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Any similar experience??

Old 12-09-2007, 08:29 AM
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Any similar experience??

I am only 14 days into AA and I really enjoy going to meetings. I physically feel so much better, am going to the gym, and feel so much more focused.

I never thought that when I was drinking I was covering up any pain. I always thought I just liked to get high - because I really like to get high.

The first week of this journey, everything was great. But this weekend, I wonder if I was really just covering up the pain of an unhappy marriage? I am miserable. I don't even want to see any Christmas lights. Last night, my wife breathed her wine breath on me in bed, and I sat there thinking how selfish she was. Friday, I took her out for a nice dinner (instead of going to a meeting I should note) and she ordered two glasses of wine. I am at my wits end.

I know that early recovery involves a lot of emotions, but I didn't expect this.
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Old 12-09-2007, 08:55 AM
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Hey Football Guy,
Emotions do start to kick in a bit, but time will make it better. I was a lunatic for some time, getting mad easy etc.. feeling bad for myself, but as life got better because I wasn't drinking, I was able to handle things better. The old phrase recovery doesn't keep the stuff from hitting the fan, but it does teach you how to duck seemed to ring true in my situation.

Except for the Patriots... judging from your name you know a bit about football... I'm from Boston, but I hate the Patriots. Hate them... especially Belicheat... I mean Belichick. I get emotional about that...Love the Sox, though.
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Old 12-09-2007, 09:09 AM
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It's quite possible that you were covering up some pain with your drinking. Drinking usually turns out to be a symptom of a life that we're not happy with. We run and hide behind the very thing that is the root of our problems. That's what A.A. is for. It helps us deal with sobriety and build a life that we like. Keep in mind that your unhappy marriage is also a symptom of Alcoholism. Don't be too quick to say it's unhappy until you have a chance to make it the way it was meant to be. You will feel discontent, disillusionment, irritibility, depression, Anger, resentment, and a bunch of other emotions that I can't think of right now. Don't give up though. Through A.A. you will grow and develop spiritually to the point that every cause of your malady just doesn't matter like it used to. That includes "wine breath"
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Old 12-09-2007, 12:19 PM
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Thumbs up Wife's wine breath...

Hi football guy,

The last time I sobered up I wasn't married so had no alcohol breaths in my face...but I wouldn't have handled it well at all in the beginning of my sobriety.

It is true we cannot hide from alcohol the rest of our life but it is important to take care of ourselves in the early sobriety days.

Now, I can be around alcohol but all of my family prefer not to drink around me...it is their choice not mine.

My husband did quit drinking before we got married again(was first husband) and did not have an alcohol problem like I did.

When I first sobered up I went to a meeting every night. I did this for a solid year to totally reinforce my wanting to be sober more than anything else in my life. After the first year I went three times a week or more if I needed to.

I still live the AA Program and steps in my life and do a lot of meditation and use the Serenity Prayer as my daily guide as to what I can and can't change. It works for me.

kelsh
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Old 12-09-2007, 01:02 PM
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Thanks for all of your replies. At the end of the day she is a decent person, but there are some long standing disagreements and issues that won't go away. I haven't discussed it with my sponsor because the only guy I've discussed sponsorship with is someone I could see being friends with - and I kind of want someone long term who is older than me and has little interest in friendship - just success. (in other words, I don't really have a sponsor)

I think the issues I am describing here go beyond alcoholism. Perhaps they are the things that I was covering up with booze, even though I didn't think I was covering anything up. I tend to be pretty strongminded emotionally so I didnt expect it all to crash in on me and **** me off so much.

Who knows? One day at a time.
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Old 12-09-2007, 02:00 PM
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Guess what, it's alcoholism. It really is. If you read The Doctor's Opinion it describes this very thing. We are irritable, restless, and discontent. The reactions you are having to life are completely normal if you are a real alcoholic like me. Alcohol was my solution to this spiritual malady. And it worked for a long time. And then it stopped working. The good news is that there is a solution. You are going to AA, so that is the first hurdle. Getting our butts through the doors and into a chair takes a lot. You're seeking a sponsor and that is the right track. he will guide you through the steps and before you know it you will no longer react to life, you will live life on life's terms. You will no longer see your spouse as being selfish, but you will focus on where you are being selfish. You will want to help others more than you want to help yourself. But it takes the work to get there. It doesn't happen over night. The sooner you can get into step work the better.
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Old 12-09-2007, 04:16 PM
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Before you ask for a sponsor please read

"Questions and Answers on Sponsorship"

It's usually on the free literature rack in meetings.

Way To Go on your progress!
Blessings to you and your wife...
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Old 12-10-2007, 05:05 AM
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football guy first thing you really should work on getting is a sponsor, I can tell you one thing that almost every sponsor and old timer out there will tell you. "Do not make any MAJOR changes in the first year of sobriety unless absolutely needed."

I can attest as I am sure many others with over a year sobriety can that the person I was at 1 month sober was not the person I was at 2 months, nor at 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, etc. In early sobriety my emotions were all over the place and those I thought I had loved when I was drinking sometimes I hated them and other times I could not live without them.

For me and many others it takes about a year of sobriety before we start to emotionally stabilize enough to where we can make major decisions about relationships.

We do change, we change for the better but in some cases our spouses may not like the change in us or we may not be able to put up with them any more.


Just keep in mind that your wife (if you were like me), put up with your sorry drunk butt for a lot of years, don't you think she deserves a year of you sober?
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Old 12-10-2007, 07:35 AM
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Taz, ain't it the truth!!!! What is the quote out of the BB? " We did much to make them so....." talking about how we and our selfishness was the cause of their discontent. Those of us who still have spouses are lucky to have them. I know mine put up with a lot of crap from me. Do you think she signed onto a life of crying herself to sleep? Or a life of having to smell a drunk detoxing in the bed next to her. The odor that permeated the bedroom each night was stifling. We have to remember this. I am extremely blessed. My sponsor has taken me into step work and I have gotten better. My wife has joined Alanon and gotten her own sponsor. Guess what, the blessings keep coming. My latest assignment is to work on my 8th step list. I'm in the holding pattern with my other co sponsees. We are all doing this deal at the same pace. My wife and I came home from a holiday meeting on Saturday and were greeted by a Christmas tree someone in the fellowship had dropped off at our house. I am almost certain my sponsor did it. I told him that whoever did that random act of kindness has our immense gratitude. He said," random acts of kindness happen to people who progress in the program and if I knew who did this for you and told you, I'd have to kill you." Ha Ha Ha. At 44 years old this is the best year of my life. I'm living the dream. And it's a result of digging into the program of AA, working the steps and getting access to God.
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