I have a great sponsor, and have been talking to 3-4 other alcoholics every day. It seems as if the reality is setting in that I have to face my problems and my emotions, rather than forgetting about them. Little things tend to get my head spinning fairly easily. I am slowly realizing that life is not one big party, I will have days that are boring, days that bad things will happen, and other days that make this all worth it. Sometimes things will happen to me and I will push it to the back of my mind because I am scared that actually processing the thought/emotion will be overwhelming. I talk to my sponsor about these things, and he says that talking about them is the best things to do. I'm having some trouble dealing with everyday feelings, and I guess the only thing I do about them is talk to people.
I talk to my sponsor every day, and the best way to explain how I feel sometimes is "overwhelmed". Too many things happening, too many emotions, too many thoughts. I have been told that I need to just relax, but sometimes I feel guilty about taking a nap or just vegging on the couch.
I'm still having very high highs and very low lows. Sometimes I don't feel good, and I don't feel bad. I just feel blah.... seems like I don't feel anything at all. I have also been EXTREMELY tired lately. I'm somewhat concerned about this in particular since I can hardly complete a full day of work. I've been going to bed at 9:30PM, and I have trouble waking up at 7:30 so I can make it to work. When I do make it to work on time I get so tired by 2pm that I need to go home and sleep. I was told that this was normal in early sobriety, but keep in mind I am a very special alcoholic (just kidding, I'm just hoping that this will pass and I start to have more energy).
I am very glad that I have experinced some good times, but at other times I feel like I'm kinda going crazy. I have been praying every morning and that helps me to get my day started. I can say for sure that I would not have made it this far without AA. I have friends there who I talk to quite often, and sometimes the only thing that keeps me from drinking is that I don't want to let my friends down. I enjoy hanging out with them, and obviously I will not be welcomed if I am drinking.
Last night at the meeting they were talking about early sobriety, and it was mentioned that the first 90 days most likely will suck, and you just have to do it. I am slowly seeing some small changes in my life. I am going to my Grandma's for dinner on Sunday, and when I was drinking I wouldn't have gone since I would not have been able to make it to 6pm staying sober. I am going to bed at a routine time. I am taking care of little things like grocery shopping and taking care of laundry. I have food in my house now, which was something that I never had before. I take my dog to the park, I take showers, I read books, I go to diners and just drink coffee and talk to my new friends.
The bottom line is that I am pretty happy to be sober today but sometimes it's very difficult to just relax and give time time. Sorry for rambling, I just kinda typed my thoughts as they came to me.
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
Great job. Those are very tough days and they do get easier.
I found that I almost had to have some exercise, if just a brisk walk everyday in the early days as well as taking just plain over the counter multi vitamins. As time wore on my body seemed to make its own adjustments to this new physical state that not drinking had created. The discipline required to take a two or three mile walk at the end of a work day was almost as difficult as AA meetings, but I can tell you that each activity brought its own form of recovery. They tell us that alcoholism is a disease of both the mind and the body, among other areas, and therefore it only made good sense to me that I needed to heal in those same areas.
If you have been hanging around AA rooms you know the triangle symbol we use, try substituting the three legs with MEETINGS for the mind-EXERCISE and diet for the body- and-PRAYER and meditation for the spirit. It just gets better, and balance makes the transition that much smoother.
Again, congratulations on time earned and keep your eyes on the horizon.
Jon
I found that I almost had to have some exercise, if just a brisk walk everyday in the early days as well as taking just plain over the counter multi vitamins. As time wore on my body seemed to make its own adjustments to this new physical state that not drinking had created. The discipline required to take a two or three mile walk at the end of a work day was almost as difficult as AA meetings, but I can tell you that each activity brought its own form of recovery. They tell us that alcoholism is a disease of both the mind and the body, among other areas, and therefore it only made good sense to me that I needed to heal in those same areas.
If you have been hanging around AA rooms you know the triangle symbol we use, try substituting the three legs with MEETINGS for the mind-EXERCISE and diet for the body- and-PRAYER and meditation for the spirit. It just gets better, and balance makes the transition that much smoother.
Again, congratulations on time earned and keep your eyes on the horizon.
Jon
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 558
Thanks for your thoughts user_name. I'm in early sobriety (since 2nd Jan) so its good for me to read someone elses experiences. Like you, I am a very special alcoholic (just joking) and get tired more than I feel I should be. You've just reminded me about getting to bed at a reasonable time, I'm terrible for staying up late (I'd better go soon its coming up to 11:30pm here). I am going to AA too and finding it very helpful. So, congrats for Sunday and 60 days sounds like all in all you're doing well.
Goodnight!
Goodnight!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Vancouver BC
Posts: 386
I am very glad to see you have found a program that fits you.
Work it with all your heart and soul, embrace sobriety and yourself.
You are investing in yourself.
Sobriety is the beginning of a journey of self discovery.
Prepare to amaze yourself!.
Seren
Work it with all your heart and soul, embrace sobriety and yourself.
You are investing in yourself.
Sobriety is the beginning of a journey of self discovery.
Prepare to amaze yourself!.
Seren
member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ohio
Posts: 20
Glad to see you make it this long.
I believe eachday sober is a triumph over yesterday.
I just reached my 60 day mark recently and I completely understand having extreme highs and lows daily, sometimes nearly moment by moment. Learning to understand and identify my thoughts (usually obsessive) now that am I'm sober is a real challenge. For the past 2 weeks I have experienced more confusion and emotions than I probably have since I started drinking, nearly 20 years ago. I can't say my life has gotten easier but I can say I am trying to make it better. Reading threads here and talking to friends has helped me to correct my actions when my thought patterns start and the need to control them. I now see why I was told sobriety is simple but not easy.
As for your sleeping, I still wrestle with insomnia often.
Congrats on 60 days and like they tell you, just keep coming back.
I believe eachday sober is a triumph over yesterday.
I just reached my 60 day mark recently and I completely understand having extreme highs and lows daily, sometimes nearly moment by moment. Learning to understand and identify my thoughts (usually obsessive) now that am I'm sober is a real challenge. For the past 2 weeks I have experienced more confusion and emotions than I probably have since I started drinking, nearly 20 years ago. I can't say my life has gotten easier but I can say I am trying to make it better. Reading threads here and talking to friends has helped me to correct my actions when my thought patterns start and the need to control them. I now see why I was told sobriety is simple but not easy.
As for your sleeping, I still wrestle with insomnia often.
Congrats on 60 days and like they tell you, just keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Vancouver BC
Posts: 386
Early sobriety is full of emotions, I was all over the place, feeling feelings I hadn't felt in years, not knowing how to cope with them. I was defiant to any sort of authority, I would argue over a crumb, I would cry at the oddest moments and laugh at some really sad stuff, I was all over the map.
Please know that this is quite normal, as is the brain fog, it takes a while for our brains to de fog.
Hang in there, it does get easier, I am so glad to see you posting here M Jordan.
Well done all of you.
Seren
Please know that this is quite normal, as is the brain fog, it takes a while for our brains to de fog.
Hang in there, it does get easier, I am so glad to see you posting here M Jordan.
Well done all of you.
Seren
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