redstuff

Just found this forum. I hope this is the last time I have to quit drinking. I started at 15. Didn't like it at first, but persisted to drink because everyone else was doing it, and it made me a completely different person. Instead of being shy and overly anxious in social situations, it eased these feelings and allowed me to come out of my shell. Drank mostly at parties/social situations/weekends through the end of high school and through college. Once out of college I found myself with a good job and lots of stress. I tried to not drink, but usually found myself with overwhelming anxieties which sometimes resulted in me blowing up and making a fool of myself. I also had trouble sleeping and decided I would turn to alcohol to ease these anxieties and allow me to sleep. This seemed to be the ultimate solution to all my problems at first. I didn't have trouble sleeping and I was more at ease and less stressed at work. Mainly because I knew after the work day was over I could drink all those troubles away and be able to sleep. Well that was 5 years and a lot of alcohol and subsequent problems ago. Long story short, I have now graduated to drinking still at night or after my shift until I pass out. I go through a 1/2 gallon of 80 proof rum in about 3-4 days. I've had repeated episodes of quiting for short periods 3-5 days at a time over the last several months. I have several emotional roller coasters over the period of days following the last drink. Thoughts of suicide, confidence that I've done it this time, anxiety, sweats, fear, nausea....etc. I still try to work through all these feelings and hope and pray that I don't go off on someone b/c of the way that I feel. The longest I've gone was over this past December where I quit for 15 days. I don't know why I picked it back up again, but I did. I want to quit for good. I've been to AA as a student in college as part of one of my classes, and even had to stay at a treatment facility for a week as part of the same class. My prayer then was to never have to go through that mainly because of the overwhelming anxiety I get when in social situations. I have avoidant personality disorder which makes it even harder for me in these situations because of the overwhelming fear of social situations/interactions etc, which makes it nearly impossible to go to meetings. I have virtually no friends to rely on and the ones I do have I seem to push away for fear of screwing things up between us because of the state that I'm in currently. I need any help and advice to better myself and to live my life more manageable. Please help! Thanks, and sorry for the long post.

nandm

Welcome to SR. I am low on time as I have to get to a Doctors appointment but will reread your post when I return and offer you what I can then.

AmericanSpirit

Hi Red, I am where you right now,I am new, 2 days sober minus a few hours. I will pray for you.

sugErspun

So you did two weeks just last month?

How did you do that?

You mention social phobias - AA is nothing compared to attending university or working outside the home. Our ego's will tend to hold us down with irrational thought.

If you can sit through a lecture class - you can sit through an AA meeting.

Have you looked at it that way?

I know you are scared and it's totally normal. But there is help, you just have to be willing to ask for it.

Treasure2Find

Thanks for you post, very good stuff....

Having friends in AA is not one of the requirements for membership so with saying that your already a head of the game. Your thread title is Advice to Quit the Last Time.

I didn’t know where else to go when I wanted to quit for the last time. Any compass I ever picked up didn’t point north it pointed to AA. When I got to AA I did a lot of one on one with my sponsor and some step work. You mentioned having problems with people but you made it through college and you can hold a job so why not give some meetings a try?

I still have some symptoms with problems other than alcohol but now that I'm sober they are much more manageable. Hey I wish you the best in what ever you decided and I am sorry your going through this. There are many alternatives to AA but I just coudnt afford to keep looking.

All Good Things,

redstuff

Thanks, I'll do the same for you.

redstuff

Yes, 2 weeks last month. I was able to that mainly because my parents were in for a visit over the Christmas Holiday, and there eyes were constantly on my every move.

I've been to AA as a student, heck I've even spent a week in a rehab facility and have the Big Book and the small one that were give to me by an instructor. I'm familiar with the meetings. When I was there before it was as a student, for an educational experience in a city I didn't work in. Now it would be as an alcoholic in a city I do.

sugErspun

Well..everyone is there for the same reason (except the students sitting in for observation).

So you stopped 2 weeks for your parents (or rather so you wouldn't get their disapproval), now you want to stop for yourself. Good idea, stopping for others never worked for me.

redstuff

I've wanted to quit for myself for good for a long time. I can quit for periods of time where drinking may result in dissapproval by others......such as school, work, for parents, during Christmas...etc. What is so scary is going through withdrawal every time I do this, and for how long it lasts. Seems the symptoms never go away and just continue for an eternity. The cravings are really hard the first few days. I can chew lots of gum, drink lots of water, eat lots of food when not hungary for it to keep them at bay. They go away after 3-4 days then I'll have a few days without them, then they come back on really strong and I never know if and when that's gonna happen and if and when I'll be strong enough to resist it and for how long I can do that. I read the books, they seem to help calm me somewhat. I try as hard as I can to have a relationship with God, but it doesn't seem like it's happening. I'm not able to get any long-term relief or find the satisfaction in that relationship, that I get from drinking, so I seem to pick it back up again eventhough it is causing measureable damage to my life because it helps me forget that at least while I'm doing it. When I don't, I have to deal with all these emotions, symptoms, situations etc.

Rimmy

There was a good thread on here not long ago "I want to want to stop". Maybe find that and read through it. You definately sound like you want to stop the cycle. I know the ups and downs used to beat me up too. But for years I tried to stop for my wife, or my kid, or my job.... I finally realized I needed to stop for ME. Stopping for me had the same affect on my family and job, except I did it for me.

Hang in there and get some more input... many here are way farther along than myself, but have great input for you.

Regards

sugErspun

The craving for alcohol (the physical craving) goes away after a few days (maybe a week to 10 days at most).

What you write about when you say they come back is what is referred to as the 'obsession' of the mind. Your medicine has been taken away...your mind will go crazy. You don't know how to live without it.

Does this make any sense?

This is the problem of being alcoholic. The utter inability to leave it alone.

If you are alcoholic - you never have to drink again.

Now - I went (back) to AA, pretty beaten up and willing to do anything. I have been sober ever since. It is the only suggestion I have - get the book, find someone who has what you want (sober, happy, comfortable) - have them take you through that book.

AA meetings are the perfect place to meet such a person. It's different when you approach AA for help rather than for intellectual studies.

It seems you can't stop on your own, you've tried. Maybe give it a chance.

redstuff

Obsession. Does it ever go away?

CarolD

Welcome to SR!

I suggest you speak with a doctor
an addiction specialist would be ideal

Have you tried any recovery program?
Here is a list

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html

I was AA sober before they were started
so I have no personal experiences to share on any
SMART is interesting IMO.

Good to see a new member

sugErspun

Absolutely.


That I can promise.

Zoobear

It wont go away by itself, it takes some effort on your part. You sound just like I did when I quit. I went to AA, got a sponser and worked hard on the steps. By doing this I became very close to my Higher Power.
Today I dont have all those voices in my head, I rest easy at night and I know peace. (Through no fault of my own )I have not had to drink in over 20 years.
Look for a small meeting and get started.

You and I are the same.

sugErspun

Well said ZooBear

nandm

I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder while I was drinking I was even put on medication for it. I still have some days when it is difficult to be in groups of people but for the most part the social anxiety disorder has not been a problem since early sobriety. In fact it is no longer considered a part of my diagnosis. It does get better with sobriety. For me I needed the path of AA to find sobriety. I had tried to stop drinking, way to many times on my own and only wound right back drinking again because I could not stand feeling like I did when not drinking. With AA I was able to find that I no longer felt like I hated being in my own skin.

There are many recovery programs out there. AA is just one of them. If you feel it is not for you then please check into some of the other options. There is a solution to what you are going through and you can find it.

redstuff

Since July I've quit for several small periods of time mostly 3-7 days at a time. I have an overwhelming emotional roller coaster throughout that period of time which eventually goes away. I may even have several good days which build confidence and I have hope that this time I might be lucky. Then the obsession kicks back in----> first drink. I've had lenthening periods of time up to 15 days straight, but always that obsession comes back and I drink. I never seem to know when, how, why etc., Sometimes it happens sooner and it's not as strong and I'm able to resist it for that wave. Othertimes it is so strong I give in. I'll drink over the next few days and when I feel like crap again and I want to quit. I'm tired of this viscious cycle, and would like to stop it all before things get so bad I lose everything up to and including my life. When does this obsession go away?

nandm

The obsession went away for me when I started working the program of AA. Any time I had tried to quit on my own the obsession made me insane.

earthnocentric

I hope you will take some comfort in the fact that there are millions of people in A.A. around world who could intimately relate to your experiences and feelings in your posts.You are not alone.

A very warm hearted consideration for you - A.A. will work in your life if you work A.A. in your life.

The program of recovery is found in the big book,which is our TEXT book. Recovery is achieved by taking the 12 steps as outlined in big book. Its a lot of work, but A.A. has done for me over time what drinking used to do for me fleetingly-make me feel comfortable in my own skin.