Yet another Christmas Story
 

I was invited to a party on Christmas Eve at a neighbor's sister's house here in town.
I knew there was going to be drinking at this party, but since I'd met almost everyone there, and they know I am an alcoholic, I prefer not to drink, and since the grandmothers were coming - I thought it would be a low key thing.

Oh, my.

I was OHHHH so wrong.

This was an all out ... let's get drunk like *barb* used to drink kind of bash.

There on the "bar" - hastily converted washer/dryer - stood all my old drinking buddies.
All but the 'top drawer' vodka I usually drank at the end. The cheaper, 'trailer park cousin' brand was there in its stead.

I started out thinking, 'just stay in the living room and you'll be okay'.
That lasted about an hour.
There were supposed to be games, and other stuff - nothing.
Just drinking.
The drunker they got - the more uncomfortable I got.
I tried the whole gamut of tips and tricks and finally walked up to my neighbor and said,
"I have to leave. I can't be here."

So of course, being a bit drunk herself she got mad at me, and I calmly put on my coat and went out the door - I was calling for a cab when the only other person in the house who wasn't drinking came out of the party and offered me a ride home.
Which I took.
Like a bandit.
Waiting for a cab at zero degrees ... is no fun.

If that wasn't a 'HP thing" ... I don't know what was.

I got home, paced the floor, prayed, listening to Christmas music on the radio for about two hours before I could get all the ... anxiety out of my body. I was nervous as a cat at a dog show. It wasn't a 'sudden' calming ... it took a good while. Then, my ride to the Christmas Eve meeting ... never showed. I was listening to music, toying with a painting I've started, and looked up to see it was 12:30.

All dressed up and nowhere to go.

So I put in a speaker tape - and had my OWN meeting.

I was suprised that the 'temptation' hit me so hard and so fast.
It wasn't even really a 'temptation' ...
It was just a sudden onset of uncomfortable-ness that grew until I could scarcely breathe.
I was not prepared for a liquor party.
The people I've seen drink at these neighbor family functions have in the past stuck mostly to beer. I detest beer. I'm so completely unintimidated by beer - I could work at a brewery... you know? I was completely blindsided by the presence of my little 'soldiers' standing on the counter.

The people I assumed were going to be at this party ... weren't.
There were quite a few I'd never seen before.

Strange house.
Strange people.
Liquor everywhere.

My friend called the next day and apologized for getting angry with me.
She's stepping into the stage of her own drinking that ... anything that disturbs - or looks like it's GOING TO disturb her drinking 'schedule' is apt to make her explosive.
My ex husband was like that.
A "scheduled" drunk.
He had to be IN the house a beer IN his hand and at least twenty more safely IN the fridge - by six pm every SINGLE day - or he'd go belligerent. Usually at me.

Is there a point, Barb? Hmm... I think there was.

I was up to my armpits in my old drinking preferences, tried to sit it out in another room, and when the situation got to the point that I was afraid to leave my drink unattended in the room - I up and left.
And something besides ME was driven home as well ...

We really are never 'cured'. But we CAN and DO get BETTER. We can and DO ... live. We can and DO ... change. And if you work at it hard enough ... your dedication to a life of sobriety ... can buy you a little time when you're blindsided.

There was a time I'd not have left that party strangers or not - until every drop was gone.
There was a time that I"d have endured anything to keep a friend from being upset with me.
There was also a time - I'd never have admitted I had a problem with the actions of others.
I CHOSE not to drink. I CHOSE to leave.

I honored ... myself.
I CHOSE ... sobriety.

What a Christmas Gift.

Thank you for sharing your Christmas party experience. I am glad you were able to get out of there and turn the evening into a positive experience.

Good deal hon, you chose life!!!!

no thanks button - so 'THANKS!" - LOL

I also kinda wanted our new friends to see that we can always ... be taken by suprise.

It's why we have to be ever vigilant and put at least as much into our sorbriety ... as we did into our drinking.

Don't feel bad, my thanks button has been broke for a few weeks now. I miss it. Hey, there is a whine......got to head back up to the newcomers forum to add my whine......lol

That's awsome. Way to go Barb. That is very inspirational. Thanks for sharing.

Barb

thanks for sharing this. Something you said lit up a part of my brain that I was not aware of. That I could be in a drinking enviornment and not have the desire to drink, but could get (and usually DO become)so internally uncomfortable, so anxious, so desirous of isolating and anti social feelings, which, for me, are the start of relapse thinking.

When I am that uncomfortable, I tend to act in ways that are unsober.

Thanks for bringing this point to my awarenes!

you did great and DEFINITELY HP was with you~

Thanks, Barb, for sharing. And giving me the willies... when you described your ex-husband's drinking pattern... that was ME!!! Wow....not sure if I had a time stamp, but I was maniacally checking the fridge to be sure there were enough beers until pass out time -- I mean bed time.

I am so glad you got home in one piece, sober and not frozen!

I can also relate to those "Christmas" parties. My brother in law has one every Christmas Eve.... you used to be able to find me out by the keg until all hours, and of course had to have my reserves when I got home. Disgusting. Thank GOD life no longer needs to be that way... we no longer attend that party -- another blessing. I am like you, but just the opposite -- liquor doesn't bother me that much, but the beer... and the smell of it on people's breath... if I am not in a good place spiritually... trouble.

Merry sober Christmas, and Happy New Year!!!! Sober, of course.

Ken

:hug: Barb

Wow, some story. Thank you for sharing it. I'm glad you just left. My wife just told me she invited a bunch of people over on New Year's Eve... Drinking and other "stuff" kind of guests. I was hoping to lay low. Guess I'll just hang in the garage :( since I can't split.

But at least knowing I won't be alone in feeling anxiety around drinkers will help. Maybe I'll go to my Grandmothers for at least part of the night... fewer hours of exposure.

Thanks for sharing and congratulations on doing the right thing!

thanks Barb...next Xmas - pinochle ;)

D

I so see myself in this too. Thank God that's over.

We should schedule an online party for all of us. We could meet on the forum with our soda and sparkling water.

Great job Barb. You showed some real kahonus!! I'll remember your story this New Years Eve.

still no thanks button - thanks everyone!

No Mo - I'm glad you're sticking to it - like I say - I doubt if he's alive now. I remember we went on vacation once and HAD to be where we were staying the night by five pm ... because he had to start drinking. Some vacation. To race around the country, to be in the hotel by five ... so he could stare at the tv and drink.
In all honesty - I do not miss that life.

Rimmy - if you've got access to a computer - use it. For the party, I mean.

Dee - good luck teaching this brain ... cards. LOL If I didnt' already know it before I started drinking like I did - chances are I'm not able to learn it now - LOL

thanks Carol!

Miss C - that was exactly it - I didn't want to drink - I just got so freaking ... freaked ... at veing around the energy of it - I'm not even sure - I just knew I couldn't stick around to find out what it was, ya know?

CurlieQ - that's a good idea - ARE there plans for something like that?


Thanks everyone.

Vacations... now that I think back on those vacations I took while still "out there," I always had a plan for drinking.

I can remember one of our first "family vacations" after moving to Arizona.... we went to Carlsbad, CA (still one of my favorite spots in the world) to the Carlsbad Inn. I always had my Budweiser with me... then a few summers ago we did a cheapy vacation (the resorts in Phoenix are dirt cheap in the summer -- you just put up with the heat, and live by the pool)... I was sneaking beers down to the pool and was basically blitzed all day...

the best vacations have truly been the ones I spent sober... even last year when we went to Disneyland with some other families. We stayed at the Embassy Suites... free happy hour. I watched everyone else get drunk or just stayed upstairs with the kids while the adults 'socialized.' I went down toward the end of the Happy Hours when everyone was stupidly slurring... realizing that had I been still drinking I would have been the most incoherent of all. Thank you God, that life doesn't have to be that way....

Happy Sober New Year everyone!

NMB

Barb I'm new here but that is truely amazing that you were at that party with all those people getting smashed and you had the courage to leave.

Good for you.