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The Beginning

Old 01-09-2008, 03:01 AM
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The Beginning

It started at the age of 22, food was the addiction and the weight stacked on, so it go fixed (had an operation and lost the weight). Then it started at 29, shopping was the addiction and the bills grew, so it got fixed by (hubby). At 32, drink was the addiction and still is because no one can fix this for her.
She is running so scared because she has to fix this herself, sis that is.
Anyone like to share.
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Old 01-09-2008, 03:38 AM
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Hey there Jo, I know its soooo hard when its family, my brother is an addict your right though she does have to fix it herself, as much as we want to help them, we cant and thats the hard part (tough love) its one of the hardest things to do, especially with a loved one, but you can and believe it or not thats what she needs you to do, it takes alot of courage, and strength, it sounds like you have both so be strong and my prayers go out to you... keep us posted on how its going... GOD BLESS
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Old 01-09-2008, 03:39 AM
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Jo alcoholism is a heart breaking disease, not only is it a physical addiction, but a mental obsession, worst of all it is gangrene of ones soul.

There is hope for every alcoholic out there, but the sad truth of it is the majority of us die from our disease!

The only hope an alcoholic has though is within them selfs, there is not one thing any one can do to help us until we are ready to be helped. There is no amount of love, money, forced detoxes, rehabs, begging, pleading, threats, promises, lose of family, lose of material things, jail or prison time that will bring an alcoholic to sobriety until the alcoholic them selfs wants to be sober more then they want to drink.

We all need to drink enough, I drank enough, it took me 40 years to get full, but I finally had enough, when I had enough I was physically, mentally and spitiually addicted to alcohol! I spent the last 10 years of my drinking trying to recapture what alcohol had given me the first 30 years I drank and I could only attain that feeling for a very short amount of time if at all, but I kept chasing it until I finally became sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I reached the point where a moment of clarity showed me I was going to die if I kept on drinking, I was scared of dying and put out my hand for help at that point....... I had finally had enough to drink, I knew the thrill was gone and would never return. Some of us have that moment of clarity and our soul is so wracked by our disease that we choose to die. It is our choice and ours alone.

An alcoholic is full of pride, we need to be in control of our destiny, no one is going to tell us what is best for us, we determine that for our self. We do not see our selfs for what we have become, we go to our graves most of the time telling and beleiving our selfs when we say to our selfs "I will handle it this time!" "I can stop when ever I want." I am just fine, you just do not understand me!"

Alcohol lies to us, it does not let us see our selfs for what we are, reality has escaped us, we are always trying to do it our way.

Jo I pray you are taking care of your self and not letting your sisters disease ruin your life as well as hers.

Please tell me you have come to accept there is nothing you can do to help your sister except pray and being ready to take her to a detox/rehab when she asks.

Do not even suggest detox, do not point out to her what she has become, most alcoholics will go to thier graves trying to prove to others that they were okay if some one is telling them they are not. It has to be our idea, not yours or anyone elses.

In many ways it is like dealing with a child, if you told me I was drinking to much, well you are wrong and I will prove it by possibly drinking even more just to "SHOW YOU!" It has to be my idea, my decision, not yours or anyone elses.

Interventions are not for the addict or the alcoholic, they are for the family and friends, it allows them to honestly be able to say to them selfs "I tried everything and it did not work, it is time to just accept it is in the alcoholics or addicts hands."

The show intervention burns me up, it gives false hope to families of alcoholics and addicts that they can help by hiring someone to do an intervention. I would love to see that show do a follow up on the ones that had an intervention done a year after the person gets out of rehab.

I know hundreds of alcoholics personally, of those there is only one that an intervention "worked" and he shares that he was ready anyhow, I know a bunch of folks who had interventions done and they were drunk in a month or less after getting out of rehab. Today they are sober because they decided they had had enough to drink, they made this decision usually years after the intervention.
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Old 01-09-2008, 11:42 AM
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Welcome to SR.
Here are some links to other our friends and family sections that you may find useful for support.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tance-abusers/
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Old 01-09-2008, 10:58 PM
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I absolutely know there is nothing I can do to change her situation. Done and dusted a while ago.
What happens is this, She'll call me or I'll call her just to say hi (truth for me, to see if shes ok) and it all comes hurdling back. The emotional crying, pleading, family bashing etc etc and the please help me's. I have told her she knows what to do once she has had enough to drink.

Shes still doing it. I guess Im human, I hate, hate it, to see her and hear her so bad. What has become of her I guess. My beautiful sister, dying in this hell and I know I cant help her. Thats what bothers me the most. I am working on it.
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Old 01-09-2008, 11:52 PM
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Originally Posted by justjo View Post
Shes still doing it. I guess Im human, I hate, hate it, to see her and hear her so bad. What has become of her I guess. My beautiful sister, dying in this hell and I know I cant help her. Thats what bothers me the most. I am working on it.
I can truly relate to the pain you are going through. My two oldest daughters spent some time caught up in meth and prostitution. I was terrified and hurt. They finally did get it though and have been clean for over 3 years. There is hope.

The only thing I can suggest is to consider letting her know that you love her but you can not go on with the pain of talking to her when she is using. Let her know that you would love for her to call you when she is not using but will hang up when she is using. Give her the hotline number for AA/NA in your area and let her know that you will fully support her recovery efforts. IMHO that would be one way to protect yourself and it also might be an incentive for her to get some help. Please realize this is only a suggestion, you need to do what you feel is right for your situation.
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Old 01-12-2008, 10:54 PM
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Thanks Nan
I will always have hope. I backed away from this some time ago after the last straw dropped (too long a story) and havent seen her now for some 4 months or longer. She thinks I have abandoned her, but I told her that I will never give up on her and I am around. I needed the break from her just like everyone else. You are right that the pain is tremendous, heart breaking I guess and I cant imagine what you must of gone through with your daughters... Thanks for sharing.
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Old 01-12-2008, 11:14 PM
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With belief anything is possible

These post are just heart wrenching. I really feel with belief anything is possible. You are doing the right thing not being around her. She needs to learn how to walk again--without someone to be her walker.
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Old 01-13-2008, 10:30 AM
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Originally Posted by justjo View Post
She thinks I have abandoned her, but I told her that I will never give up on her and I am around. I needed the break from her just like everyone else..
My oldest daughter felt like I had abandoned her too. She did not speak to me for a year. It took a lot of work to earn her trust again.
Here are some of the things that I did that helped, you might find some worth trying:
* stayed sober
* Always told her I love her
* Made a CD of songs that reminded me of her and sent it to her. There were songs that reflected her beauty, some that reflected her pain, some that were an apology, just a variety of what I felt best expressed the words I was unable to say.
* Never gave up
* wrote my feelings out in a non-judgemental way and sent them to her
* Again never gave up
* continued to reach out despite the pain of being pushed away

I wish you the best and do hope that she will find peace.
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Old 01-15-2008, 03:23 PM
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Originally Posted by nandm View Post
My oldest daughter felt like I had abandoned her too. She did not speak to me for a year. It took a lot of work to earn her trust again.
Here are some of the things that I did that helped, you might find some worth trying:
* stayed sober
* Always told her I love her
* Made a CD of songs that reminded me of her and sent it to her. There were songs that reflected her beauty, some that reflected her pain, some that were an apology, just a variety of what I felt best expressed the words I was unable to say.
* Never gave up
* wrote my feelings out in a non-judgemental way and sent them to her
* Again never gave up
* continued to reach out despite the pain of being pushed away

I wish you the best and do hope that she will find peace.
Oh thankyou... I always tell her I love her and she does the same. I am the sober person and have a couple on weekends.
I wont give up but she is so bad, Im not sure how long we will have her.
She never pushes me away, (we were always so close and she is afraid of loosing me)
I have done all the judging, yelling and listening. Way too impatient now. I listen on the phone but can only take so much now. (same old stuff she goes over and over) It seems she just cant get back to reality, she just cant see that life can be good to her if she tries. Its the same for all, life is no bunch of roses but it can be a beautiful posie hey!! Its what you make of it I guess, but she has lost the ability totally to see outside her window.

Sometimes I read what others have endured with their loved ones and I relate so much. My eldest son has been on drugs for many years too and it seems I have had enough. He is on the road to getting better (can only hope) and is more aware than she of what he is capable of. I am happy that he is doing a Social worker course this year to become a 'Youth worker' and I am praying this works out for him. He is already on the way to getting his car licence, so he is trying.

I wish you all the best.
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Old 01-16-2008, 05:24 AM
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Jo glad to hear your son is on the road to recovery, I pray your sister will one day be able to want to be sober more then she wants to be drunk. My son like yours is in recovery, he realized he was an alcoholic at about the same age as my dad did and quit. One of my daughters is a recovering anorexic, anorexia so I have learned is similar to alcoholism as far as recovery goes.
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Old 01-19-2008, 07:37 PM
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Thanks Taz,
Your support has been great for me since joining and an inspiration to know you like others are giving us hope for our loved ones.
I have seen my son go through patterns with drugs and alcohol, so I am praying to that guy upstairs to help him see the way. He sought help himself late last year and finally met a counsellor type person who has helped him tremendously. He hopes to help young people like himself after the course is completed. I am so proud of him but I am also ashamed of myself because I have some doubt. Its only his past that does this to me. But I am praying quietly.
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