Hi. I’m new here, and I am scared.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 35
Hi Ruby Quinn! Glad to meet you!
So, update - I finally got to a meeting yesterday night. Glad I did.
I am still sick, and in pain, and now it is snowing. And, my husband went away again today even though he wasn't supposed to have to. And, UPS hasn't picked up my packages in 3 days without me calling and complaining first, and I pay for daily pickup. All these things are annoying me to no end. I am going out of my skin. I just want to scream. Or drink. But, I can't do either. So, I am plugging along, trying to get through tonight without drinking or screaming at UPS, and I will pray that tomorrow is nice enough for my mom to come babysit so I can go to my doctor's appointment and hopefully a meeting.
Only a few more hours and I can go to bed!
Yay!
So, update - I finally got to a meeting yesterday night. Glad I did.
I am still sick, and in pain, and now it is snowing. And, my husband went away again today even though he wasn't supposed to have to. And, UPS hasn't picked up my packages in 3 days without me calling and complaining first, and I pay for daily pickup. All these things are annoying me to no end. I am going out of my skin. I just want to scream. Or drink. But, I can't do either. So, I am plugging along, trying to get through tonight without drinking or screaming at UPS, and I will pray that tomorrow is nice enough for my mom to come babysit so I can go to my doctor's appointment and hopefully a meeting.
Only a few more hours and I can go to bed!
Yay!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 35
Well, today is the Christmas Party that we always co-host with my friend Jeanne and her husband. I had already told her that I couldn't be there this year, and she tried to talk me into coming several times, but I held my ground that it wouldn't be good for me.
It will be starting soon, and I am in my jammies, my kids are sleeping at my parents, and my husband and I will be watching movies. I just asked my husband if he thought they would be talking about me. I realized that I have no idea what my friend is going to say when people ask why we aren't there (we have co-hosted for 7 years - us not being there will be odd). I all of the sudden feel very exposed. I don't want all our friends talking about me being a drunk.
Hopefully, she will just say we had another engagement, but I am not sure.
****. This sucks.
It will be starting soon, and I am in my jammies, my kids are sleeping at my parents, and my husband and I will be watching movies. I just asked my husband if he thought they would be talking about me. I realized that I have no idea what my friend is going to say when people ask why we aren't there (we have co-hosted for 7 years - us not being there will be odd). I all of the sudden feel very exposed. I don't want all our friends talking about me being a drunk.
Hopefully, she will just say we had another engagement, but I am not sure.
****. This sucks.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Out of my mind
Posts: 113
Hi Krissy,
So glad your hubby is right there by your side. If she's a true friend, she'll make an excuse that is graceful and let YOU tell people at your own pace.
Congrats at sticking to your guns.
Denise
So glad your hubby is right there by your side. If she's a true friend, she'll make an excuse that is graceful and let YOU tell people at your own pace.
Congrats at sticking to your guns.
Denise
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Birmingham, AL
Posts: 1,924
Krissy,
What a wonderful work you are doing. Your posts have brightened my morning with the courage you are displaying. Keep going, one day at a time. LOL, people will talk, probably already have. Our drinking was not invisible and our crappy behavior even while employing those secret agent tactics, always came out at the wrong times. Nothing sucks as bad as being a powerless drunk, nothing. I am looking forward to more of your story as you succeed daily to build your new life.
R
What a wonderful work you are doing. Your posts have brightened my morning with the courage you are displaying. Keep going, one day at a time. LOL, people will talk, probably already have. Our drinking was not invisible and our crappy behavior even while employing those secret agent tactics, always came out at the wrong times. Nothing sucks as bad as being a powerless drunk, nothing. I am looking forward to more of your story as you succeed daily to build your new life.
R
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Krissy if they talked about you I really do not feel it would have been in a negative manner, most of us felt that no one knew we had a problem with the booze, we thought we were fooling them when in reality the only person we were fooling was our selfs.
More then likely you will be co-hosting next year sober and proud! For me there is a special pride when I go to functions I used to drink at sober, I am still in the loop of the conversation, but it is no longer me tryuing to be the focal point of the party, but instead me simply being part of the party. Once I quit drinking and worked the steps I realized that the world did not revolve around me, but that I was now a part of the world and not the drunk every one was pointing out.
More then likely you will be co-hosting next year sober and proud! For me there is a special pride when I go to functions I used to drink at sober, I am still in the loop of the conversation, but it is no longer me tryuing to be the focal point of the party, but instead me simply being part of the party. Once I quit drinking and worked the steps I realized that the world did not revolve around me, but that I was now a part of the world and not the drunk every one was pointing out.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 35
Hi! Checking in - Day 27? I think. The day after Christmas will be 1 month. I am doing ok. Trying to get to as many meetings as I can - this week has been crazy. I just tried to call someone from the program just to say hi, as everyone at meetings keep asking me if I am using the phone. So, I am going to force myself to make one call a day (except I might skip Christmas Eve and Christmas). Still no sponsor or home group. I think I have identified which group I want, and there are still a couple people I could ask to be my sponsor. I am kind of afraid of rejection though!
My kids are crazy - sugared up and ready for presents! I am pretty ready - have almost everything wrapped (and the stuff that isn't doesn't have to be) - so I am feeling rather calm in that respect.
I have had dreams the last two nights about drinking. Last night I woke up terrified because I thought I had drunk 2 beers and disappointed everyone! I was very relieved when I realized it was only a dream.
I have had some anxiety - about money, the kids, going back to work, etc. - all things I am just going to have to deal with - and not avoid like I have been for years.
I started going back to my therapist, and she put me on prozac. I have had some headaches from that, I hope they go away soon.
So, I am working on everything and it is hard, but it is nice being sober.
My kids are crazy - sugared up and ready for presents! I am pretty ready - have almost everything wrapped (and the stuff that isn't doesn't have to be) - so I am feeling rather calm in that respect.
I have had dreams the last two nights about drinking. Last night I woke up terrified because I thought I had drunk 2 beers and disappointed everyone! I was very relieved when I realized it was only a dream.
I have had some anxiety - about money, the kids, going back to work, etc. - all things I am just going to have to deal with - and not avoid like I have been for years.
I started going back to my therapist, and she put me on prozac. I have had some headaches from that, I hope they go away soon.
So, I am working on everything and it is hard, but it is nice being sober.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
Oh Krissy! I just caught up with your thread !
Just as Ruby said, you have inspired me ! You have told MY story, except I drank on in the same manner for 37 years !
You are doing so well. I had a giggle when I read about the phone! I found it one of the hardest things to do. my first sponser used to tell me to ring 3 people every day, weather they were home or not LOL Gee! it was hard!
I see your comment re fear of rejection when asking for a Sponser, an older member told me, when I was so fearful of the same thing, to ask someone to be my "temporary " Sponser first , it worked for me !
I am so happy that you are seeking recovery now, while your children are younger, unfortunately, my son was grown and married when I finally sought help, and as a result , we have no contact, which is hard, but I have handed it over , but must say , it is harder at this time of year .
HUGE congatulations, not only on your sober time, but fore your willingness, and persistence, it WILL pay off in the end , it gets better all the time, as we work our programme.
I will watch with interest your amazing progress!!!!!!!!!
Oh! btw , the "drinking dreams " do go away eventually, scary tho eh?
Take care ................ a day @ a time
HUGX
Leigh
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Out of my mind
Posts: 113
It's SOOO good to hear from you girl!!!
Merry Christmas! I'm at my mom's trying to be quiet at midnight Christmas eve...everyone is in bed.
Will write more tomorrow as most people will be across the street drinking. I will dodge the bullet and come back to you...all my SR friends.
Love,
Dee
Merry Christmas! I'm at my mom's trying to be quiet at midnight Christmas eve...everyone is in bed.
Will write more tomorrow as most people will be across the street drinking. I will dodge the bullet and come back to you...all my SR friends.
Love,
Dee
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 35
Hi! 1 Month was yesterday - I got my 30 day chip on Monday night. Things are good.
Christmas Eve at my mom's was difficult - I haven't been there and not been drunk in a long while. Christmas dinner at my dad's was easier - even though there was more alcohol around.
Christmas Eve at my mom's was difficult - I haven't been there and not been drunk in a long while. Christmas dinner at my dad's was easier - even though there was more alcohol around.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Krissy thank you, you make an old goats heart sing, I truly enjoy reliving my early days of sobriety through you sharing yours, yes there were trying times as well, but they all pass as long as we keep working our program.
I must prepare you for something though, if you think things are better now, you just wait until you get a sponsor (Temporary to start) and start working the steps!!
You will find this in chapter 2 of the BB:
This will come true as you go through and work the steps, the miracle will happen, for some of us quickly, for some of us slowly, but it will happen if we work for it.
I must prepare you for something though, if you think things are better now, you just wait until you get a sponsor (Temporary to start) and start working the steps!!
You will find this in chapter 2 of the BB:
We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 35
Hi! Not sure who is still here - I am still sober, in AA - 9 months on 8/26. Life is good. I have a sponsor - a wonderful woman. We are working the steps very slowly - I am still on 1. I try to get to 3 - 5 meetings a week. I always go to my home group, and have several other regular meetings I like to attend.
I have a pretty good sober network - several AA friends (including the young gay kid I met on my very first night - he is one of my best AA friends!).
I started a new job in April. It is wonderful - I really am enjoying my career - I picked up where I left off several years ago and not drinking makes things so much easier!
I still have rough days, of course, and most of the time my biggest struggle is still dealing with the feelings I always tried so hard to bury. AA is amazing though - I am looking at things in such a different way - I still need so much work, of course, but I get that there is a solution, even if it is hard to understand sometimes.
I will try to post sometimes - I do read once in a while - but I am usually so tired at night when I get home I want to go to sleep!
I have a pretty good sober network - several AA friends (including the young gay kid I met on my very first night - he is one of my best AA friends!).
I started a new job in April. It is wonderful - I really am enjoying my career - I picked up where I left off several years ago and not drinking makes things so much easier!
I still have rough days, of course, and most of the time my biggest struggle is still dealing with the feelings I always tried so hard to bury. AA is amazing though - I am looking at things in such a different way - I still need so much work, of course, but I get that there is a solution, even if it is hard to understand sometimes.
I will try to post sometimes - I do read once in a while - but I am usually so tired at night when I get home I want to go to sleep!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 1,340
Krissy, I've only been here three weeks so I hadn't "met" you. But I wanted to thank you SO MUCH for coming back and posting about your success!!
8 It gives us newbies hope! Big congratulations on your 9 months, that's huge
8 It gives us newbies hope! Big congratulations on your 9 months, that's huge 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
Krissy
you are an inspiration! I read your first post and then your last one, and I am feeling like it is a gift to witness your miracle!
Thanks for checking in and congratulations on your 9 months!
you are an inspiration! I read your first post and then your last one, and I am feeling like it is a gift to witness your miracle!
Thanks for checking in and congratulations on your 9 months!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 9
Good to see you are still sober Krissy. I remember we were both counting the same days (I am sober since 11/25/07) I wondered how you were after this great thread died. This thread helped me a ton those first few days/weeks. Aint sobriety great?
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