Paulos

Hi all... this is day 1 for me again, I've messed up real bad again by drinking and binging, I don't want this type of lifestyle but... I always get anxiety/fears and **** when I stop drinking for over like a week... I don't know what to do... I luckily got detox pills as usual and just took them but god damn it... I keep failing, I just... keep failing, sometimes I tend to wonder if there's any hope for me... which brings another thing in my mind that I dare not spout on this forum... anyway... hi all, I feel like cryin.

CarolD

please read your sig line
and then read mine.

There is a solution ...

Paulos

Pilgrim

Hi Paulos. I am with Carol on this.

Take some action. Make a change. Get a plan going.

Don't give up hope. We are in this together. You can make it and thank you for coming back. I am just pleased you made it.

xx

GrouchoTheCat

If what you are doing is not working...

Do something new!

faith08

Success is falling seven times and getting up eight (or something like that)
Hey you are still trying so you are still in the game. Don't be so hard on yourself--and by the way welcome back!

3
Happy Day 1!

Paulos

thank yew. day 2 now...

tiburon88

Don't look at it as a failure. Look at at it has a long and sometimes painful learning process. Keep trying because the disease wants you to "fail".

chip

Hi Paulos
I'm glad you are back with us. Congrats on day two. I hope you can keep your chin up and stay on board for day three as well. Sobriety really is a one day at a time thing....each sober day is a success.

Keep up the good work staying sober. It will get easier. You are not alone.

I hope you'll keep us posted, k?
peace be with you,
chip

aspiresobriety

YOU CAN DO IT!!

I have a severe social anxiety. I find it incredibly difficult to make friends and am generally avoided. I find it incredibly hard to hold my head up with pride and dignity.

I am learning to live with it. I have my hubby and close friends, am learning to appreciate what I do have and make the most out of this instead of continuously wishing for what I don't have - Popularity, even to a small degree.
If I can do it you - you can!!

Trust me, the longer you are sober, the better you will become adjusted and be able to fight your fears, to live with them instead of avoiding them with alcohol. (which is not really effective avoidance anyway is it?)

I won't wish you luck...but I will grant you strength and serenity.

Keep us posted.

barb dwyer

****{Paulos}}}

So tell me -
how many times
of not being able to do this alone
is it going to take ...
before you stop trying to do this ... alone?

I CARE about you, hon....
This is hard to watch Paulie.

You know ... I was telling someone in a PM the other day...
AA isn't perfect.
It's got alcoholics all over it.
Worse -
it's full of PEOPLE ...
but the PROGRAM itself...
the Steps ...
the Traditions ...

WORK.

How can I help, Paulos?
Want to go to an online meeting ... together?

NoMoBeer

Hey Paulos
Don't beat yourself up -- but do figure out what you are going to do differently this time. Are you really ready to quit?

For ME, I couldn't do it alone. I tried AA for about a year and a half, in and out... I had never truly convinced myself, though, that I was powerless over alcohol. I would go to meetings for a while, then slow down the meetings, then figure I could do this on my own.

Then a strange thing would happen -- my insanity. The insanity of thinking that I could just stay stopped without taking care of why I drank in the first place. That thought would be replaced by "maybe I am not an alcoholic, but just a heavy drinker." That's it, I'll control it. IT WORKED!!! For a few days or weeks, anyway.... then I could not control my intake of alcohol (for me it was usually JUST beer) once I started to drink....

I never thought I was really powerless over alcohol -- or that I NEEDED to drink. But looking back, my life revolved around the drink -- and life was basically what I filled in from one drunk to the next....

Now, my life is not perfect -- but thanks to AA, I finally realized that I am truly powerless over alcohol, and that I needed to find a way to THINK differently -- that allows me to live a life without alcohol. It's not always easy (seldom, actually) and I have to face life head on -- but I don't HAVE to drink today. Just today.... I never "quit" drinking -- I just don't drink today...

Let me know if I can help in any way....

NoMoBeer...

Paulos

Yeah I understand all about AA, but admitting I'm powerless to alcohol, giving myself up to a greater power *which I don't believe in in the first place* sounds too ego crushing and controlling to me.

RJS

Sounds like the 'How I used to be' portion of many a recovered drunk's story. Which of course, is where your still at. Keep that honesty! It's going to save you when your ego finally caves in on it'sself. The grim part is what will it take.

gypsytears

Can't you just admit you're powerless over alcohol and take it from there?

Shaneo20

Paulos it sounds to me that alcohol is controlling you and crushing your ego. All you have to do is become willing to believe in a power greater than yourself. After that point just wait and see what happens regarding the HP. The main thing is for you to realize that "your way" is definitely not working but there may be another way that will, but the only way to find out is to become willing to accept an alternative.

I believe that this may be the hardest point for some people to accept about AA but it has definitely helped thousands of drunks not only become sober but to attain direction in all aspects of their lives.

lostmdboy

I guess you have to decide how bad you want sobriety.

Signal30

Paulos,

Chapter 4 "We Agnostics", is a fantastic chapter when it comes to those who have a "God Issue" in AA.

If I was to copy and paste important parts of that chapter, then I would of might as well of pasted the entire chapter below, I won't.

There are many great points in that chapter. The following is just an example...


To one who feels he is an atheist or agnostic such an experience seems impossible, but to continue as he is means disaster, especially if he is an alcoholic of the hopeless variety. To be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live on a spiritual basis are not always easy alternatives to face.

But it isn't so difficult. About half our original fellowship were of exactly that type. At first some of us tried to avoid the issue, hoping against hope we were not true alcoholics. But after a while we had to face the fact that we must find a spiritual basis of life or else. Perhaps it is going to be that way with you. But cheer up, something like half of us thought we were atheists or agnostics. Our experience shows that you need not be disconcerted.




Try AA thoroughly, before making decisions. The wrong decision can be your last when it comes to the disease of alcoholism.



Tom

Tazman53

So do you prefer Alcohol to be your Higher Power and to crush your ego?

Something to think about Paulos........ it is your choice, keep letting alcohol crush your ego and be your Higher Power or admit you are powerless over alcohol (which you are) and find a Higher Power that loves and supports you?

My choice was to stop getting my butt kicked by alcohol!

SaTiT

that's funni paulos
okay then..don't go to AA for the mean time.
You don't need AA. AA are for folks that wants AA..lol
you can always change your mind ya know...maybe tommorow.
I'm not really sure what's the trip people have with not wanting to going to AA
or where people get their inforamtions from.
I guess it's easier to belive that they can drink themselves to death.
You don't have to do anything in AA that last time I check.

I guess, drinking over and over again knowing it has negative results
and the consequence are getting worst and worst.
mmm..that'll be a control issue.lol

Trust..now that's a hell of a thing i still need to work on today.

anyway..i hope you're sober today. that's what counts anyways
is today.lol
I don't miss those narley roller coasters, that's why i don't
drink or stay stopped. It's a good enough reason for me.