finally

I'm stuck & don't know where to go from here.

My genetic family are all alcoholics, some functioning, some not, some functioning ones enabling the non functioning ones. One brother has added pills into the mix. My husband drinks but is not an alcoholic.

The pill brother is what drove me to Alanon where my eyes were opened to several truths about my family but mainly truths about myself. I believe that I am a codependent, functioning alcoholic. Don't laugh, it took much thought & pain to come up with that self diagnosis.

Anyway my question is what to do about it. I'm an alcoholic of the one night binging variety. I don't have to drink often, but if I have 1 drink, sometimes I will have many & will blackout. The next day I will suffer with physical ickiness & depression & will do what I have to but no more. There is no joy in that! At this point, my drinking is only a problem to myself. But that is enought for me & I'm worth it (sorry). Everyone else is on their own. Actually, I wrote that but the codependent part of this is still iffy. I've been testing not drinking (6 weeks off, 1 night on, 3 weeks off). My life is so much better with no alcohol. I like myself more.

So although I've decided this, it's not quite that easy. This all makes perfect sense but there will always come a day when there's a nice bottle of wine & I won't remember what makes my life better.

I went to Alanon & admitted I was powerless (over other's drinking) but got totally stuck on the higher power. At that point I decided it was all too hard & it would be easier to just not deal with any family problems. It helps that I don't live with them. I've never been to AA. I'm not sure I can accept yet that I'm powerless but it sure seems pointless to keep doing what I'm doing until I reach that point.

What to do? How to get the life I want?

sugErspun

I don't know any alcoholics who got sober in Alanon. But I do know alcoholics who went to AA and were also very codependent. ALL their problems have been solved through the 12 steps (aside from their alcoholism and codependency) outlined in Alcoholics Anonymous. I know Alanon used to use the big book in meetings, but I would suggest maybe reading that with a recovered alcoholic, who used the book and another recovered person themselves...

nandm

It sounds like you accept the fact that when you drink that first drink you never know if you will wind up in a blackout or just really drunk. Although you can go for periods of time without the alcohol right now in your life, I consider the inability to control once you take that first drink as a form of powerlessness. You also state that you can set your mind to not drinking but when you see that nice bottle of wine sitting there your determination to not drink goes out the window. This could be interpreted as powerless over the first drink.

There are many stages of alcoholism. You will find people here who wound up homeless and in the gutter before they were able to find help. You will also find people who had the outside look good intact but the inside is what drove them here. Binge drinkers, maintenance drinkers, problem drinkers, they are all here. For many it is just a matter of deciding how far down they want to go before they reach their hand out and accept help. It sounds to me like you are reaching out for help.

From my perspective, you already have admitted you are powerless over alcohol (see the first paragraph of my reply). You also state that your life is better and you like yourself more when you are not drinking, that could be interpreted as your drinking interferes with the manageability of your life. If you put the two thoughts together then they add up to the first step of A.A. Just my observations on your post.

Glad you are here and hope you find a solution to your problems.

CarolD

Hi...
I sugest you read this link

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

You will find information that might convince you to quit.
I did when I read the book...
Also....Blackouts are explained.

Blessings

Pinkcuda

My Parents were Alcoholic, both of them. I could have gone to AlAnon to help me with them. That makes me an Adult Child of Alcoholics and i could have hit that group as well. I sure needed help with my issues they caused with their problem. I married a Drug Addict and it had my life turned upside down most of the time. I could have used a Naranon program to help deal with this. These people messed up my life, right?
No matter how you slice it, I'm an Alcoholic just as you said you were. Guess which program I'm in.

Yardbird

I've had experience in both programs (though Naranon, not Alanon--it's the same with a focus on drugs). Naranon saved my sanity and my marriage--it's the only way I can imagine dealing with an active addict who I care about and not losing my mind.

But when it comes to my own drinking, I found going to AA and working the steps with a sponsor made a huge difference for the better, in my drinking and my life as a whole. It just helps that there are so many meetings for one thing.

You may also find that other programs are helpful if AA isn't working for you--check out the stickies above the Secular forum if the higher power concept is suspect. I'm a devout agnostic, but I'm not too bothered by the higher power business. Some people are, though, which is why we're lucky to have other programs.

finally

I want to thank you all for your thoughts.

I went to my first AA meeting today. It feels like progress.

What convinced me to go was what nandm said about it sounding like my drinking was interfering with managing my life. It made me realize that managing a life was sort of relative & just because I could function did not mean drinking was not making my life unmanageable.

You never know when someone will say something you need to hear at just the right time for you to benefit from it.

I plan to keep an open mind & keep listening. Maybe that is what AA is about? Giving you the chance that someone may say something that alters your thinking to enrich your life.

Thank you.

CarolD

Good to see you again...and Yes! that is progress

AA? it's an Awesome Adventure!!

Keep in focus...and do stay with us

Blessings

nandm

I am so happy for you. I am thankful that I was able to pass along what was given freely to me. Good luck on your journey.

SaTiT

yeah, i feel like a basket case being ACOA.
Gotta peel those layers away.
I had to stop drinking and stay stop drinking. AA helped me with that.

I have to be very careful with some of the messages AA has
and AA members think how I should precieve them.
I lot of the stuff dosen't work for me and actaully caused
me more harm and visa versa in Al-anon.

And some al -anon members will give the crazy look.lol
becuase i'm an alki.

When working my codi program it's almost a contradictory to AA
and some AA members will question me, it's as if i have
to do the 12 steps in reverse almost.

I can numb myself out easily without drinking or using.

anyway..My spiritaul advisor told me when I'm ready to face
certain issues. there always be someone to help me.

i wish there ACOA F2F in my area..sometimes i feel i can't
breath in AA or Al-anon.

Good luck in your Journey

Spiritual Seeker

I use to be Boss of the world. Thankfully, I discovered that I am powerless.
Biggest discovery I ever made. It actually gives me strength.

Tazman53

Finally glad to hear you went to AA and realized there is much to be gained from it, there are some people you will find that are best to be ignored though. This is one of the reasons you will hear it said around AA "Take what you need and leave the rest."

My son is an alcoholic and when he started getting out of control his wife was calling me asking me to talk to him because she knew I was a recovered alcoholic, I told her to go to Alanon and let him find his bottom, which thank God he did a lot quicker then his father did!

Any how I called my sponsor right after this started and we spoke for a while, he gave me some reading to do in the BB "Working With Others" mainly and told me that it may not hurt for me to go to Alanon.

Funny thing, I did go to one Alanon meeting, but I found my answer (I think because I am an alcoholic) in the 12 steps of AA and the fellowship of AA.

The reason I feel AA dealt with this for me is because AA is one alcoholic helping another alcoholic, being an alcoholic I knew what I was dealing with in regards to my son, I knew what to do. I knew that I had to #1 stay sober, work my program and pray.

I also knew the best thing I could do for my son was to do nothing until he called me, well that day came, he admitted he was an alcoholic on the phone with me and that was the beginning of his walk into sobriety and all I had to do was turn it over, pray, be ready, and wait.

mike_mass

I'd go to AA for now. Other people's drinking is less likely to kill you quicker than your own drinking will.

SaTiT

mmm...i don't know..people get killed by drunk drivers all the time.

A codi sits home or go crazy, obsessively crazy wondering and worrying about it.
I guess i have control issues and my alki has lack of control issues.
Hell my alki ran over my ass as i tries to stop it.
It's a figure of speach and it happened literly.

Oh..but people is going to give me advice...stopped loving
my family members. Get over it and move on.

I don't think my alki ever remembers running over me and how i had limp aound.
and a part of me wanna said....don't you remember that, now that you're sober
can't you at least recall that little moment, at least that ? "
Do you have brain damnage or what ?
Oh I know..i'll go to AA and listen to people that might have brain damage as will :rof

instant pain is a common symtom of ACOA that sober up..so i read.