AmericanSpirit

Im what I would consider a binge drinker, and find it hard to go past 4 days without getting plasterd. And most of the time black out.

I have to make this work, but have tried so many times. Each time was supposed to be the last.


It seems when the urge comes on it is so powerful I loose all ability to just say no, and off to the store I go.

I want so deperately to be free from the desire to drink. The longest I made it was 28 days in march.


I need help!

Shaneo20

Welcome. Hang in there and remember, whatever happens, don't drink.

CarolD

Welcome to SR!

I suggest you read this link
Blackouts are discussed on #17

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Just above that...we have a thread on withdrawing
you might want to check it out too.

What did you do in March that helped?

Glad you are here with us...

1963comet

I have been there myself. I know how bad I felt when I would give in to drinking. I always said "I will quit after this drunk". I cannot even begin to tell you how many times that happened. And each time I felt worse about myself.

But I am here to tell you that if you want to quit, it can be done.

sugErspun

AmericanSpirit

What did you do last March when you made 28 days?

I agree with Comet - you don't have to drink ever again if you don't want to.

There is a way.

tanyapmc

Have you tried AA? I never wanted that to be the answer for me. I have been attending meetings for almost a year now and have been sober the entire time I have been going.
Hang in there and keep posting.

AmericanSpirit

Thank you everyone. What I did in March was put a heart on each day I was sober on the calendar. What prompted me to quit was blacking out and having my cell phone, car keys, and an amplifier and woofer stolen from my car. That night ended up costing a thousand dollars for a new car alarm, re keying, new phone. I still dont have music in my car, my way of punishing myself I suppose.

I have never gone through withdrawls when I quit cold turky, its just staying that way I cant seem to do. I start feeling great around the second day, but cant seem to enjoy feeling good enough to not drink again.

The remose is overwhelming, the fear of failure is equally so, I even entertain thoughts of killing myself the day after a binge. The only thing that stops me is fear of failing at that, and what it would do to my kids, but having a drunk mom isnt good either.


As for AA, I have tried but just dont like it. I suppose I should have stuck with it, but just hated it.

1963comet

You can try Smart Recovery they do have it on-line as well. I have a friend that just loves it.

I was not to fond of AA in the beginning, but I see it differently now. Reading here is what made the difference.

Hope to see you here.

nandm

Have you tried any other programs of recovery?

There are many out there. Here is a link to some basics on recovery programs. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html

Just out of curiosity, what was it that you did not like about AA?

Please keep coming back to SR and let us know how you are doing.

Tazman53

You know I hated AA as well, but funny thing, after a while I figured out it wasn't me that hated AA, it was the "Alcoholic" me that hated AA, the sober me loves AA, the reason being is I love being sober.

When I came out of detox they told me that if I wanted a chance at staying sober to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor! Well after 40 years of drinking and reaching the point of being a slave to alcohol I was willing to do anything to get and stay sober!

I went to an AA meeting the night I got out of detox and I got a sponsor! I was scared to death of drinking again because I knew my chances were pretty slim of ever getting serious about staying sober again. I did not like AA at first because I really did not know or understand what was going on and my alcoholism was screaming at me to get a drink and these people were helping me to not drink.

The people in AA knew exactly how I was feeling, they had been there before. They helped me stay sober by sharing with me how they had stayed sober, I could call them any time of day or night just to talk to them. The more meetings I went to the more I liked them and the people there.

Try doing 90 AA meetings in 90 days and getting a sponsor, if you find your self back to drinking after that then try another program, there are others out there.

I will say this, no program will work for anyone who does not work the program.

Kind of like no one can become a doctor without going to school to become one. If one does not do the work, they do not get what they want.

Do you want to stay sober? Then you will need to do the work no matter which program you chose to work. I am thankful I chose AA, I have made so many true friends, I have helped other alcoholics get and stay sober, and what is really neat is no matter where I may travel I can go into an AA meeting and have friends there I have never met before that understand me and care for me.

AmericanSpirit

Thanks for the sharing. so this is day two, I didnt want to get out of bed, Im not ready to face my life.

Im scared of AA because of a few things. Im not a religious person, its not that I dont believe in God, I don't believe in organised religion. Secondly, Im scared of having to "tell all my dirty secrets", afraid I wont make it through the steps of making ammends.

I have hit rock bottom the last three months since I bought a house and trying to sell my condo. Im juggling over 2,000 dollars in mortgage payments combined by myself, and went from having no credit card debt to 10,000. I went from only drinking when I dont have my son to drinking even when I do. He notices it changes me, so
My ex husband and I share 50/50 custody with our 10 year old son, and he told me if I dont stop drinking he will go to court for full custody. I have no choice now. I am so depressed I cant seem to do anything. Clean my house, work, nothing. I just want to hide from the world. If I lose my son I dont think I could go on living.


Is there anyone here open to be there for eachother by phone?


I cant even tell my parents what is going on for fear of them not talking to me again. My mom also knows Im an alcoholic, and I have gone to great lengths to hide that part of my life with her.

sugErspun

A couple of thoughts.

AA is a program, you don't just show up and admit your faults to the world, nor your dirty little secrects.

It is not an organized religion and does not align itself with any religion. Are there religious people there? Of course. But most people 'Came to believe' that SOMETHING could work for them, what other option was there? Something has to happen - and for me, working the steps out of the book (Alcoholics Anonymous) with someone who had done it before worked for me. going to meetings for years and learning a little here and there, until I felt better, never got any results. AA is a process that is really simple, and it works. I prefer to say "One page at a time".

You write about making amends that is step 9, read what step 8 says before "We made a list and became willing..." - that willingness does come. Trust me.

One of the best ways I had it put to me: AA and the steps of, are taken from the book Alcoholics Anonymous - that book is a self-described text. A text is designed to transmit information on the basis that you know nothing about the subject (getting and staying sober - you don't seem to know anything about that), now - making amends is like trying to do calculus before you know algebra, it just doesn't work.

Hopefully one of the women here (I am a male and won't contact by phone) will give you a call, or get you their number. Or call up AA in the phone book - that really works. There are people there who know exactly what you are going through.

There is help.
It doesn't have to be this way.
You can be well again.

nandm

I think a large proportion of people who are currently in AA have had similiar thoughts prior to becoming desperate enough to find a solution to their alcohol problem

I was completely anti organized religion. I had a huge resentment about the church. I was not sure what I believed in or even if there was a God. Many of us have felt like if there was a God he had abandoned us a long time ago.

What I found in AA was that it isn't about religion or God. It is simply believing that there is something in the universe that is more powerful than ourselves. Doesn't matter if one believes that electricity is more powerful than themselves, which it is. It is just a concept not a religious belief. Religion is about worshiping a God. Spirituality is about partnering with a power greater than oneself to improve whe we are and what we contribute to this life. I hope that makes some sense. I still do not attend organized religion but I am more open today to others beliefs about God. Even though my idea of a Higher Power does not necessarily line up with their beliefs.

As far as dirty little secrets go. It is a process to get to the point of opening up with someone regarding those things. It is not something that you just jump into doing. There is a lot of prep work done prior to getting to the point of trusting someone enough to share those type of things with them. It is something that can even be done with a Priest. Part of what keeps us drinking is the shame, resentment, and hurt that holding those secrets perpetuates. It is a relief when we are finally able in a safe setting to let them go.

Ammends are another part of the process but before we get there the foundation is laid for us so we have the knowledge and support to be able to do that. Of course it is overwhelming to think about them right now as you do not have the tools to help you right now.

I would suggest just going to a few meetings, talking to some people. Even if you are not ready to accept the whole program right now at least learn some of the basics. Then the door will be open for you when you are ready.

Tazman53

#1 AA is not religous, it is a spiritual program, there are aethist, agnostics, Muslims, Jews, Chistians, Hindus, Native Americans etc. in AA.

There are no rules in AA, NONE!

You want some one to talk to for support, why not call the AA hotline, there are women there who have recovered from alcoholism that would love nothing better then to share with you what they did to recover. Trust me when I say there is NOTHING and I do mean NOTHING you have done that some of the women in AA who have been sober many years have not done also and many times worse then anything you have done.

If you really want to get and stay sober you will do something, you can pick up the phone and call AA or any other recovery program. There are rooms full of people in Sacramento that know exactly what you are going through right now because they have been there and done that. Many women in AA did lose their children, but they got them back thanks to them working the program of AA.

Are you willing to sacrifice all including your children because you are scared?

I have never heard of one single person dying from going to AA, I know of millions who have gotten and stayed sober and live by going to AA.

AmericanSpirit

I don't have a choice anymore. Im going to go to AA. Im going to hit the 7pm meeting in my area.

Maybe it didnt work because I wasn't ready to make it work. One screw up and I loose my son. If that isnt incentive enough, I might as well pick out my shopping cart now and what bridge I want to sleep under, . This is what it has come to for me.

nandm

I too was at a place where I did not have a choice anymore. It turned out to be a positive thing for me as it made me willing to go to any lengths to find sobriety. That helped me to get started right away with working the program of AA. In doing so I was able to build a foundation that has stood for a few years and as long as I do the maintenance hopefully it will continue to stand for many more to come. Glad to see you taking the steps to try and make your life better.

sugErspun

The only question that was posed to me:

Are you willing to go to any length?

Made it real simple when I said I would.

AmericanSpirit

Well I did it. I went to a womens AA meeting tonight, and at first was so ashamed. They asked me to share what brought me there and I did. I cried so much. But then I felt so good. It is actually a meeting where each monday they read different steps. Im going to another meeting tomorrow, and will try one day at a time to hit 90 meetings in 90 days.

I purchased the big book and the twelve steps and twelve traditions. I just dont know how I ever thought for all these years this was something I could do alone.


I get to put my second heart on the calendar before I go to bed. Im so glad I went.

earthnocentric

Welcome home,

congratulations on taking that scary leap of faith back into the rooms of A.A.


I was asked to bring 3 things with me when I came to A.A.

honesty
open mindedness
willingness
(or H.O.W.)

collinsmi

Each step you work will prepare you for the next, or at least that's the way it worked for me. Most of my ideas about what working the steps would be like, and what I would have to do, proved to be quite wrong.

Glad you made it to a meeting and got a big book and the 12 x 12!