Tqconq

I'm finishing off my last bottle of Vodka.
I've been on a Detox in hospital twice now, last time was for chronic liver disease and some sort of retention of liquid in my stomach (I think it was something that water tablets cured)

Anyways, I've got my Librium, and a very, very understanding Girlfriend, for which I count my blessings each day.

AA doesn't seem to work for me, which is why i came here. I did actually run through the forums a few times before I got up the courage to register and post.

Well, as I've said, I have a very supportive Girlfriend and a great Doctor.
I hope this works.

God bless you all.

1963comet

Want to say Hi and Welcome

I'm sure more people will show up soon.

Zanthos

Please try and keep an open mind about AA. If you talk to enough people in AA, you will find that for most of us, AA "didn't work" the first few or first many times. So if you do end up going to AA again, your experience of it having "not worked" will be very much the same as many others.

I could go on at length about why AA didn't work for me for a long time, and why I ultimately found in AA what I needed to stop drinking and stay stopped, PLUS find a way to live that was satisfying and rewarding. I could also tell you why, if you are a real alcoholic, you truly need what AA has to offer. Which you get not by "AA working", but by "working AA". But I don't want to talk AT you, or go on about something that you're not interested in hearing.

So I will say that I've been where you are now, and with all my heart I hope you find a way of living without alcohol, and that you find for yourself the health and sense of well-being you want and deserve.

lovingseren

There are lots of programs out there, find one that works for you, and work it.

Good Luck

Seren

Pinkcuda

A.A. doesn't work any better than your own desire to quit.
I never understood it when someone said that A.A. doesn't work.
If you're expecting to walk into a meeting and leave with your desire to drink removed, you're seriously mistaken.
As long as you're honest with yourself in your desire to quit drinking, anything will work.

Tqconq

It's not an AA bashing statement, I've certainly gone to AA meetings and left with a renewed vigor and desire to stop drinking.

Thx all for replying btw, I wasn't sure if I should post at all, but we've all gotta start somewhere right?.

Tazman53

Welcome tp SR Tqconq, AA is not the only path to sobriety, but there is no path to sobriety that will work for any one if they do not work at it. In the very beginning of chapter 5 of the BB it says:

Below is the main things one must do to have "thoroughly followed our path", if you did these all to the best of your ability then AA did not work for you, if you didn't then you did not work at AA.

1. Did you go to meetings regularly? (People new to sobriety should go to at least 90 meetings in 90 days)

2. Did you get a sponsor?

3. Did you read and study the BB?

4. Did you follow suggestions?

5. Did you work the steps?

6. Did you pray every morning and evening?

7. Did you work with other alcoholics helping them maintain their sobriety?

Try other programs, there are a bunch of them, but every single one of them requires work on your part, if you are not willing to do the work a recovery program suggests you do then it is not the recovery programs fault if you wind up drinking again.

No program will work for anyone unless they work at the program.

Check out all the programs you can find, look at what they suggest you do to stay sober, if you are not willing to do what they suggest then maybe you have not had enough to drink yet?

I know I had to drink for 40 years before I became willing to do what ever it took to get and stay sober, the one thing I did nned from a program was people, people I could look in the eye and know they were sober, happy, and free of the bondage of alcohol. The only recovery program I found with that was AA.

There are people who do not need people they can look in the eye and know they are sober, happy, and free of the bondage of alcohol. I am not one of those, and I am today thankful I am not, I have more sober people that I can call real friends then I ever had folks I could call drinking buddies, and drinking buddies are a dime a dozen.

Find a program and work it, if you work it and you stay sober then that is the program for you.

recovery4me

good luck mate, i am in no postion to give advice i am only on day 5 myself in detox :ghug3

CarolD

I'm glad you decided to post with us....

Here is a link about recovery programs

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html

Welcome to our SR Alcoholism Forum
Blessings to the 2 of you

Tqconq

I'm sorry if this comes off as being unfair or pompous, but this seems like a particularly negative post.

Are you saying I MUST do all these things to stay sober?.

I MUST ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY PRAY? ( Yes I do Believe in God )

I MUST READ the BB ( Big Book is that? )

I'm sorry, but I just don't agree with a lot of AA philosophy.
Maybe that means I'm not ready to stop drinking? Or maybe it means I just don't restrict myself to one path of recovery.

I'm sorry Tazman, I don't mean this in anyway as an insult to what you found helped you, but I do think it's a little narrow-minded.

I've had far too many run-ins with these AA doctrine's to not be skeptical.

I hope I didn't insult you, it really was not my intention. I just wanted to comment on your post.

Tazman53

It was not meant to be negative at all, I was asking honest questions, I spent 10 extra years drunk because I was not willing to follow a suggested program of recovery, when I finally drank enough to where the pain became great enough I reached the point where I was willing to admit my way did not work and I was willing to do anything to get and stay sober.

You said AA did not work for you and I was just wondering if you worked at AA.

Absolutely not, totally your decision, for me I found that I had to get totally honest with myself and the world to even begin to get sober, I had to be honest and admit my way did not work and be willing to try a suggested way that millions before me have done that worked for them. I was ready!!!! I spent a lot of years drunk singing that old Sinatra song "My Way" before I finally realized that "My Way" was killing me.

Narrow minded? would you rather I shared with you the things that did not work for me? I can only share what worked for me. I will tell you this, when I knew I had to get sober or die I was willing to do anything to get sober, I went into detox because I had no idea what to do, the only thing I knew was what ever they told me to do I would do.

When I was in detox I was lost, I was at the point where my mind was wide open to anything they suggested! I would not call that narrow minded, people who are open minded close no door until they have thoroughly checked it out. The detox folks told me that if I wanted a chance to stay sober to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor. AA was the last damn thing I wanted to go to, I had been there before and they sucked!!!!

They sucked because here was a bunch of alcoholics who were doing what I could not do my way, their way!!! Hell I was drunk when I went to AA before detox and I was not ready to quit, because I was putting conditions on me quitting.

Absolutely not, you have not insulted me, you see I was just like you for many years, I closed the door on a lot of things that may have helped me, I read a little about them and said "Nope, that won't work for me, I am not willing to do half of that crap!".

I pushed my way almost to the bitter end..... but I finally saw death in my future if I kept doing it my way.

If they had told me to go to Burger King, order a whopper with cheese and tell them to hold the cheese every day, then buy an orange soda and pour it on the ground because more people have stayed sober that way then any other way in detox I would have been going to Burger King every day.

Narrow minded, nope, my ass was kicked.

Other programs work great, but as I said, none of them will work unless you work them.

You said AA did not work for you and I asked if you worked it?

I assume the answer to that was no, so you do not know if AA would work for you or not because you are not willing to work it.

I am sorry if I may of stepped on your toes, but the truth is the truth.

Jfanagle

It seems that all too often when those of us, Taz included in that group, attempt to explain why AA works if it is worked in a rigorous manner, we are looked at as "narrow minded" or intolerant. Sadly that is rather far from the truth.

If a mechanic explained to you that your automobile will only run if you put fuel in the tank and turn the ignition on and finally engage the transmission would that be considered "narrow minded?" Certain programs REQUIRE certain action if they are to work.

If the exuberance of sharing something that has added YEARS of sober quality life to an individual's existence is offensive and perceived as "narrow minded" by someone trying to put yesterday's bottle down then so be it. No one that I know who has had their life saved and their happiness restored by participation in AA is doing anything else besides passing on the news. I have never seen a shortage of new desperate folks in the rooms and as a result don't see the need to recruit.

Faced with a long journey I simply would suggest that understanding how to operate an available vehicle is preferable to walking. That however is just my opinion, but after all this site exists for the interchange of ideas and more importantly advice from those with sober lives to those seeking them. Results are the most important measure of a particular program.

Jon

Zanthos

I agree that Taz comes across pretty strongly here, but I can venture to guess why. He knows, as I do, from first hand experience the horrors of active alcoholism and the insidious self-delusion that kept us from a solution that works. Like me, he also finally got to the point where he understood that there were certain things he had to do in order to stop drinking, stay sober, and learn to live life in a satisfying way without alcohol.

So, where you see narrow-mindedness, I see passion and a powerful desire to maybe keep someone from making the same mistakes we did.

In the hopes of possibly intriguing you further about AA, I'd like to mention that there is no philosophy whatsoever in AA. AA is an instruction set that produces a cognitive restructuring that results in the establishment of a healthy ego and a way of living that is consistent with human well-being. You can think of it as a form of existential exercise, a type of mental, emotional and spiritual medicine, whatever. But it's not a philosophy. And the actual program of "spiritual development" is not unique to AA at all, but is simply a restatement of what human beings over the course of millennia discovered in response to their own suffering.

And the thing is, you're just like us. That is, you're a fellow human being who has suffered terribly. You've had to put down the bottle again, your liver has been affected, you're just out of detox one more time, you're on drugs as a substitute for the booze. I've walked that same path. It was not fun.

And having been where you're at now, we feel somewhat obligated to try and point out that if you believe you've identified your own path of recovery, chances are you are spitting into the wind. When I was just out of detox and still recovering from the physical and other dimensions of active alcoholism and alcohol poisoning, the last thing I was capable of doing was determining my own path to recovery.

Rather than attempt to follow my own judgment, I had to assume that AA and the people there know exactly what they're talking about. And so the challenge for me was to recognize that what made me uncomfortable in AA was a product of my highly dysfunctional state of being. By viewing my resistance to AA as a symptom of my disease and working past that resistance to see what the benefits of the program were, I was able to change.

There are many dimensions to the insanity of alcoholism. There are the years of consuming copious quantities of poison in order to feel good. There are the thousands of times of waking up sick and full of despair, only to repeat the behavior that made us sick and despairing. There is the delusion that this alcoholic way of life is OK, it's just what we do. But the greatest insanity of all has to be the alcoholic who for the Nth time has been hospitalized as a result of drinking, who is suffering physical and mental damage from a life of drinking, whose established patterns of thinking and feeling have resulted in the hospitalizations and physical and mental damage, and who now says "But wait! I've got it! Even though I haven't changed one bit, I know how to effect my own recovery."

Tqconq

" Taz, Jfanagle, and Zanthos, plus everyone else who responded but I could not possibly put in because it would make this a massive thanks post hehe.

Taz first of all,

as Zanthos says, Passion and self-delusion I think are my problems, narrow-minded was an ill-conceived term to apply to your efforts at helping me, and for that I apologise.

Now for the tough part....

In 6 hours I'm hoping to be Alcohol free.
Yes, I am going to be using Librium for this.

A liar is a person who reaps what they sow, so I won't lie to you.
I WILL be drinking till this bottle runs dry, I know for me personally I've said to myself many times 'when this bottle is done, then I'll give up'

I know I can do this, and Taz, to you personally, not pulling your punches and telling it how it is, is probably the best help I could get, despite my previous negativity.

Will check in some time tomorrow if that's ok, I oddly find typing quite relaxing.

Thank you all, I hope not to be too much of a burden on your time and troubles.

Missymae737

HI,

You speak of liver disease...This is a very serious matter...

You speak of having a great girlfriend and a good doctor...They can't save you...

Are you willing to save yourself? Has drinking caused you enough pain in your life?

I agree with the TAZ...We are talking about life or death..

I am glad you posted and hope you continue to come here...

Anna

I hope to see you back here later, too.

There is lots of support and information at SR.

Jfanagle

Tqconq,

We all staggered into our first meeting, forum, cyber site...etc. when it was our time. We have all learned to walk upright and with purpose after "leaning" heavily on those who came before us.

WELCOME FRIEND.

Jon

Tqconq

Just 1 hour to go...

That's when the bottle runs dry and I really make my choice.

I'm feeling a little fear down in my tummy, but also hope.

I'm also a bit fidgety right now, and a little bit scared.

I just wanted to post this and see if any of you have any words or experiences that might prove helpful.

I'm determined, but as I said above, a little scared.

Anna

There is always hope and lots of it!

The feelings you are having are perfectly normal. Sobriety is a big step. What worked for me in the early days, was changing my routines. I drank alone, at home, so I had to deal with that issue. Stay close to SR or call someone you can reach out to. You are not alone and there is lots of support here.

laurie6781

Detoxing at home can be dangerous. I hope your gf will be there "just in case" and can get you to the ER if needed.

Here's another thread on "What to Expect" while detoxing:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

Hope it helps..........................................

Welcome to SR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You will find lots of Experience, Strength and Hope (ES&H) to assist you on your road of recovery.

Love and hugs,