"Sober" abusers
 

I am sadly finding, the longer I'm sober, that there are a surprisingly high number of "sober" people who are not truly recovered in any way shape or form. They are haughty about their sobriety, they're condescending to other people who have less sober time, they are insensitive to other people's struggles.

I've even had "sober" people like this go so far as to mock my struggles in recovery. :skillet

As I am sure you can imagine, this is terrible to endure.

I haven't encountered anything like this on this site, unlike another quit site, and hope I never do.

Has anyone had any similar experiences? What did you do? How did you handle it? Did it send you into a tailspin??

Elizabeth

Unfortunately, just because one puts the bottle down it does not mean they are cured of the mental aspects of the disease. Even people who claim to be working a program can many times let their ego get out of check and develop an attitude of superiority.

When I run into people like that I have to remind myself of two things.
1. They have an illness, and I need to treat them as I would any other person who is sick with compassion.
2. Sobriety is not about quanity but rather quality. If someones ego is out of whack then I don't consider that quality and try to remember that they are not unlike the person who just walked through the door, they are sick and I can not take their hatefulness, or anger personally as it is not about me but rather about how miserable they are inside.

Be prepared even a sight as positive as this one can get people who are sull of hate and anger and are emotionally sick here too especially around the holidays. So don't let them run you off, they either will find a solution to their problems or they will fade away. I have to remind myself that I have the power not to feed into their anger. I have a choice on whether or not to respond. Actually, I am working on that very thing today.

I have seen a lot of that, even here, lately.

Not all abusers are addicts or alcoholic.
Not all alcohlic/addicts are abusers

Not all alki/adicts are thieves
Not all thieves are addict/alki

Not all alki/addict work their program
Not all programs work for alki/addicts

Not all codependent are alki/addict
Not all alki/addict are codependent

it's a serperate issue that needs to dealt with.

Denial comes in many faces.

it's okay to hate, it depends where you're coming from.
hate is just a feeling as is love
It's okay to be angery..if you work it from a codependent piont of view.

if you denial or don't process your anger..i don't know...go to a doctor
and get pills for depression. Surpressing one's anger leads to depression

anyways...SR is message board. If you get triggers by your PC, turn it off.
it's just a machine. You're only looking at a screen. it's not the real world.

i can't imagine trying to define someone by their sign in name or log on name
or their avitar.

Some people just write...as if they would write in a journal.

If all someone has to "feel superior about" is their time without a drink, I really wouldn't place too much value on anything else they may have to say to me.

When I began to get sober I wasn't real secure about anything that was going on in my life and as such was probably overly sensitive to all comments. As I began to understand and like the new me I found that I was far less sensitive to other's comments about me or my sober journey.

My suggestion would be to live your life as best you know how and let the rest of the world tend to their business. I will occasionally reread the St. Francis prayer, even though I am not a Christian, the message is a very good one. I can't bother with the naysayers when I am busy trying to be of service to others who need help more than I do.

Stay well,

Jon

elizabeth2007,

i have not been on this forum in quite some time. but when i did post regularly, i never encountered any judgement or negativity like you have referred to.

my only suggestion would be not to participate in any drama. we create our own reality in a sense. if someone if throwing around negative enrgy stay way.

i believe sobriety in all its forms is a personal journey.

stay positive.

thank you all. i guess i have to learn how to not take things personally or feel like I have to be the "avenger" against all those who trod on the downtrodden or smack people when they are down.

i am struggling with the concept of "oh they are sick" ... part of me rails against that and says BULLS#$T! I am "sick" too but I have to conduct myself appropraitely and don't get any slack if I am mean or ugly etc etc so why should THEY get away with it?? why is it OKAY for them to be abusive? something inside of me screams "so you're saying the guy who beats his wife should be given understanding because he's sick????" i know that's not the extreme any of you are talking about but ... does it make sense what runs through the back of my mind??

i guess maybe my inner child is having a fit saying ITS NOT FAIR !!!

heh.

i know Jesus said for us not to return evil for evil but instead return evil with good.
but that is SO SO SO SO hard !!! :(

SR has been a harbor of safety and peace for me. i will try to stay away from drama and stay positive.

Whaaaaaaaat?????

Did you mean its ok to "feel" hate?

Hate is a verb ya know...which means its an action word.

I hope you simply made a mistake?

Yes...I hate my gf because she's a lying B. :rof

I can't imagine my gf abusiving me mentally, emotionally
and posting it on the net..lol
I'm her freanken secret...


I can't imagine my father smashing my head in and
telling the world....I'm his secret..lol

Hate is an emotion. reacting to my hate..now that's an action.

Can't you FEEL the hATE you have for me ???

Think about it's call emotional manipulation.

all those years, all the things that you've done while drinking and using.
You demand that you're families and freind shouldn't hate you or be angery
at you becuase you where numb out of your freaken mind.

Now that you're sober,not sure how in touch with you're emotions.
You still play guilt trips on people becuase of your high morals
becuase people shouldn't feel any of it. More walking on eggshell BS.
To live up to your standards.

hmmm interesting
 

A thread about "sober" abusers becomes abusive. :( Sad.

I didn't start this thread to watch it be hijacked like it has been.

I'm making use of my ignore user button right now.

My advice regarding the above 2 posts - take trytrytry's advice and avoid drama - :

:codiepolice

I'm removing my subscription to this thread as well. I don't need drama in my life.
If anyone else who had helpful posts above wants to talk to me about this, they can PM me.

Thanks folks.

Oki doki... living in denial is good.lol

Becuase it's all about ME...ME...ME...:day4

Feelings arn't fact

I put them on my resentments list.

Is there another way?

Um, the steps can help with this predicament. The job I have beore me is not to find out and label what is wrong with another person's comments or posts or actions for that matter. The job before me is to see where I am wrong. That is the purpose of the 4th column. If you focus on the second column, you will never be stripped of self. If you practice this instead of judging people, you will be able to say "God bless you, go in peace". The only inventory I had to take was mine, and it was enough, believe me.

Yeah I'm an alki too
You can't BS a BS's
You slander me...and it's okay ??

I simply wrote something I belive to be true...
I certainly didn't make it up

No, you didn't come right and call me a name ...
4 letters words are beyound you.
how civilzied and nice of you:e088:
you are so, so, so non-abrasvie

now... that you're such a saint ??

get beyound the 4th, 5th ,colume

and get to the 8th and 9th will ya...

so plase tell me...tell me how you want me to feel ?
how a worthless piece of sheit I'm suppost to feel becuase i was abused ?
tell me how much more guilt I'm i suppost to FEEL becuase i'm afraid i might truned into
an abuser myself from read all the experts article ?

Tell me about Abuse.
The last i checked..I LOVE MY ABUSERS TO DEATH.

Whoa Everyone...
Let's chill down and take our own inventories.

Thanks

If you were abused, I'm sorry. Forgive and move on. Victims don't get well.

:wtf2