jadopa

I know that is a weird heading in this forum. But that is the thought that keeps playing in my head. The more I talk to you guys about quitting the louder that thought gets. Not the thought of I want to, and I can't. But the thought of I don't want to, but I can.

Steve58

Hi Jadopa,

One thing anyone here will tell you, you have to be ready, you have to have had enough. Maybe you're just not ready yet.

I know the feelings, it's hard to let go. I cant tell you if I've had my last drink, probably not, but I know every day I dont drink to excess is a good day, so all I can to is try to make today a good day, yesterday is in the past, and tomorrow is too far away to commit to. But I can control today.

Welcome to SR, please stick around, your questions and feelings have come up here quite often, keep reading for better understanding.

S

ANGELINA243

Each day sober is a miracle for any alcoholic. But long term sobriety is grounded in the fact that one knows they can never take another drink, plus have no reservations about it. I struggled for over 4 years ( after coming into the program--am I/am I not an alcoholic). Am I convinced that I can never again drink--ever? Well--needless to say--the insane idea kept winning--over & over. I wasn't convinced that things would have the same negative outcome, so I ended up drinking. Now, I know I can never ever drink again--because I am 100% powerless. I know in my gut that I am an alcoholic--always will be--nothing I can do will ever change that. I can never drink "normally" again. Unless one be convinced of this--there is very little hope for a full recovery. Only you know the answer--we have the solution--if/when you are ready.

Anna

Hi Jadopa,

That happened to me too and it stopped me from stopping for a long time. What I believe is that you are listening to the addict voice talking to you. As you become stronger, the voice fears losing its control and pushes hard at times. Recognize the addict voice for what it is, and ignore it.

You can do this!

Jfanagle

Steve58 hit it right on the head: "you have to be ready; you have to have had enough."

Why would you attempt to quit if you don't want to? In short, IF YOU DON"T WANT TO--THEN DON'T! The only reason that I can think a person would be trying to stop drinking if they didn't want to was because they were trying to quit for someone else's benefit or approval. I suspect any of us who have quit could tell you that you will fail if those are your reasons.

Even AA stresses the point when we talk about "THE ONLY REQUIREMENT FOR AA MEMBERSHIP IS A DESIRE TO STOP DRINKING." We don't even say you have to quit to belong, just have the desire. However without the desire you are doomed to failure in my opinion.

Just my thoughts,

Jon

RufusACanal

jadopa,

Whether you quit or not, you are loved. Drink until you are finished, you will know when you are done. If you have already made that decision and you are done, which means you are full, please take the suggestions found here. If I can help, please email me.

sugErspun

I concur with the advice that has been given. If you aren't done you aren't done - there's no argument against that.

One thing I offer for your cosideration: Maybe you are unable to quit and it comes out as not wanting to quit. There is a lot of fear involved in the realization that I am unable to stop.

crabby

well if you can try to and see if you can do it . You can allways go back to it if you like to. It your choice, it your life. It a choice, if it an,t hurting you or making you feel like we feel then why stop. I need to stop i got to or i am going to be in jail , or hosiptial , or dead. that my choices. I have no other i got to beat this . I hope you can also.

CarolD

When and if you become ready to stop
we know how we did quit
and are willing to share our solution.

Say as safe as you can when drinking
Please do not drive and drink.

Eddie Haskell

I feel your pain, I didn't want to quit either and my addiction made sure I didn't for as long as it possibly could.
I knew I needed to stop drinking, but actually doing it scared the Hell out of me! What would I do if I succeeded, what would I do if I failed...again! Scary stuff my friend, I hope you make the right decision. It's obvious you think you have a drinking problem or you wouldn't be here talking about it.

Sugah

I don't want to quit smoking. I want to want to quit, but really? I don't want to. Don't want to go through it. I figure I haven't hurt bad enough from it, or hurt others bad enough yet. Until I get to that point, I'll probably smoke.

When you've hurt bad enough, jadopa, you'll find your willingness to stop. Until then, like CarolD said, do your best to stay safe.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

CarolD

Eddie Haskell......Welcome to SR!

Tazman53

Jadopa as others have said, when you are really ready to quit you will want to now drink more then you want to drink.

The pain needs to outweigh the need to drink. SOme of us have a low tolerance for pain, some of us have such a high tolerance for it we die before the pain becomes enough.

What stopped me was a moment of clarity where I saw my own slow painful death from drinking and a lonely death, scared me enough to do what ever I had to do to stop and stay stopped.

Looking back on my drinking days, I was not living, I was using alcohol to simply exist to drink more. Today thanks to AA I am happy and free of the obsession for alcohol, I live life today, I live life today on lifes terms and I am happy and sober.

If you are not done drinking, then have some more, it took me 40 years to get full, I pray you don't pee away as much of your life as I did!

Always remember that when you have had enough and truly are willing to do what ever it takes to get and stay sober we will be here for you.

redstuff

I don't have a lot to add to what has been said already. I am still in the very early stages of sobriety. 10 days today! Willingness seems to be the most important thing for me. One thing that has helped me was to post a list on the refrigerator of the what happens when I drink. I look at that every morning. It's not a very pretty list. Starts off my willingness to not drink for the day. Granted I have to work on it the whole day, but it definately helps me.

BaldHeadedJohn

For a long time I wasn't quite sure if I wanted to quit. Drinking makes me angry and lazy. When I start to drink I can't stop when I know i should. Because I drink too much, I can't do any of the things that make me happy, and I'm of no use to anyone. I finally decided 6 days ago that that was no longer a way I wanted to live. When you're ready, you will know it. Until then, I can only say that I hope you stay safe and well.

Blessings be to you.
BHJ

mike_mass

Maybe all you can do at this point is to want to want to stop. A lot of people started recovery that way.

justanothrdrunk

Just to add to whatever everyone else has alreday said...

If you don't want to stop, then don't stop. Just try not to kill/harm anyone besides yourself.

Yes, I know that's harsh and cynical. I've had many friends relapsing lately. I'm practicing detatchment here. And maybe I'm a bit over the top, but that's how I feel about it.

Bottom line is, if you're an alcoholic, you quit or die. And if you don't want to quit, no one in the world can make you stop. The only variable in the equation is how many other folks will be hurt in the process. Try as you might to leave others out of the crossfire, it's going to happen. Others are in this too.

Sonny McB

That's pretty much what me and one of my friends were telling ourselves. Peer deeper into reality and I am sure you will come to the conclusion (like I did) that you DO WANT TO STOP. However, I really don't know.. Like Steve said, it depends if you're ready. My friend readily admitted he wasn't.

Sonny McB

You also forgot to add that you feel miserable, you're life will fall apart, you will destroy yourself as an individual, you will have poor memory, your body will most likely be depleted of vital nutrients to keep you healthy and vibrant, you will spend lots of money pointlessly ...

Zanthos

Maybe you ARE ready to stop drinking. And maybe your disease and your diseased ego know that part of you is ready and willing. And so they are putting up the fight of their life. Because your disease and your ego know that if you quit, and if you pursue a program of recovery and spiritual development, you will be abandoning them -- slowly but surely -- to the dustbin of your existence.

When I was in rehab, as I started to embrace the idea that there was an alternative to the discomfort and discontent of my life, and that I didn't have to continue to make myself miserable and sick with alcohol, my ego spoke up loud and clear. "No effing way!" it said. "I'm in charge here, and I'm going to keep on doing what I know how to do."

For me, the scariest thing about surrender and recovery was that it meant giving myself over to what I didn't know. Up till then, all I did know were the alcoholic patterns of thought, feeling and action that kept tied up in fear, anger, resentment, self-centeredness, and control. And the need to drink to relieve myself from the discomfort of those thoughts and feelings. When my desire to change started to gain the upper hand, and I began to consider that I could learn, grow and change, and have a better way of life, my disease put up the fight of its life, telling me all sorts of things that would have me believe that I didn't need to change.

So the question becomes: what will you choose to listen to? The part of you that recognizes that you've been unhappy the way you've been living? Or the part of you that says you can keep doing what you've been doing and everything will be alright? One part is lying to you. You can probably guess which one.

So yes, maybe the thoughts that you can keep drinking indicate that you aren't ready. Or maybe they indicate that you are on the cusp of making a big change. For me, my readiness and willingness were not indicated by every one of my thoughts and feelings, but by the choice I made (in the face of thoughts and feelings that told me I could still drink, still HAD to drink) to try something different.

However, like the others have mentioned, one essential ingredient is a desire to stop drinking. A part of me wanted to stop drinking for many, many years before I did stop drinking. And another part of me always believed that I could not live without drinking. For the longest time, I was trapped into listening only to the second part. So I always drank.

Some desire to stop drinking has brought you to this site, obviously. If you're ready to keep listening to that desire, and are willing to persist in finding a different way to live, then you can stop drinking. But like so many of us have discovered over and over again, we cannot do it alone. We need the help of others, and we need to learn a whole bunch of stuff we did not know. I found that help and found what I needed to learn in AA. I hope you do too.