justaround

Toward the end of my using carrear I was using drugs over alcohol. Alcohol became something I drank only for withdrawl from drugs or when no drugs were available, although I had my stint with alcohol but that was more the first few years of substance abuse. When I went through detox however, I noticed that I must had been drinking more than I thought for I experienced convulsions and such WDs. Upon leaving inpatient I still craved drugs naturally but I had the tools this time around to combat them, I never thought too much about alcohol. Well look what we have here, now that drugs are no longer a concern of mine, alcohol has welcomed itself in my thoughts again. Those voices that spoke of drugs now whisper alcohol. At first I looked at drugs as something you used once you graduated from alcohol but now I see it the other way. I always considered myself an alcoholic because I drank and since I suffered from substance abuse, I must be an alcoholic as well. But the last three days I have had vivid dreams of not even getting drunk, just sipping beers, and waking up sweating and thinking that I had relapsed. It is awful I tell ya. The thought of drinking enters my mind much more often than I would like. I am able to conquer them with meetings and calling my sponsor, my support system IS something I can rely upon because I put my commitment into it. Has anybody else experienced the same sort of transaction? I'm starting to think maybe I was using more to cover up the withdrawl from alcohol...well whatever I am clean right?? Any feedback would be nice. Just kinda confussed about these dreams.

LettingGo

I have dreams like that! And all of my worst fears are playing out in the dreams at the same time. Then my mom is there pissed that I was relapsing! It is so frustrating and it just gets me frustrated! I guess though, you kind of know what a relapse would feel like. I mean I felt so bad in my dream, and I was relieved when I woke up. Who knows why this goes on! Certainly not me! I look forward to the replies on this one!

Take care
LG

MootPoint

I can relate to part of your story.

I, too, didn't use alcohol as my drug of choice. It was a fallback.

I have drunk on and off throughout my life, but not very heavily. Then I started my love affair with crack cocaine. I would drink in between crack "sessions' to get me through.

THen I quit crack (translation: ran out of money and moved ) but continued the pain pills and alcohol. THen I ran out of pain pills and escalated the alcohol until it nearly killed me on May 14th. THat was my last drink.

When coming off crack, I was a royal b*tch for a couple of months and went through major mental withdrawal. I don't remember going thru much physical WD's except from headaches, nausea, and sweats for about a week or two. But then, I was taking alot of pain pills. Withdrawing from the pain pills was easy physically, but tough mentally. But then, I had alcohol to tide me over. And the alcohol escalated until it eventually ruled my life.

When I quit alcohol, I didn't go through WD's except for a few days of tremors and mild sweating.

So, I cannot relate to the WD's of your story.

The dreams, however!!! I still have dreams about using crack, but mostly dreams about using alcohol.

Me too! AA is what keeps me sober... I have thrown everything into it!

TimOFromChicago

I've had quite a few of them!! Most people I know have had them, they're pretty common. I usually only get them when I go to bed with something on my mind. That is that something is bothering me. Meditation (or prayer - whichever label you like) before I go to bed seems to keep me in the right frame of mind and I haven't had one in quite a while. The times that I have had drunk dreams have usually been at the end of an unusually stressful day or something weird is going on. That's where prayer and meditation allow me to focus, or unfocus as the case may be.

Don't know much else (or much of anything really ... ) Just my two cents...


Tim

Digits101010

I've had a few drinking dreams too and I wake up scared like I've just messed up bad. Sometimes when I awaken I think for a second, "Did I really go to a party and drink?"

I don't do dream interpretation but I've heard a few people with longer- termed sobriety make the claim they've had those dreams. It's probably a worst fear thing, like maybe when you were a kid you dreamed of the bogeyman? Or shoot, maybe it's your subconcious telling yourself it'd be okay if you drank now, because maybe spiritually you're good right now. Or maybe it's your disease lying to you... I don't know.

I was a kid and dreamed that Elmer Fudd had morphed into a huge monster and was coming to get me. That was really scary but it didn't mean anything. [ie, It didn't mean it was gonna happen.]

Regards,
Digits

2stop

I was kinda like you with the alcohol, early days it got me in alot of trouble, then pills were the main focus, but I have dreams sometimes where I can smell alcohol in my dreams. Just looking at your avatar and below it where it says drink kool-aid not alcohol, I liked putting vodka or Tequila in my kool-aid. A few nights ago in fact I fixed myself a margarita this way had 3 sips and ran and threw it down the sink, I knew I would have just gone on a roll, I wanted to be passed out drunk, I always get the shakes if I only drink one or two drinks...gotta stop thinking about it right now in fact.......hope you get to feeling better, I know this stuff is so confusing sometimes.

Many hugs and hope too,
Tammie

MootPoint

Hey, that reminds me... we haven't had a 2stop update recently. How 'bout posting one??

justaround

I'm not sure what triggers my dreams. I tried to put together the nights I had the dreams and what I was doing and/or thinking that day. Nothing seems to connect to well. Although the simple idea of thinking about alcohol could have. I remember pondering the thought a little while back, "Wow, I can't drink for the rest of my life".........sccccrech. So that is the reason for the saying One Day At A Time. I remember my last session with my psychiatrist when he told me "Just settle down with your body and mind for a couple years, give it time to relax, sometime in the future you will be able to go to a bar or such and have a drink or two". That surely caught me off guard so I'm sure that might have something to do with it.

Hey 2stop how are you doing?? Haven't been updated lately, hoping you are doing well. (???) Did my avatar trigger that margarita? I'm sorry if so, I'll change it if anybody thinks that it is a trigger. Obviouslly that wasn't by goal Well let us know okay..?

2stop

Not to worry, you're not riggering me. I have just been having so many cravings!! A simple little thing like looking in akitcehn drwaer for something totally unrelated to drugs and the thought hits that I just might have put an extra fentanyl patch in there, and I am dumping the entire drawer out!! Then I was fixin to go upstairs and root around in my old purses for pills! I'm calling the DEA for a job, being so committed to tracking the damn things down, maybe they could put me to work with one of those sniffin dogs!! I've been sober for 26 days and that is so like a miracle after 20 yrs of barely making 14 days TOPS. I am gonna make it one way or another, and I am so grateful for all of you and I hope you guys are doing okay.

Many hugs and hope too,
Tammie

MootPoint

26 days, Go, Tammy, Go!! BTW what's fentanyl?

2stop

Fentanyl patches are narcotic pain meds like morphine.

justaround

Call your sponsor, get to a meeting, read the NA big book, just do something to get your mind off using!! 26 days is awesome, don't toss it away. Somedays it just feels like things aren't going to get any better but they do. It's those damn bumps in the road. Those voices. Just don't keep them locked away in your head, do what you have been doing. Get to a meeting and talk about how you are feeling, it is such a relief when you do so. You are doing great!

P.S. Ewwwww and don't go back to those patches, think of the withdrawl, makes me shiver all over

2stop

I keep reminding myself of the withdrawals, those patches are just as bad as the pills I do believe! And together that just kicked my a** finally, you keep hangin in there too, I hope things get better for you soon!

Many hugs and hope too,
Tammie

Doug

Been there, done that, got the Tee-shirt!


Walk around the house, turn on the lights to verify my real surroundings.......

DolphinBlue

I was having drinking dreams every night for about 5 weeks! I was always in rehab and relapsing each time. It was like one long drama with a different episode every night, it progressed and I would start hanging out with the wrong croud, relapse, get warned, relapse again, get kicked out...it was awful.

I never actually drank in the dreams, but I always found myself with a drink in my hand and half-drunk wondering how it happened and feeling awful shame and despair. It was taking a lot out of me and I would wake up exhausted. People told me not to worry, they are just dreams.

Sometimes it seemed that a part of me was trying to make sense of going without alcohol, my brain wasn't getting the dose during the times I was awake so it lived it out in my sleep. Other times it seemed that like so many other dreams, my biggest fears were being played out.

Almost everyone I've mentioned it to has had them and they go away or lessen after a while.

Amy

Chy

Just:

Ditto all of the above, I think the weird one is smelling alcohol in my dreams! I even checked my pillows to make sure but they were quit fresh :-)

Its all in the realm of the matrix!

justaround

Yes, I would agree. Sometimes during the day I will smell that liquor scent out of the blue, that aggrevates me. I always hated that smell, especially waking in the morning hungover with the whole room reaking of it. I didn't have any dreams last night, that was nice

MootPoint

Doncha hate that smell!

TimOFromChicago

Ooo that smell... The smell of...

justaround

DB, ya you're right. I can deffinitly relate to alot of that. During inpatient everynight I would go to sleep I would fall into a dream and they'd continue throughout the week. It was like a drama series in my head. During the day I would be like, "Well I wonder what will happen tonight". I'm glad that I was in rehab to because what was sick is that sometimes I would sit around and wait to fall asleep, because every night was a continuation of lasts. Of course the dreams were really messed up like an acid trip, but I guess all dreams are sorta like that.

I think you start to dream so much more after getting sober because that cloud is lifting. I don't know about you but I NEVER dreamed when I was using, if I had I wouldn't remember them.