Day 19...still going, and going, and...
Cause no harm
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Missouri
Posts: 596
Day 19...still going, and going, and...
Since the first of the month, I made the decision to drop the alcohol (yet again.) Sometimes I feel like what is the use. I have done this before and failed. What makes "now" any different than before? What is going to change this time to allow me to succeed?
The answer is simply, it is today. It isn't last February, nor is it five weeks ago when I seen how fast I could down a pint of brandy before I got home. It is the present, the only real and absolute moment in my life. Today has no ties to yesterday or tomorrow—only if I allow it to do so. My choice. Because I fell back into drinking several months gives no real lead for me to do that today. My choice. The cravings have been fairly constant this time and somehow I have retained my decision and stayed sober. For that I am thankful.
For any of you who suffer the choice of sobriety, I would send words of encouragement and hope. The pain of quitting is nothing to the pain of returning to that hell of slavery to the bottle. It has been 19 days since my last drink of alcohol and the persuasive whisper of her voice and the embrace of her arms, slowly stifling my will power to resist, is still fresh in my mind. For that reason, I remain vigilant and wary. The traps are there, still unsprung, waiting for me. But as the days of sobriety cumulate, so I become a bit stronger. I have fallen in the past...but not today. 19 days of sobriety and 19 days of freedom. But most importantly...today I am truly alive. Who could ask for more.
Peace to all
Padraic
The answer is simply, it is today. It isn't last February, nor is it five weeks ago when I seen how fast I could down a pint of brandy before I got home. It is the present, the only real and absolute moment in my life. Today has no ties to yesterday or tomorrow—only if I allow it to do so. My choice. Because I fell back into drinking several months gives no real lead for me to do that today. My choice. The cravings have been fairly constant this time and somehow I have retained my decision and stayed sober. For that I am thankful.
For any of you who suffer the choice of sobriety, I would send words of encouragement and hope. The pain of quitting is nothing to the pain of returning to that hell of slavery to the bottle. It has been 19 days since my last drink of alcohol and the persuasive whisper of her voice and the embrace of her arms, slowly stifling my will power to resist, is still fresh in my mind. For that reason, I remain vigilant and wary. The traps are there, still unsprung, waiting for me. But as the days of sobriety cumulate, so I become a bit stronger. I have fallen in the past...but not today. 19 days of sobriety and 19 days of freedom. But most importantly...today I am truly alive. Who could ask for more.
Peace to all
Padraic
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Newark,DE
Posts: 404
Hey, you're doing great! I know the feeling of starting over, In fact I'm pretty good at it. But each time I feel more empowered by experience to do better.
Just dont quit trying, no matter what. Lets see, 18 days, thats at least 18 days longer you will live (by steves numbers, anyway).
Glad to see you back!
S
Just dont quit trying, no matter what. Lets see, 18 days, thats at least 18 days longer you will live (by steves numbers, anyway).
Glad to see you back!
S
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 55
Hi Creekryder!
I remember you from the "Two weeks and under" thread - you kind of disappeared from there and I was worried that you had fallen off the wagon. I'm very glad and relieved to see that you are still here and sober, strong and determined.
Like you and Sonny McB, I had my last drink on New year's eve. It's getting easier isn't it? I've had my ups and downs but on the whole I keep feeling better and better. We'll get through this.
I remember you from the "Two weeks and under" thread - you kind of disappeared from there and I was worried that you had fallen off the wagon. I'm very glad and relieved to see that you are still here and sober, strong and determined.
Like you and Sonny McB, I had my last drink on New year's eve. It's getting easier isn't it? I've had my ups and downs but on the whole I keep feeling better and better. We'll get through this.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 55
Originally Posted by Mandarina 
Hi Creekryder!
I remember you from the "Two weeks and under" thread - you kind of disappeared from there and I was worried that you had fallen off the wagon. I'm very glad and relieved to see that you are still here and sober, strong and determined.
Like you and Sonny McB, I had my last drink on New year's eve. It's getting easier isn't it? I've had my ups and downs but on the whole I keep feeling better and better. We'll get through this.
I remember you from the "Two weeks and under" thread - you kind of disappeared from there and I was worried that you had fallen off the wagon. I'm very glad and relieved to see that you are still here and sober, strong and determined.
Like you and Sonny McB, I had my last drink on New year's eve. It's getting easier isn't it? I've had my ups and downs but on the whole I keep feeling better and better. We'll get through this.
Cause no harm
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Missouri
Posts: 596
Sonny & Mandarina—
Thanks guys, I guess we're on the same road at the same time. I am glad for the company. As far as getting easier, well, unfortunately is not that way with me this time. I will write more on this this evening, as work calls my attentions.
All have a great day.
Padraic
Thanks guys, I guess we're on the same road at the same time. I am glad for the company. As far as getting easier, well, unfortunately is not that way with me this time. I will write more on this this evening, as work calls my attentions.
All have a great day.
Padraic
Cause no harm
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Missouri
Posts: 596
Well, here I sit, sober and almost 21 days as such. But this time has been different. Each day after about a week of sobriety, I have been plagued with strong urges to drink. It seems something inside me senses the diminished drive to quit, unlike the enthusiasm I had almost a year ago when I first came to this site. The old desires to get a buzz seem to invade these little cracks in my resolve and try to break it down...like water that enters fissures in a rock, freezes, and finally breaks the rock into pieces. I have to really fight off the urges and this site, with people who care and share the same maladies, are my saving grace. Meetings are a fair distance away (except for the scary one with the crewcut person (remember that one, Barb?) and with the cost of gasoline and my work schedule, I don't seem to be able to travel to them. So I must, dear friends, rely upon your help to continue this abstinence.
This evening I went to an acquaintance's home to play a little guitar and talk music. He was drinking beer and of course offered one to me. Luckily, it was not a problem to say no thanks tonight. After a couple of hours playing the blues, he began to sink into an alcohol drowsiness and I decided to go home. Driving home in the sleet that had begun to fall, I was thankful I was sober. I was thankful I was not in that drowsiness I have induced so many times in the past. Tonight has been a quiet evening for the urges; I will enjoy the reprieve while it is here. What happens tomorrow will just have to wait until then. Tonight I rest.
May you all move within your own peace this evening and those to come. My thoughts are with you.
Padraic
This evening I went to an acquaintance's home to play a little guitar and talk music. He was drinking beer and of course offered one to me. Luckily, it was not a problem to say no thanks tonight. After a couple of hours playing the blues, he began to sink into an alcohol drowsiness and I decided to go home. Driving home in the sleet that had begun to fall, I was thankful I was sober. I was thankful I was not in that drowsiness I have induced so many times in the past. Tonight has been a quiet evening for the urges; I will enjoy the reprieve while it is here. What happens tomorrow will just have to wait until then. Tonight I rest.
May you all move within your own peace this evening and those to come. My thoughts are with you.
Padraic
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: la quinta ca
Posts: 9
Regarding the thoughts,desires,urges,and/or obsessions to drink I found the more I exerted my mind or my will against them the less I sought out the solution presented in the big book. Meetings are one thing,but the 12 steps are another thing altogether.Having experienced half a dozen periods of sobriety spanning between six months to four years during which I was in a state of virtually continuous freedom from the obsession to drink,I finally saw that my "relapses" were in corelation to my eventual re-emergent SELF RELIANCE.
No God, no peace
Know God, know peace
No God, no peace
Know God, know peace
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Congrats Padriac, are there any AA folks near you? You would be amazed at how easy it is to start a meeting near you and a few other folks. Something to think about....
I hate throwing a damper on the congrats thread, but I just had to mention that length of sobriety does not mean extra resolve, many times it winds up being a weakened resolve. I have heard old timers say that unless they are working and living your program that the further they get away from their last drink the closer they are getting to their next drink.
Good job, just keep it up Padriac ODAAT.
I hate throwing a damper on the congrats thread, but I just had to mention that length of sobriety does not mean extra resolve, many times it winds up being a weakened resolve. I have heard old timers say that unless they are working and living your program that the further they get away from their last drink the closer they are getting to their next drink.
Good job, just keep it up Padriac ODAAT.
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