Hlpdrinks

So here I am, without a drink for the 4th day. Probably the longest I had gone for years (unless I was sick, then I didn't want to drink). I don't really want a drink right now and I am starting to ask myself why I drink in the first place. Taste? Yes. Feeling or to "relax"? Yes. But the feeling--why? Do I drink to escape from life or do I drink to escape from myself and my own misconceptions about my life? This is a very interesting process going on now.

I am looking around at my wife and I wonder how I could have EVER thought that things were so bad when all she has ever done was love and support me. So, the misconception, perhaps, was that my life was so bad, so here, drink to escape.

Was I drinking to escape myself? Interesting. Not really looking for any specific feedback, just thinking out loud. Of course, your comments are always appreciated!

Rusty Zipper

basic alcoholism 101 perhaps

welcome to SR

and good wishes...

rz

nandm

Welcome to SR. I had many "reasons" to justify my drinking throughout the years. Some sounded better than others. But ultimately for me the reason I drank is because I am an alcoholic, it is just that simple for me.

I can not speak for anyone else though.

Take care. Thanks for the post

CarolD

4 Days! Congratulations!
Good to see you again...

Why did I start to drink?
I sought sophistication

Why did I continue?
For many years. it made me feel special

Why did I quit?
Situational depression had me on the edge of sanity.

Yes...Sobriety Rocks!
Blessings

Ashar

I know why I quit. It was because I got drunk most nights after work and was horribly hungover most days at work. I quit drinking because I felt horrible. Alcohol made me feel anxious, depressed, confused, hopeless, sick, weak, and tired. Year after year I had the same unfulfilled goals. When alcohol becomes a problem, as it always does with alcoholics, it really doesn't much matter why we drank. Whatever the reason, it wasn't worth it.

RubyQuinn

Four days! This is the beginning of the rest of your life.
Exciting and scary and new but so much better than the alternative.

Tazman53

Congrats on the 4 days.

In regards to why I drank..... well when I was drinking any thing was a justification to drink, sad=drink, happy=drink, good news=drink, bad news=drink, dream it up=drink.

Once I sobered up I figured out why I really drank, I am an alcoholic, that is why I drank.

Hang in there, the longer without a drink the better things will get as long as you are working on changing who you were when you drank, you see it has been found that drinking is but a symptom of alcoholism.

barb dwyer

Now you have FIVE days. That like ... almost a week!

caraway

Hello Hlpdrinks, thought I'd just pop in my experience here. In short I drank because it made me feel good, took away alot of bad/negative feelings that I couldn't cope with (then). But alot of people have bad feelings and don't drink, so for me, I believe that my body reacts differently to alcohol from a non alcoholic. However, for me I don't think its as simple as that, otherwise I would have simply stopped. So basically I think that for me it was an interaction of physical, mental and outside influences going on.

If you're looking around now after a few days wondering why you thought things were so bad, its probably because the depressing effects of the alcohol are wearing off. I (like a lot of other alcoholics) often used to drink like that, ie 1 night of heavy drinking, feeling bad, regret etc the next day, then start to feel better and 3 or 4 days later forget about how bad it was and do it again. It was always easy to give up drinking for a while as I did it all the time! It made me think that perhaps I didn't have a problem after all since stopping was so easy. Trouble is, it was very easy to start again.

I enjoy life now and don't feel the same need for alcohol that I used to, trouble is, once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. Unfortunately.

Signal30

I quit drinking because I was going to die if I didn't. I would of maybe lived long enough to see everything that meant anything to me be taken away.



Tom

Rimmy

I know that I drank because of anxiety and stress.. it relaxed me. I know I'd pick up a beer the next day because the drinking from the night before actually made me more anxious than I had been when I started drinking... and I'd start earlier the next day because the anxiety was worse than the second day... so on and so on down into the bowells of being drunk all day.

Now, while sober, I'm trying to deal with my day to day anxieties (which are common) by letting the anxiety pass. It takes time, but it does pass. No more liquid anxiety solution... it just made it worse for me in the end.

That's my experience

good_luck

Thanks for posting this. I know that it wasn't your intention, but I am having a sad day, wondering how my A fails to see me for who I am, blames me for everything, and insists that I am crazy and evil. I find it devastating, even though I know better about myself. This gave me a little hope that maybe if he sobers up he will see that I just tried to love him the best that I could. But more importantly, it gave me an understanding that, yes, it could be the disease working its magic.

Good luck to you. I don't know you, but I admire your courage. And give your wife a big hug from me.

mike_mass

Alcohol fueled my daydream machine---yes, it definitely aided and abetted my escape from reality.

Hlpdrinks

Thank you all for the replies, they are all truly appreciated. The test is really starting now, because of the weekend. I would normally be drinking by now and wouldn't really stop for too long until Sunday night. I refuse to fail at this!

collinsmi

Flat out, I loved it. Some say they drank because of depression, negative self image, etc. Had all that stuff, but it seems more like circumstantial evidence. Closest similarity I can think of is that guy in Green Eggs and Ham...

barb dwyer

we drink ... because we're alcoholics.

Hlpdrinks

Last night was, well, different. I kept thinking about drinking off and on but then looked at my wife. Looked at my daughter. I felt anxious and a little irritable, but I just tried to put it into perspective. Today and tonight I am sure will be a little more of a challenge.

ccirider

Hi Hlpdrinks:

Keep looking at your wife and daughter and stay connected. Your daughter is going to grow up fast and you are going to want to be sober for that; otherwise, you are going to be wondering what happened to all of those years. It will be like a fog.

Feed the need for intimacy and starve the want of addiction. Unfortunately, most people focus on the latter instead of the former, thereby increasing their odds of relapse.

You mentioned that you were thinking of drinking and then you looked at your wife and daughter. You felt anxious and a little irritable. Looking at your wife and daughter should arouse feelings of pleasure, but because of the disease of addiction, and your abstinence, you felt anxious and irritable instead of the pleasure of looking at your wife and daughter. This disease robs us of our intimacy, and that is a tremendous price to pay.



Peace.

BP44

Yes, I drank because I am an alcoholic. Alcohol was my solution. It fixed what was wrong inside of me. I had to ask what was the effect produced? After a few drinks you could have asked me are you irritable? No. Do you feel restless? No. Are you discontent with life? No, life is just great right now. Any fear? nope, completely fearless. Having any trouble with relationships? Not at all, in fact, I think I can help you with yours. Is your sense of direction intact? Absolutely, why let me tell you of all the things I'm going to accomplish once I get around to them. See, that's the picture of my disease. I put down the drink, and all of that spiritual maladjustment comes crashing back down on me. I actually get worse after quitting, not better because of the spiritual malady. That takes a spiritual fix. AA's 12 steps provide a connection to that fix. And because of that I get an internal spiritual overhaul. A self transformation.