WornOut

First time here so any help I can get would be great. I am a social drinker, heavy at times but it just depends on what is happing in my life. I have no problems not drinking unless I am really upset about things. My girlfriend and I moved to Hawaii about 7 months ago to try and start a new life together. She is on Paxill and at times she drowns herself in what ever she can get her hands on. I know this has bad side effects as I can see them daily. We started out just drinking when we went out but when we moved here it got worse. I see her drinking so much that I dont even want to taste it. I feel like if she sees me drinking she will want to so I have all but stopped. I feel like it makes her mad so she drinks more. I have talked to her until I am blue in the face but it always goes back to her drinking herself silly and us getting into a giant fight. She knows what she needs to do and at times seems like she could pull out but then falls right back in. I am almost at the end of my rope and I dont think I can motivate her to take better care of herself anymore. It is killing me to think I am almost ready to give up on her. She is the most beautiful person I have ever meet. HELP!!!!! She is killing herself and taking our relationship of 16 years with her. When I try and talk to her she gets so defensive and thnks I am trying to control her and thus just drinks more. PLEASE ANYONE!!! Advice???????

Cant take much more.

CarolD

Why not scroll down to the Al-anon Forum?

Best of luck to the two of you...

phoenix

Welcome to Sober Recovery.I'd agree that the Al Anon forum would be helpful.They can't help you fix her,but you can learn to take care of yourself,and get a lot of support.

I do wonder though,if you've taken a look at your own drinking.Heavy drinking when things are upsetting kinda raises a red flag.A lot of us drank like that....

phoenix

Peter

Welcome to the SR community Wornout.

Your above statement struck me because social drinkers dont drink to help them cope with their feelings.

Alanon is a wonderful programme to help us deal with relationships with alcoholics but it sounds to me like you and your girlfriend might want to check out an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting together.

Alcoholism is a serious illness and unless arrested will only get worse.As much as you care for this woman all your talking will only be in vain.

I drank for nearly twenty years until I found AA.I know they might be able to help you too.

In the meantime please keep coming back.

Peter

MootPoint

There is a great al anon forum SR, worn out. I'd highly recommend it.

An alcoholic who doesn't want to quit simply won't quit. S/he has to really WANT it first, which it doesn't sound like she does.

So.... go to al anon, take care of yourself for right now.

Chy

Worn,

I too agree with the above! Get some help for yourself at alanon first. It will help you to better deal with your mate and your own feelings.

The more you pressure her to stop the worse she'll get. This is something she has to do on her own, but it wouldn't hurt to find the mtgs and local AA phone numbers for her and when she is ready you can be supportive in that way. ( I wouldn't tell her you have taken those steps unless she brings it up)

Wish you well, aloha!