Well.......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 47
Well.......
Well, I didn't want to write here again until I had gone to AA. I wanted to go yesterday and found a meeting place not too far from me.. but yesterday it had snowed a lot and driving was bad, I went out anyways, but had trouble finding the place and when I saw it as I drove by it, I couldn't see where there was any parking due to the bad weather and bad road. I ended up passing it because it was pretty much impossible to turn around and the road kept going... so I ended up coming back home. Got back home and thought to myself, that if I really wanted to go. I would have gone. Maybe a part of me was still scared.
So, I found out when the meeting was today and I went today as all the rain had melted all the snow.
I was blown away. I didn't know what to expect really, but the first thing that happened when I walked in, was some young guy around my age came up and said hello and asked me how I was doing. We chit chatted for a bit and then the meeting started. There was probably at least 20 people there.
When people shared, it was as if they were taking a page out of my life and repeating it back to me. Everyone was so nice to 'the new guy' it really took me aback. I was amazed at how people opened up and were in the moment. At times, I was honestly on the verge of tears. I've never related that well to complete strangers.
Even after the meeting, people I didn't even know were happy that I was there. And that made me happy too. They gave me a schedule of upcoming meetings and The Big Blue Book. A few guys gave me their number so I could call if I had any questions.
I'm really glad I went. And for me, it's going to be hard to keep going and to ask for help, I'm not good at opening up, but... it's what I need right now. And I have time.
I was kind of half expecting there to be a sign up sheet, or people telling me what to do next, what the next step is, how to get a sponsor, a program guide or something - but on my way home I realized that nobody is going to really tell me what to do.. it's not like I bought something from Ikea and it comes with a Step-by-Step to get sober... but rather, I have to want it. I have to want it bad enough to do something and to ask... all the resources, the help, the people, the steps ARE there.. I just have to want it enough to do it. Nobody is going to push anything on me.
Thanks to everyone here for their support too. On the same token, nobody here pushed either... it was all just a suggestion as to what worked for them and if I am an alcoholic.. what will work for me.
So, I found out when the meeting was today and I went today as all the rain had melted all the snow.
I was blown away. I didn't know what to expect really, but the first thing that happened when I walked in, was some young guy around my age came up and said hello and asked me how I was doing. We chit chatted for a bit and then the meeting started. There was probably at least 20 people there.
When people shared, it was as if they were taking a page out of my life and repeating it back to me. Everyone was so nice to 'the new guy' it really took me aback. I was amazed at how people opened up and were in the moment. At times, I was honestly on the verge of tears. I've never related that well to complete strangers.
Even after the meeting, people I didn't even know were happy that I was there. And that made me happy too. They gave me a schedule of upcoming meetings and The Big Blue Book. A few guys gave me their number so I could call if I had any questions.
I'm really glad I went. And for me, it's going to be hard to keep going and to ask for help, I'm not good at opening up, but... it's what I need right now. And I have time.
I was kind of half expecting there to be a sign up sheet, or people telling me what to do next, what the next step is, how to get a sponsor, a program guide or something - but on my way home I realized that nobody is going to really tell me what to do.. it's not like I bought something from Ikea and it comes with a Step-by-Step to get sober... but rather, I have to want it. I have to want it bad enough to do something and to ask... all the resources, the help, the people, the steps ARE there.. I just have to want it enough to do it. Nobody is going to push anything on me.
Thanks to everyone here for their support too. On the same token, nobody here pushed either... it was all just a suggestion as to what worked for them and if I am an alcoholic.. what will work for me.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
WOW! shaktee,
I am SO glad you enjoyed your meeting ! That's exactly how it works, acceptance and friendship. Sharing when you are ready , with someone you have a connection with .
I am so happy for you , dont forget to use the numbers if you are feeling "rocky", AA members LOVE to help and chat to newcomers
You can only go up from here
Keep going back
Happy Christmas to you
HUGX
Leigh
I am SO glad you enjoyed your meeting ! That's exactly how it works, acceptance and friendship. Sharing when you are ready , with someone you have a connection with .
I am so happy for you , dont forget to use the numbers if you are feeling "rocky", AA members LOVE to help and chat to newcomers
You can only go up from here
Keep going back
Happy Christmas to you
HUGX
Leigh
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
Sounds like a pretty good meeting..So many times you hear of people going and they aren't greeted, aren't made to feel welcome and certainly don't walk away with the book.
It's all in that book shaktee..all of it.
My only suggestion: find someone who worked the steps out of the book, who knows the book and can help you go through it..by going through it and doing what it says to do, you automatically work the steps, this leads to an entire change.
I look at it like this: It is a text (says so right there in the book), A textbook makes an assumption that the reader knows nothing about the subject at hand (that is why we set aside our assumptions, presumptions, biases, prior knowledge and exposure, and so forth)..people have recovered from that book..get one of them as a 'teacher', a guide..to take you through. It can actually be a lot of fun, not to mention it might save your life.
I refer to the gentleman that takes me through as my sponsor.
You can change, that is what it is all about. A way of living, not a way of stopping drinking.
Thank you for the update, I was curious.
It's all in that book shaktee..all of it.
My only suggestion: find someone who worked the steps out of the book, who knows the book and can help you go through it..by going through it and doing what it says to do, you automatically work the steps, this leads to an entire change.
I look at it like this: It is a text (says so right there in the book), A textbook makes an assumption that the reader knows nothing about the subject at hand (that is why we set aside our assumptions, presumptions, biases, prior knowledge and exposure, and so forth)..people have recovered from that book..get one of them as a 'teacher', a guide..to take you through. It can actually be a lot of fun, not to mention it might save your life.
I refer to the gentleman that takes me through as my sponsor.
You can change, that is what it is all about. A way of living, not a way of stopping drinking.
Thank you for the update, I was curious.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Out of my mind
Posts: 113
Shaktee, my friend.
I am so happy for you. It went very well. I feel a kinship with you and I just know in my heart you are going to be fine...just fine.
At this blessed time of year, I wish you lots of love and happiness.
Your friend,
Denise
I am so happy for you. It went very well. I feel a kinship with you and I just know in my heart you are going to be fine...just fine.
At this blessed time of year, I wish you lots of love and happiness.
Your friend,
Denise
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 47
Thanks for all the great words, wise words and encouragement.
I felt like drinking today... and I really didn't want to goto a meeting. For some reason I find that I have to force myself to go. I think, mainly because I'm scared... scared of knowing the real me, scared of having to try. But I went, and I'm really glad I went.
Met some really good people. Some whom are further down the path than I... some who have experienced a lot more than I, and some exactly where I am. But, we all want the same thing.. and we have a lot more in common than we think.
Now, since I'm alone at home... I'm going to think and write... read... listen to some music.. and have a nice sleep.
I hope you are all safe and well during the holidays.
Be well.
:ghug2
I felt like drinking today... and I really didn't want to goto a meeting. For some reason I find that I have to force myself to go. I think, mainly because I'm scared... scared of knowing the real me, scared of having to try. But I went, and I'm really glad I went.
Met some really good people. Some whom are further down the path than I... some who have experienced a lot more than I, and some exactly where I am. But, we all want the same thing.. and we have a lot more in common than we think.
Now, since I'm alone at home... I'm going to think and write... read... listen to some music.. and have a nice sleep.
I hope you are all safe and well during the holidays.
Be well.
:ghug2
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Shaktee the early days are exciting, yet at the same time scary as heck!!!!
I will share with you what has been shared with me about meetings:
"The most important meeting to go to is the one you do not want to go to!"
When I first heard that I thought "That dude is crazy, what the heck is he talking about?" Well after staying sober for a while I figured out that he was right, the meetings I did not want to go to were when I really was feeling like having a drink or having a pity party for myself that would have resulted in me drinking!!!!
Keep going to meetings, read that book, and if you want to help some body else stay sober today call one of those numbers some one gave you and ask them a question about something you read in the book or something you heard in a meeting.
Shaktee do not feel rushed, work your program! Notice I said "Your Program"! The program can not be worked alone (Read step 5). Things get easier with the help of a sponsor, start out with a temporary one, next meeting you go to when they ask for a topic just say "I would like to hear about how to get a temporary sponsor and what do they do?"
Trust me, you bringing up that topic will be appreciated by another new comer who is more lost then you!!!! The only dumb question ever asked in AA is one that is not asked! We do love you, you see you are us and we are you!
I will share with you what has been shared with me about meetings:
"The most important meeting to go to is the one you do not want to go to!"
When I first heard that I thought "That dude is crazy, what the heck is he talking about?" Well after staying sober for a while I figured out that he was right, the meetings I did not want to go to were when I really was feeling like having a drink or having a pity party for myself that would have resulted in me drinking!!!!
Keep going to meetings, read that book, and if you want to help some body else stay sober today call one of those numbers some one gave you and ask them a question about something you read in the book or something you heard in a meeting.
Shaktee do not feel rushed, work your program! Notice I said "Your Program"! The program can not be worked alone (Read step 5). Things get easier with the help of a sponsor, start out with a temporary one, next meeting you go to when they ask for a topic just say "I would like to hear about how to get a temporary sponsor and what do they do?"
Trust me, you bringing up that topic will be appreciated by another new comer who is more lost then you!!!! The only dumb question ever asked in AA is one that is not asked! We do love you, you see you are us and we are you!
Ending the Old Me.
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Under a Rock
Posts: 377
Sounds like just my first meeting last week. Just keep going back. I've been to four different ones, two I really like, two we're so so. They all have their own distinct vibe.
Glad you went.
Glad you went.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 47
It is Friday afternoon, around 330pm. Even though it's the afternoon, night is about to fall. It snowed again on the lower mainland the other day. So, nice, I think... I like it. I was going to go for a walk this afternoon, but as I went to get going it was very slushy and wet.. my shoes and socks were already getting wet the short distance I had gone, so I turned around and did some exercises at home instead.
Thus far, I have not done too much
but I feel good about it. I start my new job shortly and so just trying to enjoy the time off. I emailed a bunch of university friends, who also live here, earlier in the week to see if they wanted to get together for lunch or dinner - actually mainly to get a friend of ours who lives in another municipality (~ 1hr drive from here) out of the house. Him and his wife had a baby recently and so I thought it'd be nice for all the fellas to get together without their wives and girlfriends and just hang out before the new year starts. So, we're going to get together on the weekend.
I've been contemplating a lot about myself. Why I do the things I do. I've been trying to watch for any patterns that I find myself getting into. For example, often when I get upset with myself for having done something I didn't want to do (let's say drinking), after beating myself up emotionally, I would then engage in the opposite to try to 'balance' that out... and the opposite in this case would be abstaining from drinking and trying to focus on the productive things. But the thing is... I'm basically like a pendulum, drinking on one side, and going gung ho doing things in life on the other side. And, the past few years all I have been doing was swinging from one side to the other side over and over again, but not really doing anything other than setting myself up for a fall and beating myself up emotionally.
I found that this behavior, is also the same behavior I exhibit with other things in life. Say, for example... when I am proud of having done something for a while.. say, working out and reaching some goals with respect to that... after a short time, I'd do the opposite and basically sabotage myself. This all ends up being non-productive in the long run.
At the moment, there are three things which are important to me going into the new year:
I need to focus and find a strategy and behaviors which will be supportive of that. Baby steps. And when/if I should fall... not to beat myself up over it, or do the extreme opposite, but rather, recognize that it in itself is a learning experience and an opportunity to adjust something to make it better.
One thing, that I'm having a lot of trouble with... is anger. I don't quite yet know why, but there is a lot of anger I have towards... well, pretty much everyone haha.. It's as if I blame them for everything that's wrong in life, instead of seeing the good things they do and the good people that they are. In reading some of the posts here, and especially in hearing some of the stories in AA it seems to me that many people relate to this. Guess I just wanted to know your experience with this.
I've not yet started the steps... I'm planning on starting the Big Book tonight. As the weekend and New Years is creeping and creeping closer, my goal is to hit up one meeting on Sat and one on Sunday, to make sure I get grounded.
Have a great day everyone. My thoughts are with you.
:ghug
Thus far, I have not done too much
but I feel good about it. I start my new job shortly and so just trying to enjoy the time off. I emailed a bunch of university friends, who also live here, earlier in the week to see if they wanted to get together for lunch or dinner - actually mainly to get a friend of ours who lives in another municipality (~ 1hr drive from here) out of the house. Him and his wife had a baby recently and so I thought it'd be nice for all the fellas to get together without their wives and girlfriends and just hang out before the new year starts. So, we're going to get together on the weekend. I've been contemplating a lot about myself. Why I do the things I do. I've been trying to watch for any patterns that I find myself getting into. For example, often when I get upset with myself for having done something I didn't want to do (let's say drinking), after beating myself up emotionally, I would then engage in the opposite to try to 'balance' that out... and the opposite in this case would be abstaining from drinking and trying to focus on the productive things. But the thing is... I'm basically like a pendulum, drinking on one side, and going gung ho doing things in life on the other side. And, the past few years all I have been doing was swinging from one side to the other side over and over again, but not really doing anything other than setting myself up for a fall and beating myself up emotionally.
I found that this behavior, is also the same behavior I exhibit with other things in life. Say, for example... when I am proud of having done something for a while.. say, working out and reaching some goals with respect to that... after a short time, I'd do the opposite and basically sabotage myself. This all ends up being non-productive in the long run.
At the moment, there are three things which are important to me going into the new year:
- My Identity (the things I value, my beliefs, my health)
- My family and friends (good or bad... my relationship with those around me)
- My carrear (the thing I spend most of my day doing, and aspirations with respect to this)
I need to focus and find a strategy and behaviors which will be supportive of that. Baby steps. And when/if I should fall... not to beat myself up over it, or do the extreme opposite, but rather, recognize that it in itself is a learning experience and an opportunity to adjust something to make it better.
One thing, that I'm having a lot of trouble with... is anger. I don't quite yet know why, but there is a lot of anger I have towards... well, pretty much everyone haha.. It's as if I blame them for everything that's wrong in life, instead of seeing the good things they do and the good people that they are. In reading some of the posts here, and especially in hearing some of the stories in AA it seems to me that many people relate to this. Guess I just wanted to know your experience with this.
I've not yet started the steps... I'm planning on starting the Big Book tonight. As the weekend and New Years is creeping and creeping closer, my goal is to hit up one meeting on Sat and one on Sunday, to make sure I get grounded.
Have a great day everyone. My thoughts are with you.
:ghug
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 47
It's about 11am, Tuesday morning.
I feel well. I had a couple of functions I could have gone to last night, but opted to stay home rather than take any risks. I had a good night. I watched I Am Legend with Will Smith (good movie imo), and called it an early night. Got a bunch of texts from my drunk happy friends at midnight I'm glad they had a good time.
I was not able to goto any meetings on the weekend due to the timing - I was busy with family and friends both days, so it was good for me, because I was spending time outside my head, and I was not drinking.
I start my new job tomorrow and am really scared and excited at the same time... I can't decide which. Scared because I sure hope I can fill those shoes and that I won't let myself down with self doubt... and excited because I know I can fill those shoes and those challenges will help me grow as a person.
At this point in life.. the restaurant that a friend I had in Toronto was shutdown about a month and a half ago due to various reasons largely out of our control, so we lost all our money and effort in that. But it was a good run.. we were on Restaurant Makeover earlier in the year which was a cool experience. At this point in life, I have but $500 to my name and am living with my parents, which really does not make me feel proud or do much for my ego. At this point in life, I have no love, but rather, may have lost a great woman. And also at this point in life, I do not have the body or the health that I desire.
However, at this point in life, I start a new carrear and there is nowhere to go... but up. I have nothing more to lose. While making breakfast, I am still trying to find a word that fits for the person I want to be this year... I want to die doing the things I love.. or die.. in trying to attain those things. I think good words for this year are action and passion.
I wish everyone on this board, reading this... to have a great, wonderful and successful future. I hope you grow from your past, conquer that which is inside you and find much love, peace and contentment in your life and also to share with others. I thoughts and my heart are always open for you.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.. Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference..."
I feel well. I had a couple of functions I could have gone to last night, but opted to stay home rather than take any risks. I had a good night. I watched I Am Legend with Will Smith (good movie imo), and called it an early night. Got a bunch of texts from my drunk happy friends at midnight
I'm glad they had a good time. I was not able to goto any meetings on the weekend due to the timing - I was busy with family and friends both days, so it was good for me, because I was spending time outside my head, and I was not drinking.
I start my new job tomorrow and am really scared and excited at the same time... I can't decide which. Scared because I sure hope I can fill those shoes and that I won't let myself down with self doubt... and excited because I know I can fill those shoes and those challenges will help me grow as a person.
At this point in life.. the restaurant that a friend I had in Toronto was shutdown about a month and a half ago due to various reasons largely out of our control, so we lost all our money and effort in that. But it was a good run.. we were on Restaurant Makeover earlier in the year which was a cool experience. At this point in life, I have but $500 to my name and am living with my parents, which really does not make me feel proud or do much for my ego. At this point in life, I have no love, but rather, may have lost a great woman. And also at this point in life, I do not have the body or the health that I desire.
However, at this point in life, I start a new carrear and there is nowhere to go... but up. I have nothing more to lose. While making breakfast, I am still trying to find a word that fits for the person I want to be this year... I want to die doing the things I love.. or die.. in trying to attain those things. I think good words for this year are action and passion.
I wish everyone on this board, reading this... to have a great, wonderful and successful future. I hope you grow from your past, conquer that which is inside you and find much love, peace and contentment in your life and also to share with others. I thoughts and my heart are always open for you.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.. Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference..."
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Right here somewhere
Posts: 509
its good to read you are sober and desiring a new life. it can be done....if you work for it. You got to get to AA tho....no more excuses....new year, new life....begins with you!!
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