Jem's girl

I replied at another thread (I'm new at forums) and Chy was wonderful to respond and suggest I post a thread....here goes.
I'm 30, married to a wonderful man, have a beautiful little boy, great career....life could not be better. So, I can not (for the life of me) determine why I am drinking more than I ever have before. It's been 7 years of denying that I could possibly have a problem and I think I have finally(!!) reached the moment of truth.
Is it possible for me to follow the big book and find one support person rather than attend AA meetings?
I don't want to be a "dry" drunk and I really do want to do the work to stop, but attending meetings in the community would do more damage to me at this point....I am trying to find someone out there who can support me and even help me start a safe group in the community....is it possible for me to do this without attending the big meetings?
I'm only one day into this, but so far, so good.....I think this forum might be the life-line for me when things get tough.

Thanks Chy for your response and thanks all of you for the great threads...I'm learning SO MUCH by reading the posts.....

MootPoint

The disease of alcoholism is progressive. If you haven't taken steps to stop it, you ARE going to progress. It is not a matter of willpower.... it is a matter of a physical illness. Don't beat yourself up about it. Instead, take steps to remedy it... which it sounds like you are doing.

Thank God you only took 7 years! And I'm not kidding.

I've heard of ppl doing it that way... they are called Loners. Check out some of the posts in the Alcoholics Anonymous forums. They are further discussed there.

I believe it can be done with the Big Book and one support person if that support person REALLY knows his or her stuff! And... I could be wrong in my belief. It would be easier if you went to meetings though... the Fellowship really has made a difference in my life.

I don't know how to start a meeting but maybe you can find someone who does. BTW, I've found all the groups supportive and not all pre-existing groups are big. Refer to asking the knowledgable person

Congrats on the one day!!! This forum is a life line for me too

Welcome!

Peter

Hi Jem's girl.You are so very welcome.

Many people with drinking problem have been known to stop drinking on their own.

AA is a wonderful fellowship of recovering alcoholics that enjoys the respect of many communities.However if you do not feel comfortable attending a meeting at this point then there is still a lot you can do to start working on your own sobriety.

Getting and reading the AA "Big Book" is of course an excellent idea.So also is making friends with people who are no longer drinking and are happy being sober.

Avoid people places and things that are normally associated with your drinking habits and stop keeping alcohol around the house.

Avoid food medicines and any other beverage that may contain even small amounts of alcohol.Pick up a hobby and start developing a relationship with The Higher Power of your own understanding.

I personally believe that the alcoholics who have the most success staying sober are the ones who adopt a more Spiritual attitude toward life.

Not all alcoholics who stop drinking on their own becomes a "dry drunk".

I personally found that I needed the support and guidance of the fellowship of AA to stop drinking and even today after several years of sobriety I am still proud of my membership.

If you believe you have what it takes to stop on your own then you have my encouragement to go for it.Just remember to keep an open mind and remember that there is no shame in reaching out and asking for help.

Peter.

phoenix

I'm not sure how attending meetings could be harmful.Anyone you meet there will be there for the same reason.And these days being in recovery doesn't carry the stigma that it once did.Most people are glad to see someone getting help.However,if you are really determined not to go to a local meeting perhaps there is one close by in another town.In the meantime,keep posting and talking.You'll find a lot of support here.

phoenix

MARCH05

Hi Jem Girl,

I usually don't post very often, but I just had to because you sound SO much like me two years ago. I found that I was drinking the most when my life was the best it had ever been !! What's with that ? What I have learned is that we don't drink because of sorrow or anger or grief - we drink because we're alcoholics - we're addicted. The disease is progressive - it always gets worse - never better. So the longer we drink, the worse it gets. The only "reason" is time itself.

I understand your fear of attending AA meetings. Two years ago I thought that people who attended AA were of two types: total absolute losers - down and outs - unemployed - people who have nothing more to lose and could not be relied upon to preserve other's anonynmity. Or wild-eyed zealouts - cultists - people so interested in evangelizing that they would have little interest in preserving other's identities.

What I have found is that AA people are just like you and me. People who are highly functional, have positions of trust and responsibility in their community and profession - people who have a lot of interest in preserving the anonymity of the group.
Tradition twelve of AA: "Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding ourselves to place principles before personalities".

I doubt that you will find a good AA member who would sponsor you alone - without the AA fellowship. A good sponsor understands that sobriety depends upon the book and the group.

Good luck to you - all you really need to work the program is just a little bit of willingness. Just give it a chance - it works !!

Susan

CarolD

Hi Jenn and Welcome!

When I started AA I had no idea what to expect...Wow! the joy and support have been tremendous.

Here is site about meetings plue other factual info:

http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/F...A_Meeting.html


Should you change your mind...we will save you a seat. :shades:

Cheering you forward, Carol

Jem's girl

You are all so helpful, open-minded, encouraging and WONDERFUL! I've made it through the day on my own, (little boy with his father and husband working)....I was worried about today as it is too easy for me to go to the beer and wine store, drink, and not have anyone know about it because no one would be home. 36 hours down and I'm feeling good.....I'll keep checking in....I'm tossing the idea around in my head about attending a meeting soon......

Thanks again, everyone!:shades:

Digits101010

Jems Girl- Hello!! I am Digits and I am happy to meet you and wish you much love and success. I would like to offer one point, since you're not into meetings right now. [I say, "Right now" cause I believe in U-Turns.]

I was dumbfounded one day when I thought I was failing at recovering *appropriately* cause I was miserable. I was going through a hard time and the thought of a drink would NOT go away, but it was my sponsor's words that kept me settled. I thought I was doing something wrong, not worthy of my 90 day chip, etc... She said: "You had the thought to drink because you're an alcoholic. It comes natural. Doesn't mean you have to do it."

Can you believe that? THAT was the most profound thing I had ever heard up until that point. "You mean just because I think of drinking doesn't mean I have to?!?!?" "You mean just because I want it bad, doesn't mean I have to?!?!?!" Right!

Twice in 5 months have I needed to replay that sentiment.

And so I want a drink. I acknowledged it, said "Tough" and got back into my program and life. [Went to a meeting, called my sponsor, etc.] At one meeting I said, "Today was a bad day for me to be an alcoholic cause I wanted a drink." Oh they chuckled. That was a really fun meeting. Anyway, thought I'd pass that on to you.

Digits

Chy

Hi Jem,

Forgive my delayed welcome, I took the day off the'puter yesterday as I had my first heart to heart with my newly found sponser and it lasted a good while. Then came home to do "Sunday stuff".

Anyway, am glad you got started here and have already received such wonderful suggestions (Isn't Peter so great!) He always knows just what to say! Others will be coming in to give you even more advice and suggestions.

Remember, it is only advice and suggestions. Yet very good advice and suggestions! An important phrase you'll get to know "take what you need and leave the rest" , do that here as well. Please don't feel pressured to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or ill at ease. You must remember, as bad as you may "want it all now" you must give yourself time to take things slow and digest all your learning.

Congratulations on your 2nd could it be 3rd day already? Remember to keep coming back and let us/me know how your doing, good days or bad! *hugs*

I

Chy

Jem,

So glad your doing great, I have seen you change already in just a few days! Kudos to ya kid! Keep up the good work, you should be very proud of yourself!