Sadness
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,386
sorry for your sorrow Bugs, but thanks for a great thread. the coin thing got me too LOL.
I thought this years ago - then lost it in alcohol sodden misanthropy - but it's the people we touch and the people who touch us that make up a life, isn't it ?
D
I thought this years ago - then lost it in alcohol sodden misanthropy - but it's the people we touch and the people who touch us that make up a life, isn't it ?
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
I am still in shock and to tell the truth I am overwhelmed.
I have had some time to think about this and I need some advice.
I can't express in words how much this gift means to me...but somehow I feel as it is too much to accept. Obviously Mr. H cherished his coin, he had it with him at the nursing home, so I have to assume he carried it always. I am afraid his son may regret giving it to me...well maybe not regret, but some day he may wish he had it, just to look at...to feel closer to his Dad...to remind him...after all it was a huge part of his Dads life. kwim?
After talking it over with my Husband we were thinking that maybe I should get a memory box with his name engraved on it, enclose the coin, and a letter expressing my gratitude. I feel that this coin is so incredibly meaningful that it shold stay with his family. My fear is that I would offend them by returning the gift. I am honestly torn.
I want to do the right thing..my son said he would take a picture of the coin in the box for me so I would have a visual memory of it because even though I will never forget this day it would be nice to be able to see the coin. If anyone has any thoughts I would appreciate them.
Thanks again, Dawn
I have had some time to think about this and I need some advice.
I can't express in words how much this gift means to me...but somehow I feel as it is too much to accept. Obviously Mr. H cherished his coin, he had it with him at the nursing home, so I have to assume he carried it always. I am afraid his son may regret giving it to me...well maybe not regret, but some day he may wish he had it, just to look at...to feel closer to his Dad...to remind him...after all it was a huge part of his Dads life. kwim?
After talking it over with my Husband we were thinking that maybe I should get a memory box with his name engraved on it, enclose the coin, and a letter expressing my gratitude. I feel that this coin is so incredibly meaningful that it shold stay with his family. My fear is that I would offend them by returning the gift. I am honestly torn.
I want to do the right thing..my son said he would take a picture of the coin in the box for me so I would have a visual memory of it because even though I will never forget this day it would be nice to be able to see the coin. If anyone has any thoughts I would appreciate them.
Thanks again, Dawn
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
Bugs..amazing. I don't know how to put it.
AA is about giving it away. You have to or else you are doomed.
I don't know what you do about the coin. I have been given a few 1 year coins (that were given to me by the person who's birthday it was), and I have kept them all. A small gesture with big significance. Those who gave them to me would not have them back if I tried.
When I read your latest post the only thing that comes to mind was that we have to give it away. Make what you will of that.
AA is about giving it away. You have to or else you are doomed.
I don't know what you do about the coin. I have been given a few 1 year coins (that were given to me by the person who's birthday it was), and I have kept them all. A small gesture with big significance. Those who gave them to me would not have them back if I tried.
When I read your latest post the only thing that comes to mind was that we have to give it away. Make what you will of that.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 558
I'm not very good at giving advice (but I invariably have an opinion!) and I thought the more replies you get, the more food for thought you'll have over what to do, and this is what I think...
I think Mr H's son would want you to have the coin because he know that is what Mr H wanted and he knew the precious gift of caring and friendship you gave him at the end. And Mr H would have wanted you to keep it, because not only is it a gift to you but it is a great gift to him if he can do 12 step work and help someone else before he went on his final journey.
If I were Mr H or Mr H's son, I'd want you to have the coin.
I don't want to sound 'corny' but it so much sounds like it was meant to be. That story should go into one of those 'chicken soup' books that are so uplifting to read.
I think Mr H's son would want you to have the coin because he know that is what Mr H wanted and he knew the precious gift of caring and friendship you gave him at the end. And Mr H would have wanted you to keep it, because not only is it a gift to you but it is a great gift to him if he can do 12 step work and help someone else before he went on his final journey.
If I were Mr H or Mr H's son, I'd want you to have the coin.
I don't want to sound 'corny' but it so much sounds like it was meant to be. That story should go into one of those 'chicken soup' books that are so uplifting to read.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Here are my thoughts.
Your idea of the memory box is wonderful.
An invitation to your one year birthday celebration and a request for them to present the coin to you then if they still would like you to have it. This would allow them the opportunity to have time be sure they truly want you to have it. You could also make it clear that it is because you understand the significance of the coin that you want to give them the opportunity to keep it if they realize that will be best for them. In leu of inviting them to your birthday celebration you could give them a prepaid mailing box with your address on it and say that if they still feel that they want you to have it then your 1 year birthday is xx/xx/xxxx and it would mean a lot to you if they would keep it safe for you until then.
This sounds like a wonderful and memorable early sobriety experience. I am thankful that you have had this opportunity.
Your idea of the memory box is wonderful.
An invitation to your one year birthday celebration and a request for them to present the coin to you then if they still would like you to have it. This would allow them the opportunity to have time be sure they truly want you to have it. You could also make it clear that it is because you understand the significance of the coin that you want to give them the opportunity to keep it if they realize that will be best for them. In leu of inviting them to your birthday celebration you could give them a prepaid mailing box with your address on it and say that if they still feel that they want you to have it then your 1 year birthday is xx/xx/xxxx and it would mean a lot to you if they would keep it safe for you until then.
This sounds like a wonderful and memorable early sobriety experience. I am thankful that you have had this opportunity.
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Dawn,
I wouldn't give it back. Obviously Mr H. spoke with his son about you and his son knows the significance of giving the coin away. That is honoring Mr. H's sobriety and his fight..
Hang on to it, and when you come across someone who needs it, give it to them. That's what its all about.
If it was me, I would feel that I now had a personal AA angel watching over me..
xo
Karen
I wouldn't give it back. Obviously Mr H. spoke with his son about you and his son knows the significance of giving the coin away. That is honoring Mr. H's sobriety and his fight..
Hang on to it, and when you come across someone who needs it, give it to them. That's what its all about.
If it was me, I would feel that I now had a personal AA angel watching over me..
xo
Karen
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: England
Posts: 1,733
As others have said Bugs,keep the coin.Thanks for sharing this story, you have gained greatly in a few weeks and so did he.I think his soul will be thankful to you for taking time with him and sharing a few laughs,God bless you and others like you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
Thank You everybody for you replies. I have decided to keep the coin, but will send a memory box along with a letter expressing my gratitude and to let his family know what a wonderful man Mr. H. was. His death hit me very hard, he was the first patient that passed since my return to work and as I stated before I can't help feeling the loss of these wonderful human beings. I thought this time I would be able to keep my emotions in check, but sadly I can't help but feel the pain that follows the loss of life. I really believe in my heart that I am meant to do what I do, so I will continue to be who I am, I will make sure I never forget to tell the residents that the joy they bring me far out weighs the care I give them. I never want to feel as if I didn't get a chance to say goodbye again.
I once had a patient who was 103 when he fell, broke his hip and wound up in our facility. He was from Ireland originally...funny man! I asked him Mr. Murphy what brought you to the states....a boat of course, he replied! I then asked him what was his secret to longevity...he looked at me, pulled me close to him and said...every morning when you get up.....yes I said....BREATHE...lol he was great, after discharge Mr. Murphy lived another 2 years. God is good.
Merry Christmas to everyone here, and thank you for helping me get thru the pain.
I once had a patient who was 103 when he fell, broke his hip and wound up in our facility. He was from Ireland originally...funny man! I asked him Mr. Murphy what brought you to the states....a boat of course, he replied! I then asked him what was his secret to longevity...he looked at me, pulled me close to him and said...every morning when you get up.....yes I said....BREATHE...lol he was great, after discharge Mr. Murphy lived another 2 years. God is good.
Merry Christmas to everyone here, and thank you for helping me get thru the pain.
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