Too Many Meetings???
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
Too Many Meetings???
Lately, I've been going to an AA meeting every day. I havn't had a drink in over 2 years, but for the grace of God. In january, I will celebrate 2 years without smoking pot.
So here's the question.....
Is there such a thing as too many meetings? I don't know anyone who has ever relapsed from too many....
I'm looking for thoughts about living a balanced life with God, Family and Career.
The other thing I'm curious about is the possiblity that people can "use" AA meetings to escape reality and not deal with life.
I'n wondering if I've been depending too much on the fellowship of AA and not enough on the work of the program. Heck, I KNOW I havn't been doing enough work on the steps. Perhaps I should dedicate an hour to step work on odd days instead of attending a meeting everyday?
What do YOU think????
So here's the question.....
Is there such a thing as too many meetings? I don't know anyone who has ever relapsed from too many....
I'm looking for thoughts about living a balanced life with God, Family and Career.
The other thing I'm curious about is the possiblity that people can "use" AA meetings to escape reality and not deal with life.
I'n wondering if I've been depending too much on the fellowship of AA and not enough on the work of the program. Heck, I KNOW I havn't been doing enough work on the steps. Perhaps I should dedicate an hour to step work on odd days instead of attending a meeting everyday?
What do YOU think????
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
Hi Chip,
I know exactly what you mean.
I felt the same at about 2 years , I remember thinking , there were other things I wanted to do in my life. I used to go to 5 meetings a week, ( I work shift work) and I got to a point where I was begining to resent meetings
I talked to my Sponser, and she , like you , mentioned a balanced life .
I dont think I cut back til I was 3 years sober, mainly cos I had a committment to take a member who does not drive.
I now go to 3-4 week, sometimes 2 , depends what I am working .
BUT I do have constant contact with other AA members, and talk recovery nearly every day with someone .I ring the members of my home group at least 1x per week, apart from my HG meeting
I felt very guilty at first, but now feel that as long as I put my programme and sobriety first, speak to other members daily, i am at last , comfy with it
HUGX
Leigh
I know exactly what you mean.
I felt the same at about 2 years , I remember thinking , there were other things I wanted to do in my life. I used to go to 5 meetings a week, ( I work shift work) and I got to a point where I was begining to resent meetings
I talked to my Sponser, and she , like you , mentioned a balanced life .
I dont think I cut back til I was 3 years sober, mainly cos I had a committment to take a member who does not drive.
I now go to 3-4 week, sometimes 2 , depends what I am working .
BUT I do have constant contact with other AA members, and talk recovery nearly every day with someone .I ring the members of my home group at least 1x per week, apart from my HG meeting
I felt very guilty at first, but now feel that as long as I put my programme and sobriety first, speak to other members daily, i am at last , comfy with it
HUGX
Leigh
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
yes, as in too many meetings and escape.
The AA Triangle symbol is a reminder for us to live a balance life.
it's in our extreem nature of doing too much of everything.
think of it as a growning process or god is removing some
of your defects or letting you know.
mmm another spiritual awakening ?..since you're more aware
okay..since less meetings dons't = no meetings.
it takes more deciplin on your part to attend your meetings
regularly..maybe 1-2 meetings a week.
You know what i'm saying..it's easier to go all the time becuase
it's just habits and you're in auto mode.
It's easier not to go at all.
It takes a little more effort and desciplin to attend a couple of meeting
a week regularly. Becuase once you start other living activities..you'll
have a spike in that at first and want to do that all that time, becuase
it's like getting a new toy.
the way I did it was to volunteer to do service work for a meeting.
This way i have to go at least once a week...that's how i stay plug in.
The AA Triangle symbol is a reminder for us to live a balance life.
it's in our extreem nature of doing too much of everything.
think of it as a growning process or god is removing some
of your defects or letting you know.
mmm another spiritual awakening ?..since you're more aware
okay..since less meetings dons't = no meetings.
it takes more deciplin on your part to attend your meetings
regularly..maybe 1-2 meetings a week.
You know what i'm saying..it's easier to go all the time becuase
it's just habits and you're in auto mode.
It's easier not to go at all.
It takes a little more effort and desciplin to attend a couple of meeting
a week regularly. Becuase once you start other living activities..you'll
have a spike in that at first and want to do that all that time, becuase
it's like getting a new toy.
the way I did it was to volunteer to do service work for a meeting.
This way i have to go at least once a week...that's how i stay plug in.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hmm..
I suggest you wait to experiment after Jan. 1
Lot's of stress from your job coming up
and you already have wife difficulties.
Perhaps checking out different meetings for now?
JMO ...
I suggest you wait to experiment after Jan. 1
Lot's of stress from your job coming up
and you already have wife difficulties.
Perhaps checking out different meetings for now?
JMO ...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
it's in the AA BB
it dosn't matter if you go to AA , work overtime or happy hour all the time.
if you're not home..your not home. the spouse will get a resentment
or it's all the same to them. You're not avaliable for the relationship.
it dosn't matter if you go to AA , work overtime or happy hour all the time.
if you're not home..your not home. the spouse will get a resentment
or it's all the same to them. You're not avaliable for the relationship.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,415
Hey Chip
I read your other thread too, and while I couldn't find anything useful to say I did feel for you.
I think that we take it one day at a time. We decide what we have to do each day to maintain our spiritual condition, and to improve our conscious contact with G*d. I found the first couple years in AA challenging, but I also found that I was undergoing changes which were necessary and deeply unsettling. I didn't know that at the time - I just felt off-balance. Change is hard, and we need to be able to see that we have some fixed points during turbulent times - and for me, meetings provided them. What changes was I undergoing? Some of them were to do with my values, and there came a point where I had to be able to put those new values into action, not just among alcoholics but out in the world. Some of those values haven't stuck, and some have. So there is more change ahead. That's the way of the world.
So I can't say if you should do more, or do less, or do the same. But I can say that if you do the next right thing you'll be ok.
I read your other thread too, and while I couldn't find anything useful to say I did feel for you.
I think that we take it one day at a time. We decide what we have to do each day to maintain our spiritual condition, and to improve our conscious contact with G*d. I found the first couple years in AA challenging, but I also found that I was undergoing changes which were necessary and deeply unsettling. I didn't know that at the time - I just felt off-balance. Change is hard, and we need to be able to see that we have some fixed points during turbulent times - and for me, meetings provided them. What changes was I undergoing? Some of them were to do with my values, and there came a point where I had to be able to put those new values into action, not just among alcoholics but out in the world. Some of those values haven't stuck, and some have. So there is more change ahead. That's the way of the world.
So I can't say if you should do more, or do less, or do the same. But I can say that if you do the next right thing you'll be ok.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Hi Chip,
I LOVE your new plan Chip.
In my experience, meetings on their own weren't enough. The primary purpose of each group is to carry "this message" to other alcoholics. Instead, I think we sometimes sit around just keeping each other company and not carrying the message.
Those steps made all the difference for me. I go to 2 or 3 meetings a week. I don't do sharing meetings much any more - mostly just study meetings. The one on one time I spend with alchies more than makes up for not so many meetings. And my family is happy - in fact, my children have decided to live with me full time.
The meetings merry go round is not a good alternative. Is there a bb study meeting (or primary purpose) group nearby? PM me if you are interested in finding out more.
Steph
I LOVE your new plan Chip.
In my experience, meetings on their own weren't enough. The primary purpose of each group is to carry "this message" to other alcoholics. Instead, I think we sometimes sit around just keeping each other company and not carrying the message.
Those steps made all the difference for me. I go to 2 or 3 meetings a week. I don't do sharing meetings much any more - mostly just study meetings. The one on one time I spend with alchies more than makes up for not so many meetings. And my family is happy - in fact, my children have decided to live with me full time.
The meetings merry go round is not a good alternative. Is there a bb study meeting (or primary purpose) group nearby? PM me if you are interested in finding out more.
Steph
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: S.E. Mich.
Posts: 1,433
Balance has long been an issue for alot of us. All or nothing most of the time. Personally I know some people who seem to hide behind the program, and use it as an excuse for continued "off center" behavior. And I know other who need alot of meeting to start, but then taper down a bit as their life begins to shape and fill up.
I go to 7-10 meetings a week. Which is a minimum of 1 a day. I have a wife and family as well, and if something comes up one day, I have no problem skipping a meeting to be here for them. Or, I'll try to get in a meeting when they're all busy, so we're all out at the same time. After all, I was never here for them when I was using.
Part of recovery is finding and living in a balance, but that point is different for each of us.
I go to 7-10 meetings a week. Which is a minimum of 1 a day. I have a wife and family as well, and if something comes up one day, I have no problem skipping a meeting to be here for them. Or, I'll try to get in a meeting when they're all busy, so we're all out at the same time. After all, I was never here for them when I was using.
Part of recovery is finding and living in a balance, but that point is different for each of us.
Gold Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: It's raining again!
Posts: 2,494
Hi Chip, I take a drug and alcohol class and your question was one of the test questions. My answer was "that going to too many meetings is better than the alternitive." So what if you go to a lot, it helps keep you sober. AA gave me the chance to change and to do more things,without AA I'd still be sitting home at night in my beer without much accomplished. I go to one or two meetings a week along with my on line recovery every day several times a day plus I talk to a recovering person everyday too. I work 30 plus hours,go to school and take care of my kids. I have a full life. I'm one of the ones that wish I could make more meetings because I enjoy the people and what is being said. My new school schedule will enable me to hit more meetings,so I can ballance more meetings in my life. My service work is not much right now I'm afraid. I'm a moderator on another site,but at least it is something. I do give out my phone number to new women that come in and go in early to help set up. I guess ballance is up to the person and if my ex told me that I'm going to too many meetings, i guess I'd go to more just o **** him off LOL. When I first came back I went to a meeting a day and then some. I know some people would say that I don't make enough meetings,but I feel I have ballance for right now for me.
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Hi Chip,
Well, last month my sponsor told me that sometimes its easier to go to a meeting than to face the work. Do you find yourself doing that? Something to think about.
But, that said, I have to go with Carol on this one. You have a lot going on, would it be wise to cut back on your meetings right now?
Best of luck..
Karen
Well, last month my sponsor told me that sometimes its easier to go to a meeting than to face the work. Do you find yourself doing that? Something to think about.
But, that said, I have to go with Carol on this one. You have a lot going on, would it be wise to cut back on your meetings right now?
Best of luck..
Karen
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
I can understand your concern, chip, that you might be substituting meetings for the "real work" of recovery. I've also read your other posts about what's going on in your marriage. My suggestion? In times of trouble, I think it's entirely appropriate to have the haven of a meeting once a day, if for no other reason than to remind you that the only one you can work on in any troublesome situation is you. I've had difficulties with my husband, and once the lightbulb went off that I don't have the power to change things about him, I focused on those things in me that needed to be changed. In those cases, the situation always improved. If I didn't hear the sharing of other alcoholics on a regular basis, I might not have had the reminder that I can only touch my broom down to my side of the street.
If you cut down on meetings, chip, let it be for healthy and purposeful reasons, not fears. I have never had trouble making more than an hour a day to commit to my program of recovery, even in what's a busy and sometimes tumultuous life.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
If you cut down on meetings, chip, let it be for healthy and purposeful reasons, not fears. I have never had trouble making more than an hour a day to commit to my program of recovery, even in what's a busy and sometimes tumultuous life.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
When you begin to resent meetings, there needs to be a change...Perhaps as others have suggested, try different meetings...
It was said to me very early in sobriety,
YOU NEED to go to both meetings...The meetings you want to attend and the meetings you don't want to attend...Early in my sobriety I found it necessary to get to all the meetings I could...
Now, I get out to commitments, and go to out of town meetings to change my program...I also don't go to as many meetings..
I do come here EVERYDAY...
GREAT topic....:morning
It was said to me very early in sobriety,
YOU NEED to go to both meetings...The meetings you want to attend and the meetings you don't want to attend...Early in my sobriety I found it necessary to get to all the meetings I could...
Now, I get out to commitments, and go to out of town meetings to change my program...I also don't go to as many meetings..
I do come here EVERYDAY...
GREAT topic....:morning
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Worcester
Posts: 789
You're still early in sobriety so it might be best to keep doing what you're doing. I started cutting down on meetings after about 14 years of sobriety. Now I do other things that promote a healthy and balanced life, like spending more time with my wife, going to school, and attending a meditation group. I still go to a few meetings a week though.
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 773
Yeah I see too many people that hide out at meetings and ignore other problems in their lives. For example, I know one guy that attends meetings 2X a day but still does not resolve his legal problem. The guy has two outstanding warrants for drug possesssion. The thing is he is almost 2 years sober.
New things have come to light
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Downtown Nashville , TN
Posts: 306
Originally Posted by chip 
The other thing I'm curious about is the possiblity that people can "use" AA meetings to escape reality and not deal with life.
I think so, my sponsor calls it "living inside the AA bubble" and "fishbowl recovery"
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
You are so right there tuburon!
I know someone who is 32 years sober, and meetings are his life. he goes to 2 per day.
BUT he has many other issues which he has never looked at , and never plans to.
I am sure it can be a trap for some. I like to change the format of my meetings, i go to discussion groups, and BB studies , Spiritual concept, as well as ID meetings
Works for me
HUGX
Leigh
I know someone who is 32 years sober, and meetings are his life. he goes to 2 per day.
BUT he has many other issues which he has never looked at , and never plans to.
I am sure it can be a trap for some. I like to change the format of my meetings, i go to discussion groups, and BB studies , Spiritual concept, as well as ID meetings
Works for me
HUGX
Leigh
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
I heard a wise man say once:
Faith can be detrimental.
If this question (Am I spending too much time with my AA buddies?) even comes up to you, it should be looked at. The first thing that came to my mind is "He thinks that by going to meeting's he will stay sober" - that works for different lengths of time for everyone. But there can be an escape at meetings - I am guilty of using AA meetings to avoid family obligations "I can't come tonight, I have an AA meeting" - and I am telling the truth. But am I being an agent of harmony? Not really. Do you think you are relying on these meetings to hide, or identify yourself (meaning, since I go to x amount of AA meetings, I am in recovery or I can recover)?
This is a design for living, not just to stop drinking. For living.
I saw the triangle mentioned above - Service, Unity, Recovery - it's an equilateral, meaning all sides are the same length. Unity is 1/3 of the program, if you are spending 50% of your 'AA time' sitting in meetings..you are selling the process short. I don't know you well enough, or your history, but in my opinion if too many meetings are making you lazy in other respects (step work, service, carrying the message, helping the newcomer - most of this happens outside of the meeting), than you should make adjustments and see how it goes.
Faith can be detrimental - but fear can help you grow. You need to face it, and move past it. You mention that you don't feel you are in the recovery portion enough(steps)...I think you answered your own question again.
I hope this doesn't come off as stoic or abrasive, it is just my experience and opinion. I have seen too many people who went to meetings on a regular basis go out and get drunk wondering how it could have happened since they were so 'active' in A.A. That doesn't need to happen here.
Faith can be detrimental.
If this question (Am I spending too much time with my AA buddies?) even comes up to you, it should be looked at. The first thing that came to my mind is "He thinks that by going to meeting's he will stay sober" - that works for different lengths of time for everyone. But there can be an escape at meetings - I am guilty of using AA meetings to avoid family obligations "I can't come tonight, I have an AA meeting" - and I am telling the truth. But am I being an agent of harmony? Not really. Do you think you are relying on these meetings to hide, or identify yourself (meaning, since I go to x amount of AA meetings, I am in recovery or I can recover)?
This is a design for living, not just to stop drinking. For living.
I saw the triangle mentioned above - Service, Unity, Recovery - it's an equilateral, meaning all sides are the same length. Unity is 1/3 of the program, if you are spending 50% of your 'AA time' sitting in meetings..you are selling the process short. I don't know you well enough, or your history, but in my opinion if too many meetings are making you lazy in other respects (step work, service, carrying the message, helping the newcomer - most of this happens outside of the meeting), than you should make adjustments and see how it goes.
Faith can be detrimental - but fear can help you grow. You need to face it, and move past it. You mention that you don't feel you are in the recovery portion enough(steps)...I think you answered your own question again.
I hope this doesn't come off as stoic or abrasive, it is just my experience and opinion. I have seen too many people who went to meetings on a regular basis go out and get drunk wondering how it could have happened since they were so 'active' in A.A. That doesn't need to happen here.
Thy will, not mine
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Lenexa, KS
Posts: 35
I think people HIDE in AA halls/meetings. We have all seen them. They are the ones who have their own seats and by God you better not sit in it. Everyone says Balance, balance, balance. Well I recognize balance as I swing past it. The literature teaches me that the things I learn in AA I am supposed to practice in all my affairs. If I hide from my problems I can't cean up the wreckage of my past. I don't go to as many meetings as I used to. The differance is I didn't get sober to hang out in an AA hall. I got sober to enjoy life and I can't do that in an AA hall. I have a set amount of meetings I go to a week its 4 and I talk to at least one other alcoholic every day. The biggest most important and hardest thing for me to do is be honest about the things that make me crazy. I have to run things by my sponsor no matter what especially if it involves my sobriety.
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