chiquen81

It has been 3 days since my last drink. In the past 4 years, the longest I have gone without a drink was probably 7 days. I never drink during the daytime. I drink either after work, and ALWAYS on saturday and sunday nights.

My problem is that the circle of friends that I hang around with are all pretty much high functioning alcoholics. It has gotten to the point for me where I just can't drink anymore. I am on medication for depression (celexa and wellbutrin) so even just two drinks gives me a horrendous hangover the next day.

So I guess what I am trying to ask is... did you have to find new friends? The friends that I have now...their weekends consist of the bars on saturday and friday nights and on sunday afternoons sports games at someone's house with copious amounts of alcohol. Everything is based around liquor. New friendships and relationships are formed because of liquor. That's probably how I met most people I know from college and after college.

I just don't think I can hang around these people anymore. I just sent one of my good friends and email saying that she probably won't see me for a long time. I'm awaiting her response. I know that she will be annoyed or tell me that I should just have one drink or that I don't have to drink around them, but the truth is, I CAN'T. I can't sit around a bunch of people drinking and have any sort of fun. I will be miserable.

Thoughts/comments/advice?

Thanks.

nandm

I don't know that it is a requirement to stop drinking but what I do know is that over time in my recovery my friends that abused or used alcohol excessively have faded from my life. I do have some friends that are normal drinkers, by normal I mean they can have one glass of wine with dinner and are just as likely to leave the glass half empty as they are to finish it. They don't center their activities around alcohol and are just as content to do things without drinking.

I would suggest finding a recovery program. You will find a support group there of people who are in the same boat as you. It will help ease the pain of the fading of people who's lives center on alcohol. You may find that you do not lose all of your current friends, some may choose to still be around you even when you do not drink. But be prepared it could just as easily be that they all go to the wayside. That is why a support group is so important. I found a support group in AA. But there are many other programs out there. Here is a link to a list of recovery programs.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html

Emimily

for me-yes, absolutely. because i couldn't be around a bunch of booze early in sobriety, i needed sober kids to hang out with and be friends with for me to stay sober.

problemchild

Well for me i know i could not be in that enviroment and not drink, so i would never put myself there. I am very early in recovery and everybody is different, but my opinion is that would be like playing with fire . I would avoid all those people , places and things..


Take care, John

User_Name

I have found that my old "friends" and I don't really even have that much in common anymore. The tie that bound us was alcohol, and now that that is gone they don't even call me. I don't call them since I don't want to be around it, and they don't call me since I don't have anything they want anymore ($$, a place to party, a ride, drugs/dealers).

It wasn't my intention to cut everyone out but for me it just happened. I never really had real friends, but my old drinking buddies were just drinking buddies, not friends.

CarolD

Welcome to SR!

Yes I did stop friendships with excessive drinkers.
As you mentioned...they were based on alcoholic
consumption. We had nothing in common
except the desire to drink

In AA meetings....I found a whole new group of people
who shared the same goals and lifestyles I wanted.

We do watch sports...dance...have parties....etc
We have a sober blast!

As you are already having health problems and on
med's it's wise of you to give up drinking.

Your future and your health are more important
than drunken buddies.

Glad you found us...

mike_mass

yes, I had to let go of friendships. I thank God that my wife does not drink - that would have made recovery so much more difficult.

Nia

I had to shove some people away, but I had my old friends to go back to.

1963comet

I did stop hanging around my old friends. I do have one friend that never used and she is still my friend today.

It was so much easer in the beginning to not be around it.

Today I do not miss the party thing at all. Life is sooooo much better without it.

best

I didn't change friends...I found out who my true friends were.
I had drinking buddies and when I stopped drinking, they stopped wantng to be around me. I was a reminder to them that maybe they might have a drinking problem as well. My one true friend of the group would not drink when we did things together untill such a time that he could see I was ok with it. He would never get drunk unless he was out with the others and I wasn't around.
Getting sober has a way of showing us who is a friend and who is just a drinking buddy.

Zanthos

There's no way I could stop drinking, start to repair the damage I had done to my person, and begin a process of personal growth that is the surest way to keep from resuming drinking (and allows me to enjoy my life) if I kept doing the same things.

I had a lot of habits, habits of action, thought and feelings, that I had to break or unlearn. If in early recovery I kept hanging out with the same people, doing the same things, and experiencing the same types of thoughts and feelings I always had, I would not have changed.

That's why I parked myself in one, two or three AA meeting a days for over a year. I had to re-learn how to think, feel and act if I was going to live without drinking. Along the way, I also found I had to learn to go home alone, be with myself, and accept that I wasn't always going to be surrounded by distractions or companions or noise. Over a good period of time, I had to keep trying to get comfortable with the deepest parts of myself. And I found that the tools and principles of spiritual development I encountered and learned in AA and in other literature actually worked to make that possible.

Sonny McB

Why not continue spending time with the same friends (assuming they're good people), but at the same time limit the amount of time you spend with them. Also, choose only to go out with them at times where no drinking is involved until you feel comfortable with it?

lovingseren

Hanging around heavy drinkers has lost it's charm for me.
So some of my friends faded away.
I still have friends, good friends, who drink moderately, they are accepting of me, and I am accepting of them.
However, if I ever felt "unsafe" , I would not be around anyone who drinks....full stop

Seren

ru4outoo

I know for me I sure found out who my true friends were.

Slowbriety

Not all who drink are alcoholic. Yes, I have some friends that drink.

Gmoney

I once asked the same question, "What about my friends?" It was answered by a guy I knew who had been clean for many years...He said, "You're not going to have to worry about that. Once they see you're serious about not drinking and drugging, they're not going to want to be around YOU!" I found his words to be true...even to this day.

By getting involved in a program, I met new people...people who weren't using...and I developed new friendships. I don't really see it as throwing my old friends away as I do gaining new ones. And as it has already been said, a vast majority of the people I called my friends weren't really friends at all. One of the guys I grew up with never drank or did drugs, and to this day he's my best friend. Another guy I considered a close friend - I ran into him at Wal-Mart a few years back and he asked me if I still lived at the same address. I told him yes. He said, "Cool...I'll stop by one day soon, okay?" I told him that would be fine as long as he didn't bring any alcohol or drugs with him. As he walked away, he said, "I guess I won't be stopping by then."

Nuff said and Oh well....

sugErspun

I have repaired many important friendships that I have - whether they drink or not does not matter to me. I have been to parties where there is alcohol and the thought of drinking never comes to mind. I do not live in fear of being 'influenced' back into a drink. It's a new path - alcohol is no longer a problem for me, since I don't drink it, I don't have to worry about not being able to stop. The thought of taking a drink doesn't come to mind due to daily maintenance of a certain attitude towards life. Of course, this took a little bit of work - but the reward far outweighs the cost. A life I never imagined.

Yeah - I still have close relationships with people who drink. I did not leave them behind because of my problems. What if they need me? What if I can be of help? I have become more useful than I was in the past.

You see, the problem has been removed.

Tazman53

Well there seems to be a common denominator here, folks that learned what I learned, who my real friends are and who were drinking buddies. Drinking buddies are a dime a dozen, want some, go to a bar and buy a round, everyone is your buddy!!!

When I first got sober I did not go to places where drinking was going on, I was pretty sure I would be okay, but I did not want to tempt fate, why play with fire when I have a choice not to?

I found a ton of real friends in my recovery program (AA), and the best thing about them is if I have a problem I can call them any time and they are there for me and they could care less if I have a cooler full of beer or a dime bag!

In working the steps I had the obsession to drink lifted, today I can go anywhere I wish at anytime and not be worried about being tempted to drink as long as I maintain my spiritual condition. I do not go to bars because there is only one reason to go to a bar.

justanothrdrunk

Yes, I did.

If I didn't become involved in a sober community with sober friends who are in recovery, I wouldn't be sober now.