Bella_Fox

Hi. I've been sober (dry drunk, really) for six years, am feeling thisclose to relapse, and will be starting a recovery group at a local hospital's outpatient addiction program next week (per my therapist's suggestion), though I'm not feeling especially confident about it.

I'm really, really worried that the group won't work and that I'll still wind up drinking in the end. I feel like I'm in a safe situation right now -- living back at home surrounded by family, not active in nightlife, basically lying low. But I can't "hide" forever, and I know for a fact that I would engage in the same self-destructive behaviors again if I were back out there.

Will I have to spend the rest of my life hiding out? I'm only 31.

PS - Sorry about the subject line being misleading. My post evolved from one thing to another as I was writing it, and I forgot to change the subject.

barb dwyer

Bella -

that's a common thing with us alcoholics -
we get so worried about the 'end' of the journey -
so we never take the first step.

We're so worried about 'the rest of our lives' -
we never really step into TODAY.

So I do it like this -
TODAY ... I didn't have to drink.
TODAY ... I could go to SR and hang out.
TODAY ...
I ate way more choclate than a normal person would have ..
but I didn't drink.

I don't think about the end of my life any more.
I try to stay right here so I don't miss anything.

I think that's a big difference between a dry drunk and a recovering alcoholic.
And the difference between not drinking ... and sobriety.

Bella_Fox

What if I'm a dry drunk the rest of my life? Honestly, even if I manage to stay sober forever, I can't ever see getting over the desire.

nandm

Bella,

I am glad to see you back. I was wondering how you were. Glad you are in a safe place and seeking out treatment soon.

In response to your above questions; I tried the dry drunk thing many times while drinking, once I even made it a year, because my ex husband told me I was an alcoholic. Mostly when I had to try and prove I wasn't an alcoholic. It was miserable. I was miserable and when I finally gave in and drank again I was off and running even worse than before I took the break. I have tried many things to quit drinking but what I found was although many of them offered how to quit drinking they did not provide the tools to live without drinking.

As a last resort out of complete desperation, I prayed to a God, any God out there to please either give me the courage to put a gun to my head or show me how to live without drinking. The next moring it I found a slip of paper on my dresser I had forgotten was there. It had been given to me months before by a woman who said if I ever felt I had a problem with alcohol to give her a call. I actually thought I had thrown the paper away. That is how I found A.A. My prayer was answered and through that program I have learned how to live and deal with lifes problems without feeling the need to drink over them. The cravings were removed, I can not even say for sure when, it just came to me one day that I had not thought about a drink in what seemed like forever. Before A.A. I did not go a day without thinking about drinking even during my dry periods.

This is my experience and I hope that you are able to find something useful out of it.

findingout

Hey Bella,

Before I could find recovery, I had to believe I could find recovery, and before I could believe I could find recovery, I had to be willing to believe I could find recovery. This wasn't easy for me because I was, by nature or habit, a very cynical person. That cynicism is what kept me drinking even after I suspected that drinking wasn't the something different I needed and what could have kept me from finding recovery after I did stop drinking and entered treatment. Thoughts like "This recovery crap is fine for other people, but it will never work for me because I see right through it" or "A life of sobriety is going to be so damn boring, it won't be worth living" or "There is no freaking way I can do this for the rest of my life" or "Those people in N.A. and A.A. are just using the program as a substitute for drugs!" were very much in my head early on.

Even today, I will occasionally find myself wondering "Am I really this happy in recovery or am I just pretending to be this happy in recovery because I cannot drink?" These thoughts are examples of the alcoholism trying to worm it's way back into my life. It uses the worst aspects of me and plays on my fears to get me to drink. I have to recognize these thoughts for what they are and drop them.

I have to approach life and recovery, there's a difference?, with the belief that things will work out if I do the right thing, that the happiness that doesn't come from a bottle is real, and that I can recover because other people have recovered.

What I just wrote may be just psychobabble (but it's my psychobabble!) , here's another way to say it in more spiritual terms "If we pray with doubt, but pray with sincerity, belief will be granted to us."

barb dwyer

Bella -
knock it off!!!

Unless you're standing on a bridge typing this -
this is NOT the 'rest of your life'

it's TODAY.

what's going on TODAY????

that's the (well one of) key -

be where your hands are.

Do TODAY. Let HP ... take care of tomorrow.

heehee. Thanks for the chuckle though.

Tazman53

Bella I know where you are coming from, in my early 20's I went for a year and a half without a drink, was I happy? Hell no!!! I was miserable! The only thing I was really doing to stay sober the last 6 months was not drinking, the first year I was very active in a church I was going to but quit going due to some "differences" (LOL) I had with what they were teaching.

When I started drinking again for a long time things went pretty well, very few problems and I was still a person who enjoyed drinking. As the years went by my drinking got worse, the thrill was gone and the troubles were showing up!!!

I tried for a lot of years to quit my way which was simply not drinking, I made no effort in changing what needed to be changed about me all I did was not drink, I simply obsessed about drinking and not only was I miserable, I made damn sure those who had to live with me were too!!!! I always went back to drinking because it was easier to drink and not sit around obsessing for a drink.

Long story short I reached the point where I had no mental or physical choice, I had to drink every day just to feel normal!!!

I was at the point where I had a choice to make, keep on drinking and die, or find a way to stop! Well I went into detox.

In detox they told me if I wanted a chance at staying sober go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor.

Well I did that, in AA they told me if I wanted a chance to stay sober to work the steps with my sponsor and follow suggestions.

Bella AA is not the only way to recover from alcoholism, but it is the way I recovered, I am not the same person I was when I drank, today I am a happy man who thanks to the fellowship of AA and the steps, this most importantly of all has resulted in the urge/obsession/need to drink being lifted from me, I can honestly say that I am free from King Alcohol!!!

Change I and millions of others have found is the key to long term HAPPY sobriety/recovery. One must change them selfs, I used AA like millions of others, but it is not the only way, find a way that works for you.

Recovery is possible for ANYONE who is willing to do the work to recover.

Dee74

Barb's point is a great one...

unless you're standing on the windowledge, you don't know what tomorrow holds...and you can't affect that anyway right now...

let that go - just deal with today.

Bite size pieces, ya know?
D

CarolD

Bella...
My drinking obcession vanished after my formal Stepp work.
God did that for me because I took action.

Good to see you too are planning action!

Bella_Fox

TODAY is so not my strong suit. That's my whole problem... lol.

I wasn't sure if you were suggesting that I don't actually have a problem (which would be awesome) or if I didn't really think I had a problem. Because, hey, if it's the former, how cool would that be?


Too true. And they have the trophies to prove it.

As always, thanks for the insightful posts. I admire everyone here, I really do. I feel stupid because I have nothing to offer this place right now but questions, some of which I'm sure are becoming repetitive.

:sorry

nandm

Bella, I admire the courage it takes to ask questions. Please do not feel you have nothing to offer. You never know when the question you ask is one that someone else is afraid to ask but needs an answer to. You probably help more people than you realize. You definately help me because you challenge me to think about my program, how I stay sober, and how I treat others. Thank you for being you. :ghug3

Bella_Fox

Thanks so much, nandm.

barb dwyer

Bella -

Your questions keep me sober.

savoy

Bella, I was dry for 5 yrs , perpetually ticked off , stark raving sober.

In the end I decided a drink was better .
I had to admit that I was happier when drinking than the dry life.

But a curious thing I didn't see coming was the progressive nature of alcoholism, I didn't go back to the way I drank, I got worse fast.
So after 6 months of drinking I got curious about AA.

I learned the problem is removed by working the steps, the drink problem no longer exists, and its all contingent on a few simple rules as per the Doctors opinion in the Big Book of AA.

These rules are;
Trust God
Clean house
Help others.