What to do...
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 47
What to do...
It's 4pm on Tuesday. I drank again last night... for no reason... on the way home from work I grabbed a mickey of vodka and downed it over a period of maybe 4 hours. I do this often. Went to bed and woke up too tired to goto work - so had to make an excuse ... again. I get 3 weeks vacation and virtually all of it has been used up due to drinking. I work part time so that I can drink and so it will not affect work more than it already has. I can drink a 26 bottle of vodka myself in one night. Sometimes if there is vodka left over, I will begin my day by drinking and then go and buy more.
I've lost a couple of great loves in my life, not directly related to drinking.... but because I couldn't man up and be a responsible person because of the selfishness surrounding the drinking. Hmm, I guess I lost them and it's directly related to drinking. As much as I loved them... I'm happy that they are not with me because they deserve someone who can treat them better than I ever had. I left my last job because I couldn't take the pressure... my mind and my heart just weren't in it. I left the job. Left the city, left my love. I've been here for a year and a half and I still drink and again, I just can't get on with life. Part of me doesn't want to get on with life... part of me wants to find a simple job and just drink till I die. A large part of me just wants to die. I'll be 34 in 5 months and I have nothing to show for it. I'm living at home. My friends have houses, cars, businesses, wives and girlfriends and now even babies..... both of my great loves have moved on, one is getting married and the other is dating. And I soon will have no job, little money and very few friends. I like to spend my time alone. I have not given 100% to anything in life... not even my self.
It was never like this. I didn't have my first drink until I was around 26 and even then, I didn't drink. I used to mountain bike a lot, work out, flirt.. and even laugh sometimes. And now, I cower away in my room... drinking the night away so the darkness and loneliness aren't so strong. My friends to not know. My co-workers do not know. Nobody really knows..... but I know. I see myself in the morning. I wake up at night reaching for water. I see my reflection on the train. I see my sunken eyes.. my sunken dreams, my sunken life. I've lost weight... am losing my hair, losing my eyesight and am losing my self respect.
I need to stop drinking and salvage what I can of my life. I need to do this. I want to do this. I want to smile again. I want to have friends. I want to be fit. I want to enjoy friends and family and buy my nephews and nieces gifts and see their eyes light up. One day, I'd like to get married and have my own kids. I can't do any of that if I keep drinking. What kind of partner would I be if I only think of fulfilling my immediate needs? What kind of father would I be if I'd rather drink and spend time thinking about drinking rather than taking the kids to explore this world? What kind of a man do I want to become? I should be proud to see my reflection. I should be strong. I should be stable. I should be grounded. I should live this life... it will not live itself... and it will pass me by if I cower in the darkness. I am 33. I want to see 34. I want to be a good man. I can be a good man. I will be a good man.
I will not drink tonight. I will spend time with the family. I will make a list of things to do to occupy myself with. I will spend at least 1/2 hour every night working on my self. I will cry. God, how those tears will flow. But I will not drink. I can not drink. Tomorrow will come whether I want it or not.
This is it. I will succeed in this. I have to. I must. I want to be a good man when I see 34. I will find a new job. I will start new. I have lost too much already... I do not want to lose any more - what there is left to lose... is too valuable to lose. I lose that.. I am dead. I will not die.
This is it.
I've lost a couple of great loves in my life, not directly related to drinking.... but because I couldn't man up and be a responsible person because of the selfishness surrounding the drinking. Hmm, I guess I lost them and it's directly related to drinking. As much as I loved them... I'm happy that they are not with me because they deserve someone who can treat them better than I ever had. I left my last job because I couldn't take the pressure... my mind and my heart just weren't in it. I left the job. Left the city, left my love. I've been here for a year and a half and I still drink and again, I just can't get on with life. Part of me doesn't want to get on with life... part of me wants to find a simple job and just drink till I die. A large part of me just wants to die. I'll be 34 in 5 months and I have nothing to show for it. I'm living at home. My friends have houses, cars, businesses, wives and girlfriends and now even babies..... both of my great loves have moved on, one is getting married and the other is dating. And I soon will have no job, little money and very few friends. I like to spend my time alone. I have not given 100% to anything in life... not even my self.
It was never like this. I didn't have my first drink until I was around 26 and even then, I didn't drink. I used to mountain bike a lot, work out, flirt.. and even laugh sometimes. And now, I cower away in my room... drinking the night away so the darkness and loneliness aren't so strong. My friends to not know. My co-workers do not know. Nobody really knows..... but I know. I see myself in the morning. I wake up at night reaching for water. I see my reflection on the train. I see my sunken eyes.. my sunken dreams, my sunken life. I've lost weight... am losing my hair, losing my eyesight and am losing my self respect.
I need to stop drinking and salvage what I can of my life. I need to do this. I want to do this. I want to smile again. I want to have friends. I want to be fit. I want to enjoy friends and family and buy my nephews and nieces gifts and see their eyes light up. One day, I'd like to get married and have my own kids. I can't do any of that if I keep drinking. What kind of partner would I be if I only think of fulfilling my immediate needs? What kind of father would I be if I'd rather drink and spend time thinking about drinking rather than taking the kids to explore this world? What kind of a man do I want to become? I should be proud to see my reflection. I should be strong. I should be stable. I should be grounded. I should live this life... it will not live itself... and it will pass me by if I cower in the darkness. I am 33. I want to see 34. I want to be a good man. I can be a good man. I will be a good man.
I will not drink tonight. I will spend time with the family. I will make a list of things to do to occupy myself with. I will spend at least 1/2 hour every night working on my self. I will cry. God, how those tears will flow. But I will not drink. I can not drink. Tomorrow will come whether I want it or not.
This is it. I will succeed in this. I have to. I must. I want to be a good man when I see 34. I will find a new job. I will start new. I have lost too much already... I do not want to lose any more - what there is left to lose... is too valuable to lose. I lose that.. I am dead. I will not die.
This is it.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 47
Originally Posted by kelsh 
Hi Shaktee,
You said that you would just have the one day at work and then have no job. Is that your choice?
It sounds like you really do want to quit drinking. I wanted to quit drinking more than anything else in my life so I went for help when I got to where I was either going to die or end up insane or so I thought.
I was medically detoxed in a hospital setting for six days. I think most Detox Centers do a three day detox these days. The director of the alcohol program came to see me everyday as well as my doctor.
The day I got out of the hospital I went to my first AA Meeting that evening. I was scared that I would drink and scared that I would see someone that I knew but neither one materialized.
Everyone was sitting at the table but one gentleman came across the room and led me to a place to sit. He is my friend to this day. I was able to say my name and that I wanted to quit drinking and that was it.
After that I went to a meeting every night and two noon meetings, one for women. That was my beginning of my first year of Recovery. I also got counseling from the alcohol program and counseling for my depression.
A month after I was sober I agreed to go to in-patient alcohol treatment for 30 days. I had one daughter left at home and had to put her in Foster Care to do this but she did get to stay with the family that she went to afterschool until I got home from work. This family was approved to do Foster Care for her.
I was 48 years old when I started this journey to a sober life. My second year of sobriety I went back to college and got a BA Degree in Psychology and then got a job at the County Mental Health Center. I worked half time and went to classes in the late afternoon/early evening and also attended three AA Meetings a week...two at noon and one on Sunday night. It took me two years to get my BA Degree.
I am retired now and so is my husband. He doesn't drink and I am still sober. I never dreamed I could accomplish all that I did and live a sober life and like it. It was made easier for me with the Serenity Prayer and living One Day at a Time and knowing I only had to NOT drink one day at a time...not a week, month, year, or years at a time.
You can do it too, if you are ready to move on to a sober life.
Keep coming back, read, post, or just to say Hi!!!!
kelsh
You said that you would just have the one day at work and then have no job. Is that your choice?
It sounds like you really do want to quit drinking. I wanted to quit drinking more than anything else in my life so I went for help when I got to where I was either going to die or end up insane or so I thought.
I was medically detoxed in a hospital setting for six days. I think most Detox Centers do a three day detox these days. The director of the alcohol program came to see me everyday as well as my doctor.
The day I got out of the hospital I went to my first AA Meeting that evening. I was scared that I would drink and scared that I would see someone that I knew but neither one materialized.
Everyone was sitting at the table but one gentleman came across the room and led me to a place to sit. He is my friend to this day. I was able to say my name and that I wanted to quit drinking and that was it.
After that I went to a meeting every night and two noon meetings, one for women. That was my beginning of my first year of Recovery. I also got counseling from the alcohol program and counseling for my depression.
A month after I was sober I agreed to go to in-patient alcohol treatment for 30 days. I had one daughter left at home and had to put her in Foster Care to do this but she did get to stay with the family that she went to afterschool until I got home from work. This family was approved to do Foster Care for her.
I was 48 years old when I started this journey to a sober life. My second year of sobriety I went back to college and got a BA Degree in Psychology and then got a job at the County Mental Health Center. I worked half time and went to classes in the late afternoon/early evening and also attended three AA Meetings a week...two at noon and one on Sunday night. It took me two years to get my BA Degree.
I am retired now and so is my husband. He doesn't drink and I am still sober. I never dreamed I could accomplish all that I did and live a sober life and like it. It was made easier for me with the Serenity Prayer and living One Day at a Time and knowing I only had to NOT drink one day at a time...not a week, month, year, or years at a time.
You can do it too, if you are ready to move on to a sober life.
Keep coming back, read, post, or just to say Hi!!!!
kelsh
Yes, yesterday was my last day at work... I decided I needed a change, the work was not interesting and I wanted a new job, so I had given my notice. And now I'm looking for something new. So I can start fresh.
I have no job, no money, no girlfriend.. so basically I am free. I have choice in what I want to do - so I want to turn a new leaf. I'm going to turn a new leaf. I'm going to get what I want in life.
Thank you very much for sharing your story. I'm very proud that you have accomplished all that you have. And, though I do not know you... I share in your struggle and I share in your dreams. That we have in common. Those tough nights, we both struggle through and we both know... we can do it, so long as we want to do it bad enough.
God bless.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 47
Thursday night was tough. Thursday night is the night I usually begin my drinking because Fri, Sat and Sun I have off.
Thursday night I wanted to stop off at the liquor store before I came home and buy a mickey of vodka.. like I always do. It took a lot of strength to come home empty handed. I did not know how the night was going to pass... it felt.... lonely and also empty. But I reminded myself I wanted to volunteer on Friday. So I came home, I watched a couple of shows and I wrote a bit. I did not drink Thursday night.
Friday morning came, and I got up late, I was supposed to get up at 5:30am to volunteer for 7am but old habits are slow to kick... I got up at 930am and felt sluggish. I went make the trek to downtown and volunteered till 7pm. It felt good. For some reason I had a bit of the shakes today... I do not know why. I met a lot of kind homeless people of the Vancouver Downtown East Side. A lot of addicts.. brothers and sisters if you will. I am really not that different than them. We had a food hall where we served food, and I served and cleaned all day and night with a lot of good, kind people who also came to serve and clean.
A friend called me to let me know of a party in Richmond at one of her friends... they are going to drink.. and smoke weed which will eventually 'lead to sex' ... but I can not go. I know I can not go. My body is tired.
It is now Friday night... oh how I wanted to taste a drink. It makes me feel so warm and so happy. But I came home. I'm going to shower, eat, watch a movie... maybe write, then goto sleep.
I did not drink yesterday... and so I can do it tonight too.
I did not drink tonight.
Thursday night I wanted to stop off at the liquor store before I came home and buy a mickey of vodka.. like I always do. It took a lot of strength to come home empty handed. I did not know how the night was going to pass... it felt.... lonely and also empty. But I reminded myself I wanted to volunteer on Friday. So I came home, I watched a couple of shows and I wrote a bit. I did not drink Thursday night.
Friday morning came, and I got up late, I was supposed to get up at 5:30am to volunteer for 7am but old habits are slow to kick... I got up at 930am and felt sluggish. I went make the trek to downtown and volunteered till 7pm. It felt good. For some reason I had a bit of the shakes today... I do not know why. I met a lot of kind homeless people of the Vancouver Downtown East Side. A lot of addicts.. brothers and sisters if you will. I am really not that different than them. We had a food hall where we served food, and I served and cleaned all day and night with a lot of good, kind people who also came to serve and clean.
A friend called me to let me know of a party in Richmond at one of her friends... they are going to drink.. and smoke weed which will eventually 'lead to sex' ... but I can not go. I know I can not go. My body is tired.
It is now Friday night... oh how I wanted to taste a drink. It makes me feel so warm and so happy. But I came home. I'm going to shower, eat, watch a movie... maybe write, then goto sleep.
I did not drink yesterday... and so I can do it tonight too.
I did not drink tonight.
Stairmaster
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: BRISTOL, PA
Posts: 76
Think about this
I cant drink, and I cant not drink…that’s a dilemma…lack of power…until I recognize this truth about me, there is no need for a higher power…Once I admit this truth…then i become willing to discover this higher power through the remaining eleven steps. And that power will do for me what I can NOT do for myself…and the work goes on, because I will drink again if I stop…powerless over alcohol..... CANT DO IT ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your obsession will then lift.
Originally Posted by sugErspun
That being said - in order to get sober one would just have to ' not want to drink ' or ' want not to drink '?
In reference to the first 164 pages of Alcoholics Anonymous - I am told that even the strongest desire to stop drinking will to be to no avail.
I drank for years when I really didn't want to...I had to find out for myself I was alcoholic, no A.A. member, no doctor, no therapist,no friend, no boss - could convince me I was alcoholic. I learned 'the hard way' and it's the only reason I am sober today. The guy who started this thread has never tried to stop drinking, I don't know if he be alcoholic or just a heavy drinker.
If someone had told me, say 10 years ago, that I drank because "I want to". Then I would have thought "They really don't understand". And would have felt further disconnected from the world than I already did (i.e. "Nobody understands how I feel")
I prefer the open arm approach.
Just my $.02...
In reference to the first 164 pages of Alcoholics Anonymous - I am told that even the strongest desire to stop drinking will to be to no avail.
I drank for years when I really didn't want to...I had to find out for myself I was alcoholic, no A.A. member, no doctor, no therapist,no friend, no boss - could convince me I was alcoholic. I learned 'the hard way' and it's the only reason I am sober today. The guy who started this thread has never tried to stop drinking, I don't know if he be alcoholic or just a heavy drinker.
If someone had told me, say 10 years ago, that I drank because "I want to". Then I would have thought "They really don't understand". And would have felt further disconnected from the world than I already did (i.e. "Nobody understands how I feel")
I prefer the open arm approach.
Just my $.02...
Stairmaster
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: BRISTOL, PA
Posts: 76
And the Powerlessness... If you had the power/control... you wouldnt pick up the first drink to begin with. Powerlessness means you CANT stop at just one.. So yes you are powerless BEFORE you have that first drink... Until you learn that you are NOT in control of your addiciton, It will be in control of you. Its sneaky like that.. Like the devil,,, Addiction wants to make you think you run the show and it is not the problem... until you stop that thought and Admit your powerless it will continue to have you in its control.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 47
Originally Posted by chip
Welcome Shaktee
I'm really encouraged by reading this thread. You are giving me hope. Many of us employ the same method to stay sober... "one day at a time".
At my worst, I wouldn't go more than 2 waking hours without a drink. I felt hopeless. If I really had too, I could go a full day without a drink...but it would be painful. Today, I have good reasons to go without a drink. It was the same yesterday, and it will be the same tommorow. Day by day, I've been sober for 26 months. I've felt much pain, but I've felt healing as well.
I had no idea how much better life without drinking could be.
Eventually, the cravings went away. I don't even think about drinking most days.
You can do this. You are not alone. I hope you'll keep posting.
chip
I'm really encouraged by reading this thread. You are giving me hope. Many of us employ the same method to stay sober... "one day at a time".
At my worst, I wouldn't go more than 2 waking hours without a drink. I felt hopeless. If I really had too, I could go a full day without a drink...but it would be painful. Today, I have good reasons to go without a drink. It was the same yesterday, and it will be the same tommorow. Day by day, I've been sober for 26 months. I've felt much pain, but I've felt healing as well.
I had no idea how much better life without drinking could be.
Eventually, the cravings went away. I don't even think about drinking most days.
You can do this. You are not alone. I hope you'll keep posting.
chip
This gives me great hope. Congratulations on your success and your beautiful life.
I wish you well.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 47
It is 12:40pm on Sunday. Last night, I wrote a bit of a short story for a friend. I cleaned up the room and began making some goals. I want to start a fitness program in January to get in shape for spring. I had been working out regularily the past few months but took the last couple of weeks off, but this is a challenge with other people.... we created profiles on bodybuilding.com ( I can't post links yet 
)
I watched the last remaining episodes of Dexter - a Show time show which is really good. And then I went to bed. I did not drink.
Today, it is snowing like crazy in Vancouver. I was supposed to go for a coffee date this afternoon, but it looks like I'll be stuck in the house because the roads are pretty bad. The next month will be difficult.
As I don't have a job right now, I have lots of leisure time. This will be a good opportunity for me to make some plans (after reading saharzie's post) and also to get out and see the city a bit.. I haven't actually done anything or checked anything out in the year or so I've been here. Right now, I think it's important not to replace one addiction with another. I keep reminding myself.. balance, balance, balance.
I don't know how many days it has been... it really feels like a few months have passed since my last drink... but I know, it has been less than a week. Today, since the weather is sour, and I don't have much to do... I really want a drink. But I must find something to do. Something constructive. Something to keep the mind busy.
I did not drink last night... and so, I can also not drink today.
)I watched the last remaining episodes of Dexter - a Show time show which is really good. And then I went to bed. I did not drink.
Today, it is snowing like crazy in Vancouver. I was supposed to go for a coffee date this afternoon, but it looks like I'll be stuck in the house because the roads are pretty bad. The next month will be difficult.
As I don't have a job right now, I have lots of leisure time. This will be a good opportunity for me to make some plans (after reading saharzie's post) and also to get out and see the city a bit.. I haven't actually done anything or checked anything out in the year or so I've been here. Right now, I think it's important not to replace one addiction with another. I keep reminding myself.. balance, balance, balance.
I don't know how many days it has been... it really feels like a few months have passed since my last drink... but I know, it has been less than a week. Today, since the weather is sour, and I don't have much to do... I really want a drink. But I must find something to do. Something constructive. Something to keep the mind busy.
I did not drink last night... and so, I can also not drink today.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 47
sigh....
It is 3:30pm on Monday. It snowed like mad on the weekend and I was largely stuck at home. It rained like a monsoon last night and most of all the snow is now gone. I did not drink last night. Instead, I surfed the net and went to bed around 9:30pm. It was weird. I woke up around 3am and every few hours after that.. mainly because it was raining so hard. I wanted to go for a walk in the cold heavy rain. I wanted to feel something. I did not drink last night.
This morning, I had a quick phone interview and then I went off to an in person interview. It went well I think. They didn't ask too many in-depth questions, but I feel they may if they bring me in again. I have not heard back from the Interview from last week (where they did bombard me with 2 hours of tech questions). I'd love to have the job of today's interview at the location of last week's interview
Last week's was downtown Vancouver in a sky scraper with lots of people and lots of things to do and lots of hotties whereas today's was kind of isolated. C'est la vie.
I really really want a drink today. There are 3 liquor stores within 5 minutes of my house. And when I was going to get some grocery, the urge to goto the store across the street was freaking on my mind. Like a bad relationship. I quickly did what I had to do and left before it could marinate in my mind too long.
So far I have not done much today. Just dilly dally'd on the Internet... I need to get off this computer. I'm going to workout soon, then make a list of things I can do, and perhaps work on some short term goals. I'm also going to look into some volunteer things I can help with... may as well try to do something useful while I have some time off.
I didn't drink last night.... I will not go out anywhere tonight.. and I will not drink tonight.
This morning, I had a quick phone interview and then I went off to an in person interview. It went well I think. They didn't ask too many in-depth questions, but I feel they may if they bring me in again. I have not heard back from the Interview from last week (where they did bombard me with 2 hours of tech questions). I'd love to have the job of today's interview at the location of last week's interview
Last week's was downtown Vancouver in a sky scraper with lots of people and lots of things to do and lots of hotties whereas today's was kind of isolated. C'est la vie.I really really want a drink today. There are 3 liquor stores within 5 minutes of my house. And when I was going to get some grocery, the urge to goto the store across the street was freaking on my mind. Like a bad relationship. I quickly did what I had to do and left before it could marinate in my mind too long.
So far I have not done much today. Just dilly dally'd on the Internet... I need to get off this computer. I'm going to workout soon, then make a list of things I can do, and perhaps work on some short term goals. I'm also going to look into some volunteer things I can help with... may as well try to do something useful while I have some time off.
I didn't drink last night.... I will not go out anywhere tonight.. and I will not drink tonight.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Out of my mind
Posts: 113
shaktee,
Good luck with the interviews. I myself have one tomorrow and one the next day. I want the jobs until I get them. It's like the challenge and excitement of winning and then the grim reality of a mundane existence at a daily grind takes hold and it depresses me.
I'm happy you're not drinking...but you seem to be isolating...are you? Don't, please don't.
Keep letting us know what's going on. I'm thinking about you and sending out strength and hope. One alcoholic to another. Fight the good fight.
Denise
:praying
Good luck with the interviews. I myself have one tomorrow and one the next day. I want the jobs until I get them. It's like the challenge and excitement of winning and then the grim reality of a mundane existence at a daily grind takes hold and it depresses me.
I'm happy you're not drinking...but you seem to be isolating...are you? Don't, please don't.
Keep letting us know what's going on. I'm thinking about you and sending out strength and hope. One alcoholic to another. Fight the good fight.
Denise
:praying
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
Posts: 226
Shaktee, thanks so much for sharing what you're going through. I felt exactly like you when it became time to move beyond drinking.
Please don't try and do this alone. Many of us have found that thinking we can lick the problem by ourselves was part of the problem. For me, the moment I was able to reach out and ask for help was truly my first step towards leaving alcohol behind and beginning to grow into the person I wanted to be.
http://www.vancouveraa.ca/directory.php
Please don't try and do this alone. Many of us have found that thinking we can lick the problem by ourselves was part of the problem. For me, the moment I was able to reach out and ask for help was truly my first step towards leaving alcohol behind and beginning to grow into the person I wanted to be.
http://www.vancouveraa.ca/directory.php
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Shaktee I tried many times to quit drinking just like you are doing now, changing nothing about me or my routine except not drinking.
What did I do, I sat at home and isolated, all I really did was think about drinking, I sat around and simply thought about drinking and how I did not want to drink anymore. Guess what? I was miserable, I always wound up drinking again!!! Why? Because I had not changed a darn thing except not drinking.
Shaktee I continued that cycle for years, I kept it up until I had no choice, I had to drink every day!!!! I physically nor mentally had a choice..... I had to drink every day.
I had hit the point in my drinking where I was able to get honest enough with myself that I was powerless over alcohol, I wanted to stop drinking but had no choice but to drink. I finally realized that me trying to stop drinking MY WAY did not work!!! I needed help!
I saw a doctor.
He suggested (highly) detox.
MY WAY did not work so I tried his way.
I went into detox.
They told me if I wanted a CHANCE of staying sober to go to 90 AA meetings at least in 90 days & get a sponsor.
MY WAY did not work so I tried thier way.
In AA they told me if I wanted a chance to stay sober to work the steps with my sponsor.
MY WAY did not work so I tried thier way.
I worked the steps with my sponsor.
Guess what? MY WAY did not work, but by seeking help and trying the way that has worked for millions of other alcoholics I have not only stayed sober for over a year, today I am happier then I have been in over 30 years, I have tons of friends, I can see friends every night if I want to, I help other alcoholics get and stay sober!!!
What did I do, I sat at home and isolated, all I really did was think about drinking, I sat around and simply thought about drinking and how I did not want to drink anymore. Guess what? I was miserable, I always wound up drinking again!!! Why? Because I had not changed a darn thing except not drinking.
Shaktee I continued that cycle for years, I kept it up until I had no choice, I had to drink every day!!!! I physically nor mentally had a choice..... I had to drink every day.
I had hit the point in my drinking where I was able to get honest enough with myself that I was powerless over alcohol, I wanted to stop drinking but had no choice but to drink. I finally realized that me trying to stop drinking MY WAY did not work!!! I needed help!
I saw a doctor.
He suggested (highly) detox.
MY WAY did not work so I tried his way.
I went into detox.
They told me if I wanted a CHANCE of staying sober to go to 90 AA meetings at least in 90 days & get a sponsor.
MY WAY did not work so I tried thier way.
In AA they told me if I wanted a chance to stay sober to work the steps with my sponsor.
MY WAY did not work so I tried thier way.
I worked the steps with my sponsor.
Guess what? MY WAY did not work, but by seeking help and trying the way that has worked for millions of other alcoholics I have not only stayed sober for over a year, today I am happier then I have been in over 30 years, I have tons of friends, I can see friends every night if I want to, I help other alcoholics get and stay sober!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 47
It is around 11:30 am on Wenesday morning. I got up late. I forgot to set my alarm clock last night... or maybe unconsciously I didn't set it on purpose anyways, yesterday I did some work on the computer during the day, then met up on a blind date for coffee.. only I don't drink coffee and neither does she, so meeting at the Java Hut was pointless. But I had hot chocolate, and we chatted for a while. She seems nice, but I don't think we are that compatible. She said she'd call me last night, but no call. Imma text her today just to say hi. Afterwards I worked out and then watched some TV with my mom, just to spend some time with her. Talked to a business partner that night regarding our plans for the corporation we formed with a few other partners during the summer time... and then, listened to some music, did some writing and went to bed. I did not drink last night.
Today, I am going to go see if I can set up an appointment to get my truck fixed, go through some documents for our business, work out and then head out to a volunteer meeting around 7pm. I have no urge to drink. It is a really bright day outside... a tad chilly. But a good day for a walk. So, I'd like to go for a walk today.
With respect to AA - while I was in Calgary, one day during a summer... a few years ago, work was a bit slow (I used to work a LOT) so I took off early that day... stopped by the liquor store, bought a 6pack and a bottle of wine. I downed those within a few hours... I did not intend to... the plan was to have a beer or two and have a friend come over for dinner.. but somehow, everything ended up in my tummy - I'm sure some of you have been through that before. Anyhow, I decided to check into AA. The meeting place was literally 5 minutes from my work. So, at lunch, I'd drop in. Truth be told, after the meetings, I always felt like drinking more. And sometimes I did. I do not know why this is, but I find that the more I try to fight something, the more energy I give it. Which is why, right now, I'm trying to divert my energies into things I'd like to do, things I'd like to accomplish, trying to make that into a lifestyle change, rather than expending energy on things that I do not want to do. Does that make sense?
At the same time, I heed to your experiences - this is the first time I am trying this and thus far, it has been a pretty good experience. Mind you, I think it has only been a week or so. --- To me, this board is like my AA.
With respect to isolating myself... yes, this is true. I find that I spend my time by myself.. I do not have many friends.. if any. But I'm trying to go out, to spend time with even strangers at the mall. I'm cutting down my computer time drastically as I don't want to replace one addiction with another. Being that everyone is working right now, and that it is the holiday season, sometimes it's tough to do things with people. I'm trying to find some volunteering projects... something to just interact with people.
I need to start my day out differently than it has always started out in the past. To spice up the routine a bit. Starting tomorrow morning, I will get up at 8am or before... and go for a walk. While walking I will think about the things I want in life and things I want to do that day. Come home, eat breakfast and then start my day.
I did not drink last night.. and so, I can also not drink today.
God bless you all.
anyways, yesterday I did some work on the computer during the day, then met up on a blind date for coffee.. only I don't drink coffee and neither does she, so meeting at the Java Hut was pointless. But I had hot chocolate, and we chatted for a while. She seems nice, but I don't think we are that compatible. She said she'd call me last night, but no call. Imma text her today just to say hi. Afterwards I worked out and then watched some TV with my mom, just to spend some time with her. Talked to a business partner that night regarding our plans for the corporation we formed with a few other partners during the summer time... and then, listened to some music, did some writing and went to bed. I did not drink last night.Today, I am going to go see if I can set up an appointment to get my truck fixed, go through some documents for our business, work out and then head out to a volunteer meeting around 7pm. I have no urge to drink. It is a really bright day outside... a tad chilly. But a good day for a walk. So, I'd like to go for a walk today.
With respect to AA - while I was in Calgary, one day during a summer... a few years ago, work was a bit slow (I used to work a LOT) so I took off early that day... stopped by the liquor store, bought a 6pack and a bottle of wine. I downed those within a few hours... I did not intend to... the plan was to have a beer or two and have a friend come over for dinner.. but somehow, everything ended up in my tummy - I'm sure some of you have been through that before. Anyhow, I decided to check into AA. The meeting place was literally 5 minutes from my work. So, at lunch, I'd drop in. Truth be told, after the meetings, I always felt like drinking more. And sometimes I did. I do not know why this is, but I find that the more I try to fight something, the more energy I give it. Which is why, right now, I'm trying to divert my energies into things I'd like to do, things I'd like to accomplish, trying to make that into a lifestyle change, rather than expending energy on things that I do not want to do. Does that make sense?
At the same time, I heed to your experiences - this is the first time I am trying this and thus far, it has been a pretty good experience. Mind you, I think it has only been a week or so. --- To me, this board is like my AA.
With respect to isolating myself... yes, this is true. I find that I spend my time by myself.. I do not have many friends.. if any. But I'm trying to go out, to spend time with even strangers at the mall. I'm cutting down my computer time drastically as I don't want to replace one addiction with another. Being that everyone is working right now, and that it is the holiday season, sometimes it's tough to do things with people. I'm trying to find some volunteering projects... something to just interact with people.
I need to start my day out differently than it has always started out in the past. To spice up the routine a bit. Starting tomorrow morning, I will get up at 8am or before... and go for a walk. While walking I will think about the things I want in life and things I want to do that day. Come home, eat breakfast and then start my day.
I did not drink last night.. and so, I can also not drink today.
God bless you all.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Plano,TX
Posts: 30
So many people have that idea like you do that AA is like group thearpy,self help, help manage your life so you can be happy not drinking... ITS NOT!
IT IS a laid out path to be free of the obssession to drink...to lead a HAPPY, PRODUCTIVE, SUCCESSFUL LIFE not haveing to hide from anything or anyone!
I had many ideas to keep myself sober, non of them worked! But try all those things that you think will work to solve your problem, IF THOSE FAIL THE PROGRAM OF AA WORKS!
GOOD LUCK
IT IS a laid out path to be free of the obssession to drink...to lead a HAPPY, PRODUCTIVE, SUCCESSFUL LIFE not haveing to hide from anything or anyone!
I had many ideas to keep myself sober, non of them worked! But try all those things that you think will work to solve your problem, IF THOSE FAIL THE PROGRAM OF AA WORKS!
GOOD LUCK
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 47
Phewf... today is going to be tough.
Yesterday I was busy all day... got my vehicle fixed in the morning, walked around downtown Van, had lunch with friends, met some guy for a follow up out-of-the-office interview.. then came back home in the evening. I really wanted to drink yesterday (not sure if my unconscious knew it was Thursday... I didn't really clue in till I knew Gray's Anatomy was going to be on). But I came home really quickly, worked out... went to eat, but we had some relatives come over... then ate, and watched some TV and went to bed around 10:30pm. I did not drink.
Today, so far, my mind has been on drinking it's Friday night, I don't have too much to do, and a drink would be really nice right about now... like I mean, really nice.... I can't think of anything better. I was contemplating dropping by the liquor store on my way home today... but then reminded myself that I don't like how tired I am in the morning, and I don't like chugging water all day to make up for it... not to mention the detriment it has on my workouts. Not to mention how detrimental it is to my emotional self as well...... Yeah. I don't like those things. I like how I feel now. I like being aware and in control. I like feeling stable. I like being in control of my self and my life. I create the situations that are around me. What I see.. is my creation. I want that creation to be good, productive and supportive.
It's just after 3 and it'll be dark in just over an hour. I'll have to find something to do tonight to occupy my time. Something productive and constructive... maybe I'll get a jump on some business related items... play some guitar and do some writing.
I was going to take off for Calgary tomorrow morning, but due to interviews and other things, I'm going to go next week instead.
I did not drink last night, and so... I can also manage not to drink today.
Yesterday I was busy all day... got my vehicle fixed in the morning, walked around downtown Van, had lunch with friends, met some guy for a follow up out-of-the-office interview.. then came back home in the evening. I really wanted to drink yesterday (not sure if my unconscious knew it was Thursday... I didn't really clue in till I knew Gray's Anatomy was going to be on). But I came home really quickly, worked out... went to eat, but we had some relatives come over... then ate, and watched some TV and went to bed around 10:30pm. I did not drink.
Today, so far, my mind has been on drinking
it's Friday night, I don't have too much to do, and a drink would be really nice right about now... like I mean, really nice.... I can't think of anything better. I was contemplating dropping by the liquor store on my way home today... but then reminded myself that I don't like how tired I am in the morning, and I don't like chugging water all day to make up for it... not to mention the detriment it has on my workouts. Not to mention how detrimental it is to my emotional self as well...... Yeah. I don't like those things. I like how I feel now. I like being aware and in control. I like feeling stable. I like being in control of my self and my life. I create the situations that are around me. What I see.. is my creation. I want that creation to be good, productive and supportive. It's just after 3 and it'll be dark in just over an hour. I'll have to find something to do tonight to occupy my time. Something productive and constructive... maybe I'll get a jump on some business related items... play some guitar and do some writing.
I was going to take off for Calgary tomorrow morning, but due to interviews and other things, I'm going to go next week instead.
I did not drink last night, and so... I can also manage not to drink today.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Out of my mind
Posts: 113
Shaktee my friend,
If you've already read my post, you know I can totally relate tonight. If need be, I'm going to take some benadryl later so that I sleep instead of drink.
I got a Blockbuster membership tonight and rented Disturbia. I will try and turn off the over analytical, always thinking alcoholic brain I possess and concentrate on the movie.
I'm glad I'm going to a meeting. Being around people right now is really what I need. maybe someone will make me laugh. I haven't laughed all day.
Hang tough, sweetie. I am right there with you. We are strong, I know we are. We are both feeling, sensitive people, I'm sure. If we weren't, all the crap in life would not phase us and we wouldn't like to be numb from it all.
I love to write, also. I won all kinds of awards in high school and everyone told me I might have a talent. Well, you know what? That talent got thrown out the window becasue it was hard to write while half incoherent.
Keep writing. I'm sure, by the tone of your posts, your muses are deep and meaningful.
Be well...I'll be thinking about you.
Denise
If you've already read my post, you know I can totally relate tonight. If need be, I'm going to take some benadryl later so that I sleep instead of drink.
I got a Blockbuster membership tonight and rented Disturbia. I will try and turn off the over analytical, always thinking alcoholic brain I possess and concentrate on the movie.
I'm glad I'm going to a meeting. Being around people right now is really what I need. maybe someone will make me laugh. I haven't laughed all day.
Hang tough, sweetie. I am right there with you. We are strong, I know we are. We are both feeling, sensitive people, I'm sure. If we weren't, all the crap in life would not phase us and we wouldn't like to be numb from it all.
I love to write, also. I won all kinds of awards in high school and everyone told me I might have a talent. Well, you know what? That talent got thrown out the window becasue it was hard to write while half incoherent.
Keep writing. I'm sure, by the tone of your posts, your muses are deep and meaningful.
Be well...I'll be thinking about you.
Denise
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 47
I just read your thread.... looks like we were both having a bit of a tough day With any luck, it'll get easier and easier.
Not too much going on with me... I'm bored out of my mind. But sober I was going to work out today but was too lethargic... I haven't done much of anything and don't plan on doing anything either. Just want to get through the day and welcome tomorrow.
With any luck, it'll get easier and easier.Not too much going on with me... I'm bored out of my mind. But sober
I was going to work out today but was too lethargic... I haven't done much of anything and don't plan on doing anything either. Just want to get through the day and welcome tomorrow.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 47
It's 11am on Sunday morning. I went to bed around midnight last night - we had family over last night until about 9-10pm which is good because it kept me from thinking about drinking. I woke up around 9am but got out of bed around 10am. That's about 10 hours of sleep... whereas I used to get about 5-6 when I was working. I feel pretty tired today for some odd reason. The whole getting up at 8am to go for a walk hasn't really gotten going yet. It snowed again last night.
Today, not drinking will be easy... I have no desire. But, I need to find productive things to do as so I don't just waste the day doing nothing (ala, the internet). I need to get out of the house as well, as I didn't leave it yesterday. So, maybe I'll go for a drive and take some pictures... or hang out at Chapters for a bit.
I will not drink today.
Today, not drinking will be easy... I have no desire. But, I need to find productive things to do as so I don't just waste the day doing nothing (ala, the internet). I need to get out of the house as well, as I didn't leave it yesterday. So, maybe I'll go for a drive and take some pictures... or hang out at Chapters for a bit.
I will not drink today.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Congrats on your sober time shaktee, I fully relate to your experience so far with AA.
When I went to my first AA meeting I was still drinking and I was far from being ready to quit, my wife was ready for me to quit when I went! All I heard at that meeting was a bunch of hooie!!!! I drank on the way to the meeting and I drank more on my way home from the meeting! You know the only thing I remember about that meeting? The speaker talked a lot about getting drunk in Germany!!!
Now let us fast forward to my next AA meeting years later, my butt was kicked by alcoholic, I had just gotten out of detox and I wanted to STAY sober. In detox they told me if I wanted a chance at long term sobriety to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor!
Funny thing how different AA meetings became for me once I decided I wanted to stay sober! Suddenly instead of wanting to drink when I left a meeting, I was hearing the message of AA, that there was a solution to my drinking.
In early sobriety I found that when I felt like drinking which was every day early on that going to an AA meeting helped a lot, I would go to a meeting wanting a drink so bad I could taste it and when I left I did not want to drink.
Why?????? Because unlike when I went to my first AA meeting when I was not ready to quit drinking, now I was ready to quit, suddenly I was hearing things said that helped me not want to drink, I was able to start hearing the solution and not focus on the war stories.
Without AA I would not have lasted a week out of detox, today I have 448 days since my last drink and I can honestly say that the miracle happened for me months ago, I no longer have the urge/need to drink anymore and it is all thanks to AA.
If one is not ready ..... REALLY ready to quit drinking no program will work for them, once they are ready ..... REALLY ready to quit drinking, they will be able to find a program that works for them.
When I went to my first AA meeting I was still drinking and I was far from being ready to quit, my wife was ready for me to quit when I went! All I heard at that meeting was a bunch of hooie!!!! I drank on the way to the meeting and I drank more on my way home from the meeting! You know the only thing I remember about that meeting? The speaker talked a lot about getting drunk in Germany!!!
Now let us fast forward to my next AA meeting years later, my butt was kicked by alcoholic, I had just gotten out of detox and I wanted to STAY sober. In detox they told me if I wanted a chance at long term sobriety to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor!
Funny thing how different AA meetings became for me once I decided I wanted to stay sober! Suddenly instead of wanting to drink when I left a meeting, I was hearing the message of AA, that there was a solution to my drinking.
In early sobriety I found that when I felt like drinking which was every day early on that going to an AA meeting helped a lot, I would go to a meeting wanting a drink so bad I could taste it and when I left I did not want to drink.
Why?????? Because unlike when I went to my first AA meeting when I was not ready to quit drinking, now I was ready to quit, suddenly I was hearing things said that helped me not want to drink, I was able to start hearing the solution and not focus on the war stories.
Without AA I would not have lasted a week out of detox, today I have 448 days since my last drink and I can honestly say that the miracle happened for me months ago, I no longer have the urge/need to drink anymore and it is all thanks to AA.
If one is not ready ..... REALLY ready to quit drinking no program will work for them, once they are ready ..... REALLY ready to quit drinking, they will be able to find a program that works for them.
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