well back again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: uk
Posts: 104
well back again
:praying
well just a quick one 4th day off the dirty drink, feel bloody awful not as bad as day 2 but not that much better my sleep improved last night a little, eating cereal drinking juice have a cooked meal in the evening but have to eat just small amounts still feel like i am dying but i know it will pass really tired anxiety and panic attacks still driving me nuts shooting pains various parts of my body i spoke to the detox nurse who said i was over the dangerous bit the first 36 hours which is a relief but i still think the worst is going to happen well just thought i would keep the detox diary going pfffff dam drink stole my life and i want it back now its my turn to run it again
well just a quick one 4th day off the dirty drink, feel bloody awful not as bad as day 2 but not that much better my sleep improved last night a little, eating cereal drinking juice have a cooked meal in the evening but have to eat just small amounts still feel like i am dying but i know it will pass really tired anxiety and panic attacks still driving me nuts shooting pains various parts of my body i spoke to the detox nurse who said i was over the dangerous bit the first 36 hours which is a relief but i still think the worst is going to happen well just thought i would keep the detox diary going pfffff dam drink stole my life and i want it back now its my turn to run it again
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
R4Me congrats on the 4 days, my real issues arose after the physical ones went away, the committee in my head would convince me that a drink was just the thing I needed to celebrate the fact that I was not an alcholic because I wasn't drinking and certainly this time I could control it!!!!
Some how or some way my disease was always gnawing at me, lying to me, calling me back like an old lover! I missed her, this dealing with emotions, guilt and shame about my past, those I had harmed screamed at me, overwhelmed me.
I sat on my pity pot thinking to myself "Is this sobriety thing really worth it?" This dealing with real life problems with a clear head sucked!!!! I had no idea how to function without an escape from life!!!! Why do things bother me so much now, when I was drinking things were a lot easier, the wife nagging, the boss griping, the kids bugging me, the damn traffic!!!! It just seemed so much easier just to have a few drinks and calm it all down.
What saved my butt was a program, a program that helped me deal with my past and to live in the present, a fellowship of people that were sober alcoholics who had been through what I was going through, that shared with me the things that worked for them to get through these times and also what did not work for them.
Getting sober I found is the easy part, staying sober is the hard part, at least at first, today thanks to the steps and the fellowship my life is easy now as long as I do what I need to do to maintain my present condition and keep the old thought processes away.
Some how or some way my disease was always gnawing at me, lying to me, calling me back like an old lover! I missed her, this dealing with emotions, guilt and shame about my past, those I had harmed screamed at me, overwhelmed me.
I sat on my pity pot thinking to myself "Is this sobriety thing really worth it?" This dealing with real life problems with a clear head sucked!!!! I had no idea how to function without an escape from life!!!! Why do things bother me so much now, when I was drinking things were a lot easier, the wife nagging, the boss griping, the kids bugging me, the damn traffic!!!! It just seemed so much easier just to have a few drinks and calm it all down.
What saved my butt was a program, a program that helped me deal with my past and to live in the present, a fellowship of people that were sober alcoholics who had been through what I was going through, that shared with me the things that worked for them to get through these times and also what did not work for them.
Getting sober I found is the easy part, staying sober is the hard part, at least at first, today thanks to the steps and the fellowship my life is easy now as long as I do what I need to do to maintain my present condition and keep the old thought processes away.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Right here somewhere
Posts: 509
R4Me...what Zoobear means is......your inability to control your drinking shows that an alcoholic has difficulty running their life well.
In AA....they have found, that letting go of that kind of self control, and finding help outside of yourself tends to yeild better results in running ones life.
You'll learn about that thru the steps....are you planning to go to AA?
In AA....they have found, that letting go of that kind of self control, and finding help outside of yourself tends to yeild better results in running ones life.
You'll learn about that thru the steps....are you planning to go to AA?
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
My take on that post was that we have been running our lives and the results are terrible (some worse than others), regardless, we are not content, happy, serene.
The thought that I just need to put some bandaids on and get back out there with the same mind that has led only to futility is not going to get anyone anywhere.
This isn't paintless dent removal, it's not getting back on the horse - it's giving up. In giving up we open ourselves - in being open we become willing - through willingness we take action - through action we get results.
My way hasn't worked if I am posting on this board.
Time to do it another way. Whatever that may be, as long as it isn't mine.
The thought that I just need to put some bandaids on and get back out there with the same mind that has led only to futility is not going to get anyone anywhere.
This isn't paintless dent removal, it's not getting back on the horse - it's giving up. In giving up we open ourselves - in being open we become willing - through willingness we take action - through action we get results.
My way hasn't worked if I am posting on this board.
Time to do it another way. Whatever that may be, as long as it isn't mine.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: uk
Posts: 104
thanks freinds
i have started going to AA meetings on Monday and go again on Thursday i am past being shy in asking for help i have been all over the place looking for answers and ended back looking at the problem in the mirror but just have to keep pushing on will post again tomorrow,
thanks stone mate and everyone else for the encouraging words :puppet
thanks stone mate and everyone else for the encouraging words :puppet
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 410
Congrats on day 4. I know whenever I was coming off of one of my binges that I got into my own head a lot. Anxiety and nerves about to pop. Just hang in there and take it hour by hour if you have to. Best thing for me was to find relaxation through positive thinking, meaning just focus on what you can do and will do, not what you didn't do and havn't done. Some of my most emotional times have been when detoxing and it's not easy. But "feeling good" is right around the corner for ya. hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
Originally Posted by stone 
I don't think there is any need to turn recovery4me's diary into a recruitment drive for AA is there?
Hang in there mate, well done on day 4!
Hang in there mate, well done on day 4!
I was sharing my experience and point of view. AA was not even mentioned, but since you brought it up...
Perhaps it would be more helpful if I threw some nifty slogans out there?
Since you are going to AA -
Make sure you go to 90 meetings in 90 days.
Don't drink no matter what.
Let us love you if you can't love yourself.
Call someone before you drink.
Meeting makers make it.
Get a sponsor.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Newton Iowa
Posts: 157
Originally Posted by stone
I don't think there is any need to turn recovery4me's diary into a recruitment drive for AA is there?
Hang in there mate, well done on day 4!
Hang in there mate, well done on day 4!
Sorry about that. If I get one more member to join I get a years free membership!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: uk
Posts: 104
omg
oh no what have i done i seem to have started a street brawl on my detox diary thread page lets all make freinds we dont need anymore stress lol tomorrow is a new day and i am looking forward to it i know it will b rough again but a little better is still better in my book well i guess try and get some shut eye night
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
R4Me, it has not been 18 months yet, but physically and mentally I feel great, I actually feel beeter about myself as a person then I have ever felt in my life. That is not an egotistical statement, towards the end of my drinking I hated myself, I viewed myself as a weak willed drunk, a liar and a cheat! There was really nothing I liked about myself, yet to have met me you would have thought me someone who was full of their self. I was a egotist with an inferiority complex!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
You know..since you ask "How it feels?"
I have come to a pretty crazy realization (crazy in the sense that it goes against my typical thinking).
How I 'feel' - really doesn't seem that important anymore.
How is life? - pretty much good. In this moment, it is actually perfect.
How is that for sobriety?
I have come to a pretty crazy realization (crazy in the sense that it goes against my typical thinking).
How I 'feel' - really doesn't seem that important anymore.
How is life? - pretty much good. In this moment, it is actually perfect.
How is that for sobriety?
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